Sunday morning. Only Wes and I are awake at the time I’ve started this post. He’s playing his new video game (Bolt, purchased with a gift certificate from the Playstation Store), I’m listening to a new playlist and talking to Korpsy on Twitter about miserable movies. Yesterday Madison and I watched The Notebook, which is the second most miserable movie in the history of the world, and the little shit didn’t even crack a frown at the end, meanwhile I was a snotty, sobbing, toilet paper clenching piece of shit. I swear that child has no soul. (The first most miserable movie on the face of planet Earth is Life Is Beautiful, in case you were wondering.)

Last night was pretty miserable. I know I don’t really post about Blake very often, but I’m really worried about him. When I woke up from the nightmare of pancreatitis in Royal Victoria Hospital in Barrie, I woke up to the love of my life being a changed man and I don’t like this change. He can’t help it, I know, but he’s not well and I want more than anything for him to be better. He needs to talk to someone about what happened this summer and soon, I think, before this change in him, this sadness, becomes permanent. There’s just no joy in his life anymore, he doesn’t laugh as easily as he used to, he mopes, all he does is work to avoid everything else…he just goes through the motions of living, he doesn’t actually do more than exist. And that worries me a great deal. Last night we just held each other and cried. For hours. Things are not okay. Not everything is getting better.

………….

For the last couple of days I’ve been playing with an idea that I want to run by you guys to see what you think. I think I want to put a 24/7 spycam in my office, overlooking my desk and part of the couch. I say it would be 24/7, but really we would probably turn it off sometimes, just not often. Really, the only time it would go off is if there was any sexy/naked private time going on, which I know ruins half the fun, but I don’t do sex on cam, never have, and there are legalities in place that say a cam like this couldn’t be sexually explicit if children were to also appear on it from time to time.

What you would see, on any given day, would be me sitting at my desk making art and probably watching a movie, possibly with someone (likely Madison or Blake), watching TV with me on the couch. It would not be riveting entertainment and it would not be streaming cam because that would be extremely cost prohibitive. It would be a simple, old school, 30 second refresh cam that would be on 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, give or take.  We could possibly chat live on Twitter.

Now, you might be asking yourself why on Earth I would want to do this so here are my reasons:

1. I am creatively blocked in a seriously painful way. I avoid my office like the plague and when I’m in there all I do is watch movies and accomplish nothing. Maybe with an audience, I’d be more productive.

2. Maybe with an audience I’d actually make an effort not to be a scuzzy bitch. Don’t get me wrong, if this happens you will most likely see me in yoga pants and t-shirts 95% of the time, probably with little or no makeup, probably with my hair in a ponytail. I’m not aiming to look beautiful here, I couldn’t care less about that at this point, I mean making an effort to have clean hair. Changing my clothes more than once a week. That kind of stuff.

3. Maybe this will attract more people to my site and more people means more people seeing my art and maybe buying some of it. Also, I think from a marketing perspective that maybe some people might be more likely to buy a piece if they see the process by which it was created. Street artists have been working on this principle for, well, ever.

4. I think it could be fun to chat with people while they were watching me (and whoever else was in the room), live.

Now, do I think anyone will actually watch? I highly doubt it. I think the ship for spycams, unless they’re maybe nature cams, has sailed. However, I know a few friends would watch sometimes and that it would enhance our spontaneous Twitter parties and that could be really really fun. Really, the cam is going to be pretty boring otherwise.

The only drawback I can see is that the whole world will find out my big deep dark secret, the thing only my family and a few really close friends know about, and I’m not sure how I feel about that. Really, the secret itself probably isn’t a big deal at all, I doubt people would care that much, but it is sort of strange and it will require an entry on the webcam FAQ I’ll have to write up to nip the whole thing in the bud.

So what do you guys think? Would you watch? Would you interact with me live on Twitter? Do you have any interest in this whatsoever? Do you see any drawbacks to this that I may be missing? (All family members have “signed off” on this, Madison even thinks it’s a good idea, Wes doesn’t care, Blake said he’d turn the cam off sometimes.) Oh and there wouldn’t be archives because archives take up server space and I’d really like to save server space for nicer pictures that I take with my camera. I would like to have something below the cam though, that said something like “3 people are viewing this cam right now”, but worded better. I have no idea how you would make it do that. Do you? I know how to make a 30 second refresh page (in Dreamweaver), so I’m good there, but I have no idea how to make a counter like that.

Anyway, just a little idea I’m thinking about. To make it happen, I would need the USB cable on my wishlist and another cam. Ideally I would use the cam I have now for the spycam and use the one on my wishlist for Camwhores, but if anyone has an extra *decent* cam kicking around that they would want to send me for this, I wouldn’t object. Blake says that as long as this thing doesn’t cost him any money, he’s totally fine with it, so this has to happen for free. (We have a little spare computer to use for this – at least temporarily, it’s technically spoken for.)

Oh but another thing about the spycam? If it bothers me, I’m taking it down. If it’s just eating up bandwidth and no one’s watching, I’m taking it down. If a family member objects to it being there, I’m taking it down. This may just be a temporary thing while I’m in this funk, I dunno. But I think it’s okay to try.

Last week Blake and I went on a date. Keith, my mom’s ex-boyfriend, sent us a $50 gift certificate for Swiss Chalet and my mom gave both Blake and I gift certificates for EB Games and at the beach they’re literally right next to each other, so we went and had perogies, cheesy garlic bread, ribs, a chicken type of thing on flatbread, a strawberry sundae and a piece of apple pie – all for 4 bucks and change! Then we went next door and bought Skyrim.

I was so stoked to get Skyrim. I’d built it up in my head as this awesome fantastic thing but the problem was, my computer wasn’t good enough to play it so we had to get it for Playstation. #FirstWorldProblem, I know, but the thing is, I really really hate consoles. I can’t stand those little joystick things you use with your thumb to move, it just seems completely unnatural to me. I tried really hard to play Skyrim on PS3, I really did, but in the end I just got frustrated and gave up. Also the game seems way too big. Like, I played for about 2 hours and barely got past character creation.

The other thing is that these days I’m having a really hard time justifying the playing of games when I should be doing things that’ll make us money instead. Or at least things that are semi-productive. I canceled my WoW subscription because it was just stupid to keep paying for something I only played maybe once every 2 weeks and even then, I was just dicking around, farming for whelps and sprite darters anyway; I wasn’t even leveling. My subscription runs out on February 6th so I only had a month left to play it anyway because I was paying for it with Xmas money, so no big deal. I saved us 15 whole dollars by canceling a month early. *shrug*

I don’t know why I’m so unmotivated. Depression? S.A.D.? Our sketchbooks for The Sketchbook Project have to be in the mail in 16 days, I have one page to finish (I’m not finishing my whole book) and I can’t bring myself to touch it. Dunno why. Argent’s painting has been sitting on my desk, about 65% finished, but I can’t seem to push through and get it done. I have a million ideas for paintings, I’m not at a loss for those, I just have zero desire or motivation to actually make them happen. I have all the materials (although I’m running dangerously low on canvases). I have the pictures in my mind. What the fuck is wrong with me? How can I call myself an artist when I’m not only NOT making art but not selling any either? Like tits on a bull, I tell ya! Squam cannot happen soon enough!

