January 6, 2015

Fetus Balloon and Other Things

I finished an art video last night and left it uploading overnight, so it would be ready for people to see in the morning. It’s called “Fetus Balloon”, here it is:

It’s a bit dark because my office is a bit dark, but I’ve got a lamp on my desk now so that should solve the problem in the future. I don’t really care if anyone watches them, I like watching them, and I just bought a video setup to make them, so expect more.

I realize I haven’t been updating a ton lately and most of that has to do with the fact that I’m not feeling particularly “writer-y” these days. I’m feeling more…I dunno, visual I guess. In the video, you’ll  see that I’m painting on a pad of watercolour paper. I’ve decided that paper is going to be my only substrate for the entire winter. I thought about limiting myself to only using Inktense pencils but I just couldn’t do it. I used them in the painting in the video but so far nothing I’ve been able to do with them has looked better than my usual acrylic paint so I’ve decided to do the opposite of limiting myself and anything, as long as it’s (relatively) flat, fits on that paper and won’t fall off when I file it in my portfolio, is fair game.

Here’s what I did with the first sheet of paper from the pad:

I’m so used to painting and working in layers that carefully leaving white space as not to mix your colours was really really difficult. Also there are no caucasian fleshtones in the whole tin and I have the really big 72 pencil one. I dunno, still playing with them.

When I go to San Francisco next month all I’m bringing as far as art supplies is this pad of watercolour paper, the Inktense pencils, brushes, brush basin, 3 Pigma Micron pens, pencil, pencil sharpener, eraser, exacto knife for cutting eraser, ruler and circle template, gel medium, acrylic glazing medium and 6-8 two oz bottles of acrylic paint, colours to be determined, but Santa’s Flesh, Snow White and Lamp black are definitely going to be in there.  I know it sounds like a lot but it really isn’t since almost everything is small or light and it’s NOTHING compared to the resources available to me in within the room I currently sit. So, during that trip I *am* limiting myself to that and whatever Belinda brings with her/buys while she’s there if she comes. We’re gonna sit around and watch movies and make bad art. It’ll be awesome. Steph’s also taking me to a restaurant that ONLY serves fancy macaroni and cheese, which I gotta tell ya, I’m pretty damn excited about. We’re going to see where Steph lives (in a bitcoin-fueled cyber hippie love commune), which should be interesting. At some point we’re going to hang out with Blake’s sisters and their kids, two of which Blake has never even met. They live in Lake Tahoe so they’re going to drive into SF and then I dunno what. On my actual birthday, my friend Kat is throwing me a birthday party and then driving us to the airport the next day (unless we just get a cab cuz it’s gonna be like, 4am). I’m trying to arrange a meetup one day with all the people I work with who live out there, but I’ve never actually met. So that should be pretty cool.

I’m going to SF because I figure by the end of Feb/my b-day, I’m going to be a wreck. The SAD officially kicked in this morning despite doing light therapy 3 times every morning for the last two months. San Francisco has warmth and sunshine and a MACARONI AND CHEESE RESTAURANT and friends. The place we rented has a pretty nice kitchen so we’re going to order in from this food delivery service that has all kinds of weird produce and organic meats. And I’m sure we’ll hit up a grocery store at some point. (I loooooove American grocery stores.) Blake’s going there to see his sisters and work on his book and be warm. I’m thinking about maybe getting a tattoo while I’m down there but I haven’t decided yet. I want to have my scar accentuated somehow because it’s fading, but I haven’t come up with anything yet. I don’t want to tattoo the actual scar though. I dunno, was just an idea. I want to buy THE most touristy godawful bong I can afford that says San Francisco on it, if I can find such a creation. I’ve been assured that such an item has been spotted once or twice so, I’ll be on the lookout.

Almost bought plane tickets to Vegas last week because my work can get us free tickets to AVN which is a big porn convention at the end of the month. Didn’t end up doing it because unless we could have rented a place with other people from work, we couldn’t afford to stay anywhere. I guess there’s also an electronic gadget convention happening at the same time so all the hotels raise their prices. Flights were pretty cheap, though. Plus doing that at the end of Jan. would mean only 3 paycheques between now and San Francisco and I want to save as much money as possible for that. This year would have been ideal to go to AVN because it’s their 30th anniversary so I bet there would be more than the usual amount of free swag. Oh well.

What else? Well, Madison has her learner’s permit and is learning to drive. She has two part-time jobs and spends all her money on Magic cards, something that she has gotten all of us into because the only shop worth going into in our  town is the comic shop and they have Friday Night Magic until 1am or longer, depending on how things are going.  My deck is white with a bit of blue, but I’m thinking about switching to a straight white deck when the new cards come out later this month. I guess we’ll see what I pull (I’m buying a full box of boosters and so is Madison).

Other than that like, all I do is work. I may play Sims 4 today though because I haven’t touched it since it first came out and I have no plans for today. Spending the day either in my Sims Bunker or farming in Warcraft and eating pizza sounds pretty damn good to me.  So that is what I am going to do.

Peace oot.

September 17, 2014

I was not a cool kid. I was a ghost.

