April 21, 2015

Creatively speaking…

Hi.

I’m sort of in the process of rebuilding my life and I’m at a point where I feel I can share my plans with you.

I have a bit of an internet presence…

  1. website
  2. livejournal
  3. twitter x 2
  4. tumblr x 2
  5. friends only facebook that I’ve recently been posting more publicly with
  6. facebook fan page x 2
  7. instagram
  8. youtube
  9.  does snapchat count?

…plus a million other things I’ve signed up for and never used again. The tumblrs and fan pages hardly ever get updated, so let’s pretend they don’t exist for now. YouTube is only used to embed videos in other places, so it’s more of a utility to me than any kind of community that I have to participate in, so take that off the list too. Everything else I use and most of them have some kind of community linked to them that I am part of.

Well, I want to build a new community around myself where my site or LiveJournal is not necessarily the center of it because I don’t think either has been the center in quite a while. I want this community to be built around Patreon, and my creative life, with everything else mostly pertaining to that. But I’ll get to how I plan on using each component after I explain Patreon. 

Patreon is a website that allows me to receive monthly payments from generous patrons who wish to support my work. In return, patrons receive perks, like Kickstarter, and they get to share in the experience of creating some pretty cool stuff, which, if I don’t suck, should give them a little bit of pride of being a patron of the arts and having a hand in whatever crazy thing it it is coming into being! And yes I *am* proud of that run-on sentence!

My first project is a zine that I’m (oh so originally) titling “Textibitionism”. I haven’t really posted anything about it over on Patreon yet (that’s my next  task), but what I envision is 20 individual pieces of paper-based art which tells stories from my life and the things I care about. The original idea was to use traditional scrapbooking materials/embellishments and instead of making typically pretty layouts with smiling children or whatever those happy scrappers do, I would be, well, me. The original idea was also that I would only use materials that I already had, but I already blew that idea out of the water, bigtime. Now what I envision is a mix of altered scrapbook materials, subverted and perverted by my very being, original writings and hand-drawn illustrations. If this sounds good to you, then you should know that almost all pics of works-in-progress, process videos and discussion about this project will be on Patreon, mostly via the patron-only activity feed, which is like a blog with comments and likes. This will be the centre of my creative universe, if the Patreon model of getting money to make art actually works. (We’ll see. I’m not totally convinced. Steph the Geek seems to be doing okay so far, though. Ana Voog and Blake are also using it.) Unlisted YouTube videos, Snapchat (which is where you get videos and pics exclusive to that app on your phone) and private Twitter will be used for daily life stuff for sure, but those media will mostly be where spur of the moment creative thoughts, ideas and work-in-progress photos, things that are pains in my ass etc., will be posted for patrons.

I’ll still be using my main Twitter account and I will (hopefully) only ever have one Instagram account because switching back & forth all the time sounds like a nightmare. LiveJournal is going to continue to be used for the emotional, real life stuff while my site’s updates are basically going to be State of the Union of Sunnyland addresses, linking to everything else once in a while.

I realized when I was in San Francisco that aside from my job, there was very little structure in my life and if my job is any indication, I think I’m less productive as a result. It’s not that I don’t have ideas, I have tons of them, but for a while, whenever I tried to put an idea to paper, I’d start but ultimately lost interest for whatever reason and nothing ever got finished. “Textibitionism”, and the other creative milestones I’ve set for myself on Patreon, is the first time I’ve felt excited and energized about a creative project in a really long time so I really hope that if I make it, I’m not the only one who’s going to see it.

The big picture is that if the zine is well-received, eventually I would maybe like to build Textibitionism.com/.ca/.org where it would be for sale both digitally and hard copy after everyone on Patreon who is supposed to get a copy, does, and the site will have links to all the girls I can find still making and selling zines on Etsy and elsewhere.

The big, BIG picture I’m still working out in my head but there is one. Not giving it too much thought yet though, since so far Blake is my only patron haha

As far as adding structure to my life, today for example, I got off work at noon so I knew I was going to medicate at noon and then write this post directly afterward. I’m falling behind schedule already because I meant to have this done by 3pm but that’s okay. I bought a day planner to help me keep appointments and structure my days to be the most productive I can make them because I’m a freak and I’m happiest, the most emotionally stable and the most satisfied with life when I’m busy creating something, whether it’s writing this post or painting a mermaid. In the past, my creative endeavours have made other people happy too so I’m hoping for this whole thing to be mutually beneficial.

Now I think it’s time to forage for food. Peace oot, homies!

PS. It is a VERY GOOD IDEA to insure your camera equipment, as I found out this week when I realized my camera’s messed up after taking it treetop trekking. I got it insured a few hours before we went! *whew*

February 2, 2015

Splurge

I think after I get back from San Francisco I’m going to hire someone to fix up my site because right now things are buggy and it’s kinda driving me crazy. When WordPress updated, it stopped letting me be able to add borders to and play with the sizing of images by percentages. Now it’s click and drag resizing, which does me no good because I can’t eyeball 595 pixels, which is the maximum width a pic can be to fit on my site properly. The other thing is that the plugin I use to x-post to LiveJournal x-posts to LiveJournal, but the posts aren’t showing up on my LJ friends’ friends feeds so the people I actually care about reading my stuff miss most of it. This bugs me enough that today I considered just making a post on my site with links to LiveJournal and all my social media accounts and just using LiveJournal from now on but I decided to check my Google Analytics first and it doesn’t make any sense to do that because my LJ only gets about 600 sessions per month whereas my site gets about 3k on an average month and about 10-30k during Feb/March because of Sex and Blowjob Day and my blowjob guide being linked everywhere. The fact is though, that LiveJournal is just cooler than my site, that’s where discussions are going to be had, if there are discussions to be had because basically unless you have a LiveJournal – an account, a userpic, an identity – you are just some anonymous person on the internet to me. I don’t listen to or entertain cyberghosts. If I can’t connect with you as a human being behind a screen, there’s no point in talking to each other. If you’re not going to be accountable for your words, like I am, then why should I pay any attention to them? It goes for Twitter and Facebook and everything else on the internet too. There’s only one place on the internet where I speak to the anonymous and it’s not “here”, wherever you happen to be reading this. My world, my internet bubble that I created, is not the comments section of your favourite (or least favourite)  news/editorial site. Believe it or not, there’s a community here, you just don’t see it because the interactions take place on other forms of social media now, as opposed to the comments section of my site (which has never been very well-utilized and it’s buggy too) or LiveJournal, which most people have largely abandoned for fluffy Facebook thoughts.