Speaking of Squam, my mom and I damn near had heart failure yesterday when they announced on Facebook and Twitter that the spring session was full/closed already. My mom commented on the post on Facebook and after a few grueling hours, they commented back that there was still plenty of room for the fall, so we could breathe easy. *whew* We don’t think our envelopes have even left the country yet, so hopefully they get there in time!

Okay I can’t think of anything else to write so I think that’s it for now. Blake awake and making coffee so maybe I’ll get him to make me a tea too, which I’ll take into my office where the most productive thing I’ll do is stare a hole into my cutting mat. Oy.

Edit: Blake scanned my colouring contest entry. The scan kinda sucks though. The ornaments on the tree were silver and I guess the scanner’s light really washed out a lot of the colour for some reason. Like, in the original, Santa’s cheeks and nose are rosy and the package at the bottom is actually purple and lavender but it looks white and washed out. Oh well. Here it is.

HAHAHA Blake: “Are you watching videos of Alex again?“

WATCH GODAMMIT.

Don’t make me post it again! Okay that’s not true, I’m not posting it for you guys. I’m posting it for me because this is how my tabs are laid out every day (I don’t close my browser or turn off my computer like, ever): Live Journal, my e-mail, my site, Etsy, Facebook, Anybeat and then whatever I’m working on, like a post or whatever in other tabs. SO, if I post my boyfriend’s video at the top of a post, I have easy access to it in TWO TABS and can replay it at my leisure. Which I do. A whole lot.

It IS Friday though, kids, and that means MAYBE, JUST MAYBE there will be a new Erock video tonight! I’m creaming my panties in antici…pation. (Not really, just curious as to what he’s gonna shoot out next. Hey wait that sounded dirty too, I can’t win….*facepalm*)

So I went to the doctor on Wednesday and now I need a new doctor. My newfie surgeon is a fucking OTTAWA FAN with the JERSEY AND EVERYTHING! THE NERVE! I wore my Leafs jersey on Wednesday because we won TWO games 7-1 recently and like, you wear your jersey while they’re doing well because who knows when they’re gonna shit the bed, so I wore my jersey and first of all, when we were at Chapters, we were getting into the car and some lady yelled “Is that a Leafs jersey I see? Good job!” or something like that but I didn’t hear it so my mom had to tell me second hand. Bummer, but still, compliment, so…WIN! But then when I was at Dr. Hanrahan’s office, she walked in and was like “oh no you are NOT wearing that jersey in my office!” and then we had words, bonded over the loveliness of Sydney Crosby (oh be quiet, he’s lovely) and got down to brass tacks.

She thinks she’ll be closing me up as a Christmas present. Her words. That means late December. I still have to hear from the guy at St. Mike’s to have the pseudocyst drained but Dr. Hanrahan said that since we haven’t heard from him, she’s going to chase him down herself. Whether that’s true or not, I’m not sure, but let’s hope because I would really like to have my surgery before Xmas. I don’t care if I have to spend Xmas in the hospital, I want this over with. Plus I hate Xmas anyway, for the most part. Xmas Xmas Xmas.

So that was pretty much all she said. She had a medical student named Magda with her and she went over my whole history with her so she could follow what was going on and Dr. Hanrahan said something like, “There’s 4 rules in surgery: sleep when you can, eat when you can, spend as much time with your partner as you can and don’t mess with the pancreas!” The pancreas, in case you all weren’t aware yet, is a VERY BIG DEAL.

Anyway, Renee, as my mom likes to call her went down my history and basically said, “This lady should not be sitting here right now, she had every single possible complication, you name it, she had it and she’s here to live to tell about it and that’s a miracle.”

Hearing that is very hard for me. I don’t like to hear about how I almost died. I mean I do like to hear about what happened to me at St. Mike’s because I don’t remember any of it but I don’t like to hear about how I should NOT be here because I am here and that’s kinda like talking about me in past tense or something and I just don’t like it. It makes me cry.

My new friend Jessie, who has chronic pancreatitis and who, unlike me, can’t just have surgery to make it all better, left me this amazing comment that I want to share with everyone because it was just so damn beautiful and exactly what I needed to hear after I got home on Wednesday:

“Wow. You heal super fast! Yeah, I saw your wound. That’s all scar tissue now? Damn, girl! Go you!

 Yeah, it’s hard to deal with it. I was suicidal for a very long time. It’s been almost 6 years, 5.5 years, I remind myself that all the time. For a long time it was hard for me to cope with my loss… because, really, it IS a loss. You lose your life as you know it. Forever and ever. I am still accepting that, every.single.day. You have to mourn your experience. It takes a loong time. It’s difficult.

I tried to force my self to move forward with life and it was impossible. You know the seven stages of grief, right? Well, be prepared to go through every one of them. And give yourself a lot of time. It’s been 6 years and I’m still not done.

 I don’t know. It’s hard. It takes time.

 It helped me to track my progress. Tiny things… like healed wounds and days without puking. Those things matter. Because there will be times when you feel like you have been sick FOREVER and that you’ll NEVER get any better. But, you will. Slowly but surely. Whether it be getting physically healthier or just getting better at coping with the sickness.

 Human beings were meant to survive. We were built to forget pain; a survival skill. We were built to move forward and live. Just care for yourself and appreciate your life and take it as slow as you need to.

 Oh, jeezus… look at me getting all emotional.

 I have no idea how I get all my nutrients. I drink a lot of those protein drinks, too, take prenatal gummy vitamins (omg im addicted), and vit B, and load up on great-for-me-foods when I’m actually able to keep things down. Soup helps. I love soup. It’s easy on the stomach and you can cram a lot of veggies and protein into soup.

 I’m tired all the time, too, but autoimmune disorders will do that to ya. You will heal. Sleeeeep and try to eat and just take care of yourself. Take vitamins. They’re my best friend.

 While I’m having an emotional moment let me say:

 Don’t ever feel guilty for being sick, okay?

It’s plagued me for years. It caused me to push myself and hurt myself and not help myself at all. You deserve to get better. You deserve LIFE! I know you have a family and obviously it has/will be hard on everybody… But, LOVE yourself. Just as much as they do. More. Take care of yourself. Don’t get down on yourself. You’re a survivor and you are alive for a reason.

 You will go on with your life again. You will. It will be changed. For the better, though, if you let it. <3

 /Emotional Rant (SHUT UP JESSIE!)

 :) <3″

I barely know this girl, but we’re basically kin at this point because we’re going/have gone through pretty much the exact same things.

