Probably way more than I should. :|

Yesterday a box from Amazon came and inside was Sims 2 Pets and Yoshi’s Island for the Nintendo DS (Thanks Ray <3), which meant yesterday was a total write off as far as doing anything even remotely productive. I’m a little bit ashamed to admit this, but basically I did nothing from 2pm-4am but play Sims 2 Pets because despite it being a really stripped down version of the PC game, it’s strangely addictive. I haven’t touched Yoshi’s Island yet, but I’m assuming it’s as awesome as The New Super Mario Bros. is, which, until yesterday, was the only DS game I had.

Part of the reason I spent yesterday playing video games is because Blake was setting up my spiffy new (refurbished :p) external hard drive on my iBook which I’m ridiculously giddy over. My iBook only has a 20 gig hard drive, half of which is permanently full of music and Word files, which was making it difficult to edit videos. My video camera uses mini DV tapes that are an hour long and to transfer ONE of those onto my hard drive, it’s approximately 16 gigs, which is a problem when you only have 13 gigs free at any given time. So what I would do is transfer as much as I could, then spend days editing each and every clip to burn on CD and free up room, but doing it this way meant that if I was editing videos, I couldn’t really do anything else. Forget opening up Photoshop. I mean, P-shop would run just fine with a full hard drive, but there was no room to save anything, so there was no point in trying. Now with the external HD, I can transfer all of my videos onto that and edit them from there AND I can save high quality versions of video, unplug the drive and burn them to DVD on Blake’s PC. Genius.

Now, if I could get my hands on a Wacom tablet, my technological life would be perfect. Actually that’s a lie, I still need a functioning printer, but in my hierarchy of needs, that’s just below a tablet. Basically (I’ve been saying “basically” a lot, my old media teacher would shoot me for that)…basically, I want the tablet for making ‘zines and comics and I’m convinced that there’s a way to hack apart webcam software to upload a picture directly from a tablet to the ftp of my choosing (here or Live Journal), which I really want to do because it would be like drawing or writing more or less in real time. I don’t think that’s been done before and I’d like to be the first. :) But even if I can’t figure out how to do that, I still think a tablet will help me out quite a bit with the ‘zine/comic production. I’m not totally sure if I’d sell these online, but currently I have a few local places really interested in selling them for me if I ever get them off the ground.

I’ve gotten a few e-mails this week from people who wanted to know what I wanted for my birthday, which is in a week & a half. I forgot that with this new site, I don’t have a wishlist link up, so here it is. I realize that sucker’s 6 pages long now and no one wants to sort through stuff and it’s SO STUPID that you can’t view an Amazon wishlist by priority, so as far as what I’d like the most, the art-related books are what I’m obsessed with at the moment. Our local library is soooooo tiny (one day I’ll be doing a video blog from there so you guys can see it), their art section isn’t even one full shelf and I’m in dire need of some inspiration. Other than those, the thing I want the most is on page 5 and is a documentary called In the Realms of the Unreal. I used to have a copy of it on my computer than I downloaded a long time ago, but I had to delete it to make space on my hard drive for other things. There’s also a book on my wishlist all about Henry Darger that I’d really like to read because I find him, his art and his story in general completely fascinating.

Since we’re on the topic of my birthday, I’ve scheduled a members-only show over at Camwhores for March 1st at 11pm EST. This show is largely tentative because with the problems I’ve had uploading, there’s a chance that streaming won’t work either, but I figure with a streaming show, Camwhores is connecting directly to my cam and there’s no ftp involved, so it should theoretically be fine. BUT I thought I’d give a warning in case technical difficulties prevent me from doing this show. Also, I currently have 5 free trials for Camwhores to give away if anyone wants them, just e-mail me (Sunny (at) SunnyCrittenden.com) and I’ll hook you up. :) Also feel free to give show suggestions since I have no idea what I’ll be doing for the show yet.

And with that, I’m out. But before I go, here’s a video of spiders on drugs:

I was up until 5am trying to make a video response to Ditsy’s latest vlog and “bullshit” doesn’t even cover the experience.

First, I tried making the video using my iSight and iMovie because you can record directly from your iSight using iMovie, but for some reason whenever I try to do this, about a minute in, the cam will try to autofocus, freezing the frame and only recording audio. This ALWAYS happens and I really don’t know why. I’m using an iBook, which isn’t the greatest equipment for such a project, but we’ve dumped enough extra RAM in this sucker, this really shouldn’t be happening.

But it is, so I switched to plan B, which was using EvoCam and the iSight to make the video, which worked out well but was lower quality than Plan A would have given me. So I finish and go to upload the video to YouTube, but of course the file’s too big so, using iMovie, I tried to compress it for the web, which wouldn’t work because it kept asking me for my .Mac account info (???) so I used the e-mail compression option, even though I knew it would kill the quality significantly.

