Blake’s grandma died today.
She was like, 98 or so.
Long life. Totally out of it for the past 6 or 7 years.
Unable to communicate for the last few.
Unable to take care of herself a long time before that.

So it’s what I call a “good death” where the death itself
is more like a relief than anything else because she’s
been “gone” a long time and watching her deteriorate,
watching anyone deteriorate like that, is just sad.
Sadder than their death, I think.

But that’s just my opinion.

Obviously those who loved her are sad.
Like her daughter, Blake’s Aunt Pat.
But I also think there’s a bit of relief.

Anyway…
We’re going to have to go to Militiagan for the funeral.
Alex & Ronny are watching the pets/house.
I’m waiting on my step-mom to let us know if she’ll watch the kids.
Blake’s researched hotels because I won’t be able to work at his
Aunt Pat’s with everyone around (I work for a porn site, I mean, come on)
and we’re not in the best place with his mom still.

Not that we’re all still fighting, at present we’re not, but we’re in a
pretty awkward stage where we wouldn’t want to impose on her for 3 days.

So a hotel it is.
Plus I like hotels and luckily with my job, a hotel is an option for us.

Today is a stupid Family Day holiday so the kids were home.
They only drove me a little bit nuts.
Madison dyed Wes’ hair pink for “Pink Shirt Day” tomorrow at school.

We’re having McDonald’s for dinner though because Blake worked all
weekend and didn’t do groceries and being a holiday, only McDick’s is open.

I’m going to seriously hate myself in about an hour.

Couldn’t sleep last night.
Finally fell asleep around 5am.

Do you think waking up at 9 to start work at 10 happened?
Neeeeeeeewp.

Kevin bought me a “wake up light”.
It woke me up but then I turned it off and snoozed my alarm until 11:45
and started work at noon.

Got fed up with morons at 7.
I’ll make up that hour when I make up the rest of the time I’m going to have to
take off for the funeral and driving and family type stuff.

Sometimes being a contractor really fucking sucks.
But what are ya gonna do?

Metabolic clinic tomorrow.
I won’t tell them about the McDonald’s if you don’t.

Oh man, the last 4 days have been absolute chaos and I am relishing the little bit of sanity I’ve gained from sleeping in my own bed and getting back to work this morning, back to my house and my routine. With my dogs. With my TV, with my movies, with my family, without lipstick, wearing sweats and a t-shirt and a ponytail. Without being “on”, y’know? Thanks god this whole Xmas deal only happens once a year…

Might as well start at the beginning.

Xmas Eve day I got up at 7am so I could work from 8am-4pm and that way we’d be able to leave early enough to get up North to my dad and Lisa’s for dinner with my Uncle Paul (Lisa’s brother) and his awesome girlfriend Sandi. Also invited was their friend Timber and his girlfriend Terri and of course my little sisters, Raili (pronounced “Riley”, it’s Finnish) and Rachael would be running around like crazy people.

Sandi made the most delicious lasagna I’ve ever had. It had MUSHROOMS in it! I love mushrooms! Lisa also made us a fantastic caesar salad with real bacon in it from the pigs they raised over the summer. Blake’s salsa was a huge hit, Lisa and Sandi devoured it. There was also shrimp on the table but shrimp is gross so I didn’t have any.

Pictures of Xmas Eve exist, most notably ones of me, Lisa and Sandi, and if I don’t look like shit in them, I’ll edit this post and post one [here].

This is what I wore Xmas Eve.
It’s a sheer black, meshy dress/tank top trimmed with dark blue, worn over jeans.
It’s not a very good picture of it, but I tried.

Paul and Sandi got me a fluffy housecoat and got Madison a jewelry box full of jewelry, which she’s obsessed with so way to go Paul & Sandi! I forget what they got Blake. I think they got Wes a remote control car. We got them each a pair of wool socks, which probably sounds lame, but they’re really outdoorsy people (all of my Muskoka family is) and wool socks are a coveted item. We also got them a bottle of Bailey’s.

Before dinner, Lisa gave each of us one present and she got me this really badass notebook/journal that was handmade in India. It’s leather with a design and a tiger’s eye on the front of it and then hand-pressed cotton paper on the inside (and LOTS of it) and then the whole thing closes up with a leather tie. I should take pictures of it, but I’m half writing this post and half working so I can’t. It’s really fucking cool though.

Phil (my father who’s just “Phil”, even my kids just call him “Phil”) got The Beverly Hillbillies on DVD so after the guests left and it was just us, we sat and watched that and then the kids sprinkled “reindeer food” outside on the snow and went to bed. Once that was accomplished, Blake, Lisa and I went to work filling the stockings and setting out Santa presents for my sisters and Wes who all still believe.

At about 2am, we all finally went to bed and the second Raili saw my eyes crack open Xmas morning, this is what I woke up to:

Lisa made some weird egg thing for breakfast that had broccoli in it so I didn’t have any. It’s not like I dislike broccoli or anything, I just don’t think it should be anywhere near eggs. And it should also always have cheese sauce on it. I mean really, all broccoli is to me, is a vehicle for cheese sauce. Having said that, I had toast instead.

After breakfast and me opening my stocking, which everyone else had already done while I was sleeping, it was time to open presents and really, there’s no details to be had there other than the fact that it was complete and total mayhem. And Wes screamed like a crazy person with every Zhu Zhu item he opened, which ended up being MANY MANY Zhu Zhus and accessories.

In the end, Wes scored 9 Zhu Zhus total and about 9 feet of Zhu Zhu playsets which are hamster tubes that all connect and that now my living room is overrun with. We also got Raili and Rachael pink and purple PRINCESS Zhu Zhus so there were 11 of the things going all over the place Xmas morning.

After the little kids went mental over presents, we just all kinda hung out while Phil & Lisa started making Xmas dinner. As I do every year, I went down to the basement and had a nap because I simply cannot function on only a few hours of sleep, especially when that sleep was full of nightmares. While I did that, Phil watched a bunch of videos on YouTube about the conspiracies surrounding 9/11 because he’s paranoid like that (we recommended he watch Zeitgeist, which he did later that evening but I don’t know what he thought of it).

So then it was just random socializing until Phil and Blake took the kids and the dogs outside to go toboganning with the new snow things the kids all got from Santa. I stayed inside, big surprise, but we could see them from the kitchen window and a good time was had by all, especially the dogs, until their snow things broke and everyone had to come in. They were outside for a good hour though and Phil would pull them back up the hill with the snowmobile. Shoulda taken pictures, didn’t. Oh well.

