Dinner is finished, the dishes are being done. Blake and I ate so much we feel like barfing, although I’m probably the only one who really might. Xmas 2011 was an unmitigated success.

As previously mentioned, Ronny and Alex slept over last night and we all did presents this morning, followed by a big breakfast, Pokemon and eventually, napping. Ronny and Alex didn’t stay the afternoon because Alex’s dad was making turkey dinner at their house so they left about the same time as when I laid down to sleep.

After I woke up, I messed around on Pinterest for a bit and checked my e-mail and then Blake and I went into my office and watched Rise of the Planet of the Apes which I thought was just okay. I wasn’t as blown away by it as some of my friends were. I think I just really hate James Franco and I thought the ending was sloppy. When it was over I was like, “that’s IT?” because it seemed like there should have been more movie at the end. I mean, I guess they tied it up at the end with the epilogue during the credits but I still felt like there should have been more. While we watched the movie, Blake and I made paper snowflakes, which I’m going to use to decorate the living room window. (But we have a lot more to make before I can do that.) During this time, the turkey was cooking.

After the movie, we all kinda went and did our own thing. Wes played his new Phineas and Ferb video game, Blake played his new Star Wars game, Madison coloured with her new Prismacolour pencil crayons (she now has more of them than I do! Brat!) and I ran around taking pictures of things, which I’ll share with you now.

This is No Drought by Lush, which Wes got me. It’s a dry shampoo.

You put it in your hair if you don’t have time to wash it, so it soaks up your hair’s oil.
It smells citrusy and wooooonderful!

This is Northern Lights soap, also by Lush:

Madison says it smells like Windex.
I disagree but I don’t know what to say it does smell like.
I just think it looks cool.

This is my new book, from Blake:

 I have no idea what it’s about but I’m betting it’s awesome.

Little known fact about me (?), I collect quartz crystals.
I don’t think Lisa knows that, but she got me a couple.
These are all of my little ones.
I have a bunch of large crystal wands too, but these are my little ones:

The two on the bottom left are the new ones.
The bottom crystal is actually a rusty amethyst, which I also collect.
(She also gave me the tin.)

This one’s kinda neat because it’s cut for the express purpose of rubbing in your pocket with your thumb:

She gave me two other stones too, that are supposed to be for “healing” but I think that’s bunk so I gave them to Madison. Lisa also gave me a book on “nutritional healing” all about using vitamins and herbs to heal yourself but I think that’s bunk too and a little insulting, I think, considering the nature of my illness, so I don’t really know what to do with it. I’ll just smile and nod and say “thank you”. She got Blake some weird mustard that he’ll probably really enjoy, which is a first (usually he gets chocolate, which he doesn’t like), so he’s happy. I got him the new(est) Bastard Fairies EP.

This is my new crock pot recipe book.
I flagged a few recipes…

This is happening tomorrow:

And this is my favourite gift, from Madison, because it was the most thoughtful.

I *love* Atomic Fireballs and Lemon-Heads.
They’re made by the same company and are pretty much impossible to find up here.
Madison and Blake went to a specialty candy shop to get them.
The Whistle Pops I remembered from when I was little and I’d told Madison about them and she found them at this shop.
There are also “party snaps” in the box, which are those gun powder things you throw at the ground and they make a snapping sound.

This is Wes with the wolf toy that Lisa got him.
In case I haven’t mentioned it, he’s obsessed with wolves.

Here’s the lovely young lady of the house…

Here’s my beloved…

This is what he was drinking while he made mashed potatoes and gravy:

Gobble gobble, motherfuckers!

Mashed potatoes, whipped smooth…

An Xmas feast…

And finally, mooches…

Hoover has had a crusty nose ever since we switched him to diet dog food.
He’s lost weight, which the vet is happy about, and she’s not worried about his nose, so I’m choosing not to worry either.

And that was Xmas 2011.
It was a lot of fun, but I’m glad it’s over.
I think it’s time for tea and then bed.

Just thought I’d share! Again.

Today has really really sucked. First of all, I woke up at 4am with diarrhea. Again. And I decided that since I was up, I might as well eat an apple stick. To the uninitiated, an apple stick is this awesome apple pastry, like strudel, that comes in the shape of a tube about an inch & a half in diameter by about 6 or 7 inches in length with chunky sugar sprinkled on top. They are DELICIOUS and only available at one chain of stores here, which happens to be the type of grocery store we have here in town. The ones Blake bought me yesterday were baked yesterday so they are EXTRA DELICIOUS. So yeah, that? Was the highlight of my day. It was pretty much all downhill from there. Sort of. Bittersweet may be the better term, but when you wake up with urgent shits and fail to make the bathroom, and that trend continues throughout the day, it’s a little hard to be Miss Mary Sunshine.

A couple of weeks ago Blake got me salmon steaks from the big, good grocery store in Barrie that I love so much because it’s humongous and it has an actual meat counter, not just a tank of lobsters, not just a deli, but an honest to god meat counter with kickass steaks and kickass salmon steaks.

Blake bought two of them, which the butcher wrapped in butcher’s paper and I told Blake to freeze them without knowing they were wrapped together in butcher’s paper. I am the only person in this house who will eat fish (the kids will eat shrimp, according to my step-mom, but I’ve never seen it) because the kids don’t like it and Blake has a possible allergy to it where he doesn’t like it and it’s been known to give him the shits/make him throw up so he’s more or less avoided it his whole life so I was kinda pissed when I saw that he froze BOTH of them in the butcher paper when I have a hard time eating ONE, you can’t refreeze them after they’re thawed and you should eat them within a day of thawing naturally, immediately if defrosting in the nukrowave. So once I realized they were frozen together and spazzed on Blake, we asked the kids if they’d be interested in trying it and they said they would be, so we decided that in order for them to try it, I would pretty much have to wait until a weekend to have mine, which was fine.

Well today was that day.

As it turned out the steaks were individually wrapped in plastic inside the butcher’s paper so I basically spazzed on Blake for nothing (how was I supposed to know?) and much to my surprise, considering his lifelong aversion to all things that swim, when I asked him to cook them for me, he agreed and since he’s a million times better at cooking EVERYTHING than I am, he cooked them perfectly (just fried in olive oil with salt & pepper) and I absolutely loved mine. The kids weren’t so much fans, but they both tried it. Wes thought it was disgusting while Madison was more thoughtful about it (“good, but the aftertaste ruined it”) and much to my surprise again, Blake said he was going to try it. He said it tasted really good but at the end of his trial his gag reflex got set off, so he only had that one bite. He didn’t feel sick afterward though and he doesn’t have the shits to my knowledge so maybe with some practice we can get him eating salmon steaks with me because they are delicious and very very good for you.

After lunch we internetted for a while when suddenly I got it in my head that I NEEDED fizzy Skittles. I love fizzy Skittles. Hell, I love non-fizzy Skittles too. So Blake went to the store to get me fizzy Skittles and berry Skittles and a slush. A cherry slush.

So Blake got those and came home and then I sent him out to get pumpkins so we can carve them tomorrow and I can bake the seeds. The seeds make me poo fantastically so I’m very much looking forward to eating them. Not too firm, not too runny, just perfect poos. I highly recommend pumpkin seeds if you have any type of poo problem. As Blake (and Madison) were getting pumpkins, Wes and I were eating Skittles and I was washing them down with my slush.

This was a mistake.

Blake and Madison come home. I’m internetting and eating Skittles. Washing them down with slush. Blake started playing Arkham City and I got tired of eating Skittles so I put them away and continued my internetting for about half an hour, maybe 45 minutes. Then I started screaming for Blake to find my bowl (it was in my office) because I was dangerously close, without warning, to puking all over myself, my computer and the bed. He ran and got my bowl, I grabbed it and filled that thing within centimetres of the top.

My vomit tasted like cherry and Skittles and had the texture of salmon steak. It was the sickest thing I’ve thrown up so far. And I don’t know why I barfed it all up, I followed all the rules:

1. Eat things that aren’t very greasy. Check.
2. Eat them slowly. Check.
3. Eat small snacks, spaced out throughout the day. Check.