Have you noticed? Even my own blog posts in the last little while are much more surface level than they used to be. I think a lot of that has to do with Facebook and what’s socially appropriate to share there because of who can see it or share it or comment on it. You do it so much and self edit so much that you just start to think on that surface level automatically, which is so not a good thing!

Anyway, the only solution I can come up with for the time being to my LiveJournal x-posting dilemma is that I’m going to post an LJ poll (another reason LiveJournal is cooler than my site, it has polls) every time I make a post on my site and in that post, I will link to whatever I just posted. Then on Facebook I guess I’ll link to the poll. I mean, how dumb is all that? But that’s what I’ll have to do. (Also why I stopped manually x-posting things to Camwhores.)

How much do you think I should budget for for someone to redo my site? I guess they need to make a new WordPress theme and install plugins. I have a few names kicking around of people I could ask to do it, but they may feel obligated to just do it for free or cheap because we’re friends and I don’t want that. I don’t want to accidentally lowball them either. I want to say, “Hey, can I hire you to X for $Y?” and not offend anyone.

Speaking of hiring people to do X for $Y, as I type this, there are 3 local girls in my house washing my walls and floors and bathroom and kitchen and blinds and vacuuming. We decided to splurge and pay for a thorough house-cleaning because originally, one of Blake’s coworkers was going to be flying in from Alberta and staying with us so we were like, “this house is a mess” and arranged for the girls to come (which we’ve never done before), but the thing the coworker was coming here for got cancelled and we figured since the cleaning was already booked, we might as well just do it. I’m not ashamed to admit that keeping a clean house is not my forte and I’ve never washed my walls. Never occurred to me to wash my walls. We vacuum regularly to try and stay on top of the dogs shedding, but we live with huskies, there’s dog hair on our floors and we keep the bathroom/kitchen maintained but the only reason our shower tiles aren’t completely disgusting is because we redid the bathroom this summer and got new ones, not gonna lie. There’s no specific shower cleaner chemical in this house. We have one bottle of lemon scented Mr. Clean and that gets used on everything in the kitchen and we have a bottle of Vim for everything in the bathroom because it says “bathroom” on it. I’m not trying to brag in some weird, gross way or anything and our house is clean enough most of the time, I would just never let a toddler crawl on my floor or a neat freak/germaphobe through my front door for their own good. The former would be a little hairy sasquatch in minutes and the germaphobe would end up with PTSD.

Despite the fact that we’re supporting a local, lady-run business and that’s super awesome and I love that, I still feel weird about paying people to come clean my house. Like, this is a privilege I shouldn’t be able to have. Like I should be able to clean my own house because other people seem to manage it just fine. I don’t really have a justification for it other than the fact that I’m cool with paying someone for their time and hard work so I can do something else with my time, especially if what I’m doing with my time is making more money so I can pay that person. My friend Kevin told me a long time ago that time is the most precious resource we personally have and when people want something from you, generally it boils down to time. So what is your time worth to you?  I really doubled down on this concept after almost dying and I realized that you only get X amount of time in one life and that’s not even guaranteed. Suzi Blu had a video a long time ago where she told her viewers to “live juicy”, which is something I’ve always loved and something I try to do on my good days. I try to fill every hour of my day that I’m not working with something juicy (to the point that if I don’t, I feel bad for wasting time, something I’m trying to get over), whether it be writing a blog post, making something, creating something or doing something. Even watching a good movie is living juicy, especially if it’s at a theatre and inspires more juice. Squeeze out every single drop of life there is in every single waking minute. Try. You’ll be happier and it’s just a theory of mine, but I’m pretty sure you’ll live longer too because – duh – the juicier you are, the lower your chances of just drying out and crumbling.

Annnnnnd in the time it took me to write that, the girls have finished, just in time for my work meeting. Worth every fucking penny.

January 31, 2015

2.5 Hours ‘Til Work

I kinda like working on Saturdays now, where before I used to dread it and referred to it as “a marathon, not a sprint” because it was just me vs. thousands of unhappy people for 9 hours but now during my shift, I have three trainees who don’t necessarily make my day any easier but at least it’s not so damn lonely anymore. Two of the trainees are new people to me, both dudes, and I’m potentially going to meet at least one of them, if not both, when we’re in San Francisco.  Actually when we’re in SF, I’m going to be having a work meetup with those two hopefully, along with two other coworkers. The cottage that we rented has a backyard and I’m hoping whatever day we do this, it doesn’t rain so we can all sit out there because the cottage itself is pretty small and you can’t really like, talk and hang out and socialize at a restaurant. So that’ll be cool.

I went to my shrink on Monday and we decided not to mess with my meds until I get back from SF, but she wants to get me off of clonazepam (I take 0.5mg before bed and 1.5mg before a work meeting) because she says I’ve been on it too long and it’s not good for me. I told her I was totally fine with that if she had something to replace it with. She suggested cognitive behavioural therapy and I just about lost my mind. THIS is what I did with my cognitive behavioural therapy certificate of completion and sums up my feelings on the subject:

She pretty much wants me to stay on Cipralex despite my sexual dysfunction, but is willing to try Prestiq/Effexor instead. She has this neat book with all the drugs in it, or maybe just the psychiatric ones, and it has charts with percentages of victims/patients who experienced whatever side effect. All of the other anti-depressants available to me made 30% of patients gain weight (not doing that again) except Prestiq/Effexor. Ten percent of people on both Prestiq and Cipralex experienced sexual dysfunction. So it could help or it might not. *shrug* Cipralex is a fantastic anti-depressant, so it sucks that it causes this issue for me. Hopefully Prestiq is better.

Speaking of sex, yesterday morning my friend told me about this awesome deal Amazon had, which was 60% off LELO vibrators and I ended up getting the exact one I wanted, which is $229 on LELO’s website, for $145. Deal of the year! All the camgirls swear their undying love for LELOs and my little bullet, the same one my friend Quimm Anaheim sent me like, oh god, 6 or 7 years ago now because she felt bad at my state of toylessness, is finally starting to die so I’d been looking for something to replace it with. I’ve never learned the trick to the whole g-spot deal, so I guess we’ll see what happens. The idea is to use the LELO *with* the Foria in San Francisco, ideally blowing my head off. :o) We’ll see…