Xmas dinner was just Phil, Lisa, my sisters and us (which is a good thing) and it was a fantastic meal. Phil definitely knows how to prepare turkey and this year LISA made the stuffing at my request so there was no oysters or fucking PINE NUTS in it like there has been other years when Phil was responsible for it. To me stuffing is the best part of Xmas dinner and when Phil was doing it (and making it gross and inedible), it actually upset me that I couldn’t have any so this year I asked Lisa if she would make me just a box of Stovetop Stuffing or let ME make it and explained that Phil’s idea of stuffing was way too gross to all of us so she said she would but ended up making stuffing from scratch, in the bird, in the end, so I was very very happy about that. She also makes these killer whipped mashed potatoes that I love and there was broccoli WITH CHEESE SAUCE, so I was very happy with dinner indeed.

After dinner, Blake and Lisa cleaned up and once that was done, Phil, Blake, Madison and I pulled out my new, pink Bicycle playing cards and we had 2 games of Euchre. There was a bit of drama surrounding that because Madison’s emotions were running high and the fact that she’s still a beginner but Phil won both times, once with Madison as his partner and once with me as his partner. That means Blake lost two times. :oD

Then there was more Beverly Hillbillies and bed. But before I end Xmas Day, I have a sort of announcement to make that no one but me probably cares about.

You know my friend Jesse? I’ve written about him before and the last you probably heard of him was that he thought he was transgendered and into men. Well, he’s been seeing this girl, Patricia, for something like a little less than a year and on Xmas Day, he changed his relationship status from “in a relationship” to “engaged to Patricia [last name]“. I’m not *totally* sure if it’s legit or if they’re fucking with people, but if it is legit then all I have to say to them is “congrats!” and that I hope I’m invited to the wedding.

Jesse and Patricia

Truthfully, I haven’t spoken to Jesse in about a year. He won’t return my calls, won’t reply to e-mails or Facebook communications. He has sworn up and down to Raymond and Blake that he’s not mad at us and we haven’t done anything but still, I wonder constantly about the reason. Blake ran into him a few months ago with his mom and she told Blake that Jesse was in college (I forget what for) and Blake said Jesse, our fairy princess friend Jesse, had grown a manly beard and I got a little worried, but when Patricia posted the above picture on Facebook yesterday or the day before, I saw that Jesse was wearing eyeliner and felt immensely better because that means the Jesse I know is still in there and he already knows how much I miss him so all I can do is still be here when he comes around, whenever that may be. He’s obviously going through some major changes and maybe he felt he had to do that alone or maybe he was afraid of what we’d say or something. Who knows? And I know it’s not just us, he’s been ignoring Raymond too. But whatever, I’m happy if he’s happy and that’s all that matters.

Back to Xmas…

Boxing Day morning we woke up and Lisa made us eggs and sausage (I freaking love breakfast sausage but it’s SO bad for you I never have them, except times like that) and we just kinda hung out while Blake and I casually started rounding up all the kids’ stuff and got ready to start the leaving process. I went to the garage to give the dogs their Gravol so they wouldn’t puke in the car (Lucky puked on the way up, despite giving him the Gravol then too) and Blake took them outside for a final tromp around the snow and to pee.

During all this, Phil was getting ready to “go to work”, which in the end meant that he was going to the hunting camp with Paul and some buddies, I think. We packed up, said our goodbyes and off we headed to home.

Getting home was such a huge relief. I don’t hate going up North as much as I used to but being away from home for 2 days really really stresses me out. When we got home and settled, I did some internetting and watched the Leafs game while working on my “Snow Princess“.  Then Blake and I watched some Buffy and went to bed because we were absolutely exhausted from all these KIDS making us insane.

Yesterday was Xmas with my mom, her boyfriend John and his son Chris. This is what I wore (PS. I suck at taking mirror pics…):

The sweater is the $80 cotton sweater I was talking about months ago.
The gauzy thing is from Free People, which is my favourite.

We were actually going to John’s cottage to have Xmas with my mom and it’s right on the lake. John and Chris built a rink on the lake so there was skating to be had by my mom, John, Blake, Madison and Wes just slid around in his boots because his skates don’t fit anymore. I stood there and filmed them while freezing my fucking ass off. So video does exist of everyone skating but I haven’t uploaded it yet and truthfully, it’s not all that exciting so I’m probably just going to upload it to Facebook where I can tag everyone so their “people” can see it.

After skating, the kids played Wii with Chris and the “adults” (term used loosely) just sat around and shot the shit until dinner was ready. Dinner was pork tenderloin, which I don’t eat but everyone else liked it, carrots, broccoli (without cheese sauce), Stovetop Stuffinf (yay!) and roasted potatoes.  It was a fine meal and everyone enjoyed it, in fact I don’t even think there were any leftovers.

When dinner was finished, my mom asked the kids if they’d rather have dessert first and presents after or presents first and dessert after and they chose the latter, so presents it was. I got my mom peridot earrings to match the necklace I got her for Mother’s Day, I got John 2 boxes of Lady Fingers and Chris a black & silver Zhu Zhu pet because damnit, all the kids in my life were getting Zhu Zhus this year. I mean, he’s 15 (or 16?) and probably has no need of one, but he got one anyway.

I didn’t really see what the kids or Blake got, to be honest. I got a big bottle of REAL maple syrup, some weird rubber flower things you put on your wall, pajama pants, a Hello Kitty Beanie Baby, Skittles (w00t!) AND MOTHERFUCKING LEAFS TICKETS!

The tix are obviously for me AND Blake and it’s for the game on Saturday, January 22nd against Washington! So if things go as planned, it should actually be a WINNING game! (They lost the only time I saw them play.) This also means that I have to buy Blake a Leafs jersey for his birthday (the 11th) because I refuse to be seen with him if he’s wearing the knock off I got him from Wal*Mart (we got each other knock offs last year for Xmas, mine’s pink). But whatever, he’s Canadian now, sort of, so he needs his own Leafs jersey anyway.

So not only are we going to the game, but my mom & John have agreed to babysit so I’m thinking MAYBE, just MAYBE, we might get a hotel room in the city to do a bit of partying after the game. But we’ll see how things go. I am SO ABSOLUTELY FUCKING STOKED though. And I almost died of shock because my mother would never get us that in a hundred million years, so THANKS JOHN! :oD He is definitely a good influence on her…

After presents we shot the shit some more, then it was time to go home, we got home and pretty much just went to bed. And that was my Xmas.

How was yours?

Oh and since there’s not video of Madison, here’s a bonus one where she talks about peeing her pants on the way home from school. This was taken the week before Xmas, I think:

So it’s 3:15am and I woke up because this house is a million  friggin’ degrees. I turned the furnace down and now I’m in my office waiting for my room to cool down a bit before going back to bed. It doesn’t help that my husband is a walking, talking ball of fire. Sometimes he puts off so much heat that I’m afraid he’s going to spontaneously combust.