I’m even wearing that godawful girdle binder Dr. Hanrahan wants me to wear to keep my guts squished in and aligned. Blake picked it up this morning and it’s horrible. My waist isn’t long enough for the stupid thing so it’s either digging into my hips when I sit or digging into my underboobage. And the fucking thing was $50! If anyone would like to help us out with the expense of that because we’re down to one income and ran out of donated money about a month ago, there’s a donation button on the bottom right-hand corner of my site. I hate to sound like I’m begging and I’m not really, this was just an expense we weren’t prepared for at a time when there’s no money for extra expenses. And not that one has anything to do with the other but I’m going to thank everyone who donated before, here, because I’m on a lot of drugs and can’t remember if I already thanked everyone in a previous post while I was still in the hospital. I honestly have no idea how we would have gotten through until now without those donations.

Blah. I’ll shut up about money now. This post isn’t about money.

Tomorrow Blake’s going to look at the binder and see if we can use Madison’s pinking shears to take an inch & a half or so off of it so it’ll fit properly.  My guts really hurt when it was first put on this morning but throughout the afternoon it started feeling…almost normal? I mean, it feels like I’m wearing a girdle but admittedly my guts hurt less with it on then without it. Without it I look about 6 months pregnant with a square baby because my guts have drifted out of place to either side of my abdomen, the binder brings them back to the middle and the goal is to keep wearing the binder until I have my wound/hernia surgery so it’s easier for Dr. Hanrahan to make me normal again.

Well, as normal as I get anyway. Physically normal.

No word from the pseudocyst surgeon yet. Waiting, waiting, waiting…I feel like that’s what my life has become. I am *SO* worried that if surgery and recovery (main surgery not the pseudocyst one) don’t happen soon enough I’ll lose my already slim shot at getting my job back. And I’m really really scared about what that means. I can’t just go out and get another job! And Blake’s been putting a lot of pressure on me to do everything in my power to get it back because we’re pretty much fucked if I don’t. And it would be really nice to not have that stress. I’ve never been able to contribute financially to the household by selling paintings because I don’t sell enough of them and I have no idea HOW to sell more of them. I feel like I’m doing everything I can already. It was nice having a job because that meant there was no pressure on me to paint what was profitable, I could paint what I wanted to, but now that’s gone.

Guh. This post is not about money. This post is not about money. This post is not about money.

Alex @replied me on Twitter tonight to tell me that it’s a really small friggin’ world. Siske, my nurse, has told me about her daughter many times before and as it turns out WE KNOW HER DAUGHTER. She’s really good friends with Ronny and Alex and we met her at their wedding! Weird, right? I can’t get over it! She never told me enough to put 2 + 2 together and chances are I wouldn’t have anyway because I’ve only met her daughter once, but it’s crazy to me all the same.

And speaking of Siske, she’s going to have my ass up early tomorrow morning to change my dressing so I should probably finish this post and go to bed. Before I do though, here are some pics from the bed, mostly of Pixel because I thought Phaedie would like them:

I took this pic because Madison claims these toys were sent by someone on the internet but neither of us can remember who or if that’s even true, so if you remember giving these to Madison, please let me know!

I have no idea what she’s doing in the above picture.

And in case you didn’t get enough Pixel today, here are a couple of videos. The first is Madison and Pixel being best friends and the second is Madison and Pixel playing with ribbon.

And last, but certainly not least, I leave you with Blake attempting to sing “Miss World” by Hole while playing guitar. Enjoy and goodnight!

So we didn’t go to Mother Mother. Saturday afternoon I threw up and I just didn’t feel up to going so we didn’t. I didn’t feel up to doing anything else, so we didn’t do that either. Then Sunday was completely uneventful. I basically sat in bed and read the entirety of Hyperbole & a Half. I’d read some of her blog posts before because people would link to them on Facebook and various other places but I’d never really checked out her site. This had me laughing so hard my guts hurt because y’know, they’re all out of place and stuff (click to enlarge):

Anyway, it wasn’t entirely a horrible way to spend a weekend. Arguably, Mother Mother would have been a good thing to do Saturday night but my logic was that A) I didn’t want to puke in public, B) I don’t particularly like the new album which I assumed they’d primarily be performing from, C) I didn’t want to take my 9pm meds in a dark club with a $5 glass of Coke (it would take me two, minimum, to get them all down) and D) I just flat out didn’t want to go.

Anyway, enough about that, it’s in the past. Let’s look at the present!

I took some more stupid “Scenes From the Bed” pictures today, some of which are pretty graphic and one of which Blake actually took because I don’t possess an ethereal body with which to take a picture above myself. Was that a tip off? That’s right kids! Today was Siske day and we took lots of new cheese pizza pics!

But first, here’s Blake being retarded with an extra medallion. These are the tubes that connect to my vac dressing and then connects to the vac machine.

Cute Lucky is cute.

This is my set up.
I think it’s all pretty self explanatory.
It’s not usually lit up this much but Siske needs the light to change my vac dressing.

Medical supplies all over the bed.

More medical supplies.
Siske likes to make a mess all over me.

This is my cheese pizza wound stewing in gauze soaked with acetic acid, which is basically vinegar.

I’m going to use a cut tag here for the squeamish.

(more…)

So my brilliant idea of doing a series of photos from my bed in the living room hasn’t been going so well, mostly because the lighting in here fucking sucks, but also because really? Not much happens from my vantage point and my four-legged subjects don’t often cooperate.

After this post I think I’m still going to take pictures from the bed but unless there are some really interesting ones, I don’t think I’m going to bother cropping and posting them. So here are the first set of pics, you decide if they’re interesting or not:

In the pic above, you can see my loving husband Blake, the towel my nurse uses so I don’t get soaked with saline and blood while she changes my vac dressing, my barf bowl (because my stomach is VERY sensitive now for reasons no one’s too clear on) and my awesomely blinged out mouse.

More Blake, because I love him. <3

I bet I’m on Facebook more than any other living person on planet Earth. And I don’t even play Farmville.

Blake’s guitar. Mine’s beside it (black Hello Kitty Strat! that I totally don’t know how to play!) but you can’t see it from the bed.

A somewhat blurry Lucky laying in front of my walker.

Madison and Blake. I forget why they were both looking at me.

My living room night table. We’ve got (from L to R):
- My super awesome wake-up light
- Tweezers
- Bottle of Tylenol 3
- Kleenex
- The remote for the fan
- Floss
- My glasses
- My phone
- Glasses cleaner
- Glasses case
- (At the back) TV remote on a pile of books
-  Shotglass containing hydromorph contin and colace
- Freezie mug likely full of limeade or 5-Alive
-  Mirror
- To the very right, beside the mug, you can see part of my vac machine

Exciting stuff!

Vac dressing from my vantage point.

Wes playing video games on some website called Poptropica.

And last but not least, the window I can’t see SHIT out of due to all those damn leaves!
Although even if the leaves weren’t there, I don’t think I’d see much but a field.

So there ya have it, scenes from my bed.

In other news, this week I stayed home by myself for the first time while Blake went to work. He works from home on the days Siske comes so he can wrangle the dogs if need be and help clean up afterward or get things for her after she’s put on her sterile gloves – stuff I can’t just do myself. Then on the days Siske *isn’t* here, he goes to work in Toronto and with the kids in school, that means I’m left to my own devices.

I was really nervous about the prospect but I stayed home by myself for 2 days this week and nothing bad happened so I’m not as worried about it as I was before. My big fear was someone coming to the door because I can’t go down the stairs to answer the door and if it was something like a heavy Amazon box, I wouldn’t be able to take it from the delivery person and put it somewhere because I just don’t have the strength. Also? I wear a hospital gown 95% of the time, which is open in the back and isn’t the most flattering thing in the world and I don’t exactly want strangers to see me in it.

But no one came to the door and Blake put a note on the door telling delivery people to just leave the packages at the door, so I don’t have to worry about it.

My other big fear was falling but now I know I can get up if I fall (as long as there’s something to hold onto and really, that’s everywhere) and really, prior to getting sick, how often did I fall in my own home? Like, never. So why would it be any different now? It’s true that I’m a little unstable on my feet just because I’ve only been walking on my own for about a month, but I only fell once at the hospital and that was after I’d been walking on my own for only a few days. Sooooo, I’m not really worried about falling anymore.

