May 3, 2014

“You are capable of tremendous creativity.”

Blake fucking ditched me today for a hot tub!

He worked in the city all week this week which meant he didn’t get home before 8pm ALL week and I go to bed at 8:30 or 9pm.

Then last night? Bachelor party for a guy at work.

Now this morning he tells me “oh by the way, today is Bare Oaks‘ day of helping [or whatever the fuck it’s called], I totally forgot…” and what that is, is you go to Bare Oaks, which is a naturalist park, to help them prepare for the season. Last year we went there and painted deck chairs. Nekkid. But it was like, 20 degrees C and Blake got sunburnt. Today it’s 10 degrees and rainy out so everyone’s going to be clothed and it’s going to suck but Blake’s like “it’s part of the community…” and I get that, I do, so I was like, FINE, whatever.

So then he gets his shit ready and he stands in the doorway of my office and then he just couldn’t contain his excitement over Bare Oaks’ hot tub any longer and voiced it and I’m like, “NOW IT ALL COMES OUT! YOU’RE DITCHING ME FOR A FUCKING HOT TUB!!!” He’s like, “yes, yes I am…”

Since Bare Oaks is near Stouffville and next weekend is Mother’s Day and we would have been going there anyway to get Stouffville Pizza because it’s the best pizza on Earth, I asked Blake if he would pick me up a pie both to save us a trip and because fucker’s ditching me on my hardest day of the week where I need like, hours of mental preparation to be able to psychologically handle my job for 9 hours straight so he can buy me dinner.

Speaking of dinner…

Do you believe in fortune cookies? Because I totally do. I believe that they are little prophecies or messages from the universe that you’re meant to get and I save every single one I get. They’re all over my journals and notebooks because a fortune is a little smaller width-wise than a piece of tape so they’re easy to preserve and I know it’s kooky but they’re just like…sacred to me. Fortune cookies as a taste, are actually my favourite cookies too, so bonus.

I got that one last week and it was exactly what I needed to hear. When I opened it I actually cried and I like it so much that I’m considering it as a candidate for my next tattoo.

That said, I’m actively giving up on poetry. I wrote one really shitty stupid poem and realized that I am just way too long-winded and literal for poetry. So much poetry like, actively angers me because…okay so Blake explained to me about this superhero whose name might have been Silver Surfer? Anyway, this character goes super fast, like the Flash, only apparently much cooler because I think it’s Marvel and not DC or whatnot. Blake said that this character was a dick all the time, he was just constantly angry, and in one comic he explained it like…y’know when someone’s going super slow at the ATM, like painfully slow and you get mad and you’re just like “jesus christ, what are you trying to do, renew your mortgage?” Well for that character, the whole world is that slow and after a lifetime of that, you’re going to be an asshole. That’s me and poetry. Poetry is painfully slow to me. You can’t just read it and immediately know what the fuck the poet is talking about. You have to analyze it and consider every word and that is slow. I don’t have the patience for that shit! Also when I’ve asked people to explain certain things to me, they haven’t had an answer so I kinda think poetry might be a little bit of bullshit where you just make up the rules as you go along and if you do it in a way no one else has ever done it before then you’re a genius. Which is fine (and can be applied to most things I suppose), but not my thing. I don’t need to be a genius. BUT! Do keep in mind that I said I am ACTIVELY giving up on poetry, if one passively slips out by accident, then hooray for humanity, I guess.

What I have been doing though is writing the world’s most terrible short story and guess what, though? I FUCKING *FINISHED* IT! I, Sarah Danielle Crittenden, on Thursday, May 1st, 2014 finished something for the first time in my entire 35 years so far on this planet. It’s weird, I never really considered the short story as anything that I’d ever be interested in. I’ve never heard of any writers famous for short stories – I’m sure some exist – and “The Yellow Wallpaper” is probably literally the only short story I’ve ever read. A long time ago I asked Blake how long a short story had to be and he said something like, “I dunno, shorter than a novella…? There are no set rules.” (Answers like this annoy the shit out of me. I like specifics, which is part of the issue with poetry, but whatever.) The answer was so sort of…not “dismissive”, but I guess sort of off the cuff maybe, that in my head I just kinda moved onto the next topic and put the idea away as something not for me.

