“If I have a child with a non-Native, our kids will have Native status. If our kids have children with non-Natives, my grandchildren will not have Native status. It may not be such a big deal but due to this very law, it is projected that there will no longer be any Native children born by 2180. “

I *love* glitter. I seriously think it’s my favourite thing in the whole world, I’m just completely mesmerized by it. Sometimes? And you’ll think this is really lame, but sometimes when I stay up later than everyone else or I get up earlier than everyone else, I’ll line up all my vials of glitter on my desk and just stare at them, or pick them up and twirl them around in my fingers so they sparkle. A close second are Martha Stewart’s iridescent glitter stars. The pink ones (called “sugar plum”) and white ones (called “sugar cube”) are my favourites.

 

And that’s all I have to say about that.

And Chris, my ex, posted this because he thinks he’s just SOOOOOO hilarious:

do you ever wonder about the Chinaman in the rice fields?

Then he posted THIS on Blake’s wall because he thinks he’s SOOOOOO hilarious:

(Click to enlarge)

Basically all afternoon he was teasing me about this “chinaman” thing that I feel I now have to explain (which I’m fine with, it’s actually funny I guess).

When Chris and I were together, I would live 2 weeks up here and 2 weeks with him and his parents just outside of NYC (Pearl River, if you know the area). It took about 9 or 10 hours to go one way, depending on the traffic and I didn’t drive until the very end of our relationship so 99.9% of the time, I was in the passenger seat.

One day, probably a Sunday, when we were driving through Markham, we passed some apartment buildings and I said, wistfully out the window, “hey, do you ever see apartment buildings and wonder what everyone is doing in each one at that very moment?” and he was like “what?” and I said, “sometimes I just sit very still and I think about what every living being in the world is doing at the exact same time, like the China man in the rice paddies or the polar bears at the North pole or whatever,” AND HE LOST HIS SHIT! He almost drove off the road he was laughing so hard.

I suppose it was a pretty air-headed thing to say…but I did want to make one thing clear, which he doesn’t seem to see the distinction of. When I said “China man”, I was talking about a literal man in China, not “chinaman” as in “ching chong chinaman”, the racial epithet my grama was always so fond of throwing around when I was a kid. He doesn’t think there’s a distinction, but I do.

Anyway, Chris messaged me later to apologize for hijacking my glitter status update with his crap and we got talking and he said this:

(I think of it whenever someone brings up a deeply profound thought about the meaning of life.)

So there ya go…the China man story. Consider yourself forever changed. :oP

Blake and the kids are going to be home around dinner time tonight and I couldn’t be more thrilled. Yesterday was pretty rough, I just got really lonely and really freaked out and spent most of the day crying.

Agoraphobia is so much more than the fear of leaving the house, it’s also the fear of letting people IN and for me, it’s also the fear of talking on the phone. Last night Blake said I could order a pizza and it was starting to get dark out and I didn’t want the pizza guy to come here after it got dark out because I was afraid to answer the door if it was dark (our porchlight burnt out a long time ago and it was never replaced because the wiring is shot). But I absolutely COULD NOT call the pizza place and order a pizza. I tried a few times, I had my credit card right beside me, I knew what I was supposed to say and I just couldn’t do it.

I was afraid I’d stutter (I don’t stutter), I was afraid they wouldn’t be able to hear me and I’d have to repeat myself, I was afraid they’d judge me based on my toppings (don’t even ask) or they’d judge me for ordering a small and making them bring it to me. I was afraid I’d accidentally give them the wrong credit card number, I was afraid of leaving too small of a tip, I was afraid of signing for it and it being awkward, I was afraid of every tiny detail you can think of and then about 10 more.

So I called Blake crying and explained what was happening so he, from ANOTHER COUNTRY, called the pizza place and ordered it for me. He said he told them how much to do for a tip ($3) and everything and all I’d have to do is accept the pizza when the guy came.