So something I asked the doctor about was my thinning hair. It is simply falling out. A lot. In fact if I lose much more, I’m literally just going to shave it all off again because it’s really starting to look like crap. The short and sweet of it is that I need protein in mass quantities and I need to supplement my diet with a protein drink. The only protein drink I can stomach, which I didn’t even know about until this week, is called Isopure PLUS and it’s a clear juicy drink that’s actually not that bad. The problem though, is that it’s $17 for 6 drinks (after tax) and that’s an extra expense we really can’t afford. But I need it, so on Visa it shall go, we guess. It has 15g of protein per bottle and according to my mother I need around 45g per day based on some weight chart she found online. I’m trying really hard to eat that much protein but it’s not easy when A) you can’t keep everything down and B) you’re as picky an eater as I am. I simply cannot eat beans, they’re just too disgusting.

So that’s the gist of what’s happened this week. My mom bought me a Sharpie Liquid Pencil (which I keep forgetting to test out but they’re really neat!) and a clear t-square at Curry’s. At Curry’s I bought 3 sketchbooks for $15 (score!), a PINK mechanical pencil with PINK erasable lead and a pink pen to use in my pink journal.

As I mentioned we also went to Chapters before my appointment and there we got the new issue of Juztapoz because Mark Ryden did the cover and poor Sunnies can only afford to frame covers of magazines and put them on the wall.

Yesterday I also started playing Warcraft again…god help me…I will never get this sketchbook finished…(I also postponed getting Skyrim so Blake can get his Star Wars game when it comes out)…

So obviously, “She’s Like A Rainbow” is finished and I’m really really proud of her because in person, she just looks amazing but now I’m thinking about future projects and the things coming up and I’m becoming completely overwhelmed by it all. When I become overwhelmed, I’m unfortunately the kind of person to just sit down wherever I am and cry and I’m trying very very hard not o do that.

I really wish they made a suitable paper planner for me to keep everything straight because right now, my TELUS calendar is just not helping me. I miss my Big Fat 5-Star planner. I don’t know why they stopped making those, they were great.

Anyway…

The drop off date for The Square Foot Show, which Blake says I should submit to just to give me the exposure AND the option of going to the gala if I choose to, is 3 weeks away. If I don’t submit, that’s no longer an option. Also, there are prizes because it’s a juried show and it’s not like I think I would actually win something but it’s like the lottery, you’re not gonna win if you don’t play, so I might as well play. But what I’m stressing over is what to submit. What is representative of my work *and* what don’t I mind giving away for only about $100? (They sell the pieces for $200 & change but keep 50 friggin’ percent.) I’m allowed to submit up to 3 pieces and since I paid $20 to be in this show, I feel I should submit the maximum allowed. Right now I’m thinking “Sparkle“, “Shimmer II” and “Five O’Clock Abortion“. What do you guys think of that selection? I was thinking of maybe putting in “Turquoise Love Fairy” instead of “Sparkle” but I dunno. I just think it has to be one or the other because I don’t want two fairies in the same show. Personally, I like “Sparkle” better, but she’s been in my Etsy shop for the last 7 months & hasn’t moved so maybe I could sell her at Sq. Foot, is what I’m thinking.

Then there’s also the fact that there are 3 weeks left until the submission date which means I have enough time to do 1 more painting for consideration, 2 if I really haul ass and get productive. I have ideas and I’m going to start 1 tomorrow, but the 2nd idea is going to have to wait until I learn a specific technique in my art class on Monday and really, if that one goes as planned, I’d rather have it in my Etsy shop than Sq. Foot.

This is the shit that keeps me up at night, seriously.

Also keeping me up at night is the fact that Touched By Fire has already sent out their call for entries and I don’t know if I’m going to submit this year or what I’m going to submit this year. I think I have until October or November to decide, which is nice, but that also crosses into my Xmas season issues. I’m told, and I’ve seen this with my own eyes, that in October/November, Etsy kinda goes crazy with Xmas sales, so I want to have my shop as full as possible. That’s only like, 2 months & change away. It takes me about 2 weeks to do a painting and I can do 2 at a time. That means I have a lot of work ahead of me and I’m not sure if I can do Touched By Fire *and* stock my shop for Xmas.

Honestly though, Touched By Fire kinda pisses me off. The show is put on by The Mood Disorders Association of Ontario, which is why I call it “the remedial art show” and the first year they accepted me, my first year submitting, they chose “Mania in the Key of Psychosis“, which is apt, and they juxtaposed that with “Hope” and “Dream“, which also makes sense. But when I submitted last year, I submitted a ton of paintings, including my “The Devil’s in the Details” which I thought was appropriate for a show called “Touched By Fire” and they didn’t accept me. That’s cool, I can handle rejection, but the thing is that almost all of the paintings I submitted were shiny, happy paintings and I almost feel like I wasn’t accepted because I got better. My meds are working (for the most part) so I make shiny, happy paintings now and that’s not what they want. They want tortured, moody depictions of mental illness and to me, that kinda seems like defeating the purpose of the Association, don’t you think? I mean, isn’t the goal here to help people get better? So why isn’t that represented in the show?

So that’s why I might not bother submitting to that show this year. I don’t want to paint something dark and moody specifically for that show because if it’s not accepted and if it IS accepted and doesn’t sell, then what the fuck am I going to do with it? My online audience of customers don’t want that shit and I kinda don’t know if it’s right to paint outside of your own headspace/mood just to get in a show, does that make sense?

“The Two Sunnies” would have been perfect for the show, but I gave that one to my shrink, partially as a “thank you” because she HAS helped me immensely but also to show her “hey, this is actually what I do for a living so quit telling me I don’t have a job” (and she hasn’t done that since, as a point of fact, every session she asks me if I’m painting because if I’m not painting it’s probably time to adjust my meds).

You can submit work to the show that’s not for ale, but I’d kinda feel like a dick asking her for it back, if only for a few weeks. Especially if something happened to it (the Touched By Fire people were NOT gentle with my work when they sent it back to me…).

And then there’s just trying to get my shop as full as possible for the Xmas season. Of COURSE I want to sell things the second I put them up, that would be great! But at the same time, I need to have a full shop by like, mid-October which means that I need to start painting my ass off (which I’ve been doing, I finished 3 paintings this month!). And that’s fine, I can do that, but things like Camwhores and WoW are going to have to get to the back of the line. And YES WoW is totally a recreational thing and I can see how the outside observer might be like “well not playing a video game is pretty easy” but when you’re an officer in a guild, especially, it’s a little more involved than that. People count on you. Camwhores? Well that’s just another can of worms.

For someone who “doesn’t do anything”, I sure seem to have a lot on my plate right now and I don’t really know how to make time for everything. I think painting has to be my #1 priority, WoW on weekends, Camwhores when I can’t sleep.Oh and there’s yoga too, can’t forget that…the art class I’m taking too….

When the kids go back to school, I’ll have more time to get things done, which will help a lot, so I have that to consider as well, especially when it comes to fitting Camwhores into my schedule.

Anyway, as I said, this is the shit that keeps me up at night. Hopefully now that it’s all out of my brain I can finally drag my ass to bed and sleep like a normal human being. Maybe?