So I do that, the file is now 65k compared to 176MB and I try uploading that to YouTube, but it kept failing because it said the .mov file was empty. WTF? It worked on my computer??? So then I just e-mailed the file to Ditsy, but it wouldn’t work for her either.

Now I dunno wtf to do. Making videos shouldn’t be this difficult!!!!! It really really shouldn’t. I have so much video equipment, a decent computer, supposedly the right software….wtf?!?!?!?!?!

And the biggest piss-off to me is that I’ve got this $500 video camera sitting here that I rarely use (bought for a project that’s been shelved indefinitely) because I can’t get the videos from the camera to my computer without a cable I can’t afford (i.LINK cable?) and even if I could, at most I only have 10GB free on my hard drive at a time and I don’t want it clogged up with videos that I don’t have the capabilities of burning to a DVD when I’m done. (Without a DVD burner in this machine, once the vid’s on my comp, it’s a huge pain in the ass with networking & shit to get if OFF my comp.)

Fucking grrrr. *kicks technology*

Also? Last month I shot video (with the actual video camera so the quality’s good) of me, Blake, Jesse & Blake playing this Honey Bee Tree boardgame thing and Wes is sooooo fucking cute and funny and I’ve been dying to edit it into little segments, but the goddamn thing (in 2 parts) is a .WMV file and apparently I don’t have the means to convert that into the .mov I need to edit it in iMovie. I tried some online conversion thing but it just crashed my browser a billion times (probably because the video’s like, 800 MB or something stupid like that) and now I’m not really sure what to do with it.

Technology hates me. :(

In other news, last night we had a slight Hoover Dog incident. In the winter Hoover’s nails get really long because all of the pavement is covered in snow and doesn’t file them down, so last night Blake decided it was time to give them a trim.

Hoover is 85-90lbs of pure, unadulterated PUSSY, so when it’s nail cutting (or bath) time, he howls & growls & barks & whines and carries on like you’re trying to kill him long before you actually even touch him with the clippers.

So Blake’s going to town on his nails and the dog’s freaking out like he always does, struggling (you pretty much have to tackle him and hold him down) and howling and being retarded and then Blake looks down and realizes that 3 out of 4 paws are resting in puddles of blood. BIG puddles of blood. HOLY SHIT that’s a lot of blood. Big dog, black nails, big quick inside the nail and 3 of them got knicked pretty good during the struggle. We didn’t have one of those stiptic (?) pencil things or the cornstarch that Wikipedia recommended, but we did have gauze and flour, so that’s what we did.

Except Hoover wasn’t having it and he basically bled all over my studio for about 3 hours. He bled a LOT, holy crap. Sooooo, Blake & I have decided that he’s never doing that again and next time, we’ll pay the groomers the $15 they charge to do it. I’m sure they have muzzles & stuff (they’ll need it).

Annnnd as if this day couldn’t get any better, Blake just called on his lunch to say that the car’s royally fucked up and is going to cost $500 to fix.

Fuck this “life” shit, I’m painting for the rest of the day.

Fun Fact: I have this theory that if one can live a karmically neutral life, at the end of it rather than reincarnating, your energy just dissipates into nothingness. Personally, that’s what I’m going for.

So this afternoon I had a shower, put real clothes on (as opposed to PJs) and even a little bit of makeup and then I sat here for like, 3 hours trying to make a video blog using iMovie and my iSight. Well…I’m just not a vlogger, I don’t think. Moving video of myself, to me, is just the absolute fucking creepiest thing and I can’t stand it. I haven’t given up on the idea of making at least one video blog for shits, giggles & sheer posterity (eventually), but using iMovie with the preview window & all, just isn’t the way to go about it, I’ve decided.

I’m not sure if anyone’s been paying attention, but I’m kinda in the process of seriously re-evaluating and reorganizing my life and this site and the internet in general is a really big part of that. I didn’t do a big New Year’s post because I don’t do the resolution thing as a rule, and new years don’t mean a whole lot to me because, like a lot of people, I’m still just a big kid and the “new year” starts in Sept., ends in June and summer is just this period of awesomeness that’s outside of the calendar year. I’ll know I’m a grown-up when suddenly January means something to me.

I can’t even really say that I’m working on any particular goals, outside of NOT going nuts and ending up in the hospital again this winter, but I’ve been thinking a lot about how life is going to change around me pretty hardcore in the next year and what opportunities & pitfalls that’s going to create.

Wes, my youngest, is turning 4 in a couple of weeks, which means that he’s going to be starting junior kindergarten in the fall. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have immense issues surrounding this fact, not because of the whole “my baby’s leaving me” thing but because of how it’s going to change the structure of my day and routine in general, as well as the pressure I’m feeling because when your youngest starts kindergarten, usually women go back to work or school or find a job or something and that’s basically what society expects people to do.