My first day home alone kinda sucked because I woke up to no internet. I instructed Madison on how to reset the modem by unplugging the power cord but she DIDN’T FUCKING LISTEN (which has been a problem with her recently) and she pulled out not just the power cord but the ethernet cable too, which she only loosely plugged back in so long story short, the internet could have come back on 5 minutes later but I wouldn’t have known about it because she fucked up the cords. It was only by fluke that I hobbled out of bed and checked them myself at around NOON and found that she hadn’t plugged the ethernet cable back in and when I plugged it in, I had internet seconds later. I could have killed her because really, the only thing I can do from this bed is use the internet or watch TV and I don’t watch TV very much, especially not during the day, so I ended up letting the hydromorph win and I took a nap instead.

But then! After I woke up and checked all my internet stuffs, I got hungry and I wanted Kraft Dinner but it was on the 2nd shelf in the kitchen cupboards and I can’t reach that shelf without a chair. So I got a chair and I put it right below where the Kraft Dinner is and I went to stand on it but my muscles aren’t strong enough yet to propel myself on one leg and onto the chair. I was afraid I’d fall and hurt myself if I attempted to do anything further so I put the chair back and got a fork, which I used to knock the Kraft Dinner onto it’s long edge, then I dug the fork into the seam of the top of the box and pulled and then I could reach it that way. THIS IS BECAUSE I’M A GENIUS.

I feel like a moron saying this, but making Kraft Dinner took a lot out of me. And then when it was finished cooking, I took about 5 mouthfuls and didn’t want any more.

On Blake’s way home he stopped at the “good” grocery store where they make the best pre-made salads and he got me a caesar salad to have the next time he went to work.

So on my 2nd day home alone, I figured I was all set for lunch because I had this caesar salad where all I had to do was add the packet of dressing, the packet of croutons and then shake it up but after I did that and took a bite, I immediately felt nauseous because it was just so gross. It’s not the salad’s fault, it was a perfectly good caesar salad, it’s just that apparently I don’t like caesar salad anymore which is just one more thing to add to the list. Blake ended up eating it that night for dinner and meanwhile the only thing I could find in the kitchen for lunch that I actually felt like eating was grapes, so that’s what I had for lunch that day.

Again, that day was pretty uneventful. All I did was nap (twice, because I take the hydromorph in the morning, then again at 2pm and it makes me sleepy – most of the time I fight it off, but if I’m bored, or more to the point, depressed, I just let sleep take over) and refresh Facebook and Google + about 5,000 times. I also posted a lot on the Camwhores forum. (By the way, I have 10 free trials, no credit card necessary, to Camwhores if anyone wants them. All you have to do is comment with your e-mail address, one that’s never received a free trial before, and I’ll send it to you. First come, first served. An added bonus to these free trials is that even after it expires, your account remains active, albeit in a limited capacity. You can still see the cams, just not the full archives, you can still chat on the tagboard and you can still post on the forums. I’m not sure if you can vote, I think so though. The only thing you really can’t do is see the archives past 12 images or watch live or archived streaming shows. Anyway, like I said, comment with your e-mail address and I’ll send them out!)

I think next week we’re going to do the same as this week with Blake working from home on Siske days and going into the office on non-Siske days. I’m not worried about this at all because nothing’s going to happen. I’m still uneasy about being alone with Siske though because I can’t wrangle the dogs (what if one got out? that would be a nightmare!) and the least we can do is clean up after her because we appreciate what she does for me, although technically I believe it’s her job to clean up after herself. Plus there’s the fact that she’s basically a stranger and I don’t feel comfortable with strangers in my house at all, but especially if I have to be alone with them. Eventually I’m going to have to get over this because Blake IS expected to be at work every day, it’s just that today is not that day. This week is not that week. I don’t know when it will be, maybe the week after this one, but we’re playing it by ear.

Tomorrow night we’re going to Toronto to see Mother Mother. When I was in the hospital, I was worried that I wouldn’t get out in time to go to this show and then when I did get out, I didn’t think I *could* go to this show for a number of reasons.

1. The show is at Sound Academy which is a big but essentially shitty venue because the floor is level so if you’re short and at the back, you can’t see anything and with my walker, I would have to be at the back. There IS a platform with tables and chairs on it but getting a table is next to impossible and there’s a big column in your way anyway. Also I wouldn’t be able to stand on the platform because I need my walker.

2. For obvious reasons, I couldn’t be in the pit or even in the crowd.

3. I can’t stand for long periods of time and there’s nowhere to sit, period, let alone somewhere to sit and still be able to see anything.

4. What the hell would I wear? Because my guts are swollen and all displaced, I look about 6 or 7 months pregnant and I don’t exactly have maternity clothes I could wear!

But Blake being Blake found a solution to most of these problems. He called the venue and asked about wheelchair accessibility and as it turns out there is an area to the left of the stage that’s sectioned off specifically for gimps like me and when Blake explained that I can’t stand for long periods of time, they said there would be a chair waiting for me when I got there. Problem solved. We’re going to get there early so there’s not too much of a crowd and we’re supposed to ask for a specific person when we get there who will get me set up in the designated area.

As for what to wear, I think I solved that problem when I went to see my shrink earlier this week. I have this awesome pair of black, drawstring yoga pants that my mother-in-law got me years ago that I absolutely love so when I went to my shrink I wore those, tied below my belly because there’s a hose connected to my (normal) bellybutton region which is totally in the way, and then I paired it with a grey, v-neck t-shirt that Charlie got me from Old Navy (which you can see in my recent cam pics) and over top of all that, I wore this grey, knitted hoodie with faux fur trim on the hood that I have. Casual but classy. Normally I would NEVER wear anything that casual to a show, that’s usually when I pull out all my Free People clothes, but right now I don’t really have much of a choice. I’m fine with it, though. Totally not a big deal. After everything I’ve been through over the summer and the indignities imposed upon me, I honestly could not give an entire shit as to what anyone at this show thinks of what I’m wearing.

So, with all problems solved, we’re going to see Mother Mother tomorrow! And while I was mopey today and basically decided not to go, now I’m thinking it’s a good idea. And so does my shrink and Siske. My shrink prescribed me more Ativan, which I’ll get Blake to pick up for me tomorrow and with that and a bit of lipstick, I should be pretty good to go!

And I think that’s all I’ve got in me for tonight. Have yourselves a lovely weekend and I’ll probably write more on Monday.

This morning I had a rude awakening.

I woke up, peed, brushed my teeth, washed my hair and then I went into my office and sat down at my computer and within seconds, Blake messaged me saying that some of the kids at school had told Madison that they’d seen our dogs on the street and then he told me that Madison was out looking for them.

So I checked the house and Hoover was here but Lucky wasn’t.

For those who don’t know, my dogs are VERY important to me. They are my other two children, especially Lucky because he’s more my dog while Hoover’s more Blake’s dog. So with Lucky missing, I was very distressed because when the dogs get out, which happens sometimes because our gate blows open, they always come back because they know where they live so for him not to have come back meant that potentially something bad had happened to him.

Madison comes into the house without Lucky so she grabbed his leash and went looking for him again but came home empty-handed. We sat outside and cried for a little bit because we were scared he was hurt in a ditch somewhere, then we heard the phone ring and it was a local ring so Madison ran into the house to answer it.

It was the vet’s office and they asked if we had a dog named Lucky, so I said “yes” and asked if he was alright because if he was hurt, someone would probably take him to the vet. She said he was fine and that he was at a person’s house right around the corner from us.

So, Madison went to get him and thanked the girls who had him profusely and brought him home. Now he’s exhausted and sleeping under the couch in my office while Hoover sleeps ON the couch in my office.

To be honest, if the girls hadn’t have brought him to their house he would have come home eventually, but I’m grateful they kept him safe because I was FREAKING.

So happy ending. Yay! Blake’s going to bring home a $20 bill and I have note cards here with dogs on them and he’s going to drop it off for them after he gets home.