Something we’ve gotten into recently – don’t laugh – is Magic: The Gathering. See, we live in a REALLY tiny town and the only thing to do in this town on a Friday night is go to the dive bar, go to the sports bar, or play Magic at the comic shop which doesn’t close until midnight, minimum. All the cool people in our vicinity choose the latter. It started with Madison and then Madison said I should play so I walked into the comic shop with the intention of spending $35 building a deck and I walked out of there about $120 lighter…Then Blake started playing and Wes has a deck that Madison built him for Xmas which is all wolf-themed, but he doesn’t really play with us. He usually goes to the comic shop when we play there, though, just to watch. I’m too green to play at the comic shop, but I did participate in 2 of the pre-release weekend events (sort of). I first one was on the Friday and you got your box which had 4 or 5 packs of cards in it, 2 or 3 of them from the new series being released and one a seeded pack of better cards (theoretically) so you open those and make a deck with those cards and then you play a Magic tournament with those decks. I was on board because I liked that everyone was on a level playing field, no one had like, uber thousand dollar cards or anything, so I figured I actually had a chance of not losing horribly, but then I realized that I would have to play with people I didn’t know and Blake or Madison wouldn’t be with me while I was playing to help me (because I’m still pretty new and I still don’t understand attacking/blocking/logic), so I just opened my packs there, as was the requirement, and dropped out of playing in favour of going home. The deck I made that night was black and white and actually pretty solid, I even pulled a planeswalker, so I probably could have done well but my anxiety was through the roof. I had to work on the Saturday so I couldn’t take part in the 2 events that day but Blake and I did take part in the “two-headed giant”, I think they called it? Where Blake and I were a team against another team. That was good. We lost both of our games, but I wasn’t anxious at all and I didn’t feel like such a n00b. I made a red/white/black deck that day and then when we bought our box of boosters on release day, I built on it further and now the stupid thing is a ridiculous 75 cards that I haven’t played with enough to pare down yet.

I think I’m a long way away from being able to play Magic at the comic shop but it’s something to work up to, I guess.

Oh, and did you know that one of the characters in Magic is trans? Her name is Alesha and she smiles at death. Before even knowing about that, she was pretty much the reason I decided to stick with the red/white/black deck. It’s not because she’s any uber kinda card or anything, I just liked her name and I pulled the promo foil of her.

Anyway, it’s now a half hour until work so I’m going to medicate and eat something and get on with my day.

PS. I don’t think all of my WordPress posts are x-posting to people’s Live Journal friends lists. They do show up on my LJ though (and my site) so if it feels like you might have missed something, check there.

PPS. I made a page on my site about weed.

PPPS. What are you listening to right now?

November 24, 2014

I never went to your school, I learned in a monkey tree…

Everything has been super crazy lately and today is my only day “off” between now and next Sunday, with some of those days working multiple times per day to cover people for US Thanksgiving-related stuffs. I had yesterday off technically but I slept all day because my body just needed it, I woke up, ate dinner, watched a show and basically went back to bed for the night. This is partially a byproduct of depression and winter, or seasonal affective disorder (SAD) as the doctors/Health Canada say. I was supposed to see Shrinklet (the “almost-shrink” who works with my new shrink, who’s technically a doctor but not a full shrink) last Wednesday to get a lightbox to try to alleviate some of the aforementioned symptoms, but she cancelled on me, so I see her this Wednesday instead.

I’m training 2 new people at work now, my last 2 having graduated out of training with me with flying colours. Now we’ve hired 2 MORE and I’m trying to get them into my morning training sessions with the other 3 I train every morning. With all these new employees, I’m pretty excited about our work’s Secret Santa because some of it will be blind guessing and some of it will be pure stalkage. :o) I also signed up for Secret Satan with the Scratching Post kids this year, which I’ve never done before. We met up with them earlier this month for lunch/brunch, as we tend to do a couple of times a year in Toronto, and as always, it was good to hang out. I’d never signed up for Secret Satan before because I’d never had enough money to do it properly and I suck at making things on a deadline. Last year’s work Secret Santa cured me of this when I made the perfect thing for the person I got and they loved it. This year I know my work Secret Santa really well and my Scratching Post Secret Satan barely at all because the last time we spoke, she was probably 16 and now she’s an adult.

The whole near death experience thing taught me a lot of things, but most importantly who my friends are. That and getting older is teaching me that putting energy into friendships is a good use of one’s time on this earth. Further to that, I have a LOT of “stuff”, so if I have to spend my money on something, I’d rather it be on an experience than another “thing”.

Last Sunday we went to the Danforth Music Hall to see Mother Mother and they were fantastic as always, but we were in the balcony and they use a lot of light effects in their show and I was literally switching between my regular glasses and sunglasses for their whole set. Then on Tuesday we were supposed to go see Book of Mormon but there was a blizzard and it took us 2 hours just to get to the movie theatre in the city closest to us where we watched Interstellar and waited out the storm instead. Super bummed about that. Then tomorrow we’re going to see Amanda Palmer, which should be interesting. It’s a “book tour with music” so I’m not really sure what that means. Her book is called “The Gift of Asking” and it’s all about artists finding funding for their projects or something. I dunno, I still say it sounds a little pyramid-y/Tony Robbins-esque but we’ll see. We had a spare ticket so we’re going with a new friend, named Liz. She’s a writer and here site is here.

The week before last, our hot water heater died and getting a new one into our tiny, shitty house was an expensive 10 day ordeal. 10 days without HOT water, I can’t even imagine what it’s like to live in a place with NO water.

I got into Touched By Fire, the remedial art show for people with mood disorders. It’s December 3rd in Toronto if anyone wanted to go, and you can get tickets here. I guess all of the artwork is going to be up in the gallery for the full month of December though, so you don’t have to go to the show itself to see what I made. I honestly didn’t think I was going to get in. I submitted the maximum allowed size and honestly, my piece isn’t perfect. I submitted it anyway figuring, why the hell not? It’s a self portrait and I’m hardly perfect either. Touched By Fire takes 20% commission so I made the price $1250, figuring I need at least $1k to get my next project(s) off  the ground and the intention with those is Touched By Fire next year and maybe…other things? I dunno, it’s totally an “if you build it, they will come” situation.

The latest rage in chez Crittenden is Magic. Liiiiiike, the uber nerdy card game that I was told the other day was invented by a mathematician, which I fully believe. Madison started it, or rather, her friends have been playing for a long time and Madison got interested, particularly when she found out that the comic shop down the street from us has Magic Night on Fridays and they stay open until like, 3am, so people can hang out and play. And people do, I mean, it’s a small town/community and there isn’t a whole lot to do here ANY night of the week. So Madison learned how to play and I asked her if she’d mind if I played too, because this is something she does with her friends and I didn’t want to intrude on a “kid thing”. She said she’d think about it and then I sort of forgot I asked until she told me this week that she thought playing with me would be fun and good for me, if we/I started going to Magic Night.