Know what I hate? When you’re half asleep, in a great dreamscape, but conscious enough to be rolling around in bed trying to control the flow of blood flowing from your vagina so it stays on the pad, rather than gushing up over it and soaking through your pajamas onto the sheets. I really really fucking hate that. Oh yeah, and cramps too. If it weren’t for the pain I was in while all of this was happening, I probably would have kept sleeping, but no, I got up and by the time I took all my “morning drugs”, including painkillers, I was up and awake and there was not a goddamn thing I could do about it.

So here I am.

As I’ve mentioned a few times already, I’m reading Eat, Pray, Love and right now I’m in the middle of the book where she’s just arrived in India and she’s talking about yoga. Admittedly, I know absolutely nothing about yoga. When I went last week, the teacher wanted us to fill out some paperwork that was half questionnaire and half  “you can’t sue me if you break your neck” stuff, but she asked the question, “why are you taking yoga?” Blake & I were the only ones filling out this information because the other 3 girls in the class are regular students and since Blake always finishes these things first and leaves me feeling awkward while I finish mine, I just wrote “to maintain weight” as my reason, but that’s not totally it and now I feel like she thinks I’m vapid for saying that because according to Eat, Pray, Love, yoga is much more than a body exercise. It’s supposed to be all transcendental & shit. The fact of the matter is, I don’t really know why I’m taking yoga. It seemed like a good idea at the time? It’s a good immersion therapy exercise? To take away some of my menstrual pain eventually? (I hear there are poses for that.) To show off how flexible I am as a party trick one day? All of those reasons? None of those reasons? I don’t know. What’s the right answer to that question? What is it she would have wanted to read under that question? I know “to maintain weight” wasn’t it.

By the way, I’m doing Hatha yoga, which according to Eat, Pray, Love is just your run of the mill yoga, nothing fancy. I think Kelley, our teacher, said in one of the e-mails to Blake that she was mixing it with another kind of yoga, but I forget what she said now. All I know is that last week was a positive experience and I’m actually kind of looking forward to this week’s class.

Last week’s class I found to be very very easy when I expected it to be very very hard. I did all of the poses more or less correctly, according to Blake, but I didn’t get into them the proper way and I didn’t do certain nuances of some poses, like in downward dog your heels are supposed to be flat on the floor but I’m not flexible enough to accomplish that yet because my muscles haven’t stretched enough from repetition of the pose. And I don’t really understand the teacher’s instructions most of the time. Like, she says to flex or release the muscles in your wherever but I have absolutely no fucking clue as to what muscles she’s talking about most of the time because the only muscles of mine I’m ever aware of is the uterine ones. And my thigh ones, but that’s a long story as to why…

So I made it through all the poses and my position in the class is right beside the giant wall clock in the studio and I was amazed at how fast the class went. I was expecting it to be an agonizing hour, like gym class where time just stood still, but it wasn’t like that at all. In fact, I didn’t even think to look at the clock until there were only 10 minutes left.

Since I didn’t know any of the poses to begin with and since she didn’t name all of the poses we were doing, the only two I picked up on was “table pose”, “child pose” and “downward dog” because those seemed to be the transitional poses between other poses.

Blake was apparently sore the next day from doing the class, but I wasn’t and I’ve been wondering why the whole time. Blake says it’s just because he hasn’t used a lot of those muscles in a long time, but I would guess that neither have I, so why wasn’t I sore? I felt barely any strain whatsoever during the class which made me think I was either doing it wrong (likely) or maybe my flexibility is just better than Blake’s (possible).

Right now I am in hell due to menstruation (my 3rd period this month, hooray for me!) and on the questionnaire she asked if we had any health problems that may affect our ability to do yoga and I put down “endometriosis”, SO, on Tuesday I don’t know if I should tell her I’m in hell before the class or if I should just not say anything and do the best I can. “They” say that exercise is good for cramps but that has never been my experience at all. I’ve never tried yoga for it before though, not really. I do a variation of “child pose” all the time for period pain where I sit cross-legged and bend the rest of my body forward the same as “child pose”, but I don’t think that’s an actual yoga pose and we don’t do “child pose” for very long during the class so that one won’t be doing me any favours tomorrow. I’m just hoping that this period hell will be over by then, but I’m not holding my breath.

And the only thing I have left to say about yoga is that Blake & I have brand new, spiffy yoga mats that are apparently in the trunk of the car and will stay in the trunk of the car (so they don’t get dog hair on them) and mine is pink. I don’t know what colour Blake’s is, but I’m guessing blue since that’s the colour of the first one he bought. It was $60 for both of us to rent mats for the class but I didn’t want to do that, especially because I suspect we will be taking yoga from this woman for a really long time because I actually like it but also because I wanted a pink one godammit and the ones for rent are either “gym class” blue or “crusty blood clot” maroon.

So that was yoga. I know I was brief about it last week and you guys wanted to know more than “it was eeeeeeeasy”, so there ya go.

In other news, I haven’t painted a fucking thing in a week because I’m a WoW addict who does little else right now than chew painkillers and pretend I’m a blood elf and that’s mostly what I intend to do until the end of next week, criticism be damned.

The thing with WoW, especially right now in the formation of a brand new guild, is that it’s largely a social game. I spend my days (and nights) killing fictional beings, yes, but I’m also chatting with about 15 other people while I’m doing it. And it’s like…okay say you stay off the internet for a day (the horror!) and you can’t get caught up with your friends list on Live Journal or Facebook the next day. WoW’s similar in that if you don’t log on for a day, you can miss a lot socially but the people who were on, have probably out-leveled you by about 2 levels and right now we’re all trying to stay within the same range of levels to be able to do dungeons and quests together. This guild ‘s entire purpose was to start toons from scratch and level them together. (A concept that’s been lost on some people who have decided to roll death knights who start at level 55, but whatever, good for them. I hope they like playing alone because that’s all they’ll be doing for quite some time.)

Anyway, as an officer of the guild and also the person with the most time on her hands, I kind of act as guild master when our guild master isn’t around, which is often because she apparently actually has a life. She pretty much only logs on to buy us guild bank tabs because she’s the only one who can do it and sometimes she levels her priest for a few hours, but she’s never on for entire days or nights like the rest of us are. (Which is fine, this isn’t a diss on our GM at all, I mean really, the job at this point is to just buy bank tabs and that’s pretty much it since our officers can add people to the guild or promote people.)

Basically the guild is being run by me, our friend from Camwhores, Warcorp and our friend Stephy. And Stephy got a job today so her time in Azeroth is soon to be more limited, I’m assuming. Warcorp’s our money-making machine who has almost single-handedly financed our first 3 guild bank tabs (I helped too, but nowhere near as much as he did) and since we’ve been filling up the tabs pretty quickly, I’ve been telling people what to take, what to sell, what to use and what to disenchant and I’m not even sure I’m doing that correctly because I don’t know for sure what a lot of the stuff we’re banking is for or what it does. I’m a WoW nerd, definitely, but I definitely have to ask the other WoW nerds of our guild for guidance on a lot of things because the game’s changed quite a bit since we stopped playing 2 years ago and the only profession I ever did seriously was alchemy (which I’m doing again) so I only really know what’s useful for that.