Friday was good. I woke up to a manageable amount of work e-mail and got the pile clear around noon (I start working at 10am), which gave me the opportunity to watch really bad movies (like, really bad – one was called Helen and the other one was She’s Out of His League or something – both horrible) and work on my last 2 paintings of 2010.

I won’t keep it a secret: one of the two is an alternate version of “Just Like Honey“. The original version, which lives in Winnipeg, had a black and yellow gold background (on white) and the girl had black hair with yellow gold and black stripes on her bodysuit (for lack of a better term for what she’s wearing) and brown eyes. The one I’m doing now, because I didn’t want it to be a duplicate, has more of an orangey gold, black & metallic “espresso” background, the girl has metallic “espresso” hair, an orangey gold & black bodysuit and a mix of the gold & espresso for her eyes. I wanted it to be more or less the same, but different enough that it wasn’t a duplicate.

Also, I think this one is probably going to be just for me. In fact I’ve been giving it a lot of thought and I think from now on, most of the paintings I do are going to be just for me. At least until I figure out how to make decent prints, which I’m in no rush to do. I think what I might do from now on is post paintings on my site and say like, “if you want this one, it’s $XXX.XX + shipping, so let me know and I’ll put it in my Etsy shop”. Because this is the thing: I’ve never really liked selling my originals but I have because until recently, painting and the pittance I make on Camwhores has been my only form of income. Now that I have a job and I’m making pretty decent money, I don’t have to sell my originals. I still want to have an art business, so I’m still going to make ACEOs and maybe I’ll put a few paintings up on Etsy, just not all of them.

I’ve also been thinking about my grant proposal and I’ve convinced myself that it’s pretty unlikely that I’ll actually get it and I’ll tell you why: I think my last 2 grant proposals were rejected because the first year, I only asked for $1500 because I didn’t read thoroughly and didn’t see that they didn’t award partial grants. The second year, last year, my proposal was less an arts grant proposal and more like a business proposal and the grants aren’t there to further your business. Or at least that’s the gist of what I was told by the program co-ordinator when we were e-mailing back & forth all summer about it. Nevertheless, I inadvertently made this year’s proposal a little businessy with talk about children’s boutiques at the end of my artist statement and I think that may turn off the jurors.

I wish I’d have come to the realization that I don’t have to sell paintings anymore, I just have to paint them and that I could either keep them or give them away to say, the children’s corners of libraries was one idea I had, y’know how most of them have a story time area? I think ideas like that would have made a better proposal but I just wasn’t in that headspace. My goal is/was to get my art seen my children and the only way I saw to do that was to attract a new audience by way of children’s boutiques but now that money’s not a motivator, I see that there are other ways. Thinking along these lines, can you guys think of any other places that are public where children gather? Places that might like a donation of art? Another thought I had was hospitals. Really, all I want is for my art to be seen, ideally by children with imaginations or who may need the escapism.

I also won’t been this a secret: there will be another version of “Just Like Honey” in 2011, but she’ll be a brown girl. I haven’t planned out every painting for 2011, but since “Just Like Honey” was inspired by The Secret Life of Bees, that seemed like a good place to start.

The other girl I’m working on as my last painting of 2010 has metallic white hair with metallic blue eyes and I love her so much I doubt she’ll be for sale either unless someone I like really really wants her. She was inspired by the girls in Mark Ryden’s recent Yak Show. She’s not meant to be an albino, just as I don’t think his girls are meant to be either, but I’m sure people will think she is one. The bodice of her dress is going to be the white sparkly paper I posted this evening, she’s going to have a white Swarovski crystal bindi (maybe, I might use them for “snow drops” instead) and the skirt of her dress is sparkly silvery white and will have white marabou trim. Her canvas is white crackle over light metallic blue, which I mixed myself, with metallic blue and metallic white splotches with the faintest bit of silver splattered across. I haven’t decided what colour of glitter to use. I have white glitter but that’ll be similar to the bodice of her dress so I probably won’t use it and I think silver is going to be too obvious/plain. I do have chunky silver glitter though, and that might look pretty cool. Anyway, I’m excited about her because she’s different from anything I’ve done so far and I think an almost albino looking girl is sort of apt for being my last painting of the year considering next year is going to be dedicated to quite the opposite. I didn’t plan it that way or anything but I did think tonight that maybe it was a subconscious thing.

Before I get any further into my own head, I do want to mention that my friend Robert wrote a book! I think he’s a fantastic writer and his book is about 3 teenagers who are in a mental institution and then there are 2 other stories in the book but I’m not sure what they’re about. I haven’t read it yet, it just became available tonight, but I think it’ll be good so I’m recommending it to you guys.

Anyway, by the end of next week these 2 paintings should be finished and the rest of the year, right up until January 15th, is going to be dedicated to my sketchbook for The Sketchbook Project since I have, oh, one page finished and it’s a crappy page. I haven’t even finished gluing all my pages together so there aren’t as many! I’m actually kinda scared that I won’t have time to do it the way I want to and that it’ll be a crappy effort, made worse by the fact that I paid for digitizing so the whole world is going to be able to see it. When I ordered the sketchbook and made myself part of the project, I didn’t know I was going to stumble into a full-time job. BUT if I can make every day like Friday and get these 2 paintings done as soon as possible, I should be able to make a decent go of it I think. Or I hope.

I think I might bring my drawing stuff up North with me over Xmas, which brings me to…Xmas.

Traditionally, this is about the time where I write my yearly post about how much I hate Xmas and how stressed out I am about it. But this year’s different: I’m actually looking forward to Xmas. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? This year, since Xmas is on a weekend, I’m going to try & finish working around 4pm and we’ll head up North to my dad & Lisa’s like, the second I’m finished so we’ll be there in time for dinner where apparently my Aunt Sandi is making lasagna, Lisa’s making potato skins and a salad and I’m going to convince Blake to make salsa that they can all have as  an appetizer. Lisa’s going to make me a small Caesar salad because I don’t like “regular” salad (and truth be told, I think you should have Caesar salad with lasagna, although I couldn’t tell you why).

Then we’ll be there for Xmas Day, where I’ve asked Lisa if she’ll make me a box of Stovetop Stuffing because Phil’s oyster/pine nut stuffing concoction is way too gross for me to even fathom and I think stuffing’s the best part of Xmas to be perfectly honest. I’m going to be bringing my computer (naturally) and my monitor so I can take over their desk and be available to do my check-ins for work, which I told boss #2 I’d do. Then we’re going to stay over AGAIN so we’re there for part of Boxing Day and aren’t racing home in the dark or in a storm like we did last year.