On Wednesday Madison and I went to the comic shop so I could start building my deck. We discussed things ahead of time and decided I wanted to build a blue and white deck for a bunch of different reasons, so I bought the starter pack thingy (the $17 as opposed to the – I think – $35 one) in the appropriate colours and then a ton of booster packs. I don’t think I was super lucky with my booster packs. I got a red foil guy that Madison said she’d trade for me for something I can use (I did the same with the foil that came in the starter pack because it required 3 types of mana and that’s too complicated right now) and I got 2 or 3 cards that I couldn’t use, that the store bought back from me for store credit, which Madison used yesterday I think, to get me better creatures. I have a lot of spells, counterspells and enchantments but a distinct lack of guys who do actual damage. I know one is a Planeswalker of some sort and that that’s a good thing and that I should actually have 4 of them in my deck. The learning curve is steep and I’ve still only played twice with Madison who obviously beat me both times, and I still haven’t gone through and read every single card, which is my plan when I’m finished writing this.  I’m also shockingly bad at math and that played a factor in deciding to play. When I was like, 13 maybe, my step-dad decided he wanted to learn how to spell things better so he bought a Scrabble game and we played LOTS of it and he improved, so I figure I can only improve my math skills by playing this. And of course, it’s something I can do with Madison (and Wes when he gets his start from Madison for Xmas), whom I hardly see anymore, that potentially gets me out of the house and interacting with real, live people. It’d be super cool if I end up being any good at this game and we can play teams, which I’m told is a thing. It’s also entirely possible that I’ll get frustrated with it and give Madison and Wes all my cards. We’ll see.

And finally, last Monday, Hoover Dog had a lump removed from his neck and THANKFULLY it turned out to just be a benign cyst. He’s recovering from surgery just fine, but he does ask for more ear scritch scratches because they gave him a haircut to do the surgery and I think it feels extra good without all that fur.

Okay time to make a “white sandwich” (turkey, mayo, havarti cheese and lettuce on toasted grainy bread) and read these Magic cards. Wish me luck and if you have any online Magic resources you actually use/trust, lay ’em on me! (If my site allows comments this time…which it may not, I think, because Blake keeps forgetting to upgrade WordPress.)

Peace oot!

PS. This song is so stupid but is so totally my current favourite stupid song.

February 4, 2014

Best Thing Ever #1

So I get a lot of e-mails from people and companies who want me to promote their “thing” on this blog and basically I never bother answering these e-mails unless they’re really rude and then I tell them off. This is because I don’t believe in false endorsement. And I don’t think anyone else should either. I think people should be honest about the shit they like and the shit they don’t like and to be passionate about both the shit you love and the shit you hate.

This post is a culmination of three things:

– Got an e-mail yesterday from a guy with a cause whose pitch was compelling and something I thought was sort of cool but it was a yearly event that had just passed. Because I thought his cause, his story and his implementation of it was good enough and something I could get behind, I e-mailed him back and told him to remind me next year before the event and I would mention it in a post. This is RARE and something that I’ve often said no to to friends and acquaintances because I just wasn’t connected to the cause in any way and didn’t feel like it would be genuine.

– I just had a conversation with someone about the fact that I have this weird character flaw where if I really really like or believe in something, I’ll do everything I can to be involved and help that thing succeed whether it benefits me in any way or not. I have a history of this.

– I just got an e-mail from the Amazon.com affiliates program saying that since I hadn’t earned any ad dollars from them in 3 years, if I didn’t update my payment and tax information to be paid out, they were going to charge me a $10/year maintenance fee. At first I thought, “go right ahead” because I’ve hardly ever used my affiliate links for anything, mostly because I’m really lazy and don’t want to load up Amazon every time I want to talk about something, and the reason I never signed up to be paid out all these years (since 2006 haha) is because they wanted me to fill out a tax form and for a long time I didn’t have  a working printer and scanner  so I couldn’t or at least not without difficulty. Then I just forgot about it and every time I got an e-mail from them I just deleted it unread because the amounts were always so small they seemed insignificant, especially when their minimum payout is $100 anyway. But when I got that e-mail today I logged into my affiliate account with the intentions of closing it since I knew I was nowhere near the amount to be paid out and to my surprise I was half-way there (big accomplishment in 9 years, shut up). BUT I still wouldn’t make enough to be paid out before they started charging me that $10 fee. Then I saw that you can get paid out in Amazon gift certificates which would be useful to me, so that’s what I did.

These three things, combined with the fact that I’ve generally felt really negative the last little while and am actively trying to bring more positive into my life and therefore yours too since you read this stuff, made me decide to make this post because it’s about something I love, something that was given out of love and it’s something on Amazon. I don’t actually care if you buy it on Amazon if you can find a better deal somewhere else or something similar, but this is mine, my experience and my story and I apologize if the advertising offends you. These posts, if I make any more, won’t always be about things you can get on Amazon but if they are available on Amazon, I’m going to link them with my affiliate link because there’s really no reason not to and actually not doing it is sort of a waste of perfectly good copy.

This is my first Best Thing Ever:

When I first got my job over 3 years ago now (although this month is the 2nd anniversary of getting hired back after being sick), the ability to get up in the morning was a legit concern because for most of my life up until that point, I had been a mostly nocturnal, cave-dwelling troll. My attempts to switch things around when they first hired me were really really difficult and I was seriously scared I’d made a huge mistake, when my friend Kevin linked me to the Philips Wake-Up Light (the one in the picture is actually the Philips Wake-Up Light Plus, which has a dusk setting, and is only available on Amazon used for a mere $499) and asked me if I thought I’d use it. I told him I’d try it so he sent me one and I’m not even kidding, like within a week I was getting up at 8am every morning like a normal person. This is also how I wake up at 4:30am every morning without waking Blake up (usually). It’s one of the best things I’ve ever been given!

Say you *have* to get up at 7am, like that’s the absolute latest you can sleep without being late for work. You set the Philips Wake-Up Light for that time and what happens is at 6:30am, the halogen lamp will come on very dimly, so it’s practically just glowing in the dark. Then over the next half hour, the light gradually increases to simulate a sunrise and as it does this, according to the box, “the light increases the level of energy in your body, preparing your body to wake up” so by 7am, the light is at its brightest and it just wakes you up naturally. An optional feature is that at 7am either the radio or the sound of birdies comes on to make sure your ass is awake, which is a function I have turned on, but I’m so used to the light now that I wake up naturally about 10 minutes after it comes on. That IS if I got enough sleep the night before. If I didn’t, then those fuckass birdies are going to wake Blake up and then he’s going to poke and grunt at me until I get up and since that sucks for both of us, I just go to bed at a decent time every night and getting up at stupid o’clock in the morning and NOT becoming an axe murdering psychopath isn’t as difficult as people assume it is, thanks to the Philips Wake-Up Light.