I work a lot. That’s what I’ve been doing. My grama died in July, my shrink retired in August and just as life was normalizing, I asked for extra hours at work now that I have a car (which I got)  but we also hired 3 new people which means working overtime to train them. On top of that, a couple of Sundays ago, when I was in Militiagan for a wedding (more on that later), my boss messaged me on AIM and asked if she could have a word with me, freaking me out completely  at first because I thought I fucked something up and I hadn’t worked since that Friday morning so for it to have cropped up now, I figured it must be something pretty bad that she’d spent time talking to other people about. I wasn’t far off the mark about her talking to other people, but it wasn’t anything bad. She told me that there was one aspect of our job (our job is not just e-mail, it’s many things) that she thought I did a really good job at and she wanted me to sort of be like, the expert/final decision-maker/manager of this one thing. So that was really cool and I felt really good about myself (although part of me is terrified that she only thinks I suck the least at this thing because I also probably do it the least and now that I’m doing it MORE my fuck up rate is going to go up too). She told me that this would take effect immediately and it would mean that my workload would increase but that was okay because she gave me 9 extra hours per week that she wanted dedicated to this task. BUT I’m training and I can’t train people unless another senior person is working with me (or it’s really difficult to) because while training, it takes at least 10 times longer to get the work done than if I was doing it by myself so even with help, I fall behind on my regular tasks and I don’t have time during my regular shift to do my new task the way I think it’s supposed to be done so that means staying an hour-hour & a half past the time I’m done training, which was overtime to begin with. (Why, yes I *am* proud of that run-on sentence…) In a span of about 6 weeks, I went from working 3 hours a day to 7 minimum, which may not seem like a lot to people who work the standard 40 hours a week but for me that’s a lot.

Having said all that, honestly? Mostly I’m having FUN. I’m being CHALLENGED. I imagine this is what it feels like when people who like working out work out. All 3 new hires are personal friends of mine and I thought it was already pretty sweet working with the group I do because we’re all friends outside of work as well. I mean, I’m getting paid to hang out with my friends on Skype all morning in my pajamas and tell them about the job I love WHICH I NEVER GET TO DO WITH ANYONE BUT BLAKE and he only understands like, 75% of what I bother telling him. (Better than the 5% of his job that I understand, however.) Due to the nature of what we do, who we do it for and who we do it with, we’re just supposed to talk about our jobs as little as possible outside of the company which suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucks because our jobs are ridiculously interesting (to me), so it’s awesome to finally be able to be like “WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! PORNO PORNO PORNO!!! XXX!!!” while listening to 80s & 90s rap at 9am. (That is the soundtrack of Sunny’s Porn School.)

My work day still starts at 5am though and doesn’t usually “end” (*cough*at all*cough*) now until, well, 2:30pm for me today. And to compensate for having to be “on” and a fully functional cyborg that early, for that long, I’ve been trying to go to sleep around 7:30 or 8pm so right now it feels like all I do is work, talk about work, talk to work friends, hang out at the site I work for and go to sleep tired as fuck, but I guess I’ve done more than that. Not much more, though.

Like I said earlier, we went to a wedding a couple of weeks ago in Militiagan for Blake’s cousin Helena and fiance Bill, which isn’t his real name. His real name is something super Albanian and unpronounceable so I guess they just call him Bill. They’ve known each other since they were 14 and now they’re 30, so that’s sort of cool. The ceremony was crazy religious and almost entirely sung. There was incense involved, which the priest did at Blake’s grama’s funeral too and I thought was cool and I tried to get video of it but the priest is actually like, this HUGE conservative guy who frowns upon anything newer than last century and there were a couple of signs saying “no cell phones” but Blake’s Aunt Pat was inconspicuously taking pics beside me with hers so I got a short clip of the dude on Instagram but not what I wanted. Oh well, so not the point….anyway, during the ceremony they blessed this and that and the President (no shit) three times, in English AND Albanian, all while singing a call and return with the priest and some lady and his incense shaker had bells on it and made clanging sounds and the whole thing seemed to me like he was trying to get God’s attention for a sec and get him to bless the marriage. There was some heavy old school bare foot and pregnant shit in the vows, but what I noticed in the ceremony is that the priest STARTED with, “do you take this man to be your…?” etc and they did their “I do’s” FIRST so everything after that they technically didn’t agree to in any legally binding way (not that a wedding is “legally” binding, but y’know, if this was a deal with the Devil they could get out of it on a technicality by traditional mythological standards).

I’m not going to post what I wore because I think I looked like crap. I also think me and Blake’s step-monster were the only blondes at the whole event.

At the reception, we got sat at the “cousin table” (and not with Blake’s dad and his bitchfaced wife, who got stuck sitting beside the priest all night heh) and I got to meet all of Blake’s Albanian cousins who have all grown up and have since left Albania for greater things, I guess. Blake’s cousin Shirley is a dentist living with a dude named Stiig who’s an engineer for Rolls Royce in Norway. Blake’s cousin Nonda and his wife Eva live in NY and have two little kids. They met in Albania and came over a while ago. Blake’s cousin Livvy is like, an international free spirit party girl type who lives somewhere in Europe too but I forget where. I wanna say Prague? Not sure.

What kills me about Blake’s Albanian family is like HOW into family they are. It’s so weird to me because my family isn’t like that at all. It’s hard to explain, but like, Blake just met these people for the first time since he went to Albania when I think he was 18 and they were weirdly close considering I’d never heard of these people before that day and I’m pretty sure this was only Blake’s second time meeting them in person. I’m pretty sure you could ask a favour from practically anyone in the room and they would oblige just because you were related and vice versa. There was a lot of hugging and picture taking like, with people who barely knew each other but they were related so HEY LET’S TAKE A PICTURE! NOW LET’S TAKE THE EXACT SAME PICTURE WITH 5 MORE CAMERAS FROM 5 MORE STRANGERS! It was weeeeeeeeeeeeeeird, man. Weird. It was the biggest display of pronoia in action I think I’ve ever seen. Just a whole lotta people conspiring toward good things for a whole lotta other people simply because they’re related somehow.

My family is more…strategic, political, hostile, a little phony and now, extremely small. Almost non-existent. And I don’t foresee that changing any time soon. God, honestly I’m not even sure I have the energy to have it any other way, so whatever. I haven’t talked to my brother since my grama’s funeral because I don’t know what to say to him. I’ve exchanged 2 e-mails with my mom, pretty much the same thing.

At the end of the wedding, there was a coney bar set up because when Blake’s grampa came to America, he opened a coney dog restaurant called George’s Famous Coney Island and this restaurant was the foundation for just about everything in that ballroom. I thought that was pretty neat even though we left before it got set up.