I’ve already sent Phil a message on Facebook to please have the garage ready for the dogs, especially since they’re going to be there for 2 & a half days, so that stressor is out of the way. (Although he hasn’t replied…but that’s typical.)

THEN I figure the weekend AFTER Xmas, we’ll do Xmas with my mom at John’s cottage. Although I just realized that’s New Year’s Day so I’m going to have to talk to her about that…I have to work during the week and so does Blake, so I’m not sure how else we’ll be able to do it, unless maybe we do an early Xmas with my mom the week before while Blake’s off. Mother, if you’re reading this, e-mail me with your thoughts.

Our shopping is mostly done, or at least done enough that I’m not worried about it. I more or less know what else we need to get and Blake has the weekend before Xmas off, so he can do the rest of the shopping then. He’s also going to be a great help because the kids are home that week and the week after (I think) and I hate when they’re home now because while Madison’s old enough to look after Wes and I can close my office door, I end up policing them and getting pissed at them all day while I’m trying to work. I mean, my job’s not exactly a difficult one, but it does require concentration which is impossible when Madison’s driving Wes crazy.

I do have a tool to use against her if she does that though. For Xmas she’s getting a netbook which I can very well take away if she pisses me off and she won’t want that SOOOOOOOOOOOOO…

That said, I’m not worried about gifts this year because I started early and got people some pretty good stuff this year because we could afford to and we’re not going into (more) debt to do it.

Anyway, I think I’ve babbled enough for the middle of the night and it’s time to go back to bed. Also my legs are cold. So goodnight!

These kthulu babies are two of the things my little sisters (ages 6 and almost 2) are getting from me for Xmas.
They are backpack buddies and I bought them HERE.

I normally do my best not to write about my dad (Phil) and Lisa (his wife) because they are extremely private, somewhat technophobic and maybe a little paranoid in the case of Phil about what information is and isn’t out there about them. (It’s a long story.) They’re getting used to the idea of my site ad my online extracurricular activities and have been for quite some time, but I think Lisa starts reading my site a while back and I think she, at least, is getting more comfortable about the idea. Phil? Well, there’s a large part of me that doesn’t especially care what he thinks or how he feels because when it comes to writing and blogging and internetting, he just kinda has to learn to trust me an to trust that I know my audience better than he does.

That said, yesterday was Father’s Day and for the first time since I met him (when I was 13, so 18 years ago, – over half my life) we were in the same place at the same time during this holiday.  And that’s literally about what it boiled down to.

First of all, Phil, Lisa and my two sisters Raili (4) and Rachael (18 mos) live up north, which is about 2 hours away from where we live and it takes a lot to get me up there. I mean there’s my whole “leaving the house” deal thrown in there, but also I worry a great deal about my dogs (whether we take them or leave them at home) and they eat weird things so a lot of the time when I’m up there, I’m absolutely starving and feeling like a bad guest because I won’t eat anything they’ve prepared for us.

Like, about a month or two ago, Phil happened to be in Barrie doing something, called Blake, who works in Barrie and I think they hung out or had lunch or something. During that meeting, Phil said we should come up and that they were free 3 weekends out of the next couple of months, one of those being Father’s Day weekend.

So, when Blake ran the idea of me, I picked the most logical time to go up: Father’s Day weekend.

After that, Blake and Lisa started coordinating plans and the last I’d heard about it, weeks ago, was that we were going on the Saturday and staying over until the Sunday. But then I remembered a prior commitment that would make sleeping over impossible, so we apologized and made it a Father’s Day day trip instead, which meant getting up at the crack of dawn so we’d be there early enough to spend some quality time with them before having to come 2 hours home.

Saturday night, Blake and I were idiots and played Warcraft until about 2am-ish which was totally stupid because we had to leave the house BY 9am Sunday, which meant getting up at the asscrack of dawn.

Not being very good at coping with not enough sleep, when we got to Phil & Lisa’s, I chit-chatted for about 20 minutes while we had sandwiches and then I took about a 2 hour nap in one of the new bedrooms they not have since they put on the addition, which I was seeing for the first time.  As I napped, Blake and Phil made feed troughs for the pigs Phil & his neighbour are fattening up to eat.  Then they started making shelves for Phil’s tool truck.

When I woke up, everyone was outside. Lisa and the kids were on the back deck with Wes playing with Raili (they were catching worms) and Madison talking to Lisa while Lisa held Rachael and Blake & Phil were in the front yard/driveway, building those shelves for Phil’s truck, like, using saws and power tools and all kinds of “manly” shit.

Everyone was doing their own thing and I was smart enough to bring my laptop and book with me, so I sat on the front steps of their house, first chatting to people in Warcraft until my battery died and then reading Eat, Pray, Love for pretty much the rest of the day. Every now & then, I would talk to Blake but mostly, like everyone else, I just did my own thing.

But, the whole time I was sitting on the step, I kept joking in my head, “what’s the best Father’s Day gift I could have given Phil?” and the answer was, while watching them build shit together, “a son” because keep in mind that Blake’s more or less as fatherless and Phil is sonless and the two of them go together like peanut butter and jelly. That’s when I realized that I wasn’t at my dad’s for Father’s Day at all, Blake was.

Eventually they finished the shelves and went into the garage for Phil to drink a couple of beer and for Blake to have a Coke Zero and it took me a while to realize they were finished with the shelves so it was a while before I joined them.

They mostly talked about computers and internet crap and I didn’t really get into the conversation until grocery stores and factory farming came up, which I’ve had a lot to say about recently. For the record, Phil seems to think I’m nuts by talking about all of this stuff.

But that was when Blake told Phil that we were hoping to get back on the road by 7pm so we could get the kids in bed at 9pm which is Wes’ usual bedtime. (Madison’s is 10.) Phil said something like, “well in that case, we should probably start getting dinner ready,” since it was about 5:30pm.

We agreed that that was probably a good idea.

So on their back deck, they have one of those little metal fire pits with a wire grate on top? And Phil informed me that this was where he was going to be making dinner, which was to be steak, potatoes, salad and some other weird stuff I won’t eat. While Phil cooked, we sat there and shot the shit about his cooking methods, food and painting while inside the house, Lisa was cooking things on the stove while Blake was on kid patrol.