Well the guy came and I had to sign for the pizza which just about had me in tears and then there was a place for the tip so I wrote $3 but then when I looked at my bill afterward, the tip was already included so the guy probably just got double the tip because I didn’t know what I was doing. Although maybe they were honest (we know the owners very well, they used to be our neighbours) and saw what I did and just disregarded the tip I wrote down. I dunno. All I know is that it was awkward and scary and I’m not doing it again.

Okay, time for more pizza (I am so sick of pizza and pizza products!), morning pages and finishing my sun mandala…and to figure out if what I’m making actually IS a mandala.

- Missy Donatuti-Alison

What a great point!

- Claire Peate, age 4

Sign up and make art with me!

I’m making good headway with my book, but I could use your help!

I’m looking for quotes, like the one I posted yesterday, to put in my book, but I’d rather collect them through people I “know” than digging through a quotes website to try and find some good ones (plus, those sites are notoriously bad for attribution).

Quotes on pretty much any topic are appreciated.
The only topic I’m not really interested in is politics.
The topic I’m especially interested in is women.

Any help is greatly appreciated!
Thank you in advance!

PS. I think I’m going to take pictures of some of my sketchbook and post them tomorrow, so keep an eye out! I’m actually really proud of the work I’ve done in my sketchbook so far and I’m torn between keeping it a secret and not showing the internet so they’ll actually go see my book on the tour or when it’s digitized, but the other part of me can’t keep a secret to save her life! What should I do, internet?
WHAT SHOULD I DO???

Today was pretty uneventful. Last night was pretty uneventful too. While Blake, Ronny, Alex and the kids went trick or treating, I stayed home and did a topless show on Camwhores since I hadn’t done one in a really long time and had the opportunity. Lots of people showed up including Belinda, Zombie Bunny, badbob, jojo and many others. It was good to feel supported by the community and I even made some tips! That like, hardly ever happens and was MUCH appreciated! You can watch my show in the archives, for those of you who missed it!

With the proceeds from my show, we’re going to buy a printer because ours is way old and out of ink and the ink is really expensive (if you can even get that kind anymore) and it prints really sloppily anyway, so it’s time for a new one. I need to have a working colour printer to print my grant materials with, so that’s what we’re going to buy.

Today I woke up at around 9am and did some internetting until 10am, but then I got sleepy because of my drugs so I fell asleep on the bed in the living room for about 45 minutes and woke up soaking wet! For some reason, when I sleep now, I sweat like crazy and it’s really gross.

Janice, the other nurse, got here pretty much right at 11am, which was when she said she’d be here and she changed my dressing, helped me put my binder back on and sat and talked with me for a while about my health, both mental and physical. I guess they get an abridged version of your chart from the hospital, so she knows what I’ve been through and like Siske, she’s amazed I’m still standing.

I made of much sterner stuff than pancreatitis.
I will be alive at the end of time, you just watch.

Tomorrow is Dr. Hanrahan and as I’ve expressed previously, I’m worried as fuck that the surgeon at St. Mike’s can’t drain the pseudocyst since we haven’t heard from him yet. I’m also worried that she’s going to make me have another CAT scan and blood work because that sucks and we won’t be able to do it tomorrow after the appointment because we’re going to have to rush home to get there in time for Siske to change my dressing and I don’t know when we’d find the time to get it done because Blake works every day. I wonder if we could do the CAT scan on Saturday since that’s at the hospital and the hospital doesn’t close? And maybe the blood test place is also open on Saturday? I have no idea.

My mom’s coming with us tomorrow, which is a good thing because I never hear what the doctor is saying and I need it repeated back to me later in terms I can understand, which my mom (and Blake) is really good at.

And we’re not gonna get Starbucks this time because last time I barfed it up within moments of being home. It was the best tasting puke I’ve ever had though!

And with that, I’m oot.

PS. Madison is awesome. She holds my hair when I puke, then deals with the puke bowl and she even cleans up when I spill water on my night table. I love the shit out of this kid.