Other than that, the only thing I have to report is that I broke down and bought Sims 4 even though I had initially decided not to get it because I’d heard nothing but bad things about what WASN’T going to be included, but I was bored and I’m a sucker so I downloaded it and while I’ve only had a chance to play it three times, I think I like it. It’s VERY bare bones, a lot like OG Sims, and I kinda like that because the complexity of Sims 3 got so ridiculous with all the expansions that I lost interest in it a long time ago. The emotions system combines with the Sims’ needs, so for example, if my Sim is angry or tense (emotion) AND has to go to the bathroom (need), the interaction “take an angry poop” appears. “Wants” contribute to emotions. Anyway, I’m having fun with it so far and I have high hopes for future expansions.

Annnnnd I’m tired and have to go to bed soooooo peace oot. *yawn*

August 6, 2014

Whose house?

I’m sort of frustrated with my front yard ditchweed garden. I feel like a planted SO MUCH SHIT and nothing I actually planted ON PURPOSE decided to grow as they have in previous years! I have a few theories on this. The first is that poppies are finicky little pricks. The second is that there’s too much grass in the garden now for certain things to grow, so they just didn’t get enough sun right from the beginning and grew retarded as taller things stunted them further. The third is that I need to give up on planting any type of cosmos that aren’t your standard pink and white ones because they just do not grow in my yard. I thought if I planted LOOOOOOTS of fancy ones in favour of regular ones, some would HAVE to grow, but nope. As with previous years, they did not and neither did the few regular ones I planted either due to problem #2.

Having said all of that, nature’s done a pretty okay job at giving me a base to work with for next year and next year I think I’ll be going back to American Meadows for my seeds because everything this year came from Vesey’s and they don’t have the quantities I need or the variety. American Meadows has better descriptions/information and has a lot of seeds that some people might call weeds, but bees, birds and butterflies call “food”. The bees like the Bachelor’s Buttons usually, but mine only grew to be about 4 inches high and maybe only about 30 flowers total out of a billion and a half seeds:

Nature, however, had another plan for the bees and somehow St. John’s Wort (as identified by awesome tumblr people) has made its way into the garden in little yellow patches. It’s done flowering now so I don’t have any current pics, but here’s one I took a few weeks ago. It was impossible to take a pic of it WITHOUT a bee!

Stunted cosmos.
These are normal ones, not fancy ones because only normal ones will (well, used to) grow.

So much Queen Anne’s Lace!
I need to find something NOT YELLOW that can co-exist with these because they grow tall, fast!

My best guess is that these are Black-Eyed/Brown-Eyed Susans but I honestly have no fucking clue.

These and the Queen Anne’s Lace were the end result of the wildflower mixes that were originally planted when we removed the sod.

Removing the sod that’s grown back (well, next spring) is out of the question because that’ll also remove what grew this year, as well as any flowers that may be the type to flower one year but not the next or whatever. Getting rid of a lawn is serious business, man. I don’t see how we could have done it any other way (with a sod cutter, 8 years ago) so now, like I said above, the name of the game is to find seeds that will co-exist with all this yellow, white and grass that can also be food for fauna. I’ve got a year to plan, so I don’t need to figure it out now, but after seeing what’s been the strongest to survive blind weedings and mowings, it should give me a good idea of what to look out for. Also I think I might ask my favourite seed-nerd, Ana, for a little help.

When I went into the garden this morning to take these pictures, the first thing I was greeted with, though, was SUCCESS. I purposely plant milkweed in my garden for the monarchs to lay their eggs on and sometimes at the end of the summer, if we’re lucky, we’ll find a couple of caterpillars ready to pupate and I have a special terrarium that I use to watch them turn into butterflies. It never gets old. It amazes me every single time. Well, this guy/girl was the very first thing I saw when I went outside today:

She’s big and probably ready to pupate but I like to wait for the caterpillars in the later summer/early fall because I know for sure when those ones are about to pupate because the milkweed starts dying. And when the milkweed starts dying, the caterpillars are like, “welp, buffet’s over, better get to work” and then they begin to pupate. With the caterpillar above, she’s big enough that I could put her in the terrarium with a few milkweed leaves and she’d pupate shortly after they got too wilted to eat because a lack of food can trigger the process if they’re close to it to begin with.

I am by no means a caterpillar expert, this is just what I’ve learned from experience (and I’ve never had a caterpillar or butterfly die before).

What I *didn’t* know, is what this guy is:

I think it’s a milkweed tussock moth.
I found two of them on the older milkweed stalks and that article says monarchs prefer younger plants, which is good to know because I’ve just let the old ones grow back. This fall I’ll rip out the old ones, which I have to do anyway because they’re in the way of my second heliopsis, which is this:

And that’s about all I have to say about my garden.

Honestly, that’s all I really have to say I guess. I had other stuff but Wes and I have started playing Warcraft together again and it’s about time for us to do some quests. Saw Guardians of the Galaxy and Maleficent on Sunday night at the drive-in. Both were awesome. I am now leveling a resto druid on a PvP server named “Iamgroot”. I’m hoping people will think I’m cute and not kill me…

December 30, 2013

Oh, Carolina what you been fed?

Above is “Raspberry” by Grouplove, as recommended by Alex and Ronny during our friend post-Xmas/pre-2014 party yesterday. Ronny said he was reading something about them or about the album (Spreading Rumours, downloading now…) where the writer said they made the best Pixies song of the last 20 years. I couldn’t agree more. The Pixies are currently touring without Kim and have new material created without Kim and I’m sorry but no Kim, no deal. Pun intended! I listened to the first song they released without her but I thought it was garbage so I never bothered with the rest of it.

In other Pixies news, I Kickstarted a big Pixies coffee table book for Blake for Xmas like, almost a year ago now? And they said they’d deliver by Xmas but like, 3 or 4 days before Xmas, they sent out an e-mail saying “sorry, not until February…” and I was like, “GEE, THANKS FOR TELLING ME THAT A FEW DAYS BEFORE XMAS” because I only got Blake 2 things and that was one of them and it’s not easy for me to get out and get something else, also I don’t exactly have money to buy more things so that was a bummer.