I’m hoping that Ditsy can spend some time with us every now & then to organize our guild bank a little better because I’m told she’s an expert WoW organizer.

Last night we did our 2nd guild instance, which was Gnomeregan and it took foreeeeever. Blake didn’t end up in bed until almost 2:30am, so tonight is probably not going to be a WoW night, especially since we still have yesterday’s True Blood to watch – so maybe I’ll get some painting in after all. Really, the two paintings that have been sitting on my coffee table for about a month only need arms, a signature and varnish to be finished, so I could probably get that done in a a couple of nights if I really wanted to. And since I like money, I should really want to.

Anyway, that’s all I really have to report other than the fact that both kids had excellent report cards and once again, both of them got principal achievement awards. The last day of school is on Wednesday and it should be an interesting summer with Alex & Ronny getting married, the kids going up north to Phil’s for a week or 2 giving Blake & I TIME ALONE OMG, my gardens and a few other things we have lined up.

So that’s that. I will now leave you with some lovely WoW screencaps that I’m sure you will all be thrilled by.

This Wailer is no match for Endometria!

My ride.
It sucks that when I get the next level of mount I HAVE to ride a brightly coloured chicken because there are no black high level chickens. I think that’s stupid.
The other day I saw a blood elf riding a zebra and I meant to look up how that was possible.

Blake & I drinking. He’s a troll shaman. And actually that’s a pic from last week, he’s had a change of hairstyle since.

Me riding a wyvern to destinations unknown.
This is how we roll on the Horde side, wyverns, zeppelins and dragonhawks.

And finally, the sun setting in Tirisfal while I wait for a zeppelin to Orgimmar.

So I guess this is basically a State of the Uterus address. Only gonna explain where I feel the need and it’s in no particular order. :o)

- I’m annoyed at my mom and she knows it.

- Blake’s having issues with his mom and I don’t even know what’s going on now.

- I’ve been playing a lot of Warcraft. New guilds are exciting. I’m playing a new faction, more or less, so a lot of the game is still new to me. I only played Horde a few times and always with a clone of the same character. Belf/shadow priest/Endometria. At least 3 times. But only to like, level 2 tops 2 times and late 30′s once. I made a million toons that I got to 10 or 15 when I played Warcraft before, but they were Alliance and I think Alliance is a lot easier, at least to get around. I feel completely lost, Horde-side. We’re playing on a PvP server, which, to the people reading this who don’t play WoW, means “player vs player” and most people, including me, find it harder to level a toon to the 70′s or 80′s, especially if you rely on soloing (playing alone) for most of your play time because there are people who are 10 million times more skilled than your average world monster or creature you have to kill, trying to gank your ass and camp it. Camping it means that they wait for you to resurrect yourself so they can do it again…and again….and again.

Word from my high level guildmates who are starting to have to go in the “flagged” areas to do their questing, this server appears to be more Alliance than Horde, meaning we’re outnumbered, which sucks and intimidates me. I don’t know if our server name is an Alliance name or a Horde name, but last time Blake & I  played on a PvE server (except for The Cotton Pwnies days) with an Alliance name and Alliance definitely outnumbered the Horde the whole time. Soooo, I fear that maybe we picked an Alliance named server to play Horde on and that there are enough geeks who know the difference and choose their factions accordingly and our PvP time is going to be a losing battle. I figure though, regardless of that, we’re getting to the point where everyone’s really close to 20 (the level you more or less have to quest in flagged areas)  and if we group quest, we’ll all have a better survival rate and get picked on less frequently.

We use a program called Ventrillo that allows us to speak to our guildmates (who are logged in) using a headset, which will also help (if people start using it, which I’m bad for too because I just really don’t like talking, so I just listen and type instead).

Last night we ran our first guild instance/dungeon, which took longer than it should have, but for the first time any of us had ever played together, I think we did a pretty good job. Some of our guildmates have been doing random PUG (pick up group) instances without us, to get gear I guess, but a few of us (Stephy/hunter, her husband K (holy priest – so heals), Warcorp (tankadin), me (face melter) & Blake (troll shaman, mon) waited to do it together and I think that’s awesome. I can’t wait to do harder stuff with these guys, like instances that take a whole Saturday and bosses that actually need strategy and MORE DOTS to take down. :oD K did a really good job of telling us where to go so we didn’t get lost. (Which I found impressive because I didn’t know where the hell we were half the time because I’d only even done Wailing Caverns like, once, and we didn’t finish it.)

I kinda think it’s funny that we’re playing in a Camwhores guild. Some companies have their softball teams, we have our WoW guild!

- I have the shits and have been up since 6am. This means I’m probably going to sleep most of the day since I don’t think we went to bed until about 12:45am. Oops.

- Tonight is my first yoga class and I’m terrified. Blake doesn’t even know how long the class is and he says that it’s Hatha yoga, whatever that means. Probably the only 3 things I’m going to accomplish today is looking up what that means, having a shower and sleeping. Especially since I believe it’s supposed to rain all day, or at least threatening to. The rest of the time will be spent being neurotic, or more to the point, sitting on WoW just chatting with people while I wait for an herb supplier in Silvermoon City spawn herbs that I can then sell to other people on the Auction House for a ridiculous amount of gold. (The economy on this server is absolutely fucked.)

- My friends in Oregon, Robert and Robin Peate, are like, having a baby as I type this, at home! I just think that’s so exciting and while I know updating LJ or Facebook isn’t or shouldn’t be high on the priority list during this time, I can’t help but refresh anyway.

- I have not touched a paintbrush in at least a week. Nothing is finished. Nothing is close to finished except for my sign, and I don’t care. Can’t say when I’ll pick up a paintbrush again. Maybe when we have good movies to watch while I paint. Maybe not until the novelty of WoW wears off. Really, I should be painting and then while things dry play WoW, but I’m still working on my productivity management system.

- My front garden has bachelor’s buttons galore but no cosmos yet and the “new” part at the bottom of the garden is taking it’s sweet time growing in. Veggie garden is leaving me unimpressed. My tomato plants are finally thriving and next weekend we have to tie the plants to the cages. My peppers are piddly in comparison and I’m worried we’re not going to get a very big yield there. Lettuce is starting to poke its head up and I’m thinking we may have planted the seeds too deep. Maybe I worry too much. None of the herbs are showing life but the garden’s full of weeds and I don’t know what’s good plant from bad so until things start growing and looking like the pictures on the seed packs, I’m not sending the kids out to weed. The beans are growing like crazy, as are the peas, which needed a stake/string trellis to grow up like, last weekend but obviously we had to do other things. The carrots are showing no signs of life. Neither are the onions.

Anyway, when there’s anything interesting to take pictures of, I’ll do so. Right now both gardens are pretty unimpressive, but I’m learning a lot just by watching, like plant lettuce shallowly and maybe skip the peppers next year.