October 30, 2013

Les choses que nous apprenons…

yo yo, quoi de neuf?

Blake, as a new Canadian (did I mention he took his citizenship test and he passed and he was sworn in and can vote and everything now? well, that happened), has decided to take a French class. It started in September and goes until December so it seems like they’re going to cover a lot. He has flash cards and has to do tests and shit. Honestly he’s doing really well. I haven’t heard him speak much of it, I think he’s still unsure of his accent, but he’s showed me his tests and how they do it – I think – is that the teacher gives them a piece of paper with maybe 12 English phrases on it and they’re all numbered. Then the teacher says the first phrase en francais and the students are supposed to write down what they hear. I have no idea how they’re learning things like “est-ce que” (“is that”), which sounds like “eska” (more or less). I would never hear those two syllables and think “oh, that must be three words”. It was on Blake’s test a few times so they must be learning spelling and grammar as well, I just thought Blake told me the whole class is oral/aural. Maybe there’s more to it than that. I know there’s homework involved.

As a Canadian native, I started taking French in school in kindergarten and took it up until grade 9. French is written on everything here, so I know the words for a lot of things but it’s been so long since I used or heard it that I would probably be useless in Quebec and I know I can’t watch TV in French…I’m pretty sure by December, after one class, Blake will be more fluent than I am. C’est la vie!

So this means that on Wednesdays, the kids and I are on our own for dinner and I only see Blake in the morning while I’m working because he doesn’t get home until after I go to bed.

Oh look. Here comes Madison, bugging me for Halloween costume ideas at the last minute…as long as she doesn’t go as a scumbag teenager in normal clothes begging for candy, I *don’t care what she goes as. Also she’s had months to figure this out and it’s the night before, I’m scanning my brain for fucks to give…scanning….scanning…none found!

Awww she suckered me into helping her be Pinkie Pie from My Little Pony. Damn me for having a ridiculous amount of pink clothing and a hoodie with ears that also happens to be pink! Wes, in case you were wondering, is being a werewolf. We went straight off the rack for his costume and he’s wearing a mask so unless he really wants me to I’m not going to take pics. I may have better luck with Madison.

This last week has been the pits, as far as first world problems, because we’re using shoddy wireless internet using the router built into the modem, so that’s issue #1. Issue #2 is that our ISP something something is having problems something something resolving DNS something something, which in layman’s terms means it takes me approximately 20 tries to load a webpage or upload anything because the internet won’t connect to the host. It’s like, “Connecting….” and then it says, “resolving host…” and then Chrome or whatever browser takes a shit and asks if I want to reload. Repeat literally 20 times or until you give up and try looking at it on your phone.

This DNS issue or whatever it is (Blake’s been on the phone with tech support a million times and they told us a couple of days ago to wait 72 hours to see if it got any better) really fucking sucks because I effectively can’t do part of my job because it involves a form to send e-mails to people and there’s an iFrame or something that tells me when the e-mail’s gone through. With this issue, that iFrame won’t load and tell me either way if the e-mail went through so if I click to send the e-mail again, did I really just send it again or did I now just send two? Oh. iFrame didn’t load again. What now? Possibly send three? There is a work-around I’ve found, but it takes something that already took a long time take ten times longer. What also sucks is that the site I do support for is super bandwidth intensive and I have to run it while I’m working. That’s my job. I can run it mostly okay during my early mornings when no one else is online but when we tried using the internet normally during my shift on Saturday, doing my job was just impossible so everyone was pretty much device-bound while I was the only one using the internet at all. And I was *still* having trouble. It sucked. It does suck.

 There’s also an itty bitty conspiracy theorist in me that thinks our cable company is messing with us because we have unlimited bandwidth now, just this month, and have been pretty liberal with it. But that’s probably crazy…right?

Blake and my brother just taught me how to use the bit torrents to download media and I barely even had a chance to try it out before the internet went down and then we were rendered mostly impotent. I was cut down in my youth. What kind of animals would do this to me?

Anyway, since Blake had French class today after work and didn’t come home in between and he works in the city tomorrow, the earliest he can try the troubleshooting process with tech support again is tomorrow night after taking Wes out to get candy. Like I said, my mornings are okay except for that one thing I can’t/is difficult to do, but on my Saturdays, that part of the job is pretty unavoidable so hopefully they fix our internet before then. I also have my work meeting on Friday which is through Skype so hopefully that’s not a nightmare.

So yeah, tonight we’re on our own. Madison and I each have a frozen pizza that we could eat, but Wes ate his last week so his options are grilled cheese with either Kraft Dinner or soup or neither or any one of those things alone or in conjunction with each other. Honestly, I’ve felt so barftastic today that I’m not sure I’ll eat at all, especially pizza. So we’ll see. I do have like, $50 worth of pharmaceuticals to take right now though and they should be taken with food so…yeah. We’ll see.

And with that, I think I’m off to take my pills, watch Weeds and go to bed.

PS. I mostly liked the new Carrie movie. Finally, some justice for Tommy Ross! Madison HATED the movie and says the original is her favourite movie right now. I expected to have the same reaction because Carrie (1976) is in my top 5 favourite movies and I hate two things: remakes and sequels. But nope, I thought it was actually pretty good. Nothing could ever live up to the piece of art that is the Brian De Palma film, but this new one is way better than any of the other Carrie-related efforts I’ve seen over the years. By miles.

And NOW I’m off to do that shit I said I was going to do 10 minutes ago…

(*mostly.)

August 1, 2013

I Laugh Until My Head Comes Off

Listening to this. I found out recently that Dick Dale once said he wrote this song after someone challenged him to write a song using only one string or something like that. I hated Pulp Fiction (I know, I know…what oh what in the world could ever be wrong with me?) but this was a good song on the Tarantino Connection soundtrack type album I used to have and this was on it.

So what I’m thinking about right now is how good my kids’ lives have been up until this point. (Not that there’s anything happening right now, I just mean up to the present.) Their parents are super in love, I think we all do pretty well in the food department, we can afford the pets we have, the entertainment we have, the bills we need to pay in order to live, my medications that aren’t covered by insurance, gas, a car, a home; we worry about money from time to time and we’re constantly worried about money but honestly, I just think that’s the nature of money. Everyone worries about money. I think about the fact that at Madison’s age I was institutionalized for my 2nd suicide attempt and at Madison’s age my mom was my mom. Madison has her problem and issues that are totally valid, but the fact is that most of them my mom and I had on TOP of the other two things. Which I don’t think Madison understands. Madison is a really good kid with a lot of privilege/s. And obviously she understands that it’s in her best interest to maintain said privileges that she gets and that being a brat, or inattentive to her household duties (which I don’t think we’re that strict about except the kitchen because dirty kitchens are gross and we all partake in cleaning that daily), means privileges get taken away. Like cell phones. iPods. Facebook. Video games. The internet. Etc.