Last night we got 5 pictures out of 19 done for The Fiction Project. I started at around 3:30pm and it took until 10:30pm to get them done, but if I do a few each night and then on the weekend, I should be ready. The only problem is that the book should have a cover but I don’t know if I’ll have enough time to make one. It wouldn’t be the end of the world to not have one, but still…

In yoga on Monday, I found a new thing to hate. It’s called “chaturanga” and it fucking SUCKS becaude I have no core or upper arms strength to speak of and I’m also afraid of breaking my toes. Watch this girl’s toes when she does it:

Yeah I’m not doing that one any time soon. She had us try to do it like 5 times and I cheated every single time by lowering myself down all the way because there’s no way I could hold myself in low plank that long or even AT ALL. Plus, I hate plank with a burning passion because I just can’t hold myself as long as she tells us to so fuck THAT.

Speaking of FUCK THAT, I found a button on Etsy that says “FUCK YOGA” that I’m seriously considering buying because that’s my general yoga attitude until I’m there and doing it and then I feel fantastic afterward. But getting to class is always a big “if” because I never want to do it, it sucks, and I hate it – that is, until I’m actually doing it, then I’m glad I went.

So as I’ve mentioned, my friend Amy works for a non-profit teen drop-in centre called The Neutral Zone, which is a safe haven for kids who need one and they’re in a contest with the Bank of Ann Arbor to win some much needed funding. That’s where you come in.

On Facebook, go to the Bank of Ann Arbor’s fan page and vote for Teen Centre Inc. (The Neutral Zone) by selecting them and answering the question, which this week is ““Give a shout out to your favourite Sweet 15 Charity”. Vote every day for them by adding the app until May 12th so they can get a higher ranking and therefore get more money. If you do this, you would be doing a HUGE favour to me and my friend Amy and the kids that are helped by having this safe haven to go to.

It only takes a few clicks every day and it’s 100% for charity. Please help us! Don’t think of it as helping a friend of a friend who you don’t know from Adam, you’re helping out a children’s charity. Thanks in advance. GO TEAM GO!

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Help RAPS win $25,000!

Yep another one. Now I know what you’re thinking, that I’ve already got you clicking for The Neutral Zone but this is equally as important to me and so is the person behind it.

My friend Phaedie loses one of her friends at least once a week. That’s because she works for a high-capacity cat sanctuary in Richmond, British Columbia, run by the Richmond Animal Protection Society, and unfortunately feline leukemia and feline AIDS is a part of the job, especially when dealing with such close quarters.

To keep cats out of shelters, people need to spay and neuter their pets and that’s what RAPS is aiming to do with Pepsi Canada’s Refresh Project contest. Their aim, with the $25,000 to be won, is to help low-income families spay, neuter and vaccinate their pets in order to help curb the already problematic business of sick, unwanted pets.

So how can you help? It’s easy. Click here and vote. You can sign in using Facebook connect so it really does only take 2 clicks and you’d be making a world of difference for animals and their people. Plus you’d be making Phaedie and I incredibly happy.

We need to try and get them to #1 or #2 as only the top 2 spots receive funding. I know people don’t have money to give to every charity that comes their way, but if you’d normally be clicking on Farmville crops anyway, please use your mouse-fingers for this as well and help make a difference in the world. Thanks.

The contest voting is until June 30th, it’s a daily vote and I’ll be posting every few days to remind you to vote in case you forget.

This pic is from the Pixies in Toronto the night before last, taken by my friend Matt Fabb.

So the day is upon us, it is Pixies in Hamilton Day. I’ve got pink dye on my head right now and I’m stuck waiting for it to set for the next 40 minutes while I also wait for Blake and Deanna to get here, so I figured I’d make a post.

I’ve been chowing down Ativan like a mad woman. I am nervous as hell. We found a solution for the dogs but since people on the internets like to fuck with my life, I’ll tell you about it when we get home. (OOOOOOH OMINOUS. Not really.) I’m nervous about Deanna, practically a perfect stranger, being in my house and judging me on it (even though she’s not like that at ALL), I’m nervous about leaving town, I’m nervous about staying in a hotel, I’m nervous about drinking, I’m nervous about the 4/20 possibilities (I won’t be partaking, in theory), I’m nervous about packing and then packing up again when we get home, I’m nervous about my giant ugly bag and having to lug it around with me, I’m nervous about general admission and never being able to see anything because I’m only 3 apples tall. I’m nervous about a lot of things and all I want to do is cry, but I refuse to. This is supposed to be fun. And it will be fun once I get there and once I realize everything is fine.

But until then….worry worry worry worry worry worry worry worry worry…

Also my phone isn’t charged and that bugs the shit out of me. I thought it was plugged in but yesterday when I was taking pics off my camera with the USB port that normally houses the phone’s cord, I didn’t plug it back in so now it’s almost dead. We’re not leaving until 4 or 5 pm so hopefully it’ll be charged by then but I get very nervous without my phone. Canada finally got Andriod OS 2.2 (I think that’s what it’s called) so yesterday I downloaded Flash for it and now I can go to Camwhores and MyFreeCams and watch porn if I get bored. I think that is so fucking cool.  Obviously it drains my battery like crazy, but it’s still pretty cool.

Another party trick my phone does is that it reads the barcodes on food and tells you their nutritional content. I think that’s pretty cool too, but mostly pointless since in Canada you have to have the nutritional content on every piece of food anyway, but still…

Anyway, I love my phone, that’s my point and I get very nervous without it because it’s the internet and that’s where all my friends are. Even the ones I’m with.

Last night I downloaded Rumours by Fleetwood Mac and I didn’t like it. I tried to like it, I tried really hard, but I don’t see why it’s so critically acclaimed. I saw Stevie Nicks for the first time on Oprah last week and really liked the song she performed (“Landslide”, which the Smashing Pumpkins does a really good cover of) and then my ex, Chris, posted this video for the 30 Day Song Challenge so I had to download the album. Check this out, it’s unreal:

So I downloaded Rumours last night and listened to it today and it’s just…old, and not in a good way. I just don’t understand why everyone loves it so much, not one song grabbed me and shook my face. It’s too bad too, because I was really looking forward to being blown away but I gotta say, the album just didn’t live up to the hype I’ve been hearing my entire life.

I’ll stop bashing it now. I mean, I get that it’s a big deal album, but I just didn’t feel it and I’ve gotta say, Hole’s cover of “Gold Dust Woman” is SO much better than the original. Here it is, if you haven’t heard it:

Maybe it’s because it’s Hole, maybe it’s because I like covers or maybe it’s because the original is so lackluster, I dunno, but I think Hole did it better. Blasphemy, I know. Whatever.

So apparently in Toronto, the Pixies started off with the lights dim and playing B-sides, then they played all of Doolittle with crazy lights and smoke and stuff and then they finished off with a Neil Young cover, which I totally approve of. Doesn’t matter which song. I think it’s going to be a great show, whether or not I can actually see anything because I’m 5 feet fuckall tall.

Okay it’s almost time to wash this dye out of my melon so I guess I should wrap this up. I posted this on LIve Journal yesterday but I’ll post it here too: the only canvas I have that would fit all 3 of the multicultural fairies is a 12 x 24 inch one, which means that after I put the fairies on, it’s going to be pretty barren, so I need something I can write along the top. The guys at Live Journal made some decent suggestions but nothing I’m really feeling at the moment, so if you have any ideas, throw them at me. I’m thinking it should be a 7 word maximum because of the size I want the letters to be. Any ideas welcome because I’ve got nothin’.

Happy 4/20 everyone! Be safe, have fun and I’ll tell you about the show when we get home!

This weekend has been fucking GLORIOUS so far! It’s my first weekend off in 3 MONTHS and I am milking it for all it’s worth!

I spent all of Friday night playing Sims Medieval, which is fucking AWESOME, then all day today (Saturday, since I haven’t slept yet) I sat on my fat, lazy ass and painted 3 FAIRIES who just need the whites of their eyes painted, their pupils painted and to be given dresses and they are FINISHED, which is also FUCKING AWESOME and tomorrow? I’m not sure what my plan is for tomorrow but Blake got me instant mocha latte mix at Wal*Mart today so I know that’s in the plan and I’ll probably just continue painting, watching the Oprah channel and playing more Sims.