I also Kickstarted the game “Stonehearth” because I thought Wes would like it and their delivery date for beta was supposed to be December 1st but they e-mailed and said they weren’t ready and that instead they were going to release “alpha 1” version of the game that is super bare bones and glitchy and you can’t save your game I think on Xmas Day. I haven’t bothered to download it yet because…

…for Xmas I got the 2 newest Sims expansions so now I have ultimate power!!!!!! (For someone who refuses to play with mods or custom content created outside the Sims Exchange.) I’ve spent the last 5 days creating my family and building my house. I’m about halfway finished the latter.

Xmas was good, everyone liked their presents and we had turkey and stuffing. Actually, Xmas Day, ALL I had was stuffing for dinner, then later on I had a turkey sandwich. The next day, Boxing Day, we went to my mom’s with my brother and there was a super creepy moment there where John and I said the same random thing at the exact same time, “this ham has the texture of cat food” and it was like we were one. My mother just about had kittens, it was so funny.

I talked to my brother a lot about his girlfriend. They’ve been together for 9 months, met on a dating site, she’s THIRTY (he’s 28 ooooooooooooh la la), she’s Croatian and then at the end of the night when we dropped my brother off, I got to meet her. She’s a giant! But then again so is my brother so that’s probably good. Anyway, she seemed alright in the 20 seconds I said “hi” and “bye”. In that 20 seconds I could tell she was leagues more mature than my brother, also good.

I am SO grateful that my coworker could fill in for my mornings on Boxing Day and Friday because Boxing Day was an early morning with having to pick my brother up (and we were running about 2 hours early because Blake and I had a miscommunication) and a late night for the same reason, so I would have been useless at 5am Friday morning for work.

Not doing anything for New Year’s Eve because I never do and I have to work in the morning BUT the Winter Classic game is in the afternoon so that’s definitely in the cards. Speaking of cards, Wes is like, a Cards Against Humanity savant. This was one of his contributions last night. He’s TEN.

I made my mom a painting for Xmas but it wasn’t finished until late Xmas night so I didn’t have an opportunity to take pics of it. Well, good pics anyway. I wasn’t happy with how it turned out but she liked it and that’s all that matters. In the new year I’m going to post what I made my Secret Satan but I think she’s going to be in high demand so I’m not going to post her until I have prints etc. set up in my Zazzle shop, pending the pics I took before I shipped her off to the US are good enough.

So yeah. Happy New Year if I don’t post before then!

June 17, 2013

And the coloured girls go do-d-do-do-do-d-do-do-d-do-do-do-d-do-do-d-do-do-do-d-do-do-d-do-do-do-d-do

On Thursday I had a pretty crazy panic experience.

Blake and I went to the mall because I needed new shoes. Because the summer shoes I have are literally 15 years old and falling apart. I got them at Holman’s Shoes, which was an independent shoe store, in Uxbridge when Madison was less than a year old so I could go to an $80,000 wedding with my then-boyfriend.

Exhibit A:

Exhibit B:

Pardon the dog hair. Uh, we have dogs. They shed. Yadda yadda.

This is what my old shoes look like and if anyone has ever seen shoes like these online anywhere PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let me know. Since I only buy shoes every decade and a half, money is pretty much no object.

In case the photos are unclear, the soles are rubber with what used to be suede inside (where it says “marie claire 7”) and the upper part is leather.
I am obviously a size 7. (In this shoe, 7.5 in others.)

So anyway, the goal was to find the exact same kind of shoe at the mall. Except I hadn’t been in a shoe store in a really long time and I think the fact that in a shoe store sales people HAVE to help you and they’re pretty pushy about it threw me into full blown panic after about 3 stores with me being unable to breathe or even see properly and sweating profusely. We had to go to the food court where I sat in a chair and cried while tweeting fiercely and Blake got me dinner. I took like, 8 Ativan over the course of 20 minutes and composed myself and the search for shoes began again.

After looking at every shoe store in the mall, I found a pair in a shoe store that were “okay” but not the same but I needed shoes so I settled for them and we proceeded to go home. Payless Shoes happens to be across the road from the mall so I said to Blake that we should look there just in case and I actually found shoes there that were better than the $100 ones we’d just purchased for $20 and they’re…passable. I don’t like them, they’re not the same (have I ever mentioned that I really really don’t like change?), they’re too light and I feel like they don’t want to stay on my feet but I needed them so that’s what I got. Behold…

Since they were only $20, Blake said I could get this snazzy hat that I don’t have pictures of and he also said that we could keep looking for the same shoes as I had before so PLEASE, if you know of a place online that has shoes like my old ones, for the love of kittens and all that’s holy, let me know!!! I’m desperate!!!

So that was Thursday…

Then nothing happened until Saturday but due to the nature of what happened on Saturday and the fact that Madison probably wouldn’t appreciate me posting about it, I won’t say, but basically shit hit the fan pretty bigtime. Everything’s okay now though and we’re all one big happy family again and that’s all that matters.

Now I’m going to make steak and read the rest of my Walking Dead comics because guess what? It’s my day off and I don’t have to give a single fuck today!

OH! Speaking of not giving fucks, I am absolutely OBSESSED with this game on my phone called Pocket Frogs. Have you heard of it? IT IS SO STUPID. You catch and breed frogs. And sell them. And that’s basically the whole game. Here’s a screencap:

That screencap was taken a few days ago so I’m probably higher than level 5 now and I think I have 5 habitats, but it is SO addictive. I don’t even know why. If you play too and you know how to play together, let me know and we can send each other frogs!

Anyway, that’s all the poop that’s fit to scoop. I’m outta here!