When I was her age and institutionalized, mostly the whole time I was there I was scared because this to me was “the most trouble you could possibly be in at this time”. And that feeling sucks. It scares me to this day to the point where I avoid certain specific scenarios to ensure I’m never in the most shit I could possibly be in. Being…examined is the 2nd worse feeling in the world. They made me do “art therapy” where this big red-headed guy named ART, I shit thee not, handed me a pad of paper and a pack of pencil crayons and asked me about my life. And then he’d say, “can you draw that for me please?” So I made shit up. I basically described the habits, or so-called habits of a 15 year old moody goth (even though I didn’t “look” anything or listen to goth music). I told them I liked to hang out in the graveyard by my house, which was just up the hill and they thought that was the strangest behaviour I had upon my release. “Be careful in the graveyard,” said the head psych lady whose name I forget but she had an accent as she hugged me goodbye. Well she said one other thing but I’m not going to say what that was publicly.

Listening to this.

So I also had this funny idea, because I’ve been thinking about family a lot in the last little while, and who my family is. (One of Madison’s friends has a really large family and we were talking about it & determined that we come from a medium-sized family.) So I have this cousin, named Scott, whom I completely adored my whole childhood. He was literally my favourite person. And then he became my most hated person. And now I’m just “forgive and release”. But anyway, the last I ever inquired about him, he was selling men’s cosmetics, which is apparently a whole thing. And I guess he was pretty good at it, which is no surprise because he was an amazing artist, and now he works for MAC cosmetics, which in the cosmetics world, as I understand it, is a pretty high up place to be. Apparently he has a daughter now but I have no idea how old. Anyway, when my grama dies, he’ll definitely be at the funeral and seeing him will be toooooootally awkward. Being there at all is going to be bad enough but dealing with him is going to make it a thousand times worse. Unless everything’s totally cool. Which is possible. I’m open to the possibility.

I also wonder where she’s going to be buried and what her tombstone is going to say and who her neighbours are going to be. I’ve been afraid to ask that though. Like, it’s totally none of my business. I’m just curious. I don’t know where my grampa is buried and I don’t know where Wes Baker is buried. I know the graveyard my great grama is in but I wouldn’t know how to get there or what it was called.

Anyway, this is just the kind of thing I think about as the day goes by…listening to this.

Actually now I’m listening to a remix of No Rain by Blind Melon done by Pumpkin. If you google it, his soundcloud or whatever that site is should come up. I like it, Blake doesn’t.

Here’s a pic of the bruising on the top of my foot. I have another awful red bruise sort of between my heel and ankle that I couldn’t take a picture of myself.

God my feet are weird.

I just read this xoJane article on 5 things to buy when your son sends a girl or woman an unwanted picture of his dick. Here’s the top comment:

I always told the moms. I tell my mom when my brother is being a misogynistic douche. The true true sadness of my experience is that 100% of the times, the moms are on the side of their precious baby boys Because THEY are misogynistic douches.

 – Natalia Alfonso

And then Sad But True by Metallica came on and hahahaha it was just a random moment that I thought was funny.

If I found out Wes was sending dick pics and thus transmitting child pornography to ANYONE, it wouldn’t be what 5 things I should buy myself, it’s the 1 thing I should take away from him. If I found out my brother did it, honestly, I wouldn’t care because it’s his dick and he can do what he wants with it. If he thought that was a responsible move obviously we need to spend more time together so he gets to understand women. That said, I send Blake boob pics sometimes so there is okay times and place for that and obviously that would be a topic for discussion. Plus, I get naked online ALL THE TIME, or at least I used to, so it’s less of a big deal for me. My body’s out there, for better or for worse. Plus he’s my husband. I don’t think he belongs to some txt pics phone ring with other married guys who show off their wives’ racks or something stupid like that. He honestly probably deletes them. It would not surprise me in the slightest.

I haven’t washed my hair in a week and it’s still looking as intended. I put on a hat if we’re leaving the house though. People can’t handle my crazy.

Madison is visiting a friend in town today so it’s just me and Wes. He’s playing Minecraft or Little Big Planet or watching YouTube videos because that’s just what he does.

Here’s a pic I took of myself before I fucked up my ankle:

And bleached out my hair…
My roots were becoming unbearable.

So that’s why I haven’t washed my hair in a week. I bleached the shit out of it and now I need my hair’s natural oils to coat and protect the hair again. It just also happens to look better when I don’t brush it. Albeit very very crazy.

I have a headache for the first time in a long time. I think it’s from looking at screens more than sleeping, just eyestrain or whatnot. A smart person with the ability to do so would go have a nap but I’ve never claimed to be a smart person.

Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps by Cake just came on. I like Cake a LOT and I’m bummed that I’ve never had the chance to see them live. I’m afraid they’re going to stop performing before I’m able to make that happen. From what I’ve read online, they really only play California anymore. Guess I’m going to have to go to them…

Last night Blake and I were driving around the beach and we actually saw this guy in a pickup truck drive right over a couple of medians to get to the McDonald’s drive-thru. I was like, “holy shit is he really doing that?!” So funny. Only at the beach. *shakes head*

OMGZ.

Uhhhhh…. A HARMONICA solo on Baba O’Riley?? I forget what the original instrument is but it’s not a fucking harmonica and I believe it’s something that requires a bow. That was terrible. *scrubs this from her mind*

Here’s a good quality sounding version of the song with the weirdo instrument solo that is absolutely not a harmonica. A HARMONICA. I cannot even.

This is better. Reset.

Sometimes it really sucks being stuck alone with your own thoughts for too long and not being able to talk to anyone over the age of 18 about ANYTHING. Sometimes it really sucks that Madison reads my blog because there is a certain period of my life that I can’t write about without her becoming curious about the people in it and that would be a very bad thing because these people all ended up being scumbags. And I don’t mean scumbags lightly? I mean habitual losers who will fuck over anyone who’s not kin and even that’s questionable and who are always scheming and scamming or feuding with someone. These people are con artists, slimy manipulative alcoholics and grossly mentally ill and unmedicated most of the time and just plain scheezy in every possible way…and I honestly doubt they’ve changed.

But they weren’t always that way.