Time Blake spent with Phil pretty much alone: probably about 6 hours
Time I spent with Phil pretty much alone: about an hour, an hour & a half tops

This is what I mean by Blake being there for Father’s Day, not me being there for Father’s Day. I mean, if I had my way, we would have stayed home and played WoW or gotten the vacuuming done or something because I’m anti-social like that and while I say that and it’s the truth, I always feel that way about going up north and I’m always pissy when I get up north because I resent not being at home but by the middle of the day, I’m usually glad we came. And usually because Blake & Phil are buddies and Madison and Lisa are buddies and because Wes and Raili are buddies.

As I said originally, I didn’t meet Phil and Lisa until I was about 13 and it’s taken the last 14 years to really have any real relationship with them mostly thanks to the birth of my sisters but also because of Blake who, when I found out through the grapevine that I was actually going to have a sister because I wasn’t speaking to Phil or Lisa at the time, called them and said “maybe you should call her” (meaning me). And things have been awkward but fine ever since.

It was actually my mother-in-law who really brought to my attention that even though Phil & I have known each other for a long time now, we don’t really know each other.  It was at a birthday party for Madison where she said something like, “wow this is really new” (meaning the relationship) and I agreed, because it was true.

I see Phil twice a year. Once during Xmas and then usually in the spring,l not always for Father’s Day and before that, like as I was growing up and stuff like that, it was even less than that and it was so awkward I can’t even totally describe it.

Now when we go up there, I know Blake & Phil are going to go do something outside of everyone else, Lisa & the kids will stick together and I’ll have the choice to hang out with either party or do my own thing, both of which are completely acceptable.  We’ll all reconvene for food at some point, I can wander amongst the “camps”, so to speak.

Anyway, I think Blake had a good day on his Father’s Day – which was my top priority – and I think Phil had a good time on his Father’s Day, so I think Father’s Day was successful even though most of Blake’s Father’s Day gifts, which I got on Etsy over 6 weeks ago, weren’t here in time.

On Saturday Madison made Blake “gourmet” cheeseburgers from the Jamie Oliver cookbook for dinner and tried to follow it up with peanut butter fudge that was made herself, but she didn’t know the difference between regular sugar and icing sugar and didn’t think to ask, so the fudge was actually pretty inedible, but she did her best and that’s all that matters.  I got the kids a card to give to Blake that I knew he’d appreciate and I gave him the gourmet coffee I got him from Etsy which were the only two things that arrived in time.

Still to come is geek soap, geek lotion, geek balm and this crazy Alaskan mustard, and this coffee mug that I feel in love with. I got him one that says “Prozac” in the light green colour.  (I already showed him the stuff so I’m not ruining any surprises here.)

Anyway, Father’s Day was pretty successful, as I said. Two fathers were made happy by each other,  my kids had fun, I got to read without feeling guilty about it (long story) and I think that’s pretty cool.

(And we didn’t get home until around 11pm because as per usual we were late leaving and by the time we got home, we were pretty much all dead to the world.)

It’s 3am and I’m restless & rambly.

I think it’s completely unfair that breakfast sausages have anywhere from 190 calories per 2 sausages to 270. The tastier the breakfast sausage, I’m finding, the worse it is for you. This is unfortunate as I kinda really like breakfast sausages, however earlier this week, not knowing the caloric value of them, I inadvertently ate a breakfast that was roughly 1300-1500 calories. I didn’t notice that there was nutritional information on the package until I went to throw it away, then I got out my calculator and just about cried. That night, this was my dinner (not that I’m complaining, I just would have liked something more substantial…):

On Tuesday I went to see my latest healthcare professional, Dr. D, who is an Irish-Canadian nutritionist with the world’s cutest accent to basically see if I was fat enough to get into her 10 week, comprehensive metabolic workshop. The bittersweet news is that I am, indeed, fat enough for this program, but the good news is that I’m on the lower end of the spectrum, only needing to lose about 20 lbs (but I’d be happy with 15).

The program is going to start in either June (I hope) or August and the discrepancy is a result of some of the speakers who well, speak, in the sessions, want to go on summer vacations. I can understand this, I really can, I just really hope it’s in June because I have S.A.D. and if it starts in August, I’ll be in full-depression mode by the end of it and not motivated to do a damn thing. Also, we’re planting our garden this weekend so we’re going to have fresh, organic vegetables all summer which is going to aid in achieving a healthier weight. I won’t have the same advantage in September and October.

Apparently the first thing they do in the workshop is give you a pedometer which is going to be a barrel of laughs in my case. I wake up. I go to the bathroom. I pee. I brush my teeth. I walk to the kitchen and grab a Coke Zero. I come into my office and sit at my desk. For a couple of hours. Then I go back into the kitchen and make breakfast which could be a protein shake or eggs, either way, my feet are firmly planted in the kitchen. Then I come back into my office and eat  at my desk while I watch crappy daytime TV for the time it takes to finish my meal. I go back into the kitchen and deposit my dirty dishes in the sink or on the counter, depending on the state of the room. Then I come back to my chair and either do internet stuff or paint for a few more hours. I might get up to walk to the bathroom and pee. Or I might get up to go to the kitchen and get a drink (I drink a LOT). This continues literally until I go to bed at night – oh wait, sometimes I eat lunch, so those steps count – and then it repeats the next morning. This is my crazy, whacked out, OCD routine and I get very upset when it’s altered in any way. Also? My house is very very small. It’s only about 10 steps from my office to the kitchen, 15 to the bathroom, 20 to the bedroom. Yep, this pedometer is gonna be entertaining.

I wonder if it counts dancing? I actually do that a lot on my way to the kitchen or bathroom.

The other components of the metabolic workshop were kind of explained to me in a blur, but I know Blake can’t come with me (:o/) except for the two classes that are about cooking. They want the primary cook to sit in on those ones and that would be Blake. I know there is going to be a one-on-one session with a dietician at some point, but to be honest I don’t even really know what a dietician is or does. She also mentioned a session with a…fuck, I forget the title, it was like “actionarian” or something like that, but basically what she does is tells you how to move more. They don’t like to use the word “exercise” I noticed, she always said “have more movement” and things like that.

Anyway, the actionarian or whatever her title is, is going to tell me how to use my Wii Fit and I’m guessing she’ll be like, “do this game X amount of times and then switch to this game X amount of times, then do a yoga pose, blah blah blah”. I’m totally fine with doing Wii Fit, I mean, that’s why we bought it I suppose, but the obstacle I’m going to run into is that when this workshop starts, the kids are going to be home for the summer and I don’t want to do Wii Fit in front of them because the little shitheads are going to laugh at me and/or simply make me feel self-conscious. I’m going to assume this actionarian woman is going to want me to do Wii Fit every day, which I’m fine with, I mean, god knows I have nothing better to do, and I’m going to assume she’s going to want me to do at least 20 minutes up to maybe even an hour. How the hell do I get the kids to leave the house every day for an hour? And it’ll be at random times too, because I don’t really have a schedule. I go to sleep when I’m tired, I wake up when I’m not tired anymore. This is especially true in the summer for some reason.