March 20, 2013

Dogs Were Barfing, Monkeys Laughing

Ugh. I feel sick. Ever since I got y’know, super sick, food and I just aren’t friends more often than not. I don’t even know the last time I ate a meal where it wasn’t followed up by Gravol. (That’s a Canadian anti-nauseant. It’s dimenhydrinate and I literally take it at least twice a day.) I just ate left over pizza from Pie and an orange and I basically want to die right now.

ANYWAY…

My copper angel is finally finished. Here she is:

More pictures available on Etsy!
Greeting cards, postcards, stickers, buttons, posters and US postage stamps available on Zazzle!

Yesterday we did our taxes and then we went to Wal*Mart and got new cookie sheets, new pizza pans, a new pot, Easter candy “for the kids” *cough*, the new Walking Dead game and one of the Batman Arkham games for the SexBox, something I can’t say because Madison might read this and it’s for Easter…uh….Blake got speakers for his computer because he didn’t have any and I think that’s it. Then we went to Pie and got a ridiculous amount of food, including their “salty balls” which are little balls of deep-fried dough covered in garlic butter, bacon, flakes of fresh parm and aioli and they are heeeeeavenly. We’d never had them before and since I think I’m pretty much over their pizza and pizza in general because I eat a fucking lot of it, that’s probably what I’ll order from now on. I also tried their mac & cheese which was alright but they put this weird brown stuff on top that’s about the texture of sand that I really really didn’t like so I probably won’t get it again. I did have it for breakfast at 4 o’clock this morning though but still, that gritty stuff on top was just a truly vile texture. It wasn’t even what I’d call “crunchy”, it was “gritty”, like eating fish tank gravel. *shudder* Then we followed it up with Dairy Queen because WE FUCKING COULD and then we came home and I took pics of my painting and then played the Sims 3 University (don’t ask me how it is because I’ve only played it for 39 minutes so far and I haven’t actually gotten a Sim to university yet because my main was knocked up until about half an hour ago) while Blake tried out the new Walking Dead game which he says is “stressful”. I have major issues with zombies, a real love/hate thing with them, so since he’s characterized the game as “stressful” I’m not sure I’ll actually play.

Speaking of The Walking Dead, I’m about 2/3 of the way finished compendium 2 (HOLY SHIT CARL – I’m not a regular reader of comics but HOLY SHIT) and can I just say that I was kinda annoyed that they seemingly told everyone “DON’T MENTION THE SPECULUM” on The Talking Dead this week? That was hands down the creepiest part of the “torture chamber” and they had the props guy on a segment talking about all the tools and he literally mentioned every single thing on the table BUT the speculum. I mean, come ON, if you’re gonna go there, fucking GO THERE. Even just say “this is a speculum, it is used to investigate body cavities”. That is ALL YOU NEEDED TO SAY! I’m betting that 95% of the male audience had no idea what that was or why it was the creepiest thing they INTENTIONALLY put there! (Nothing is on TV by accident, Todd McFarlane even said that.) Surgical needle & thread? Pffft. Gas mask? Please. Bone saw? Old hat. CREEPY SPECULUM IS CREEPY. Chances are though, that’s as far as they’re going to go with it. This show has yet to really shock me and even the comic during this portion wasn’t that graphic. I guess we’ll see!

So we have a new friend. His name is Brian and he’s a comic book author and illustrator, among other things. This is his blog. He is a very interesting person who I don’t actually know very well and I’ve never actually spoken to but who seems like a pretty cool person I don’t hate (always a plus) so I added him on Facebook and Twitter. My friend Rob from The Conservatory said we’d “get” each other and from what Blake tells me (because they had beer together on Monday night) that’s probably true to a pretty ridiculous degree. I don’t know what was said in confidence that night or what’s okay to say publicly or anything like that so I won’t elaborate just yet but let’s just say we’re on the same spectrum. Rob described him as looking like “a young Gandalf”, which I think is pretty accurate. He’s also a former Live Journal junkie, so he comes with a certain degree of auto-cred. (Says the girl with a permanent account…LJs are cool.)

Tomorrow is stupid CBT. I hate CBT. I resent the fact that I apparently need it. I resent the fact that I have done ONE fully completed thought record and I have to complete 49 more to even begin having supposedly balanced thoughts automatically. Momentum has been slowly leaking out of me since January and now I’m just about completely deflated.

And now I’ve upset myself so that’s all I have to say. Bring on the Ativan.

Also I just saw this on Facebook & thought it should be posted here:

March 4, 2013

So Much For That

So Friday was my 34th birthday, as most of you know, and I celebrated by getting very very drunk. And this was a mistake because for the last 2 days, I have been in pancreatic hell. I thought it would be okay to drink because I thought my body was healed since my period had come back and has been regular and things that used to trigger pancreatic attacks – like alcohol and fried foods – have not been a problem in about 5 months as long as I take my pancreatic enzymes at the time of consumption. On Friday, I was taking 3 pancreatic enzymes per drink (until I got too drunk and forgot haha) so I thought I’d be okay, but no such luck. I’m not in “must go to the hospital” pain, so that’s an improvement, but I *am* in enough pain that I have taken about 2/3 of a bottle of Tylenol 1s since yesterday and a ridiculous amount of extra strength Ibuprofen and I’m still in pain. :o(

So that experiment failed. I mean, obviously I can have a couple of drinks and be okay, I just can’t get drunk apparently. Which fucking sucks.

It’s almost 7am and I’ve been up for 45 minutes – on my day off – because the pain was bad enough to wake me up. It’s weird though because I woke up in pain yesterday and was in pain all day until about 9pm when, I think, the drugs in my system reached a saturation point that finally put a dent in my personal hell. But they obviously wore off in my sleep and now I have to start that process over again. :o/

When I’m having a pancreatic attack, I get the world’s worst heartburn and I don’t know if it’s from the enzymes (possible), all the drugs I have to take (also possible) or if it’s some weird pancreatic response of some sort but it is almost as bad as the pancreatic attack itself.