But then three things happened.

1. I subscribe to a t-shirt website’s newsletter and every day they send out an e-mail about a t-shirt on special or a t-shirt battle and 98% of the time I don’t even open these e-mails, I just read the bit of subject line my e-mail allows for, select and delete. Well, a few weeks ago they sent out an e-mail where the t-shirt was called one thing but in my head when I read it, it sounded like another thing and that sparked a TERRIBLE creative idea (I cannot stress enough what an absolute stinker this is) that I didn’t know what to do with.

2. I started reading more about Kerouac and how people thought it was a big deal that he’d written a million words by X amount of time or whatever, so I was like, “hmmmmm, I wonder how many words I’ve written just in blog posts alone?” just out of curiosity. So I counted. I’ve posted 5,779 blog posts on Live Journal and my average blog post is 2000 words. That’s 11,558,000 words.  I feel like all of those words were wasted and that number really bothers/ed me.

3. I realized that a lot of my blog posts are between 3,000-6,000 words and that’s gotta be short story territory.

I decided to put #1 + #3 together to alleviate #2 and the next thing I knew, I had a complete 6,086 word story sitting in front of me. And now I have no idea what to do with it. I mean, I am fucking RELIEVED to know that I am capable of finishing something. I know one short story is not a big deal to most people but considering the winter I’ve had and hell, the lifetime I’ve had, this is like a single, bright green sprout on a scorched landscape and with the 46 *other* writing ideas I’ve come up with in the last few weeks, that sprout could grow to be a mighty beanstalk and the giants are waking up.

My stinker story needs some tweaking and polishing. My narrator is supposed to be 14 years old but Blake says she doesn’t sound 14. He’s literally the only person who’s read it though so I don’t know if that’s just his opinion or if it’s true and I need to tweak it that deeply. I’m terrified to show anyone else but at the same time, as soon as I was done, my first instinct was to turn it into a free PDF for EVERYONE to read, for free, but for fuck’s sake I gotta quit doing that man. At this point in my life, there is zero benefit to me doing shit like that. If this turns out to not be as terrible as I think it is, maybe I’ll try and get it published. Where, I have no fucking clue and I’m probably just talking out of my ass and I’ll just post it here for free in the end anyway, but right now I feel like this thing is so fragile that I only feel like I can trust a few people with it and unfortunately, those people are busy and probably don’t have time to read 9 pages of anything so I don’t want to bother them. I sent it to someone who is IN the story as herself for her approval and even she hasn’t read the whole thing yet and that’s driving me crazy because I don’t want to release it outside of this house to anyone without her permission. I will because I can’t sit on this for much longer but I don’t want to.

Anyway, I have to start work in 2 hours so I’m going to medicate and make myself a bagel sandwich. Cya on Instagram and Twitter! @SunnyCrittenden!

May 5, 2013

Bare Oaks Part Deux

This post is going to be put behind a cut because it is DEFINITELY not safe for work.

(more…)

Posted at 11:10 am in: Bare Oaks , Blake , Canada , Family , Kids , Life , Madison , Misc. , Spring , Sunnyland , Wes , Writing
May 3, 2013

Dandy-lion.

First little bugger of spring.

Tomorrow is going to be a challenging day.
I can’t say why just yet, just know that it’s going to be…
Lawd, give me strength…

October 29, 2012

Derbies & Bare Bottoms

This weekend was the Markham Fair and we didn’t go. Not that we usually go, but it was an option I didn’t know about and would have taken if given the information. I would want to go to the demolition derby.

For those who don’t know what a demolition derby or a smash up derby is, it’s when people take old cars and paint them up all crazy and then they take them to a field or something and they smash each other up. Last car standing wins. There are “heats” where maybe 6-8 cars smash each other up and the winner of each heat battle for the win at the end. There is also the (incredibly sexist) “Powder Puff” match where only women compete. (I just checked and they don’t do that in Markham anymore, thankfully, but I know they do it in other places.)