Tonight we had a McDinner and it made me feel so wretched I had to take 2 Gravol afterward. I don’t know why I do this to myself, I only eat McDonald’s maybe twice a year now and every single time I have it I feel like barfing afterward and then I feel guilty about all the fat and salt I just consumed. :o( Oh well.

My fairies…oh man do they ever look awesome. I was going to take pics and post them here but I’ve decided to wait until I’m finished their entire painting before I show the world. One’s Asian, one’s East Indian and one’s Caucasian and they all have black hair and metallic espresso eyes and they look fucking wicked. I was SO SO SO nervous about painting the Asian one because I’ve never done it before and I was also using a new brand of paint which is apparently more highly pigmented than the paint I normally use because I thinned it down the way I normally would but the coverage was too thick and it wiped out all of my shading, unfortunately, so the Asian fairy doesn’t really have any shading to her face while the other 2 do. I was so upset that I ruined her this way that I cried but Blake gave me a pep talk about how it was my first try and no one ever does awesome on their first try so I don’t feel so bad about it now. Her eyes look amazing though, I’ve gotta say, and especially with the metallic black hair she really does look Asian so I’m kind of proud of how she turned out despite the lack of shading. The East Indian one’s eyes are also on a slant and she just looks great. The white one? Well, she looks like every other fairy I’ve done in the past 3 years. All 3 fairies are going to have those pressed leaves I bought as wings, the Asian girl is going to have green ones, the Indian girl is going to have bronze ones and the white girl is going to have gold ones. I’m not sure what the background of the painting is going to look like yet, but you KNOW it’s going to have a fuck tonne of glitter! Anyway, I’m happy with them so far and I plan on continuing with them tomorrow after their lips have dried, which I just painted.

Today was super windy and grey and gross and I felt bad for all of the vendors at the Maple Syrup Festival that our town had today. They close off the main street so craft/artisan vendors can sell their wares and it was just a shitty day for it over all. The wind was so bad that it blew out gate open twice and the dogs got out but they know where they get fed and they came back. Blake’s now secured the fence with garden twine and two plastic zippy things and the wind’s not supposed to be as bad tomorrow so hopefully that solves that problem.

I’m smoking again. I don’t know why. I don’t really want to talk about it and I don’t really want to hear any lectures, I just wanted to throw that out there in full disclosure. I had quit for 2 weeks but on Friday the freedom of the weekend and having things be perfect was too much and I broke down and bought a pack and then I was thinking that we’re going to see the Pixies on Wednesday with Ronny, Alex & Deanna and Deanna smokes so if I quit on Monday, there’s no way I’m going to make it through the Pixies with Deanna smoking so I might as well just keep smoking until we come home from the show (Thursday) and start quitting again. I think I may read Allen Carr’s book again.

Speaking of books, I’m still reading Freedom by Jonathan Franzen and I’m finding it extremely dry. I don’t even know what the fucking story is and I’m about 1/6th of the way through. It reminds me of something but I don’t know what…

Water For Elephants opened this weekend I think, but I’m too broke to go see it because I’m in credit card debt up to my eyeballs. It’s just so goddamn easy to buy things on the internet and god help me, but I discovered eBay a few weeks ago and I cannot stop buying Japanese mulberry tissue paper because it’s impossible to find locally. I’ve bought 6 batches so far and I’ve received 2 of them, neither of which is pulpy enough for angel wings, which is what I use it for, so it was kind of a waste of money but it’s hard to tell what you’re buying in the pictures the sellers put up. I’m hoping to find one seller with the right type I need and keep buying from them, but for now it’s trial & error. Chali told me about “destashing” on Etsy where people sell art supplies on there, which is what I might do with the mulberry paper I can’t use. Someone’s gotta have a use for it and I mean it’s all pretty neat, I used a bit of it in “Black & White” on the skirt of the fairy in white, I’m not sure if you can really see the flecks of silver and gold in the paper, but like I said, it’s neat stuff, I’m just not totally sure what to do with it. And now that I’ve typed that, I’ve realized that it would probably make good skirt material for the fairies I’m working on at the moment, so hey, good for me.

Yesterday I literally tried to freeze my credit card in a glass of water in the freezer, but the glass cracked (it was plastic) and the ice just kinda, was repelled by the plastic of my card so I could literally just pull it out no problem. So much for that idea. Since that didn’t work then I guess it’s just up to me to have a little fucking impulse control which I really really suck at. On Friday I bought like, 11 lbs or something of cone incense off the internet – I’m out of control!

Tonight we finished watching Buffy, the entire series and I bawled at the part with Xander at the end of the last episode. Anya was my favourite character (Andrew is my 2nd) and I knew she was going to bite it and how she would and I knew it was coming but none of that knowing prepared me for it so I cried and cried.

I have no idea what’s going on with my period and it’s making me fucking mental. I was supposed to get it on the 6th but it was a no show, then last Sunday I had what I thought was the beginning of it (that brown goo you get right before you gush) but that tapered off after a day and now nothing except a LOT of discharge, enough that I’m wearing a pad anyway. It’s like I’m having a white period or something (and no, it’s not an infection, it’s like ovulation goo x a thousand). My new anti-psychotic that I’m taking for sleep can affect your period so I’m chalking it up to that but even that doesn’t make much sense because I had a normal period last month while I was on it so why would I have an abnormal period THIS month? I’ve also had the pain of a period, just no blood. I want blood dammit! I tried to go to sleep at around 11:30pm tonight and as I was laying in bed, I started worrying that Blake’s vasectomy had reversed itself and that I’m pregnant and what would I do if I was. (Were?) Blake and I have gone over that scenario a thousand times before and the answer is always “abort abort abort” but the question in my head tonight was, if I did have to have an abortion, would I blog about it and risk the threat of it being absolute troll bait and having the world judge me for that decision? And it’s a hard thing to answer, I thin, unless you’re in that situation, but I think I would blog about it. If I were pregnant right now, the amount of drugs I’m on would seriously fuck up a fetus and it would be all drug addicted and probably be deformed or mentally retarded or something so an abortion would be necessary for that reason, but there’s also the reason that we’re done having kids and we’ve taken every precaution NOT to have any more kids, so there’s that reason too. I think anyone who has an abortion has valid reasons, don’t get me wrong, I’m just listing what mine would be. Anyway, while laying in bed, I decided that I would blog about the whole thing because hey, that’s what I do. But I’m (probably) not pregnant so I don’t even know why I’m writing this…

So we’re going to see the Pixies on Wednesday and it’s out of town and I’m getting really nervous about it. We’re getting a hotel room, which I love because I love staying in hotels, but I’m worried about the dogs who will be alone for the night. We’ll be leaving early on Thursday morning and it’ll take 2 hours to get home, so the dogs shouldn’t be in too much discomfort, but still, I worry. And I feel horrible because in planning this whole thing, I didn’t even consider them. My mom’s taking the kids for the night and that’s all that I had on my brain as we planned. It only occurred to me tonight that the dogs would be an issue.

I also think that tomorrow Wes and I are going to plant our vegetable seeds and get them started on the living room windowsill. I have the cups for it and have for a while, but I keep forgetting to do it or I’ve been too tired after work to do it (because it takes twice as long and it’s twice the mess when Wes helps, but he likes doing it) but it needs to be done and I have the time tomorrow so I might as well.

And I’m really just babbling at this point so I’ll tell you about the Sims Medieval and call it a night.

The Sims medieval is not like the regular Sims really, it’s kinda like a cross between the Sims and WoW on super easy mode. You control your Sims but they have specific jobs and you have to do quests. To be quite honest, the guidebook that came with the game is pretty worthless and I’m not even sure what the point of the game is yet. I made a kingdom and did every single quest and now I’m not sure what to do. There are “ambitions”, like the first one is called “New Beginnings” and the goal is to build up your kingdom so it has every building and every profession, which is what I completed tonight, but then there was nothing left to do so I went to the main menu screen and saw that 2 new ambitions had opened up so I clicked on one of them and it wanted me to make a new game, a new kingdom, rather than playing with the kindgom I’d just built. And that’s confusing because what is the point of building a whole kingdom if you just have to keep building like, alternate kingdoms for each new ambition. Is anyone playing this game? Am I doing it wrong? So I started a new kingdom for one of the new ambitions and that’s what I’m playing now. The first kingdom was called “Sunnyland”, naturally, and the new one is named “Sunnyland 2″ because I’m creative like that.