When I was Madison’s age, I was still just getting to know Phil, my biological father, while juggling my affection and devotion to my step-father Ken, while…let’s just call it “dealing with my family”. When I was 14 or 15 I spent a few weeks in the summer with Phil and Lisa and my cousin Brynne and that’s when they had the carpet store. By the end of it, I was getting so mad that they wouldn’t let me go home. No one would take the time to take me back  because it’s about 2 hours away from where I lived and they were sooooooooo busy. They took me to Dyer Memorial, which I hear is not being taken care of anymore which I think is a real shame, and Lisa attempted to teach me how to drive (we ended up in a ditch, having hit a phone booth on the WRONG side of the road; she was like, “no problem”, put “The Kicker” in 4-wd mode and got us out of the ditch haha). We went 4-wheeling one time which was pretty crazy and we stopped at a stream and fished for a while before heading back. We ate fiddleheads and leaks. But they were super health nuts who were super in shape etc and hard to be around ALL the time, so I wanted to go home I’ll say after 2 or 3 weeks and it was like, this big long drawn out production and inconvenience that I needed to go home.

But the thing was, when I wasn’t there, I was curious about him. I mean, that time I spent with him was the first time I’d ever spent any amount of time on “his turf” and as him being the “parent” EVER and it was weird. And he’s a GOOD person!

Anyway, blah blah blah.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*Dead Sound*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Ho-lee-shit. There’s a fucking sinkhole near our house and chaos is ensuing as it widens! How big will it get? Who knows?  I’ve e-mailed Blake about it, who would be on the wrong side of it right now. I sent him a message on AIM, if I don’t get a  reply soon I’ll call him because he said he’d be leaving work at 4:30pm. It’s 4:26pm as I type this. There are other ways to get home without taking the 400, I’m sure, and I’m also sure he knows them, but who knows how they’re re-routing people closer to home.  It’s not like he listens to the radio on his way home or anything so he may have no idea.

Madison is making me pancakes! Hooray for Madison!

*shudder* I just read an article on xoJane about whether or not you like long nails or short nails and I haaaaaaaaaate long nails. omfg do I hate them. I hate real ones, I hate fake ones, I even hate nail polish (on my own fingers, but toes are okay). I am terrified of ripping a nail off and I type for a living, it would drive me insane. The article was so specific that I was like, cringing so I’m not going to link it. Ew.

Ew.

Snowden granted 1-year asylum in Russia, leaves airport” – *WHEW*

Oh hey, I just made a new page on my site for people wanting to advertise here. Check it out. :o)

I called Blake to tell him about the sinkhole so he can come home an alternate route. Where it is, he thought, was the 2nd closest exit to where he was so it was good I called him.

I love this song. It’s pretty much my entire attitude on life.

Here’s me right now:

Blake’s home, peace oot.

October 1, 2012

If You Don’t Slow Down You’re Gonna Craaash…

So if you’re looking at my site right now, you’ll notice that all the posts from the weekend about Bare Oaks are now gone. Despite the horrible things you’re probably thinking about me due to the nature of this weekend’s posts, this wasn’t intentional and the posts are still archived on Live Journal here, here, here and here. Plus if you read them there, you get to see all the comments saying that Blake’s this huge saint for putting up with me and that I’m a horrible person because I never let him do anything. By our friends.

There was a problem updating WordPress and we had to do something with a backup that I don’t understand but the newest backup was from Friday so we had to use that. There is no conspiracy to erase anything that was posted.

Anyway…

Just so EVERYONE FUCKING KNOWS, I have no problem with Blake doing things without me. I had a problem with this specific thing. I have a problem with my spouse joining a community, a culture, possibly a cult, where I’m prohibited from participating. Especially a culture that’s supposed to be “all about family” but half our family is prohibited from being part of it unless they compromise their bodies.

And you guys say “oh but it’s only once or twice a year, what’s the harm?” but that’s how it starts. And it’s a slippery slope. He goes once and likes it so it turns into twice, but then there’s a volleyball tournament so that makes it three times, then there’s euchre night so that’s four times and then he makes friends and wants to go camping for a whole weekend – all without Wes and I. I don’t think that scenario is unrealistic. In an environment like that, you’re SUPPOSED to join the community. And then say he does, despite the fact that it would make me really unhappy, then all of his new friends are judging me and saying “poor Blake” because his family won’t share this experience with him, like there’s something wrong with us (Wes too) or “oh well, we’ll just have fun without them! Screw them and their puritanical attitudes!” You don’t think that would happen? I call bullshit. I don’t care how “loving” and “positive” and “open” these people are, that scenario is not unrealistic. And I already have massive mental health issues having to do with being judged unfairly by strangers. (I just read this paragraph to Blake and he says I’m projecting. I think this is possible, especially since it follows a pattern *I* would do when I get into something and that Blake’s never really shown. Whether I am projecting or not, these are my feelings. Also keep in mind I’m a creative person with a really active imagination.)

And then, perhaps, less realistically, what if he REALLY likes the lifestyle and wants to become a member of the club for $600/year and go as often as possible? What if he wants to rent a trailer there for that purpose? What if he leaves me for someone who wants to share this lifestyle with him full-time? Who also ascribes to the whole naturist philosophy? Who also wants to eat vegan and do naked yoga? Both of which Blake is into and I’m not.

The other thing that people failed to realize about our posts is that my post was about FEELINGS whereas his was about FACTS. Two completely different things. I didn’t ask him to post so people could take “sides” or that one of us could “win”. That wasn’t the point. The point was that Blake felt like I portrayed him as a “shitbag” in my post so I told him to tell his side of the story so people wouldn’t think that because I didn’t want people to think that, that wasn’t the point of my post. The point of my original post was to get help in being okay with his and Madison’s decision because I was trying my best to be supportive. (Although truthfully, I don’t think my original post made him look like a shitbag. I’ve read it a few times since I posted it and I’m not seeing it. Correct me if you think I’m wrong.)

This whole thing was a breakdown in communication between Blake and I. And don’t think he’s not partly at fault for this either, since so many of you seem to think he’s some kind of saint. He told me point blank on Friday that if he didn’t do this before the end of the season, he wouldn’t do it at all and that last weekend was the last time the weather would be nice enough to do some of the things he wanted to do. That gave me HOURS to decide whether or not I wanted to be a part of this or if I was okay with them being a part of this and when I finally said I wasn’t okay with the whole thing (crying, begging and pleading for him not to do this), Blake got mean. Really mean. So I backed down.