And actually the derby was Saturday night so I couldn’t have gone anyway because I was working. Maybe next year.

Blake had never heard of a smash up derby until he met me and I took him to Markham Fair. Derbies have been a big part of my life since I was really little.

I’ve written about Wes Baker before and about how he’s my Wes’ namesake, but his son Mike is a pretty good guy too and he lived next door to my grama my whole life (with Wes, until he died). When I was really little, Mike started building a house ion a town called Minden, which was up North. Minden happened to have an annual smash up derby on Thanksgiving weekend and Mike would enter a car every year. Every year me, my grama, our cousin Eunice and her kids would go up to Mike’s and watch the derby and this was when all there was to Mike’s house was an unheated BASEMENT. I remember sleeping in sleeping bags on the cement floor and being really cold.

Back then we didn’t have the global warming bullshit we have now so Thanksgiving weekend was freezing and it would often snow. I remember being maybe 5 years old and sitting in the back of my grama’s car between heats in my snowsuit and she was giving me hot chocolate from a thermos.

For Thanksgiving dinner we had a turkey, but after the derby, which was on the Saturday, we had chicken from a special place but I forget the name of it. I wanna say it was Dixie Lee chicken, but I’m not sure. One year when my grama and I were picking up the chicken to take back to Mike’s house, they dropped our order on the floor and gave us the chicken for free. My grama bought my silence by buying me a Guns ‘n’ Roses t-shirt from the flea market when we got home. By that point Mike had a whole house and it was pretty nice. He built it completely by himself.

Over the years other people would join in the smash up derby, like my Uncle Bill was in it one year and my Aunt Sandra’s husband John (who has NEVER been “Uncle” John, when they got married, they gave me the option of just calling him John because I’d known him as that for so many years – they have been married 23 years, I was 10 when I was a junior bridesmaid in their wedding)…anyway, John was in it too. They just all used the same car.

Our mascot was Papa Smurf. Every year there was a Papa Smurf doll stuck to the roof or the hood of the car and he was good luck because Mike often won the whole thing, as I recollect.

I think I was probably 13 or 14 when I stopped going up North for Thanksgiving. Mike doesn’t live beside my grama anymore and I’m assuming he lives at his house in Minden full-time. He and my grama aren’t friends anymore, as I’ve heard through the grapevine. I wonder about him often. He was a family friend in every sense of the word and I’ve loved that man my whole life. That doesn’t just go away when you haven’t seen a person in a long time. I wonder what would happen if I showed up at his house for a visit? I wouldn’t, but I wonder what would happen. I wonder if, since he’s not friends with my grama anymore, who he’d been in love with my whole life as well, in the romantical sense, he just doesn’t want anything more to do with our family. I could understand that.

Anyway, that’s what I’ve been thinking about all weekend.

Yesterday I drove with Blake to the grocery store and back. Again, not a big deal, but I did drive through the construction on our street that practically gives me hives.

When I got home, there was a message waiting for me on Facebook from Stephane Deschenes, the owner of Bare Oaks Naturist Park. You guys probably missed our conversation because it happened in the comments of Live Journal, but when I posted my big freak out about Bare Oaks last month, he actually made a Live Journal account and pretty much talked me through it. Then he extended an invitation to me personally, for me and Blake (and the kids if they want to come) to come for a day for free, which I said we’d do. I told him that he should add some things to the Bare Oaks website and his message to me last night was that he did add those things.

He added two new questions to the First Time Visit page(“What is the difference between a nudist and a naturist?” and “Are tattoos, piercings, makeup, etc… allowed?”) and a whole new page about the Recreational Naturist and the Ethical Naturist, which is worth a read.