But that’s not what I want to do and half my problem is that I don’t really even KNOW what I want to do yet, beyond the shit I already do. :| All I know is that (among other things) I’ve got $32,000 worth of student loans that aren’t going to go away and I can’t stay on interest relief forever, so come September, some decisions are going to have to be made.

I guess I’m a grown-up afterall. When the fuck did that happen? :(

Despite all this personal upheaval and mental junk I’ve been sifting through, there are a lot of things I’m looking forward to once days become mine again and a lot of things I’m attempting to work towards in the meantime, but at this point are mostly tentative. Right now I’m trying to get Sunnyland set up as a legitimate business. What kind of business, I’m not entirely sure yet, but hopefully one that makes more than the $15/month the bank’s charging me for a business account. I know I definitely want to make ‘zines again, I know I want to do something with Lulu.com eventually (have a few projects in mind), I want to set up my studio more as an actual studio where I can paint and cam and write and create and actually be somewhat productive, as opposed to it just being “the smoking lounge” with the leaky roof where we watch TV when people come over.

With the roof being fixed in the spring, this is all possible. When the teacup wall is complete, I can move the smoking lounge outside where it belongs. When Wes starts school, I can explore and do a lot of things I just can’t do now.

One of the things I’m really interested in is the town I live in because in some ways, it is so ass-backwards I can’t even believe it exists, let alone the fact that I live here. For months I’ve been trying to figure out a safe way to explore and add that dimension to things online, but I keep getting caught on both logistics, ethics and overal safety. I mean…is it really a good idea to blog about the town I live in? Especially when it’s teeny tiny, gossipy as all hell and the internet’s full of creepy stalker types? I’m not sure, but it’s something I’ve been giving a lot of thought to recently. The world I live in, the one in my head, the one inside my computer (which are mostly one in the same), it’s all very contrast to the environment in which I live and there’s a part of me that gets a really big kick out of that…but it could be ruined pretty easily if I exploit it creatively, so I’m trying to think and plan carefully.

I dunno, my mind’s just a jumble of plans and ideas these days, which is both worrisome and reassuring, but at least I feel as though I’m on a path to somewhere.

Basically? Just bear with me while I get my shit together, I’m workin’ on it.

I can upload stuff on Blake’s computer, but not mine. This means it’s either my wireless (doubtful) or Dreamweaver (*sigh*) and not the server, soooooo I figured it wouldn’t be too painful to uninstall DW and try to reinstall it, pending I could find the disk and see if that fixed whatever this issue is.

I found every single disk I have for my Mac, except motherfucking Dreamweaver. I know who sent it, it was from Miss Keri Monster’s boyfriend and I STILL have the fucking envelope he sent it in along with the other programs and stuff they sent, but what the hell did I do with the actual Dreamweaver disk I was SO CERTAIN I could locate in like, 30 seconds?

*headdesk*

And I know, DW sucks, it’s a bullshit program, and I suck by association - I totally know this, but I’m extremely lazy, don’t enjoy code in the slightest (and think that people who do are weird, like my friend Steph) and I just want shit to look pretty and be easy. This is also why I use a Mac by the way, because I know I suck for that too. :D

That isn’t to say that I don’t know any code or that I don’t think with code in mind (and all webdesign that isn’t visual is all just “code” to me, which was why DW worked so well for me), I just can’t do it fluently, if that makes sense. Pausing mid-sentence to think/type “pointy thing eh href (don’t forget the space) equals (pause for air quotes) ehych tee tee pee dot-dot thingy slash slash uhn uhn whatever (air quotes) target equals (air quotes) underscoreblank (air quotes) other pointy thing…” and have the link not work and have to go back and FIX IT? That fucking sucks, I don’t have time for that shit! I need an “insert link” button and if that makes me a retard, so be it!

I’m rambling, I’ll stop.

Anyway, this could be a sign that it’s time to wean myself from DW. I’m not gonna go learn “code” or anything stupid like that (NO I WILL NOT! PHP & all that stuff can suck my ass!) but I’m thinking that if I can find a decent, idiot-proof, free, Mac-friendly ftp program, I might just uninstall it since that’s mostly what I’ve been using it for anyway and that seems to be the whole reason I can’t upload right now to begin with.

That was a really long sentence. I’m proud of that one. :)

It just sucks because right now I’ve got Gallery installed and can’t get that to work (you guessed it, nothing will upload), I can’t get my ftp to work (via DW) and I’ve got pics to post, a cam to update and shit to do!

AND I’M ON THE RAG.

So, technologically and biologically speaking, it’s just not been my week.

But I did get to spend this afternoon with Jesse, so it was still a pretty damn good day. :)