And while I’m on the subject of movement (not exercise!), Blake and I have been talking about going to a yoga class together. Madison’s 12 now and can legally stay home and watch Wes, which gives Blake and I a little more freedom, especially in this regard because he found a yoga studio that’s just up the road, 5 minutes away, and Madison would be fine watching Wes for (I’m guessing) an hour or so while we do this. Part of me really REALLY wants to do it. In fact, it was MY idea, I was the one who brought it up, but when Blake found the studio and showed me their website and started talking like it was possible, I pretty much totally freaked out. There was crying. So what’s my deal with this? Oh my friends, I hope you’ve figured out “Sunny Logic” by now because you’re going to need it.

First and foremost, I am absolutely paralyzed with fear by the idea of FARTING. Or worse – omg I cannot even believe I’m going to type this – QUEEFING. There is not enough Ativan on the planet that would help me recover from such an event. I think I would literally have a heart attack and die if either of those scenarios happened in a room full of people. I mean, my god, how could they NOT laugh? I’d fucking laugh! (If it were anyone but me.) I’m breaking into a nervous sweat even typing this paragraph, that’s how absolutely terrified I am by the prospect of this happening. And don’t tell me it doesn’t happen because I KNOW it does. And it’s not like we’re in a hospital where “the doctors have seen it all” – I mean, it kind of is, I guess, as far as the instructor is concerned, but not the students.

Anyway, it would fucking kill me and this is problem #1 with doing yoga, like, in front of people.

Problem #2 is that I have this major issue where I’ll only do something if I’m automagically good at it. I don’t like learning. I don’t like the process of learning by sucking at something and being corrected. I want to be a prostar on the first try and I’m scared that I just won’t be any good at yoga. Do I fucking LOOK zen to you?

At the same time, I’m ridiculously flexible. When I was in the hospital, out of my mind with mania, I literally sat in a hospital bed for 3 days, cross-legged, with my head on the bed in front of me – if you can picture that. The only time I moved was when they made me take meds. I can squat on the floor with my feet flat on the ground and my bum touching my heels, which Blake finds totally bizarre and we’ve asked just about everyone who’s ever come into my house if they can do that and they can’t. My kids can’t even do it.

So what I’m saying is, there’s a very good chance that I’ll be excellent at yoga and my fear of not being good at it is completely irrational.

Problem #3 is the whole people thing. I mean, I don’t leave my house for a reason and it’s not because I’m afraid of fresh air or pigeons. I am absolutely socially retarded and just can’t deal with them. Blake says I won’t have to deal with them because everyone’s there to do their own thing, but what do I do if someone like, talks to me? Or worse, wants to be friends?

Problem #4 is money. Yoga is expensive. Blake says we can do it if we cut back on some things but right now we’re already in overdraft because of Blake’s CPAP machine and it’s not that I don’t believe him that we can financially do this if it’s important – and part of me thinks it is – it’s that I’m scared we’ll drop all this money on it and I’ll go once, freak out and never go again, wasting money we could have spent on, I dunno, FOOD. I suppose in a way, most of my fears are the fear of failure, which I know has been a problem for most of my life and I don’t know how to adapt and get over it and just do what I want to do.

So that’s the yoga issue.

The other parts of the metabolic workshop, as I said, were kind of a blur. I know that there’s going to be a lot of talk about food and its effects on metabolism and how different foods affect it differently. She said there’s going to be a lot of discussion on the importance of sleep, which I’m actually kind of already aware of because that’s a big component of bipolar disorder. They’re going to explain good fats vs. bad fats and stuff like that. I forget what else she said would be a part of the workshop, but she was so excited about it that it was infectious and I’m actually looking forward to it. See, though? I lied up there ^^^. I actually REALLY like to learn, like with my brain, I’m just not a physical person at all, I mean, I FAILED gym every year of my life. That’s another reason why I’m scared to do Wii Fit in front of the kids.

And then there’s the fact that the workshop is going to be 2 hours, every Tuesday, for most of the summer holidays, so not only is Blake going to have to use 10 vacation days (out of about 16) to take me to this thing, he’s going to have to bring the kids with him. (Although leaving Madison with Wes is an option to explore…but it makes me uneasy being 1/2 an hour away from home.)

I dunno. I’m in a weird place these days. In a lot of respects I feel like my life is sort of getting back on track but in other ways it’s completely off the rails. My creativity pool right now is very very low, which makes me depressed. I have two paintings on the go which should have been done like, 2 weeks ago and here I am barely in the first stages of shading the girls’ faces. I’m exhausted all the time and sleeping at stupid hours because in the “transitional seasons” by body goes all out of whack trying to adjust to a new sleep schedule that I can’t even begin to figure out the basis of. My dad wants us to come up for a visit, probably Father’s Day weekend and I really want to go because they just put a huge addition on their house and I want to see it, but at the same time, I hate the pain in the ass it is to go up there with the dogs and everything.

There’s more negative stuff but I don’t feel like elaborating on it because I feel like I’ve done it before. I probably do it every year.

In the positive, I am 3 weeks smoke-free. My dress from Free People that I plan on wearing to The Square Foot Show (which is an art show, for those not paying attention) came today and Blake’s going to pick it up at the post office tomorrow or Saturday. I sold a painting last week (I think? maybe the week before) and I spent most of the proceeds on awesome stuff from Etsy for Blake for Father’s Day and it should all be arriving soon. I also bought myself a ring to wear to The Square Foot Show because my wedding ring doesn’t fit due to my newfound fatness and I feel awkward being in such a public place without it. Despite the fact that I’m currently 20-ish lbs overweight, I still tend to get hit on often enough that my wedding ring (or in this case, a stand-in) to me is kind of like a shield from creepers.

I got new business cards from MOO that are pretty cool a couple of weeks ago, although I’m almost out of MOO mini cards and I’m hoping to sell a painting before the Square Foot Show so I can order some more to bring with me to hand out. Also with the proceeds of my sale, I bought 10 cans of Krylon because I want to experiment with different varnishes over the summer when I have the ability to spray outside. But just the fact that I had the ability to walk into Wal*Mart and buy 10 fucking cans of Krylon made me feel good about myself, like I was on the right track. The fact that I had the ability to spoil my husband rotten, who deserves it more than anyone I could possibly think of…shit like that just makes me feel independent and secure, somehow, which is something I don’t feel very often.