Last night for dinner we had fresh ravioli in four cheese sauce with more cheese on top which is one of my favourite foods but i couldn’t eat it because the heartburn was KILLING me and when you have killer heartburn from the fiery pits of hell, throwing tomato anything on top of it is like, the absolute worst thing you can do. So last night for dinner, all I had was 2 bottles of water, about 2 litres of iced tea and a microscopic container of strawberry Haagen Dazs because when I feel sick or have heartburn, ice cream always makes it better for some reason.

The dogs were verrrrrrry interested in my ice cream:

Lucky is a little impatient and he knew when the container was empty so he left, but Hoover stuck around so I let him lick the ice cream residue from the container and his tail was super waggy as he did so. Yesterday I paid a lot of attention to Hoover because guys, he’s getting kinda old. :o/ He’ll be 8 in May and he snores, he groans, he spends most of his time on my office futon (which currently REEKS of dog and the cover badly needs washing) with his head on the pillow we keep there or he lays under Blake and my desks and he’s just started acting, I dunno, just old. He still plays with Lucky outside and they’re annoying when they do that and that’s a good thing but he’s just not as energetic as he used to be and he’s less tolerant of certain things (like the cat). I’ve never really had an animal get old before and I’m a little afraid of what happens next.

But I don’t want to think about that…Hoover’s just been super cute lately and sort of introspective, if that makes any sense and he reminds me a lot of Eeyore sometimes. I just love the shit out of him.

On Friday night – while inebriated – I did a members only show at Camwhores where I, topless and with headphones, sang lots and lots of songs I didn’t know the words to haha. If you’re a Camwhores member, you can watch the show here. Blake swears it’s really funny and thinks I should watch it but I don’t fucking think so. Especially since it’s about an hour and 40 minutes long…of me just being drunk and stupid. I’ve NEVER watched any of my members only shows at Camwhores before and I’m not about to start watching now! Seeing myself move on video freaks me right the fuck out, it’s actually almost a phobia of mine. Anyway, if you’re bored and this sounds interesting to you, feel free to check it out…just don’t tell me about it haha I don’t need to know how bad it is, thank you very much.

Saturday I worked and it was actually a really slow day, which was good because I was hungover as fuck. While I worked, I started reading the Walking Dead compendium one and that’s almost literally all I did all weekend. I’m on chapter 7 of 8. I really really really want compendium two so if anyone EVER felt like getting me anything maybe as a belated birthday present, that would be #1 on my list of things I want. My wishlist is here and it’s only $40 with free shipping. I’d buy it myself but I just bought my new phone so between paying off the remainder of my phone $50 at a time and trying to pay down my credit card (ugh), I really only have $62 to last me until my next paycheque. And that’s the math for my NEXT paycheque. This paycheque I had to also get a cover for my phone to protect it from accidents and then I bought a crapload of pens because I just didn’t have any in my office that worked anymore and then I had to pay stupid FedEx for the duty on the leggings I got before Xmas. So right now I literally have $1.75 in change to my name and I just got paid on Friday. Also the new Sims expansion comes out on Tuesday…I know, a camgirl moaning about money. What can I say, I’m a walking cliche?

Looking at my wishlist just now I realized someone bought me River Song’s TARDIS journal, which is awesome. Thank you SO much! I’ve wanted that for so long! Blake and Madison are going to be SO JEALOUS HAHAHAHA!!!!

So did anyone watch Girls last night? (Slight spoilers ahead if you haven’t seen it yet.) So Hannah starts displaying symptoms of OCD, right? But did you know that Lena Dunham herself has OCD and used to have those exact symptoms? The counting to 8? It kinda bugs me that she puts so much of herself into Hannah, I’m not sure why. Maybe because I think it’s kind of unoriginal? I dunno. This episode just sorta bugged me. (/end spoiler)

Walking Dead was good last night. I won’t throw any spoilers out there for the people who haven’t seen it yet but I really liked that episode. I’m wondering how it compares to the comics and theoretically I should find out soon. Blake told me that the comics were “brutal” compared to the show and I was expecting like, really graphic drawings, but I think they’re actually pretty tame or at least they’re drawn that way. Michonne & the Governor’s interactions are a lot different in the comic but the drawings are nowhere near as graphic as I was expecting. I think all the weird Japanese shit I’ve seen on the internet over the years has desensitized me.

Madison and her boyfriend are coming to our house for lunch today because they want to eat french toast. This is what Madison’s told me last night. The thing is though, she lost her lunch money so she’s kind of full of shit because she can’t eat lunch with no lunch money so that’s probably really why they’re coming here. I feel like crap and look like crap so I hope Madison’s not embarrassed by me. I maintain that it’s my fucking day off and I’m in pancreatic hell and if I want to wear the same clothes since Thursday and not wash my hair then so fucking be it.I’ll wear a hat when they come or something.

I actually like Madison’s boyfriend. I never used to because when she dated him last year I kinda thought he was a weasel and they were using my phone to text each other and that was driving me a little nuts (because he was trying to text her while I was in the hospital and no amount of telling him “I’M IN THE FUCKING HOSPITAL” would make him stop)  but he’s gotten better and he’s matured a little since then. We got Wes Minecraft for the Xbox for his birthday and an Xbox live (?) account and I don’t think he’s played it once because Madison’s on it every waking moment playing with her boyfriend and all their mutual friends. It’s actually pretty funny to listen to them talk on voice chat.

Anyway, speaking of Minecraft, I think I’m going to go play for a while because I am dying of pain and need to do something to take my mind off of it. We all have Minecraft now and we have Blake’s computer acting as a server so we can all play together. Right now I’m building a greenhouse for no apparent reason, which Wes turned purple somehow and I’m not sure why…I made it out of stone (baked cobblestone stone) and I think he replaced all of my stone with dyed wool. I really wish he didn’t do that, but whatever.

So yeah. YAY MINECRAFT. Bye!