I just thought that was pretty cool of him all around from beginning to end. I told him that something I was wondering was if people would ask me about my scar when we went there. Not because I’m self-conscious about it but because I’d like to figure out my Reader’s Digest version of the story before we go because it IS a long story. I just wondered what the etiquette was regarding things like that and if I’m wondering it, other people might be too.

The kids did pumpkins yesterday, which was basically a disaster.  Madison was doing really well but then she also carved out the back of her pumpkin which means that when we put a candle in it, it’s going to blow out and not light up the front properly. Wes attempted to carve out a dragonhawk from WoW and it looks like…I don’t even know. Then Madison asked if she could do the pumpkin seeds, to which I said, “by all means” and I showed her how but she forgot about them in the oven and burned them and never flipped them over to season the backs of them, so we had to throw most of them out. So total pumpkin fail this year. Better luck next year.

I took pics of the kids carving their pumpkins but they suck because the light in my house is absolute garbage and they wouldn’t stay still. If you absolutely need to see them, here’s the 8 best ones…which isn’t saying much.

And that’s all I’ve got today.

October 9, 2012

Fall Fair Princess 2012

This weekend we went to Militiagan and saw Blake’s mom and her Charlie and Blake’s old girlfriend Mandy (it was his high school reunion) and Blake’s Aunt Pat and Blake’s friends Dennis and Sarah, who had just gotten her appendix out two days prior…it was busy and stressful and we ended up coming home a day early because we were just drained from all the running around and we both wanted a day off to just do nothing and yesterday was that day.

While we were gone, we left Madison alone to look after the dogs and the house which she did a good job of even though she had friends in the house, which I explicitly told her wasn’t allowed to do and she let one of those friends cook and he burnt the shit out of our brand new frying pan. (Which I think Madison should have to pay for, personally, since she wasn’t supposed to have anyone in the house to begin with.)

The real reason she was left behind was so she could participate in the Elmvale Fall Fair Ambassador contest, which is basically a beauty pageant and she won first runner up with a prize of $200 which she used to buy that ugly sequined vest I posted about a while back and which I will now show you.

Her competition was a grade 12 girl who we pretty much knew would take first prize because she’s in grade 12 and it’s her last chance to win the title and a dude who apparently didn’t put much effort into his float and whose speech was apparently not on topic (the girls wrote speeches about Elmvale, which is exactly what judges want in this kind of thing and the dude wrote about waving your freak flag). Plus, this town freaks out over a boy in a dress so imagine the scandal of a boy in a beauty contest.

They were judged on 3 main things: a dinner that was held last week, their participation in the parade and their speeches. Madison wore my clothes to the dinner (which she is now banned from wearing because she doesn’t take care of them and leaves dry clean only Free People clothes on my bed for the dogs to lay on all weekend even though she’s been told more than once not to do this but she does it anyway because she’s an asshole), then she convinced her friend’s grampa to drive her in his truck in the parade (I’d show you pics but I deleted all the parade pics because Madison’s a selfish brat who doesn’t deserve the time and energy I put into taking and editing them – long story which I’ll get into later, just trust me on this) and then she did her speech Friday night which I haven’t seen because we were on our way to Militiagan by then but apparently there’s video of it somewhere.

So a Fall Fair Ambassador is basically a queen or princess of the fair and I think they go to events and stuff throughout the year. I have no idea and neither does Madison because she had no idea what this even was when she signed up for it. She just knew there was a cash prize.

Anyway, here’s the ugly vest she paid $75 for and is in love with:

Here it is again in case you missed it:

So yeah, that’s the vest.
And the hat lights up.

So that’s Madison’s stupid ambassador thing. Do I sound pissed off? It’s because I am. It’s because Madison is a selfish cow who only thinks of herself and no one else at all times and I’m going to remain pissed off at her until she gains a little perspective.