- Our neighbour to the right, who owns the bar in town, has a for sale sign on his front lawn. So does Wayne & Judy’s old house to the left of us. And the empty lot next to that house has a for sale sign too. That only leaves us and the old lady on the corner in our little section of the road who aren’t for sale. I’m hoping a developer or someone wants all that space and offers us crazy money for our house so we can move. Hey, it could happen!

- I’ve been severely neglecting Twitter.

- I’ve been reading Eat, Pray, Love and am ashamed to report that I’m actually liking it so far. I didn’t want to like it, being basically an “Oprah book”, but I can’t help it, I do. I read the Oprah Biography by Kitty Kelley and I’ll probably never be able to see Oprah the same way again. That was a good read too.

- I was supposed to do a show on Camwhores last night but my vagina started bleeding on Sunday night so that kinda put a damper on things and I had to cancel. I’m still bleeding and just not really in the mood to be on cam, so the show’s been put off indefinitely. I was supposed to bleed all month, which is traditionally what happens, but this month I only bled for 3 days and then a bit of light light light spotting sporadically until yesterday. I’m not sure what’s going to happen when I take my 7 day break from the pill, which will be in 3 days. Anyway, I plan on hanging out on Camwhores for a bit after I post this, if anyone else is around. I won’t be updating my cam, but I’ll sit & chat for a bit.

And I guess that’s really all I have to say at the moment. Things are busy and hectic and complicated but we’re having fun being nerds at the same time and things should calm down once the kids are out of school for the summer.

The novelty will never wear off. I <3 my guild, even if I end up being the only person in it. :D (Which is entirely possible.)

Just a reminder for anyone who was thinking of coming over, we’re on Velen (like “Helen” with a “v” for “vile”!), we’re ALL blood elves, with exceptions made for the following:

- Druids
- Warriors
- Transferred 60s

Also, you don’t need to have the expansion to play with us and we’re not using vent, so don’t let either of those hold you back. :) Open invitation throughout the weekend, but once Monday hits, you’ll have to make an introduction thread in the Cotton Pwnies Forum for an invite.

By the end of today, we’ll have 5 level 20′s! I’m still only level 11 because I’ve been running around getting things set up, but so far we seem to be progressing nicely. Slow, but steady. :)

Something I discovered a couple of days ago was this new herb called Bloodthistle, which I’m assuming can only be found in Blood Elf areas because Blood Elves are the only ones who can use it. So, it increases your damage & healing by a bit (haven’t been paying attention how useful it is in that respect) but if you use it and run out, you get Bloodthistle Withdrawl which, at low levels anyway, reduces your spirit by 5, which is obviously a bad thing for all casters. Basically, Bloodthistle is like steroids for Blood Elves and I’m really curious to see how this factors in at higher levels, like how bad the withdrawl and how big the benefit is of this stuff is at level 60. I’ve only hit Thotbott so far, but I wanna know more about this stuff. I’m convinced it’s gotta be used for something cool, like in a recipe of some sort.

I was also thinking how awesome it would be if Blood Elf herbalists could plant the stuff all over Azeroth and then Alliance herbalists had to pick it to prevent the spread.

I also noticed some interesting wording in a quest I handed in last night, it said something about the Blood Elves learning their true “destiny” in Outland. I wonder what that’s all about? Hmmmm…

The whole Blood Elf thing reminds me a lot of American McGee’s Alice, like the scenery and music and the attitude of the whole thing, I love it. (And loved that game, bummer Oz never happened. :()

Okay, I think I’m off to hit the realms and accomplish sweet fuckall for the rest of the day. Enjoy your weekend!!!

Today was a good day, the kinda day I’m glad I completely screwed up my sleep schedule for. :D

Anyway, I should be sleeping right now but I have to do some mental reorganization first, so feel free to come along for the ride. :)

First things first, The Adventures of Endometria and the Cotton Pwnies have begun! Oh yeah baby, you fuckin’ heard me! I’m LOLing even typing that, my god.

So since we’re a guild now, that means we need a forum to sort out our thoughts on things, figure out who likes to do what, who’s usually around when & all that crap, plus a bunch of other stuff I’m too tired to remember but I’m sure someone will remind me.

Stuff I decided today:

- I love herbalism.Plants are cool, even if they’re pixelated ones. :)

- Endometria’s going to be a shadow priest… I made it to level 10 today and then came the excrutiating decision about that first talent point. It pretty much came down to “well Raymond got to do it last time”, so fuck you all, someone else gets to main heal. :P

- Blake is teh smrt. He used Wikipedia to look up menstrual terms and came up with the name “Endometria” (I just can’t credit, it’s perfect and I’m pissed I didn’t think of it) and his own, Mensi the Mage. That was some gooood thinkin’.

- Time zones? These things mean nothing to me! So here I was thinking I was all smart because I spent a significant portion of last evening server hopping until I found a new one that was on the same time zone as me (because the server clock matched my clock, duh) and then I saw some people talking in gen chat about that being a “known bug” (o_O?) and our server is apparently on the same time zone as Guam. There’s a large part of me that’s hoping this is true because it doesn’t really fucking matter anyway because I run on SunnyTimeâ„¢.

- I miss Nicole. She’s gonna be extremely proud of how I’ve been spending my time these days. When I tell her about this guild, she’s gonna shit rainbows and I’ve been rehearsing the conversation in my mind & it just gets funnier every time. :D I may wanna get that on film…but I’m also thinking just getting a random letter in the mail as surreal as “Hey so I started this guild…” is worth writing. We’ll see how lazy/ADD/busy/blonde I am next week.

- Alex fucking kills me. But I gotta take a group photo before you’ll understand why.

Some stuff I pondered today:

- My Live Journal friends list is actually more interesting than mine. I mean, it’s what I’m reading every day, right? o_O
- I may just be a possibility junkie.
- How to aquire mass quantities of Barbies/Bratz dolls and $12 for the domain of the hypothetical, not fully formed, “can’t do it myself” idea in my head that’s worth the $12 even if I make a post giving it away for free.

Okay, gonna fart around with WP for another 20 minutes and then I’m gonna sleep like the undead.

Where the fuck do I even start? And oh, you can bet your sweet ass that this post is entirely about WORLD OF FUCKING WARCRAFT, so the non-nerds might wanna skip this one. ;)

I think I’ve spent more time in the last 12 hours making toons than anything else, feeling the vibes on various servers and trying to figure out a plan of attack.

Posey (she’s my 60 nelf tree druid), I took to Outland tonight to get her big girl trade skills, completed half a quest, died three times and salivated over this new herb business because I didn’t read anything about beta and was really excited to see that one. I figured there’d be new herbs and I do think I heard about raising the trades caps, but I picked one and got TWO things. It was very peculiar…and now there’s a new herbal spell? What? Woo hoo!

I played a draenei shaman for a bit just to see what shaman were all about. When we were going through Strat or Scholo or Upper Lower Blackrock Whatever some blue shaman stuff dropped and I saved it in the bank figuring I could either sell high come expansion, save it for someone it our guild, or maybe use it. I’m not totally sold on the shaman thing, I only got her to lvl 9, but the draenei are adorable, I know exactly what I want mine to look like, I even have a few great names that are available, I just don’t know where to play her or what class I want her to be. I’m not much of a PvP’er, but easily could be given the right toon, I just haven’t figured out what I like to do there yet.