PS. My period started on Saturday, really really light and then the pancreatic attack started yesterday and my period stopped completely. Weird right? It’s like my body knows it can’t do that when I’m having pancreatic problems. I dunno, I found that interesting. You probably don’t though…

March 1, 2013

34

This is the best birthday I think I’ve ever had! Normally I hate my birthday and resent it even happening, but this year my family and friends have made it worth celebrating so as of noon, that’s what I’ve started doing!

These are Long Island iced tea fixin’s.
Did you know there’s no actual tea in a Long Island iced tea?

I’m about half way through my first drink and I’ve gotta say, I’m in a pretty goddamn good mood.

Here’s what’s in a Long Island iced tea:

1 oz of gin
1 oz of vodka
1 oz of tequila
1 oz of triple sec
1 oz of white rum
1.5 oz of sour mix, which we couldn’t find so I’m using lime cordial
“splash” of cola

Serve over ice.

It tastes pretty fucking good, if I do say so myself, but I decided that for that glass, full oz shots are too much and half oz shots with a full can of Diet Coke is perfect.

I dunno how so many writers can be alcoholics. I’m only 2/3 through my first drink and I’m making typos like fucking crazy.

Here are pictures of my cake. I didn’t actually eat any of it yet, I just took pictures:

It is obviously red velvet, which is really just chocolate with lots of food colouring, but it’s oh so pretty.
I should have busted out the macro lens but I’m lazy and it’s my birthday and I don’t fucking have to.

Having said that, I would love to take a class in food photography.

Anyway, I had to stat drinking early (I started at noon) because there’d be no way I’d be able to stay up late tonight drinking with Blake when I have to work tomorrow and my meds make me fall asleep at 9pm.
So I’m a loser drinking in the afternoon by myself.

But it’s my birthday so this is exactly the number of fucks I give: 0

So yesterday was a meeting with Rick and CBT. Both went okay. With Rick we mostly talked about my grama and how to navigate that whole situation. He just said to take it as it comes and to start the conversation with her with “how are you feeling?” and go from there. I thought that was good advice. He told me not to take any abuse from her, in case that happens. I’m starting to like Rick more and more, he thinks I’m funny and I’m okay with that. Because I am funny, motherfucker!

We told him that the cab thing just isn’t working so we’ve stopped that. It just added a layer of stress onto an already stressful day so we ditched it. Blake figures I’m more likely to drive by myself to an appointment in Midland than to take a cab. Plus the cab was $35 each way and while we didn’t have to pay that, I kinda felt like a douche for charging that to the province. This is why we can’t have nice things.

I told him that I hate CBT because it’s so damn slow but that was before yesterday’s class, which was actually useful and productive.

We learned about the “hot thoughts” portion of the thought record, which I actually found sort of challenging because there was math involved and that just fries my brain. Here’s my worksheet and yes, this was a real scenario, this actually happened on Tuesday.

(Click here for a bigger version.)

Yes, Lena Dunham makes me feel like shit. She’s also one of my personal heroes. As you can see by the percents, the three thoughts highlighted are the “hot thoughts”. I haven’t read past this in the book so I’m not entirely sure what comes next but that’s the example I used and since it was a real, unresolved issue, I plan on using it as I go along.

At CBT the example they used was “driving to work at 7:40am” and this one woman in the group was like, “if that was all I had to worry about, I wouldn’t be depressed” and went on about how insignificant that problem was for like, 5 minutes throughout the example and it made me feel like pure and utter shit and honestly, I wanted to strangle that judgmental bitch. I mean, you don’t know what problems people have, why would you say something like that? I wanted to speak up and inform the room that I’m relearning how to drive a car so that example was relevant to me so she’d feel like shit maybe, but I didn’t speak up. I dunno if that was a good or bad thing. After Blake picked me up I lost my shit in the car and pretty much cried all the way home because that lady made me feel completely irrelevant. Like my problems don’t matter, which is one of my “issues” to begin with. Everyone should be able to drive, why is it so difficult for me? Why should it be a big deal when I do drive? Why do I deserve a ticker tape parade?

After CBT (jesus christ it’s getting hard to type!) we went to the liquor store and the lady helped us find all the ingredients for Long Island iced teas but she told us (which I didn’t know) that we couldn’t get “sour mix” at the LCBO (liquor control board of Ontario – the only place you can buy liquor in this province) because they’re legally not allowed to sell anything that doesn’t contain alcohol. I didn’t even know “sour mix” existed prior to googling the recipe for Long Island iced teas so I didn’t know it wasn’t an alc0holic beverage but she said we should be able to find it at the grocery store. Well, no such luck chickie poo, but that’s no surprise because our grocery store is about 3 square feet and doesn’t have “everything” so we went to Wasaga Beach to Wal*Mart to find it and no such luck there either. The lady there said it was a “seasonal item” and it’s fucking March (well February at the time) so that was a bust. Then we went to t he Foodland at the beach and we found “lime cordial” and we figured that was good enough because it was the same company who makes grenadines (which are awesome for making cherry Coke) so that’s what we went with.

IT IS GETTING REALLY HARD TO TYPE. GOOD LAWD. I started drinking at noon and it’s currently 3pm and I’m pretty much wasted. Spellcheck FTW! Anyway, that’s why we went with “lime cordial” instead of “sour mix” because I’m pretty sure that isn’t even a thing in this neck of the woods.  Anyway I’m drunk so wtf. I’m ending this post and enjoying myself. Fuck all, y’all.

February 25, 2013

The Oscars and Other Shit

Blake was in Militiagan from Friday after work until late Sunday afternoon because there was a tattoo convention and he and his friends Joe (a tattoo artist) and Dennis hadn’t all hung out together in 12 years so this convention was an opportunity to do so. Blake didn’t get any work done. While he was in the US, he bought Girl Guide cookies, a new monitor, some kind of weird grapefruit pop, some weird Militiagan chips that I forget the name of and I’m too lazy to go in the kitchen and check, Caribou coffee and a fucktonne of Chewy Sprees for me because I love them and we don’t have them in Canada.