The short answer? Bare Oaks. Again. I talked to Wes and we made a deal that I would go if he went and after I talked to him about it and promised him that his 3 main fears were okay (1. that people would stare because he was new, 2. that we would laugh or stare if he saw someone with a big penis or a deformity and 3. that Madison might tickle him) and that nothing bad would happen and all the cool stuff they had there, he decided he wanted to go. So that means I’m going too. In the spring or summer. Because we’re all in this together and Blake and Madison really wanted to go again. Wes said his #1 reason for wanting to go was to spend time with his family. Why? Because unlike Madison, he has priorities other than himself.

So I asked him if he’d want to do a “naked night” to get used to the idea of being naked together like we did with Madison and he said yes and that he wanted to do it last night. So I said I’d clear it with everyone and barring any issues, we’d have a family naked night last night.

Now yesterday Madison’s boyfriend came over. Blake picked him up and drove him home at the end of the day. On the way home from driving him home, Blake told Madison about mine and Wes’ talk about Bare Oaks and that he wanted to do a family naked night. She agreed and said it was a good thing and that she was happy she’d be returning to Bare Oaks.

Well, after dinner and dishes were done, we looked for a family friendly movie that Wes could watch on OnDemand and we decided on African Cats. Suddenly Madison didn’t want to do naked night anymore. She just didn’t feel like it (which is valid but that’s not all she said…) She said she wasn’t even sure she wanted to go to Bare Oaks again. She who wrote this post about it just a week ago and teased me and Wes for not wanting to go. So she decided that talking to her friends on Facebook was more important than spending naked time with her family JUST LIKE WE DID FOR HER to get her prepped for Bare Oaks. So she wouldn’t feel embarrassed. But she couldn’t do the same thing for her brother because, I’m going to say it again, she’s a selfish cow. And then she makes up some bullshit excuse about not wanting to go to Bare Oaks at all again after I convince her brother to go. And I think the reason is because if her brother’s going, it’s no longer edgy and cool to be a naturist so why bother going?

Since spending time with her friends on Facebook all night was such a priority for her, we’ve set her internet to shut off at 9pm. Then she can do the dishes in a timely manner, properly, and get a good night’s sleep so she’s not late like she’s been every day since school started. Maybe she’ll actually read the books she’s claiming on Facebook to have read, like Middlesex, just to seem cooler and more worldly than she is. (Remember when I went through the trouble of covering up MY copy of The Virgin Suicides so she could read it at school because she so desperately wanted to? Yeah, she never even got halfway through it. Just another little example of someone going out of their way for her and her not appreciating it.)

And the other thing was this stupid ambassador contest at all. She never even asked if she could do it, she just signed up and told us about it after it was too late to drop out and Blake was supposed to leave for Militiagan alone on Thursday night. But no, we had to be supportive parents and take pictures of her in the parade, which we dutifully did. Blake postponed his plans that he’d made 6 months prior FOR HER and did she appreciate that? Of course not. Did she appreciate the fact that a fucking PARADE is incredibly difficult for me to go to? No. And she expected me to take pictures of her on her “float”/truck.

Here’s Wes and his girlfriend Emily in the parade. How cute are they?

So we all go out of our way for her all weekend and she backs out of naked night for no other reason but she didn’t want to watch African Cats and wanted to talk to her friends on Facebook instead. It’s perfectly valid to say “I don’t feel like it”, we’re not going to force anyone to get naked, but she said she would, she seemed eager about it, all until we chose a movie Wes wanted to see instead of one she wanted to see and then she gave that bullshit excuse about possibly not wanting to go to Bare Oaks at all. I could have killed her.

So fine, she’s made her choice. We’re not going to do a damn thing for her for a very long time. If she wants to see her boyfriend, she’s going  to have to walk or he’s going to have to walk. The next time she wants to “daddy daddy daddy can I please come with you to the grocery store?” the answer will be “no, I’d rather go by myself”. Or maybe Wes wants to go, since he has been wanting to do that lately too. No advances on allowance under any circumstances. No wearing my clothes or using any of my art supplies any more. Just no more. She gets so much extra attention it’s ridiculous and it’s going to end because obviously it’s warped her as a person. This is for everyone’s own good. Especially Wes’.