I also feel good about the fact that right now, my little Etsy business is making enough money to not only sustain itself as far as materials now, but I can buy promotional items like business cards, pay my Etsy bill at the end of every month and still have enough left over to buy myself a dress, a ring and Blake a whole bunch of crap I can’t even tell you about because he’s reading this. Not only could I buy 10 cans of Krylon, but I could buy 12 blank canvases too! The sale of a couple of paintings, for me, can be stretched and stretched and stretched and it just feels good to have my own money, to be able to buy my husband a gift with MY OWN MONEY. Maybe no one else will understand this, but in the (almost) 8 years Blake and I have been married, I haven’t given him very many gifts and the reason for this is because I think it would be stupid to buy someone a gift with their own money, especially when they can look at the credit card statement and see what it is.

So what I’m saying is that I feel good about being somewhat financially independent at the moment. Well, sort of…I have a tiny bit of padding in my PayPal account right now, enough to pay my Etsy bill for a couple of months, which actually makes me completely broke but whatever. My theory on money is that you can always make more and I *do* have two paintings on the go, one I’m fairly certain I can sell quickly and one that I’ll probably sell at The Square Foot Show. (I have to replicate “Shimmer” because it got ruined by a kid…)

I’m looking forward to the summer holidays with the kids. Madison has this friend, who I’ll call “E”, that I actually quite like and I’m hoping that she’ll be spending a significant part of her summer at our house because between her and Madison, they could do some really creative things with Madison’s sewing machine. E knows how to make her own clothes, and does, whereas Madison wishes she had those kinds of skills and the only way she’s going to learn them is from E. Also, E comes from a very…crappy background. She’s a foster kid and I think hanging out with our family and sort of being a casual part of our family may be good for her.

Another thing I’m looking forward to is the beach. I’ve lost enough weight that I fit into one of the bathing suits my friend Raya bought me a few years ago without looking gross, so it’s safe to go to the beach again and that makes me happy. When we first moved here, the first summer we were here, it was SO hot for a while there that I would have all of our beach gear packed up so that the second Blake got home from work, we could all get in the car and go to the beach for a couple of hours when it was less crowded. Often we’d get a couple of subs on the way and I’d bring a knife to cut them up and we’d have dinner on the beach. I miss that and I’m hoping for a very hot summer so we can do that again.

I’m also looking forward to reading books all night. Lots of them. I wish I had more, though. Right now I only have 1 & a 1/2 and our little library sucks. :o/

I’m hoping to sell a painting or two over the summer holidays so I can have cash on hand to do things with and for the kids. Like, I want to be able to say to them, “ya wanna make $2? go out to the garden and pull all the weeds,” which they would do because they like money and will have nothing better to do. Or, “hey do you want to have pizza for lunch? Here’s $15 and a list, ride your bike to the grocery store and pick these things up,”. Or, “here’s $5, go get an ice cream cone at McDonald’s”. Stuff like that. With my own money. I want to be able to do these extra things for my kids without being a financial burden to Blake, because they deserve it. They’re really really great kids.

Alright, it’s now almost 4:30am which means I’ve been rambling about basically nothing for the past hour & a half and I think my sleep meds are kicking in because my thoughts are getting fuzzy. SO! Goodnight!

Yesterday I made a post professing my love for this brand of cherry tomatoes called One Sweet Tomato and for the company that produces them, called Sunset Produce, which is a division of Mastronardi Produce. As I said in my post yesterday, they are a local company (well, about 4 hours away, but to me that’s still local) and my beloved One Sweet Tomatoes, as I first suspected due to their incredible sweetness, are not genetically modified in any way. In fact, Sunset Produce was the first produce company to receive non-GMO certification from The Non-GMO Project. I learned this fact yesterday not just from scouring their website in awe that a company could be so ethical and non-evil, but from following them on Twitter where they posted that fact.

Am I laying it on thick enough yet? Nope, I don’t think so. In fact it’s about to get a lot thicker and a little more personal and convoluted by the end of this post.

Yesterday I woke up just before 6am and I saw, via the comments on the One Sweet Tomato post, which was x-posted to Live Journal, that my friend Stephy had visited their site and my new favourite tomatoes were in fact not GMO at all. And from that comment, I decided to check out their site myself, because when I get obsessed with something, I really get obsessed, as many of you can attest, and what I found on their site was a company that cares about the environment (they use energy saving bulbs in their warehouses during the winter but skylights the rest of the year to cut down on energy consumption, for example), a company that cares about feeding families healthy, quality foods and inadvertently, a company staffed by extremely nice people.

By the time I was finished looking at the site, I was clicking on the “Careers” section because I was ready to start working in the greenhouse! I, Sunny Crittenden, whose life goal it has been for her 31 years of existence, was willing to throw slackerdom to the wind and get a  j o b . I mean, nevermind that they’re 4 hours away, I was going to make Blake get a new job too. In fact, they happened to be looking for a sys admin, so that was actually kind of doable.

But then I realized I was probably being delusional from a lack of sleep and decided to use their contact form to profess my love for their products and their company, tell them that despite the fact that their One Sweet Peppers were on sale this week at Foodland, our tiny local Foodland didn’t carry them (boooo) and to ask if they were going to include their non-GMO certification on their packaging anytime soon. I also told them that I’d made a post about their One Sweet Tomatoes on my site and threw them a link.

About half an hour later, I get an e-mail back from Chris Veillon, the Director of Marketing for the company. Fancy that, an e-mail from a real live person. At 7am no less! He gave me a run down of the chain of command in a grocery store and how to request their products in our local Foodland, said that they were working on packaging redesign to include their non-GMO status and “Please send me your mailing address and I would be glad to send you a small care package of the best SUNSET® produce there is for you and your family to enjoy.“

So impressed with this person and the offer of awesome free produce to a random stranger who just likes their tomatoes, I e-mailed him back with a few thoughts on the importance of non-GMO packaging (likely not telling him anything he didn’t already know, heh), that I would most definitely speak to the produce manager of our local grocery store to see if we could get more of their products in our produce section and of course, my address for this mysterious, yet I could tell it on my bones, awesome care package.

Well, I never heard back after that, but that’s probably because Chris is a busy guy.

Now here’s where things get personal and convoluted. The more I milled the whole morning’s experience, being steeped in Sunset Produce mania, around in my head, the more excited I became and by the time Blake woke up I had practically pounced on him to share all of this new information I had just discovered because hey, that’s what I do. So then I got him checking out their website and agreeing that they are, as I had told him, full of awesomesauce.