Which brings me to the blood elves, the guild I want to create, the guild I’m currently in and the drama I try oh so hard to avoid. :/

Like I said, I created characters pretty much all afternoon because as predicted, servers went down all over the place and a bunch of new servers went up, so I just sat around & played with names/aesthetics. “Sunny”, btw, is never available on any server ever. Bastards. But once I started playing a belf for a bit, I decided I’d be cool with a belf of any kind, as long as she was a caster.

But here’s where the politics and logistics come in, I’m not dedicating my life to effing Warcraft and I figure I have enough time to take PoPo to 70 with one group of people, start a belf guild with another group of people and lvl a draenei…somewhere.

The problem is that someone in our guild already has a horde guild on our server and while he knows I love him & wouldn’t give two shits if I didn’t join his guild and started another, there are probably some folks in our guild who would like to join his.

Another person in our guild (an officer) whom I consider a very good friend at this point, has been talking about making an all blood elf guild since I’ve known him and I told him I had to wait to see what the expansion was like and what was going on in the rest of my life before I could commit to anything. But, truthfully, if I could level a brand new toon up with a group of people, I’d want Ricky to be in that group of people. The thing is, the kind of belf guild I want to make, I think anyway, is very different than the kind Ricky wants to make and is probably very different than the kind of guild Monune is making.

I figured the easiest way to avoid any hurt feelings, bruised egos, drama or any other such nonsense among friends (because the guild I’m currently in, really is the best guild evar) was to describe the kind of guild I want to create and let everyone who wants to make this with me decide for themselves.

The guild name is going to be the Cotton Pwnies. I’d register the domain but honestly, I’m fucking broke and don’t really care because a domain’s not all that important – a site is, but not a domain. It is going to be an all Blood Elf guild, male or female is fine (female would be suggested though ;)), class is up to you.

Now, before you all go “Cotton Pwnies? Wtf, you wanna name a guild after a slang term for a tampon?” Why yes, I absolutely do because it’s fucking FUNNY and I have the most amazing toon name in the whole wide world, are you ready?

Meet Endometria

Need I say more? She’s on the new server Velen and will be the guild leader of the Cotton Pwnies.

I’ve never run a guild before and I’m kind of a newb to the game, but someone has to have that high rank, so that’s me, but I’m going to need help and input as far as what the ranks should be called, what each rank should be able to do (inviting & such), what to do about vent (not sure if I want this guild to have vent in the beginning, honestly…) and overall policy. That’s why I want to take my time with deciding who gets officer status and crap like that, as far as I’m concerned, right now in the beginning, we’re all equal – except I can kick you out if you’re an exceptional douchebag.

I don’t know what kind of guild this will end up being or what we’ll be doing but my intention is to get us all to 70 doing quests, grinds & instances and we’ll figure things out from there.

So, tomorrow (well, I guess today), my plan is to spend time leveling Endometria and if you’d like to start a guild with me, make a blood elf there and send me a message. :)

If you have any questions, feel free to e-mail me (Sunny @ SunnyCrittenden.com), message me on MySpace or otherwise harass me by whatever means necessary.

Stuff that has been asked already:

Q. Will there be a vent server?
A. I dunno yet. Not everyone can use vent and I like to make sure people are capable of playing without it for that very reason. If we end up being a small guild, we may have to rely on PuGs (especially on a new server) and I don’t want to give random strangers vent info just yet.

Q. I’m 13, 14, 15, 16, 17….
A. I like teenagers, I can play with teenagers, but this guild is going to be blogged about, screen-capped, maybe even video’d, on a site that has strong connections to really adult sites (Stile Project, Camwhores
, Blog Wars…just to name a few) and I just don’t want to feel responsible for the young ‘uns. I don’t want to be a role model. I don’t want to have to censor myself when certain people are online (and I’d feel like I’d have to). I don’t ever want to deal with someone in our guild who’s older, perving on someone in our guild who’s younger…I watch Dateline, man, I don’t even want to go there. Plus, if I’m playing this toon, it’s probably because I want a break from kids. I have two of my own, don’t forget. I’m not going to ID anyone, but I am gonna ask and I will kick minors out.

Q. Why a new server?
A. Because it would be cool to be the first guild to DO something on a new server. I dunno what exactly, but it’s not an opportunity you’re going to get on an older server. It’s not the end of the world if we suck and don’t do anything first, though. :)

I also thought that it would be a good way for people to learn how to use the auction house and make good use of their trades. I was playing on a brand new server tonight (well, last night I guess) where no one had made it past level 14 on the entire server and I took a look at the AH…there was a lot of opportunity for someone with the right trades to make some money there. And with a new server, it seems like all trades are the right trade.

Alright, I’m going to bed, don’t steal my awesome guild name peez and I’ll see whoever tomorrow!

So obviously, this is going to be the new site. I’ve had a lot of comments and e-mails of protest and confusion about the whole thing, so if there are any questions, ask ‘em here and I’ll do my best to keep everyone in the loop. (Honestly, a lot of times I forget that I’m not the only one looking at/reading this shit) Just do me a favour & mind the mess over the coming months, it’s probably gonna get a hell of a lot worse as I fuck things up completely trying to learn a whole new system I don’t even have the first clue about.

As an aside, there’s the Visual Quickstart Guide to WordPress on my wishlist if anyone wants to help me out.

Someone asked me what’s going to happen to good ol’ LJ once this site is up & running the way I want it to be and I don’t really have an answer for that question yet. What I do know though, is that I feel gross mentioning movies or books or whatever in LJ and using my Amazon affiliates links to link to anything because it feels like I’m advertising to my friends and I think that’s wrong, so that was one reason to move away from LJ a bit. There’s also the drama involving cut tags and NSFW images, that really, I just don’t want to deal with anymore. Plus…some other stuff that’s a little more deep & neurotic that I might get into one day, but today’s just not that day. There are reasons, good reasons. :)

The “Sunnybananas” LJ will probably always exist, I mean I’ve got 5 years worth of my life archived there….I dunno. I just don’t know yet.

People have been asking me for like, a year now, what’s going to happen with Camwhores because it’s been pretty obvious that I’m not as into the site as I used to be – or at least, that’s the surface perception. The truth is that I got married, had another baby, bought our first house far far away from everything I’ve known my whole life and then…2006 was probably the worst year of my entire life. Our roof started caving in, I went crazy (like literally crazy, hospitalized, medicated & the whole works and I even did so in front of the whole fucking internet! I’m such a prostar.), I disowned damn near my entire family and then a few days before Xmas, I had to call the police on my mother which is this whole thing I promise I’ll get into publicly eventually, but not right now.