And that’s all I have to say about Madison and her ambassadorship. I’ll make another post for what I really wanted to talk about instead of this bullshit.

October 1, 2012

If You Don’t Slow Down You’re Gonna Craaash…

So if you’re looking at my site right now, you’ll notice that all the posts from the weekend about Bare Oaks are now gone. Despite the horrible things you’re probably thinking about me due to the nature of this weekend’s posts, this wasn’t intentional and the posts are still archived on Live Journal here, here, here and here. Plus if you read them there, you get to see all the comments saying that Blake’s this huge saint for putting up with me and that I’m a horrible person because I never let him do anything. By our friends.

There was a problem updating WordPress and we had to do something with a backup that I don’t understand but the newest backup was from Friday so we had to use that. There is no conspiracy to erase anything that was posted.

Anyway…

Just so EVERYONE FUCKING KNOWS, I have no problem with Blake doing things without me. I had a problem with this specific thing. I have a problem with my spouse joining a community, a culture, possibly a cult, where I’m prohibited from participating. Especially a culture that’s supposed to be “all about family” but half our family is prohibited from being part of it unless they compromise their bodies.

And you guys say “oh but it’s only once or twice a year, what’s the harm?” but that’s how it starts. And it’s a slippery slope. He goes once and likes it so it turns into twice, but then there’s a volleyball tournament so that makes it three times, then there’s euchre night so that’s four times and then he makes friends and wants to go camping for a whole weekend – all without Wes and I. I don’t think that scenario is unrealistic. In an environment like that, you’re SUPPOSED to join the community. And then say he does, despite the fact that it would make me really unhappy, then all of his new friends are judging me and saying “poor Blake” because his family won’t share this experience with him, like there’s something wrong with us (Wes too) or “oh well, we’ll just have fun without them! Screw them and their puritanical attitudes!” You don’t think that would happen? I call bullshit. I don’t care how “loving” and “positive” and “open” these people are, that scenario is not unrealistic. And I already have massive mental health issues having to do with being judged unfairly by strangers. (I just read this paragraph to Blake and he says I’m projecting. I think this is possible, especially since it follows a pattern *I* would do when I get into something and that Blake’s never really shown. Whether I am projecting or not, these are my feelings. Also keep in mind I’m a creative person with a really active imagination.)

And then, perhaps, less realistically, what if he REALLY likes the lifestyle and wants to become a member of the club for $600/year and go as often as possible? What if he wants to rent a trailer there for that purpose? What if he leaves me for someone who wants to share this lifestyle with him full-time? Who also ascribes to the whole naturist philosophy? Who also wants to eat vegan and do naked yoga? Both of which Blake is into and I’m not.

The other thing that people failed to realize about our posts is that my post was about FEELINGS whereas his was about FACTS. Two completely different things. I didn’t ask him to post so people could take “sides” or that one of us could “win”. That wasn’t the point. The point was that Blake felt like I portrayed him as a “shitbag” in my post so I told him to tell his side of the story so people wouldn’t think that because I didn’t want people to think that, that wasn’t the point of my post. The point of my original post was to get help in being okay with his and Madison’s decision because I was trying my best to be supportive. (Although truthfully, I don’t think my original post made him look like a shitbag. I’ve read it a few times since I posted it and I’m not seeing it. Correct me if you think I’m wrong.)

This whole thing was a breakdown in communication between Blake and I. And don’t think he’s not partly at fault for this either, since so many of you seem to think he’s some kind of saint. He told me point blank on Friday that if he didn’t do this before the end of the season, he wouldn’t do it at all and that last weekend was the last time the weather would be nice enough to do some of the things he wanted to do. That gave me HOURS to decide whether or not I wanted to be a part of this or if I was okay with them being a part of this and when I finally said I wasn’t okay with the whole thing (crying, begging and pleading for him not to do this), Blake got mean. Really mean. So I backed down.