Anyway, here are some screencaps:

My first monarch, Sunny Moody.

Sunny Moody having a royal bath.

This one is Queen Sunnybananas of Sunnyland 2.

My wizard, Zennish Moody.

My physician treating a patient. I forget his name. :o/

Praying with Oprah, my Peteran priestess.

All in all it’s a fun game, but I wish I understood what the hell I was supposed to be doing better. I can’t imagine I’m doing it right with the whole starting another kingdom thing for each new ambition because that is a royal pain in the ass.

So that’s been my weekend so far. I think now I’m going to see what everyone’s up to on Facebook while I finish my Coke and then get to bed. Happy weekend!

Why hello there blog friends. How are you today? Me, I’m not doing so well. I seem to have caught a stomach bug and I’ve been barfing and shitting my guts out since Monday. On the plus side, I’ve lost 3 lbs, so there’s that…on top of this illness, the new anti-psychotic my shrink has put me on for sleep has made me have a total lack of appetite and if I force myself to eat, I feel sick. I don’t know if this is a blessing or a curse. If I don’t eat, my metabolism will shit down and start storing everything I DO eat as fat, right? But if I eat, I feel sick, so I dunno.

The kids are off this week for March Break and so far things have been okay. They’re at the library right now getting 2011′s dog tags and won’t be back until around 5pm, they said, so I have the house to myself. Right now I’m working and also working on my angel. I’m currently waiting for her wings to dry. I don’t normally paint my angels’ wings but doing girls of colour is not like doing white girls and when I overpaint the parts I would normally cut off, it shows through the mulberry paper so I have to paint this one’s wings white and then I’ll go over them with a pearlized white so they shimmer. Right now I have so many ideas and so little time and it’s really frustrating the shit out of me.

I’ve been splitting my time between writing the novel I’m working on and this angel and so far things have been going okay with it but I just wish I had more time. Last weekend I finally finished working off the hours I had to take off for Blake’s grama’s funeral so now, theoretically, I get a much needed day off and I absolutely cannot wait. We get the Oprah channel now and all I want to do is watch bad, Oprah-endorsed shows and paint pretty girls. My nights after work have been dedicated to the novel, so I’ve only been working on the angel as I work or on the weekends.

The novel is going well. I don’t really want to write about it all that much for fear I’ll jinx myself and stop working on it but I have a good feeling about it. It’s going to be self-published of course, and I know there’s a stigma attached to that but I don’t want to deal with submitting to publishers and getting rejection letters. Why would I do that when I have my own built-in audience? Plus, I can always submit it to publishers AFTER I’ve self-published it, if I felt so inclined, so that’s the plan.

Right now I’m working on chapter 20, which is about halfway finished.

Metabolic clinic yesterday was the pharmaceuticals module and for the most part it was pretty boring because I look up every drug I take before I take it so there was nothing new for me to learn there. I’ve always been worried about the amount of Tylenol I take because of the endometriosis and the pharmacist told me that liver damage from acetaminophen isn’t cumulative, it doesn’t happen over time, it’s when someone takes 30 or 40 Tylenols at once when liver damage occurs. You’re only supposed to take Tylenol 1′s every 4-6 hours (2), but lately the pain’s been bad enough that I’ve been taking them every 2 hours and sometimes even every hour, so it’s good to know that in doing this, I’m not causing myself permanent liver damage. I mean, it’s not GOOD what I’m doing, of course, but I’m not going to wake up one day and keel over from liver damage. Another thing I was/am worried about is the fact that often after I eat I get bad stomach pains, which could be a stomach bleed from taking so much Naproxen. Blake has to take a day off every time I go to the doctor’s though, which is why I haven’t had it checked out yet. And honestly, without the Naproxen I don’t know how well I’d cope with life so I’m reluctant to tell, the doctor about it at all. I’m probably being stupid. If it gets worse I’ll go to a doctor.

It’s going to be spring soon and I have it on good authority that my seeds should be ordered soon. This year we’re planting carrots, green onions, peas, big tomatoes, regular cherry tomatoes like the ones we grew last year, golden cherry tomatoes and cucumbers (upside down!). For the front garden, which I’ve decided to do this year because Blake thinks a big garden like mine will help sell this house better than a lawn, it’s just going to be several varieties of cosmos and Bachelor’s Buttons, as usual. Nothing fancy. Well, some of the Cosmos are fancy, like these ones, but really I’m only planting the two types of flower. Sunflower Alley is going to be pretty straight forward too with just your standard big sunflowers. Past years I’ve planted all kinds of different varieties of sunflowers but only the big ones seem to come up, so fuck it, that’s all I’m planting this year, especially since, ideally, we won’t be living here to even see them bloom.

Tomorrow is ST. Patrick’s Day (my 6 month anniversary of having this job!) and I’ll be making Jade’s Swiss Potato Soup with fresh biscuits for dinner, pending Blake brings me home a big pot to make it in because I accidentally ruined my old one by trying to put those dried “pulses” (beans, peas etc.) in a stew and they all stuck to the bottom and burned so bad there was no saving it. Here’s Jade’s potato soup recipe, it’s pretty simple and tastes wonderful!

- 2 tbsp butter
- 1/4 cup chopped onion
- 2 cups diced raw potato
- 1 cup boiling water
- 1 tsp salt
- 3 chicken bouillon cubes
- 3 cups milk
- 2 tbsp flour

Melt butter. Saute onions. Add potatoes. water, salt, bouillon cubes. Cover & simmer 10 minutes. Combine milk and flour. Stir into potato mixture. Cook over medium heat. Stir constantly until thickened and boiling.

And voila! Homemade potato soup! I’m going to add chives to it and possibly I’m going to put in leeks instead of onions if Blake can find any. Also I’m using chicken broth instead of cubes and last year I think I just used a whole tetra box of chicken broth and skipped the boiling water.  Anyway, it’s good stuff and if you make it, let me know! Last year we featured it on Buttercup and I know a lot of you made and liked it, so I’m hoping this year you will as well!

Tomorrow is Day 1 of no more smoking. I just opened a fresh pack right now and when I go to bed tonight, the rest of it will be destroyed. I started smoking again on March 1st (my birthday) and it just time to give it up again, this time for always and forever. My throat is sore, I’ve developed a smoker’s cough and I’m getting headaches so it’s just not worth it anymore. So I’m just warning everyone in advance, if I’m bitch, that’s why, but after the 3 days it takes for the nicotine to leave my system, I should be okay again. Luckily this time I only developed the chemical addiction and not the mental habit, so it shouldn’t be as hard to quit as it was last time. Theoretically.

The dogs had their shots last week and the new vet said that they’re both overweight. Hoover definitely is, but I don’t see how she figures Lucky is. Either way, they’re both on diet dog food now so hopefully that’ll help. She also said that their teeth could use some rawhide, so we got them each a bone on Saturday, which they’ve both been enjoying (although Lucky threw up twice after we gave him his). Now that they’ve had their rabies vaccination for the year, they can get their municipal tags, which, as I mentioned, the kids are doing now. Hopefully Madison won’t lose my credit card this time!

Well, I’d better get back to my angel while work is slow. I hope everyone’s day is going well and I’ll probably post tomorrow.

Oh man.

So we’re back from Militiagan, we got back last night. When we got home, Alex & Ronny were here so we watched The Leafs lose pitifully to the Penguins while eating steak & potatoes for dinner and reminiscing about the lovely ol’ US of A, where Ronny also happens to be from.

Oh yeah, since I missed several days of work, this post is going to probably be all over the place because I’m working all day today.

Anyway, blah blah Ronny & Alex, dogs were happy to see us, so was cat. Kids are still up North (Blake’s picking them up right now but I bet they’ll be back by the time I finish this post).

So obviously, if you’ve been following along, Blake’s grandma, who was 98 or 99, finally died. She’d been dying for a really long time, as long as I’ve known Blake, and this was like…”finally”. People were sad of course, but like I said in a previous post, I think there was also a lot of relief.

