Did she ask you for it? Did she ask you twice?

So I wanted to update you guys on the “sleep rape” advice column situation. My friends Jade and Scott e-mailed The Star too, to complain about the column and Scott got this reply via e-mail, which is exactly what we all hoped would happen:

“Thank you for your comments which I’m taking very seriously.

I also take my responsibility in this column seriously and understand that many questions are a cry for help. With this woman, I pointed to broader problems, but she needed more acknowledgement of what really happened, and guidance towards ongoing help. I apologize to all of you who expect better of me, and am offering that apology in the Toronto Star newspaper in their next Life edition (Friday, I believe).

I have written the following:

“In many jurisdictions, including Canada, having sex with someone without their consent, even if the person is a spouse, is legally considered a sexual assault of rape.

Your husband is wrong in his belief and abusive in his behaviour.

Your fears for your safety indicate major, worrisome problems in your marriage….if he believes he can do as he will with you, it follows that it’s possible he’ll justify and commit further abuse and violence against you.

Only you know if there’ve been signs of this before. You can still report the sexual assault to the Police, and have your husband learn the hard way that he committed rape. Or, if you believe it’s one incident and he doesn’t “get it,” you must insist on his getting counselling, for your own reassurance, and even as a condition of staying together.

You also need to think through your entire situation and future safety, with the help of professional counselling, which you can seek through the courts if you have him charged, or local community services.

If you feel stuck in an unsafe marriage, you can go to an assaulted women’s crisis center (without his knowledge), for a safe plan for leaving him.”

Again, thank you, as a reader, for taking the time to write about this, and for caring.“

So yay! Justice! Good job, team! This is what she should have written in the first place!

“Q: My husband said that while I was fast asleep one night he had intercourse with me. He thinks it’s acceptable since I’m his wife. I feel it’s almost the same as rape. It’s my right to go to sleep and know nothing will happen to me. I should be able to feel safe.

To do that without a person’s consent while they are unaware surely can’t be right. What do you think?

Curious

A: If having “sleep sex” with your husband feels so unsafe, you have bigger marital problems going on. This is what you should be dealing with, more than this one incident.” – The Toronto Star’s sex advice column, December 25th, 2011

You know what to do: publiced@thestar.ca, city@thestar.ca, lettertoed@thestar.ca, ellie@thestar.ca

HAHAHA Blake: “Are you watching videos of Alex again?“

Last day to join the 2012 Sketchbook Project Tour!

Sign up and make art with me!

I’m making good headway with my book, but I could use your help!

I’m looking for quotes, like the one I posted yesterday, to put in my book, but I’d rather collect them through people I “know” than digging through a quotes website to try and find some good ones (plus, those sites are notoriously bad for attribution).

Quotes on pretty much any topic are appreciated.
The only topic I’m not really interested in is politics.
The topic I’m especially interested in is women.

Any help is greatly appreciated!
Thank you in advance!

PS. I think I’m going to take pictures of some of my sketchbook and post them tomorrow, so keep an eye out! I’m actually really proud of the work I’ve done in my sketchbook so far and I’m torn between keeping it a secret and not showing the internet so they’ll actually go see my book on the tour or when it’s digitized, but the other part of me can’t keep a secret to save her life! What should I do, internet?
WHAT SHOULD I DO???

Death Threats and Hate Crimes, Attacks On Women Bloggers Escalating

I’m a bad blogger today, of all days. The Sophia Leadership asked all of us lady bloggers to write special posts today for the 100th anniversary of International Women’s Day and I had this HUGE post planned out, teaching Madison about her feminine lineage because our family is unique in that for my whole lifetime, it’s been a matriarchy, 5 generations deep matriarchy no less, but because I have to work and I have metabolic clinic today PLUS I needed the help of my mom and my cousin Haylie to map it all out (in a span of 2 days because I only found out about this on Sunday!), it’s not going to happen. Well, never say never, I may find some time to do it tonight, to the best of my ability, but it will not be the detailed, fantastic post I have in my head. That post WILL be written one day, but probably not today. In the meantime, I encourage you to check out the posts that have been written and to consider taking a look at Heather’s free e-book, “Sophia Rises: Changing the world through feminine wisdom”.

In the same vein, today is Feminist Coming Out Day, so raise the flag high, boys and girls, the world’s never going to change without you.