Yes, he’s been talking about this for months but only seriously for about the last month and I’ve gone back and forth as far as myself and Madison going but I didn’t voice my concerns about him going until Friday afternoon when they were going to go on Saturday. It wasn’t until it became reality, that this was actually going to happen, that I panicked and freaked out. Until then it was just an abstract thought, one I hoped I wouldn’t have to deal with because I thought Madison would chicken out and if she chickened out then Blake would go by himself, check it out and come home thinking that without his family there, it wasn’t so awesome and that it was just one more thing to cross off his bucket list, especially because he’s a cheap bastard and I couldn’t see him spending $50 to go there for just himself. That was my theory. When it started becoming apparent that my theory could be incorrect, I freaked the fuck out.

People also seem to think that there continues to be a problem. There isn’t. Blake and I are 100% okay. He’s not going to go to Bare Oaks again and it’s not a big deal. If Madison wants to go to Bare Oaks when she’s got her own car and licence, so be it (although I’m not sure they’d let someone under 18 go without their parents). It’s her body and she can choose who she wants to share it with. I’m assuming “naked night” at home will continue and I have no problem with that. In fact, prior to this whole shitstorm, I was the one who was naked in the house most often. I’ve NEVER hidden my body from my kids and I sit at my computer naked not all the time, but often and when I’m going from the bedroom to the bathroom and then to the laundry room to drop off my dirty clothes and then when I get out of the shower to get clean clothes from the bedroom, I’m naked the whole time and don’t give a fuck. I have no problems with nudity. Public nudity? I’m not sure if I have a problem with it. All evidence points to “yes” but I’m not sure. I think it’s the combination of nudity and community/culture that bothers me. I just don’t “get” the naturist philosophy and I don’t want it for my family. I think it’s completely unnatural and impractical to do half the things they do without clothes and I don’t think I’m wrong or bad or “conditioned” in thinking so, as they would accuse me of being.

I want Blake to have things for himself. I completely agree that he needs to do things to “recharge” since he has so many responsibilities at home and work. I just have a problem with this one thing. I realize my feelings on this one thing aren’t completely rational and I can’t say that I even understand all of them but they’re there, they’re real and they need to be respected. And they are being respected, there’s no problem and if Blake finds something else he wants to do I’ll be supportive as long as it’s not like, skydiving or something super crazy that may cause bodily harm or if it’s something that seriously disrupts our family in any way. I think, personally, for example, that he needs to find either a creative writing class or a writer’s workshop of some sort to help him develop a couple of really good story ideas he has in his head but he seems to disagree.

The thing is, his shrink-ordered hot yoga was supposed to be his “recharging” thing (which I had huge problems with in the beginning due to irrational fears, which I also think I wrote about here but after talking about it for a few weeks I was fine with it; I did make the condition that he didn’t make any yoga friends though, which I admit is potentially unfair of me). I didn’t realize there was going to be more things that he’d start doing without me instead of things to do with me. (Keeping in mind that we do NOTHING together. Going to Starbucks doesn’t count and neither does going to Michael’s or Curry’s, especially since it’s now been revealed that he resents me for making him take me to those places.) And part of the reason I had a problem with hot yoga was because I just knew it would lead to more things he’d want to do without me and obviously it has so my fears have been realized.

So what’s the solution? Well, there really isn’t a problem I don’t think. Blake needs to do things to recharge. I’m not sure if these things all have to be without me or not but hot yoga does. I’m fine with that. (Honestly, I think my biggest issue with hot yoga was that it’s called “hot yoga” and that it’s a sweaty activity. In my head, with that imagination of mine, it’s like sex without the penetration, like a bad music video, and he was going to leave me for some granola-eating hot yoga slut. Plus that whole slippery slope thing I mentioned above.) He’s not going to go to Bare Oaks again. That’s a good thing. We’re both fine with it. There is no resentment or hard feelings. (As far as I’m aware.) He says he wouldn’t be able to go there and have a good time knowing that I was at home and upset about it anyway.

So that’s where things stand. There are no “sides” to take. There’s not a “winner” nor a “loser”, there’s just Sunny and Blake trying to figure things out.