I just wanted to clear up that my activity over at Camwhores (or rather, lack thereof) has absolutely NOTHING to do with the site itself, the people who are there or any of that other crap. In fact, I’m a little bummed that I’ve been missing out on some of the changes over there and as I’ve been planning changes in my life and planning for the changes to come, Camwhores has played large in my mind. Truly, Kevin’s gonna have to drag me from that site kicking & screaming one day. This bitch ain’t goin’ nowhere. :D

Plus, some of the changes coming sound pretty goddamn interesting and I wanna be there for ‘em. :):):)

Some other questions I’ve received recently involve the cam book I’ve been “working on” for like…ever, called Digital Burlseque and the camgirls documentary myself and a bunch of other girls in the “scene” were filmed for.

So let’s start with the book…here’s what happened (well, the Reader’s Digest version, anyway):

Three or four years ago this guy named Brad King messages me on Yahoo (or MSN or AIM, I forget now) and basically I was all, “Cooooool, you’re a writer! With a real published book on Amazon & everything!” So we began talking and he tells me that I should write a book, I laugh and say “About what?” and he says “this webcam stuff”. Well, I didn’t take that seriously but then I got thinking and decided he might be right, so I started collecting and printing out articles on the subject and started throwing them in a box, knowing that eventually, this stuff wouldn’t even be on the internet anymore and if I was going to write a book on the subject, I should start squirreling away these things now.

About a year later, Brad tells me that he’s starting this small indie press that’s going to only cater to geek and internet culture, “it’s going to be to geeks what Sub-Pop was to grunge” were his exact words, and that Digital Burlesque would be the perfect book for such an endeavor, so get working on it! So I did. I conducted months and months of interviews both one on one and through forums, I wrote a proper outline as I was asked to do, I even got the first draft of the book about 3/4 finished, but then everything sort of went to shit.

First of all, I don’t know how to write a fucking book and writing books is hard, especially books that deal with dates and facts and doing things “first” and oh so many egos. I got absolutely zero support from Brad, my so-called editor and then I didn’t hear from him for months until he messages me to say that he’s taking a teaching position at some fancy schmancy new media & communications university. But of course, this means “big things” for Demon Press, right? He started telling me how this means that Demon Press could potentially become a univiersity press blah blah blah and this means good stuff blah blah. So great, I get excited again, resume working on the book and then I’m blown off for like, another year.

So while I waited for SOME KIND OF GODDAMN DIRECTION AND/OR COMMUNICATION or I dunno, HELP, I worked on another book, called Textibitionism, which I was going to just publish myself but I sent it to Brad and from what I understood of the conversation, he was going to publish it and I’d finish Digital Burlesque next.

The last message I got from Brad was 6 months ago saying that his students will be doing layout during second semester, which would be like…now. So I said, “great, lemme know if I need to do anything” and the response was “Write your damn book!” so I took it that he was talking about Digital Burlesque and not Textibitionism.

Well, sorry honey, but I can’t finish a book in 6 months and in the 4 years I’ve been “working on” it, Brad hasn’t even managed to edit what I’ve sent him, so well…fuck you! And hey, guess what? Newsflash, I’m not dropping everything because you’ve decided you’re gonna get your shit together. I mean, I’m sorry it just doesn’t work that way. I’ve been sitting here literally starving, often struggling, worrying, stressed out, going to the goddamn Food Bank on occassion to keep my kids fed and you’re gonna dick me around KNOWING ALL OF THIS? No, I’m sorry, the book, whenever finished (and it will be one day), is not yours anymore.

To add insult to injury, a couple of weeks ago I get a comment on my MySpace from Brad saying that as difficult as I am, happy new year anyway and that maybe “someday” I’ll communicate with him again. *eyerolls* Just…fuck off. I’m probably one of the easiest people on the whole goddamn internet to get ahold of and you wanna pin bad communication on me? Dude…

So that’s the saga of “the book”, more or less. I’m still working on it, in the sense that I live cam culture and speak with people within cam culture every single day, I print and collect everything I can and one day, the book will be done, but I don’t care if it’s finished one year from now or 30 and I don’t care how many books are published on the topic in the meantime. (Well, unless they’re inaccurate…. ;))

As for the documentary, honestly your guess is as good as mine at this point. Last I heard it was still in post-production and god only knows when it’s gonna be finished. Truthfully, I hope they cut me out of it completely (and they just might). I don’t regret doing it or anything like that, I just didn’t think this “my face on a big screen” thing all the way through when I agreed to do it…it’s just….creepy….

Anyway, screw all this “shop talk”, let’s get down to WoW. :D

This is Posey, she’s a lvl 60 bad-ass tree druid who’s really looking forward to Lifebloom because it sounds as bad-ass as I know she is. :D She hasn’t done MC, she hasn’t even seen Onyxia yet, she’s a long ways off from AQ20/40 and since 3 of the best people in her guild (who, unlike just about everyone else in the guild actually knew wtf they were doing) left today, she probably won’t be doing any of the above. Regardless, I’m gonna do my best to get her to 70 anyway because I really like being a tree.

Now, notice that I didn’t mention the server she’s on. There’s a reason for that. See, when I first started playing in June, I posted on LJ that I got an account and that I’d be playing on such & a such a server because some of my real life friends had made a guild there. Being a newb, I didn’t know this was a dumb thing, I was just writing about what’s going on in my life like I always do and it never ocurred to me that random people who read my crap on the internet every day would follow me to a WoW server, but some did and it’s caused some minor issues that I’d like to keep from blowing up into major ones in the future.

My guild leader last week made it clear that she doesn’t want “people in that industry” (meaning the internet porn industry because y’know, that’s all I do and you’re ALL nothing but a bunch of degenerate pedophile perverts who are ALL going to hell in a handbasket :D) in her guild, so fuck it, this week I think I’m gonna start a new one. On Tuesday when the expansion begins, Blake & I are going to choose a brand-spankin’ new server (as I’m sure Blizzard will be adding a few) to start the lvl 1 blood elf toon that’s been in my head since we found out that, indeed, BEs would be the new race. And we’re gonna play these toons, farm some gold – hopefully with some of you – and then when we’ve got enough people in our posse to sign a charter, this new guild will begin.

And yes, it has a name and yes, a tabard’s already been designed, but those are gonna be a surprise. :D The only rule (so far) though, is that all toons in this guild have to be blood elves, with two notable exceptions:

1. Druids, since they have to be tauren.
2. Transferred 60′s. (If anyone wants to go that route…)

Oh, and if you’re a ninja-looting douchebag, under 18 years of age or an egomaniac, don’t even bother.

Obviously I’ll post more details in regards to all of this next week, but if you’re a WoW player and aren’t sure yet what to do with all this new content, there’s an option. :)

I haven’t really thought about ranks, guild rules and what kind of guild this is going to end up being, but I figure that can be played by ear for the most part and a lot of that is dependent on the group we get anyway so we’ll worry about that later. All I know is that I’m pretty flexible & just wanna have FUN godammit!

Questions? Input? E-mail me (Sunny @ SunnyCrittenden.com) or leave a comment.

And with that, I gotta go work on some other stuff…