We left for MI Wednesday night after I was done work and the drive was pretty uneventful, no issues at the border which we were worried about because Blake’s US passport is long expired, I don’t even have one, and Blake’s permanent residence card for Canada is expired as well. But no issues so whatever. We stop at a gas station just outside the border in MI and there I found a TREASURE TROVE of goodness, behold my bounty (oh PS, this post will have a lot of pictures):

You cannot get these everywhere in Canada. I’m told other provinces MAY have them from time to time but you cannot get these in Ontario. I was very excited.

But nowhere near as excited as I was to see THESE:

I loved these. We used to have these. They stopped making them or distributing them in Canada in 2002 and when I learned of this, I went out and spent around $100 buying up every box I could find, hoarding them for like, 2 years. I was SHOCKED when I saw them at this MI gas station. So I bought 9 of them. Not 10 because that would have been the whole box and what if someone else wanted one? So I just got 9.

Did I mention that I love these? Remember that. We’ll come back to it later.

We got to our hotel at around, god I don’t even know, I want to say it was near midnight. Our hotel room was pretty cool, it had a fridge, dishwasher, 2 element stove and a microwave but we got the handicap suite so it didn’t have a bath tub and therefore all the Lush stuff I’d brought with me never got used. Didn’t matter, there was no time on this trip for Lush baths anyway.

As it turned out, Thursday was to be the wake/viewing (they called it a viewing, my family would call it a wake, I dunno if they’re the same thing, they sure seemed the same) and Friday was going to be the funeral, so we planned on staying until Sunday but I had a minor freak out Friday night after way too much stimulation so we decided to leave Saturday instead. But I’m getting way way way ahead of myself.

So Thursday morning, we got up early and Blake went to visit his friend Mandy and her baby while I got an hour of work in and then we had to get ready vite vite vite because the wake was at 2pm. This is what I wore:

Another Free People outfit (with my Docs) because when I leave the house, that’s basically all I wear.
The skirt is sort of a peachy sheer thing and the sweater is a charcoal grey that flows out over your bum.
I was paranoid the whole time that I was showing everyone my ass but Blake assured me I was not.
I wore beige underwear just in case. ;o)

The wake was…overwhelming. Blake’s family is Albanian (this was his dad’s side) and a lot of them are newer immigrants from the last 20 years or so. And there are a lot of them. I can remember who everyone was and more or less how they were related to Blake but it was a lot to take in all at once. It was nice though, that they included our family in the big boards Blake’s Aunt Pat had made with pictures of the whole family and all the grandkids and stuff and Blake’s grandma looked pretty good, probably the best open casket job I’ve seen to date (I hate open casket though, I think it’s gross). “The family” got there at 2 which meant Blake’s Aunt Pat, his dad (who’s a fuckbag) and his dad’s wife Kim (who’s a mega-cunt), his Uncle John and these cousins from New Hampshire that I’d never met before, Marc (nice, old guy), his son Boyce and Marc’s sister (I think?) Diana who is 72 and a total riot. I loved the crap out of her and honestly, without our kindred spirits connecting I’m not sure I would have made it through the whole thing intact.

There were deciding the order of the procession to the cemetery the next day and it was funny because Blake is the last Vulpe male and he took MY last name when we got married, therefore Wes the other “last Vulpe male” has MY last name as well, so we Blake told them what kind of car we drove and his name, Blake Crittenden, his dad like, paused and gave him a look because I think this was news to him and it was SO FUNNY. Anyway, we were 2nd in line for the procession with Blake’s dad, Kim, Uncle John and Aunt Pat in Blake’s dad’s car being first. Then Marc, Boyce and Diana behind us and other people all behind us.

At the wake I met about a hundred and fifty million people, namely the aforementioned Albanians, Blake’s Uncle or cousin (???) Nico and his daughters Tina and Helena who I HAD actually met before but that was 8 years ago now and honestly, they were teenagers them so I barely paid any attention to them. Now they’re all grown up. I’m not sure was Tina’s in college for but Helena is just starting her residency to be a neurosurgeon. SUPER nice girls. I added them on Facebook the night after the funeral and from what I can tell, the whole innocent thing isn’t an act. These girls, well, women I guess, don’t really swear or drink or show their boobs on the internet or anything even remotely controversial from what I can tell. So strange. But nice girls nonetheless, I really enjoyed their company.

Something I noticed almost right away is how close the Albanians are with each other, like, they’re a REAL FAMILY, like the Greeks I knew growing up, who were also mostly recent immigrants. And it makes sense that they’re so close, because all they’ve really had is each other and the church which is just so interesting to me because my family sucks, on both sides. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m GLAD AS HELL that I wasn’t raised in a religious environment, but our family plays so many psychological games and there’s so much bullshit it’s unbelievable and with the Albanians, there’s none of that. They just love each other BECAUSE they’re family and that’s just what you fucking do. Like I remember when Wes was born, Nico and his family sent us baby clothes for him and this was BEFORE I’d even MET THESE PEOPLE. But Blake was their family and that’s just what you do BECAUSE they’re your family.

And that whole vibe or attitude or whatever was SO strong and so prevalent at the wake and the funeral and the “thing after the funeral with food” (reception?) that I was actually feeling really weird about it. Like on one hand I was totally jealous over it because I’ve never had that and I didn’t even really know I wanted that until that moment but also I got kissed and hugged by so many Albanians who I didn’t know and they just automatically embraced me wholeheartedly. I married Blake and I am their family, no matter what. I’m probably not even doing the experience justice but it was POWERFUL and I find myself like, craving these people. It really makes me sad that Pat deleted her Facebook but I promised to keep in touch via e-mail, which I will do. I added Tina and Helena, like I said, and I’m looking forward to dancing at their weddings one day. As much as I hate going places and as much as I hate the border and as much as I hate blah blah blah come hell or high water I will stay in contact with these people, to the best of my ability, with the…well I won’t promise, but with the possibility of visiting as often as we can. As I can, I guess. They are my family, no matter what.

More about them later though, the funeral was Thursday and we had to get up at ass o’clock because Blake was a pallbearer, they decided, which meant we had to be at the church super early. I think like, 8:45am.

The night before we tried to watch The Kids Are Alright but were too tired to finish it so we watch the other half Friday night. It was alright, I hope it doesn’t win any Oscars tonight. I love Annette Benning and thought she was genius as always, but there are so many other deserving films…anyway….

So we were at the church right on time. Here’s what I wore, which you’ve already seen me wear with jeans but this time I wore it with a black tulle skirt that matched the tulle of the slip so I was super gauzy and I loved it:

The church thing was weird. This was only the 3rd or 4th time I’d ever really been in a church and I’d never ever been in a church like that with all these icons and the stained glass windows and a chanting/singing priest and bible stuff in Albanian and incense and doing the sign of the cross (which I don’t even KNOW) and kissing icons and crosses and shit. It was crazy! And I was SO tired and the incense was making me SO sleepy that here I was, sitting in the front row with the family (more on that in a sec) half falling asleep. Pretending I had my eyes closed to listen, so I’d nod and look contemplative from time to time but really I was just about falling asleep. lulz. Blake and I both felt really awkward sitting in the front pew with the family and being 2nd in line in the procession. See, at first, at the wake, Nico was kind of a little bit short with us and Blake thinks it was because Blake sort of moved to Canada and never visited and the family felt abandoned and rightly so. All was forgiven by half an hour later, if in fact that’s what that was about, but still, Nico and his family stayed by Blake’s grandma’s side until the very end and we felt that they should have been sitting where we were because who the hell are we? I mean, to hell with what’s proper and let’s go with what’s right! But Pat & John wanted us so we just did as we were told. I felt horrible though, I mean, I’m not even family.

And then there’s the fact that I barely even KNEW Blake’s grandma, she was pretty well far gone by the time I met her  but I found myself getting a little “misty”, we’ll say, at the funeral just because, I think, of all the love and warmth that was just pouring out of all these people. It was incredible, I’ve literally never experienced anything like it.

Blake’s Uncle John was sitting beside me and he was pretty upset so I just hugged him and wiped his tears and told him I loved him. He’s suffering (pretty severely, I’d say) from early onset dementia and it is SO sad. He’s probably the person on Blake’s dad’s side I know the best and he is (was?) such a great person and to see him so unlike himself and out of it broke my tiny, black little heart. More about that later.