Speaking of candy, did you know that Skittles, in the “original” bag, is changing the green ones from lime to fucking GREEN APPLE? What the FUCK, Skittles? How can you even call that bag “original” when it clearly won’t be the original flavours anymore? First they discontinue Fizzy Skittles (aka Fizzles) which were the best candy I’ve ever had, and now this. W T F ?

After Blake got home, he wanted to take me out for dinner because he’s awesome and I chose to go to Pie again because that is also awesome. I got their Kobi 43 pie which is just tomato sauce, cheese and basil and I added mushrooms to it. In fact I have my leftovers in the toaster oven as I type this. Yesterday’s drink special was “a flight of Caesars” which was 4 mini Caesars that apparently showcased different flavours. I hate Caesars so I didn’t get that but I did have two Long Island iced teas which were big and beautiful and awesome. That place knows how to make drinks. While we waited for our food, I put their drink specials into a tip on Foursquare so I would always know when to go.

Friday is my birthday and traditionally we all go out for dinner on our birthdays and if that’s the case I’m probably going to choose Pie again. Friday’s drink special is margaritas and I’ve discovered tequila agrees with my pancreas quite well so it would be all systems go! The only thing that has me worried is that it’ll be super busy because it’s Friday and because margaritas are awesome and that would suck. Pie was also on the Food Network recently so it gets super busy during peak times.

After we went to Pie, we wen to the Bayfield Mall so I could get movie popcorn for my Oscar-watching festivities, as is tradition. Nothing about the Oscars really surprised me, but I really REALLY fucking hated Seth McFarlane, who I knew little about beforehand because I don’t really watch cartoons. I did watch Ted though – in a theatre no less – and thought it was cute, but not re-watchable. Anyway I thought Seth McFarlane was a sexist piece of shit who thinks way too highly of himself. I agreed with Captain Kirk, why couldn’t Tina and Amy have hosted? They should host everything.

I *loved* Silver Linings Playbook so I was happy that Jennifer Lawrence won best actress. This is the best picture from the night:

She’s awesome. That’s all there really is to say about it. Here’s a bunch of gifs of her being awesome at the Oscars.

I didn’t see Argo but I plan to download it today. The only reason I’m okay with it winning best picture over Silver Linings Playbook is because it’s about the Canadian embassy getting Americans out of Iran the year I was born and everyone has told me it’s good, so there’s that too. I plan on downloading Zero Dark Thirty today too and The Master because Philip Seymour Hoffman is fucking sexy as hell and apparently it’s about $cientology. Normally I see all of the nominated movies before the Oscars but we couldn’t find seeds for all of them until the last minute and then last night ISO Hunt was down for maintenance (on Oscar night, who the fuck thought that was  a good idea?) so that’s what we’re doing today. We also have Walking Dead to watch and last night’s Girls.

Blake and I both loved Beasts of the Southern Wild but I didn’t think it should win for best picture and as much as I was absolutely floored by Quvenzhane Wallis’ performance, I didn’t think she should win best actress. She’s got many years ahead of her to win another Oscar. I looked it up last night and that movie was based on a one-act play, which I would love to read. The Wiki article on the movie is really well-written too. I think Beasts should have won best adapted screenplay over Life of Pi. (As much as I loved Life of Pi.)

I loved Django Unchained so I was happy about Quentin winning best original screenplay and Christoph Waltz getting bet supporting actor. Also isn’t Adele a perfect human being? I’m not a fan of her music, but I absolutely adore her anyway and thought she was the most beautiful person at the Oscars.

The plan for today was to go to the movies and see Warm Bodies but I think I’d rather stay home and watch Oscar movies and use our movie money to see the new Oz movie On the 8th. It kinda looks cheesy but I really love Michelle Williams and think she’s the perfect Glinda and I also love Rachael Weisz. I tried to watch Deep Blue Sea with her in it and it was completely unwatchable. We turned it off after about half an hour. I mean, we totally gave it a try but it was just terrible which is a shame because she’s really amazing.

Anyway my brain isn’t really working at the moment so I’m just going to end this and consider going back to bed. I woke up at 7am from a weird dream about someone else’s kid and felt the need to e-mail my friend immediately to tell her of this dream. Now that I’ve been up for a couple of hours, I could go back to sleep. Blake’s in the shower so maybe we’ll play some Minecraft when he gets out. Peace oot, homies.

February 23, 2013

Oh For Fuck’s Sake!

This is a Minecraft post.

I don’t have a screencap this time because I didn’t think to take one, but on Thursday I signed up for my own Minecraft account and so did Blake and right now his computer is acting as a sever for the 3 of us (Wes too) to play together. So yesterday I spent ALL DAY, from about 9am-6pm in this motherlode of all caves that tapped into an abandoned mine. At 4pm I had: 28 gold ore, 231 redstone, 37 lapis lazuli, 8 diamonds & 36 obsidian (and obviously a diamond pick to mine the obsidian). Wes was so excited because that meant we could make an enchanting table but my inventory wasn’t totally full yet so I wanted to completely explore the mine and make sure I got everything good before we exited because I wasn’t totally sure I’d be able to find where I was again.

Well…I got greedy. I went after more obsidian (did I really NEED any more? NO I DID NOT) got overrun by lava, died and lost EVERYTHING I HAD SPENT ALL DAY COLLECTING. I cried. Literally. I know it’s just a game, I KNOW THAT, but I was so excited and Wes was so excited and I just cried…and then to make matters worse, I couldn’t find my way out of the cave despite only laying torches on the left so I could follow them on the right on the way out and leaving myself signs all over the place, so Wes had to get me out because I was just so defeated. :o(

This morning we’re eating homemade bagel McMuffins and we’re going to explore the area of our maps that we haven’t been to yet. In the end I collected enough redstone to make each of us a map and a compass, which is really all I wanted anyway.

So that’s my story.

Posted at 10:35 am in: Kids , Minecraft , Video Games , Wes , winter

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