Yes, he’s been talking about this for months but only seriously for about the last month and I’ve gone back and forth as far as myself and Madison going but I didn’t voice my concerns about him going until Friday afternoon when they were going to go on Saturday. It wasn’t until it became reality, that this was actually going to happen, that I panicked and freaked out. Until then it was just an abstract thought, one I hoped I wouldn’t have to deal with because I thought Madison would chicken out and if she chickened out then Blake would go by himself, check it out and come home thinking that without his family there, it wasn’t so awesome and that it was just one more thing to cross off his bucket list, especially because he’s a cheap bastard and I couldn’t see him spending $50 to go there for just himself. That was my theory. When it started becoming apparent that my theory could be incorrect, I freaked the fuck out.

People also seem to think that there continues to be a problem. There isn’t. Blake and I are 100% okay. He’s not going to go to Bare Oaks again and it’s not a big deal. If Madison wants to go to Bare Oaks when she’s got her own car and licence, so be it (although I’m not sure they’d let someone under 18 go without their parents). It’s her body and she can choose who she wants to share it with. I’m assuming “naked night” at home will continue and I have no problem with that. In fact, prior to this whole shitstorm, I was the one who was naked in the house most often. I’ve NEVER hidden my body from my kids and I sit at my computer naked not all the time, but often and when I’m going from the bedroom to the bathroom and then to the laundry room to drop off my dirty clothes and then when I get out of the shower to get clean clothes from the bedroom, I’m naked the whole time and don’t give a fuck. I have no problems with nudity. Public nudity? I’m not sure if I have a problem with it. All evidence points to “yes” but I’m not sure. I think it’s the combination of nudity and community/culture that bothers me. I just don’t “get” the naturist philosophy and I don’t want it for my family. I think it’s completely unnatural and impractical to do half the things they do without clothes and I don’t think I’m wrong or bad or “conditioned” in thinking so, as they would accuse me of being.

I want Blake to have things for himself. I completely agree that he needs to do things to “recharge” since he has so many responsibilities at home and work. I just have a problem with this one thing. I realize my feelings on this one thing aren’t completely rational and I can’t say that I even understand all of them but they’re there, they’re real and they need to be respected. And they are being respected, there’s no problem and if Blake finds something else he wants to do I’ll be supportive as long as it’s not like, skydiving or something super crazy that may cause bodily harm or if it’s something that seriously disrupts our family in any way. I think, personally, for example, that he needs to find either a creative writing class or a writer’s workshop of some sort to help him develop a couple of really good story ideas he has in his head but he seems to disagree.

The thing is, his shrink-ordered hot yoga was supposed to be his “recharging” thing (which I had huge problems with in the beginning due to irrational fears, which I also think I wrote about here but after talking about it for a few weeks I was fine with it; I did make the condition that he didn’t make any yoga friends though, which I admit is potentially unfair of me). I didn’t realize there was going to be more things that he’d start doing without me instead of things to do with me. (Keeping in mind that we do NOTHING together. Going to Starbucks doesn’t count and neither does going to Michael’s or Curry’s, especially since it’s now been revealed that he resents me for making him take me to those places.) And part of the reason I had a problem with hot yoga was because I just knew it would lead to more things he’d want to do without me and obviously it has so my fears have been realized.

So what’s the solution? Well, there really isn’t a problem I don’t think. Blake needs to do things to recharge. I’m not sure if these things all have to be without me or not but hot yoga does. I’m fine with that. (Honestly, I think my biggest issue with hot yoga was that it’s called “hot yoga” and that it’s a sweaty activity. In my head, with that imagination of mine, it’s like sex without the penetration, like a bad music video, and he was going to leave me for some granola-eating hot yoga slut. Plus that whole slippery slope thing I mentioned above.) He’s not going to go to Bare Oaks again. That’s a good thing. We’re both fine with it. There is no resentment or hard feelings. (As far as I’m aware.) He says he wouldn’t be able to go there and have a good time knowing that I was at home and upset about it anyway.

So that’s where things stand. There are no “sides” to take. There’s not a “winner” nor a “loser”, there’s just Sunny and Blake trying to figure things out.

August 27, 2012

So Many Thoughts…

Today Blake took me to see The Dark Knight Rises and he bought me popcorn (WITH  butter!), a giant drink and almond M&Ms because they came with the combo (I’m not a fan). Originally I was going to have to pay for my own drink, which would have been $4 – wait, hold up, I’m forgetting something important: today we were supposed to go to the Picasso exhibit in Toronto but admission was $25 EACH and then you had to rent this audio device for $5 EACH and my friend Mike, who went yesterday, warned me ahead of time that it was crazy crowded and being the last day of the show, I figured it would be in my best interest to avoid it, as much as I wanted to see it. I’m really disappointed that we didn’t go, but at the same time, I only had $60 to my name until I get paid in 2 weeks and I had to pay for Blake too, so that was the ultimate deciding factor.

Anyway, Blake said he’d buy my ticket and a medium popcorn (WITH BUTTER!) but I had to buy my own drink. Well, something many people don’t know about me is that I *have* to have a drink within reach at all times. To me there is absolutely nothing worse than being thirsty and I go to extreme lengths to avoid that particular discomfort so going to the movies and not having a drink would be unthinkable, particularly when there was salty popcorn involved, so my options were to buy a $4 pop or bring a can of diet Coke from home. Because that’s what we had. I only had $60 to my name and I had to buy things still for Squam so I asked on Facebook if anyone had ever snuck anything to a movie theatre because I never had and the overwhelming response was “yes” and that I should definitely do it. The problem was that I only had cans and I was afraid of two things: a) getting caught because of the sound of opening one and b) people in the theatre hearing me and thinking I was as ghetto as I was being. In the end, I just couldn’t do it because I would be mortified if discovered and then when I was reserved to spending 4 whole dollars on a drink, Blake surprised me with the combo he got – on him. So yay for Blake!

And just as an aside to this rambly rambly post, I totally cried at fucking Batman. I cannot even believe what an emotional wreck I am. I cry at the drop of a hat, I can’t control it and it is completely embarrassing. Also not that anyone cares about this non-fangirl’s opinion, I’m going to give it to you anyway: I think it was a really good end to this reboot. My only beef was that Bane (Bain?) was such a meathead. I just didn’t buy him as someone trained by the League of Shadows and the mastermind orchestrating the whole thing (NO SPOILERS FROM THIS GIRL! YOU’RE WELCOME!). Blake said that in the comics he was like that though so shows what I know. I just didn’t like him. I *did* love Scarecrow as the “judge” though. Cillian Murphy is so handsome. And that’s my thoughts on Batman.

(more…)

June 21, 2012

A Word From My Friend John.

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