I gotta hand it to myself though, for being smart. Before we got to the church, I made Blake stop at a CVS and pick up a bunch of those mini travel Kleenexes for people, which I think was appreciated. Blake’s dad asked me for Chapstick too, which I gave him because I always have at least 3 in my bag, but Blake’s dad has herpes so we threw it in the garbage when we got back to the hotel so I wouldn’t use it by accident. *shudder* Herpes aside, I was glad to provide, even if he is a shitbag.

Next was the procession to the cemetery.
Meet Blake’s dad:

Yes, that is his real license plate. It’s on his fucking Escalade.
I hear his penis is minuscule.

You would think a funeral procession would be uneventful, and it was, except that I think we drove halfway across the state to get to the cemetery and then GUESS WHAT? I WAS IN ROSA FUCKING PARKS’ MAUSOLEUM! (Which is also a memorial.) That’s where the cemetery part of the funeral was! Inside it! I asked Blake if his grandmother was being uh, I don’t know the word for it, like put in a drawer there or however they do it, and he said he didn’t think so but his dad’s like, a bajillionaire so it’s totally possible. I was in absolute shock, I didn’t even know the whole Rosa Parks thing happened in Michigan or that she was from there. You’re goddamned right I Foursquared that! lulz again.

Speaking of Foursquare, I am totally bummed out that I didn’t get a badge for being in another country. I feel cheated. Especially considering the fact that I spent over $50 on data usage while we were there because I don’t have a roaming plan. Oops. And Charlie even warned me about that too, but it snuck up in me. :o/

After the funeral was FINALLY finished all of its components, Blake and I went back to the hotel because I’d forgotten my phone and was hating the crap out of his Blackberry, then we went to this fancy restaurant with valet parking for the reception. We were basically the last people to get there, which was fine, and we sat with who I’d call the “core” Albanians and they all spoke Albanian with each other and pretty much ignored Blake and I for the most part, which was fine. Normally I’d be paranoid in a situation like that that they were talking about me, but I didn’t feel like they were and truthfully, I don’t really feel like they are that kind of people. The mom, Tonzi, married to Nico, was really nice to me and asked about the kids and stuff so I showed everyone last year’s school pictures, which I had in my wallet. Then they went back to speaking Albanian and ignoring me, which again, was fine. I didn’t mind, especially because George (pronounced gee-u-rgie in Albanian) doesn’t speak English.  The food was excellent and I because I’m a big fat sucker, I asked Blake to please give his dad, who he hadn’t spoken to in 7 years, the pictures of the kids I had in my wallet.  So now I don’t have pictures of my own kids in my wallet anymore but I think I made an old man happy so that’s okay. I have the genuine articles. Maybe he wouldn’t be such a shitbag knowing what he’s been missing out on these past 7 years, right?

Nope.

Well, let’s give credit where credit is due: Rudy has never been anything but nice to me to my face and the same with Kim but neither one of them is warm toward me in any way and they’ve both been awful to Blake for most of his life and that’s why I hate them.

On Saturday we went to Pat’s to have breakfast and Blake’s dad (Rudy if that wasn’t obvs) was there, much to Blake’s dismay, as was John, Diana and Pat’s friend whose name is completely escaping my brain at this present moment but it’ll come to me. She was very nice and it bothers me that I can’t recall her name right now. :o/

Anyway, Blake’s dad was basically bragging about Blake’s niece being invited to the Junior Olympics for skiing and how she goes to a “magnet school”, which I think is a private school, which no doubt he pays for, and that Blake’s other 2 nieces, who are babies right now, will go to the same school because the public schools aren’t good enough. I have issues with this line of thinking, but whatever. Then he got on Blake about being healthier and stuff and telling both of us to get into winter sports and basically lecturing Blake to be more active, which he;s been lecturing Blake about since Blake was a toddler. Just falling back into fuckbag territory after Blake hasn’t spoken to him in 7 years, like nothing ever happened.

Luckily he left before we had breakfast so after that, we just had a good time with everyone else. Diana, as I mentioned, is GREAT and both her and Pat cleaned me out of business cards (lulz once more! They’re probably reading this right now, aloha, ladies!) which I thought was cute and supportive. I haven’t decided which one yet, but I think I’m going to send Pat one of my paintings. I’;m thinking “Shimmer II” off the top of my head, but we’ll see. Anyway, a great time was had by all, I think, we just sat around and shot the shit and it felt so relaxed and NORMAL and I loved it. John made me sad because he’s just not John anymore, he literally acts like a clown, like if you dressed him up and painted his face and taught him how to make balloon animals, there ya go. Like he’d tweak your nose and make faces at you and strange sounds and stuff, never making a lick of sense. So sad. And scary because with Blake and I, that could literally be either or both of our futures. I’m wondering now if there’s a genetic test you can get done to see if that would happen to you and if you test positive, if there’s anything you can do to prevent it. I know I’m susceptible being bipolar but I also know that being medicated early in life (relatively speaking) protects me somewhat, or that’s what I understand from talking to our family doctor about this whole thing.

So that was pretty much the whole funeral/trip EXCEPT, Blake took me to a Meijer for the first time and this is everything we hauled home because we just don’t have this shit in Canada!

Generic brand American mixed nuts are a must because Americans are less healthy than Canadians, or at least they have less food guidelines, and therefore they have a LOT more salt on their nuts than we do. These were actually kind of a let down in this regard, CVS actually has the best ones, but they were still pretty great.

There are no Keebler elves in Canada, just Santa’s elves.
I’ve never had these before but they looked pretty good.

“Better Made” is a Michigan brand and Ronny wanted us to bring him home some “hot” Better Made chips, which we did, but these looked good too so I grabbed a bag. After trying them last night, I wished I’d brought home a zillion more bags because they’re delicious.

In case it’s not obvious, I like pretzels and these looked pretty rad. Rold Gold is my favoured pretzel brand, but we don’t have the variety the US has.

I actually got this at a gas station.
It was pretty weird and despite the fact that I generally like all things cinnamon, especially Hot Tamales, I didn’t care for this very much so I gave the rest to Alex.

Canada doesn’t have Pepperidge Farm.
When I was living in New York, my boyfriend’s work, which was a sound studio, bought P. Farm stuff in bulk for clients and we used to steal it constantly. I was bummed I couldn’t find the soft Sausalitos but ya take what ya can get.

We have Goldfish crackers in Canada, so it’s weird we don’t have everything else P. Farm, but again, we don;t have the variety of Goldfish the US has. There must have been 10 different types at Meijer. I got the neon ones for my little sisters, I hope Blake remembers to give them to them.

OF COURSE we have Jones Soda here, Jones Soda was invented in BC!
I’ve just never seen it in 1L bottles. Especially with “litre” spelled wrong.

Tra la la la la!

More Better Made chips and my sexy-assed husband:

This was a total let down. Not like theatre popcorn on all.

Then we went down the cereal aisle…

(I always get Cookie Crisp but this is a NEW ONE!)

I’m kinda surprised we don’t have this here.

Blake’s favourite.

GOOD SOURCE OF VITAMIN D!

And last but not least, the only thing I really cared about because we don’t have it here and I don’t understand why: Cherry and Vanilla Coke Zero

We’ve never really had Cherry Coke here so it’s not surprising that we don’t have Cherry Coke Zero here but we used to have Vanilla Coke, which you can still sometimes get, yet we have no Vanilla Coke Zero? I think it’s a travesty that we don’t have either of these in our fair country and that it costs a million dollars to ship because it’s so heavy and that you can’t ship it in the winter or they’ll explode.

And that concludes my post on the US of A.
Glad to be home.

Edit: Blake tells me Rosa Parks did the bus thing in Alabama but moved to MI later in life.

We’re having a crazy storm.
The kind where the hydro goes out.
The kind where our major 8 lane highway is closed because it’s too dangerous.
(The 400 if you’re familiar with the area.)

It knocked down one of our trees (or the neighbour’s, we’re not sure) last night.
Here’s a million pictures of it, because Lucky cracks my ass up.

I dunno why but editing these pictures, I was laughing so hard,
He’s just so fucking funny. :oD