Well Blake had the day off because yesterday I had a date with a nutritionist (synchronicity!) and an unfortunate date with a dentist and because I don’t drive or really leave the house alone, Blake takes vacation days when I have appointments. The appointments? Neither here nor there really. I got accepted into the metabolic workshop I was hoping for and it’ll start in either June or August. It will be 10 weeks long, every Tuesday for 2 hours, and from what was described it’ll be really comprehensive. Cool. Looking forward to it. I want to know more about food and what it does inside our bodies, especially having to due with the metabolism as mine was adversely affected by medication a couple of years ago resulting in crazy, unfair weight gain and high cholesterol, as you all know. Dentist? NOt all that exciting either. I have a small cavity on the left side in one of my molars. This is actually a small victory because it’s my first cavity in over 2 years, whereas prior to that, when I was drinking 2.5L of Coke every day, I spent about a million agonizing hours in the dentist’s chair while I racked up a good $8,000 in (insured) dental bills.

But as I said, the appointments themselves, not all that important, which is why they don’t get their own posts. What IS important is that Blake and I had a lot of time to talk yesterday and our talking mostly had to do with that sys admin position at Sunset Produce. He was just as stoked about the company as I was and this is part of the reason he and I get along so well, when we believe in something, we go full tilt and by halfway through the day, we decided that we’d like a shot at becoming a Sunset Produce family. We looked up the town where they were located and much to our surprise, we found that they were actively recruiting people just like us to help come populate it. We also found out that it’s the southern-most town in Ontario, meaning much milder winters than we have here, and it’s really close to the Detroit/Windsor border crossing so when Blake’s mother decides to stop being an impossible shrew, visiting would happen much more frequently (she lives just outside of Detroit – for those new to Sunnyland, Blake is American and from MI) and it would make things easier as far as getting together when Blake’s sisters come into town from CA.

There’s also a ferry that’ll take us to Ohio, if we ever wanted to go, although my friend Kevin, when told this, said “I’m not sure that’s a benefit,” but WHATEVER KEVIN, Blake & I met in Ohio 9 years ago this fall so it holds a special place in our hearts.

So Blake & I keep getting each other more and more excited about the prospect of making this actually happen and what finally undid us was going to Realtor.ca and looking to see what the housing market is like down there. To make a long story short, there is a hell of a lot more bang for our buck down there than there is anywhere even close to up here. In fact, after spending several hours looking at houses, I finally found the one I want, which is within our budget, pending the sys admin position pays at least what Blake’s making now, and it is literally my dream house – at least from the pics. I’ve always wanted a pool, this house has one. I’ve always wanted a Victorian house, this house is one. This house is in town, where I can walk to things. There is an elementary school within a closer walking distance than the kids have now.

Now, it’s actually not in the same town as the Sunset Produce headquarters, but Blake’s commute would only be about 10 or 15 minutes and Blake & I actually have a little bit of history with this town too. It’s called Leamington, which probably means nothing to any of you, but it was the one of, if not THE first stop on the XL Indie Tour which Scratching Post was a part of, which I worked the entirety of for them and this particular location was the first time Blake and I ever really hung out. We would be engaged a few months later and married the following summer.

Leamington is probably best known for being where Heinz ketchup is made, which is no surprise since the next town over, Kingsville, where Sunset Produce is located, is where all the greenhouses are in this province (more or less). As a result of this type of industry, Leamington and I’m gonna assume Kingsville too, has a high latino population and Blake was so stoked when we went on Google Street View and found all kinds of “authentic” Mexican restaurants and grocery stores. Another positive aspect to this is that, say all of this does magically happen for us and Blake gets the job and we get the house and the universe aligns etc etc? It would mean that our kids would go to a school with mixed ethnicities. (And why is spellcheck saying that’s not a word?) Where we are now is…as whitewashed as it comes, as were all the little towns I grew up in and it only gets whiter the further North you go. Now don’t get me wrong, I like white people, but when all you see growing up are people who look like you, it can lead to being less open-minded, less accepting and less tolerant and we’re trying to raise open-minded, accepting and tolerant kids. Spanish is spoken in this house just as much as French is, we eat Thai and Chinese and Mexican food, but obviously that’s not the same as being raised in an area where every single person in the whole town is the same skintone as you. Blake, growing up right outside Detroit, grew up with ethnic diversity and finds living here really strange because there just isn’t that up here outside of the major metropolitan areas. But even then, Barrie’s pretty big, but still probably 80% white. When we’ve talked about moving before, ethnic diversity and different cultures have both been important to Blake, but living in a small town has always been important to me and in Ontario you don’t really get to have both – except in Leamington, which is something I noticed about it the first and only time I’ve ever been there.

So this is what Blake and I have decided to start working toward. The first step is to get a foot in the door with Sunset Produce and get Blake an interview for the sys admin position. Blake is very very smart and I’m convinced that if he can get an interview, he can make this happen. If all goes well there, he’s going to tell them he can start immediately, which will be extremely expensive and inconvenient considering he’ll have to live at a hotel or something down there during the week and come up here on weekends to help me do groceries and get the mail & stuff, until we sell this house. And unfortunately, this house needs a little “lipstick & rouge” to be able to sell too, which I guess I’ll do myself while he’s down there working, if this all comes to fruition. Then there’s the matter of selling this house while buying another house, which we realize people do all the time, we just have absolutely no idea how that works. And people, I really really REALLY want the house I linked. The location is perfect, it has everything I want (at least by the description and pictures) – it is the “forever home”.

Yes, we will be over 5 hours away from my dad, Lisa and my little sisters, but honestly, we only really see them once or twice a year (one of those times being Xmas) and they’re both on Facebook so I’m not too worried about that. We will be about 3 hours away from Alex & Ronny who are pretty much our only “real life” friends and that’ll suck, but I think their goal is to end up in Toronto anyway, so that’s only about 2 hours away and they’ll be passing right through our town pretty much to visit Ronny’s family in MI, so there’s always that. And again, I talk to both of them online more than we see them offline, so I’m not all that worried about them either. I’m not sure how far away we’ll be from my mom, I’m gonna guess 3 hours, which is about double how far way we are now, which will suck and will make Xmas a little more complicated, but I’m sure it can be worked around easily enough. Again, I talk to her on Facebook or e-mail more than in person anyway, so I’m sure we’ll survive.

Blake and I really really want this. Madison really really wants this too (we showed her the house, the town, everything) and says the house I want is “one dishwasher away from being perfect”. Wes…has no clue we’re even thinking about this, but when we moved up here when Madison was more or less the same age, she survived, so I’m sure he will too.

And about me working in the Sunset greenhouses if this happens and there’s an opening? I don’t think I’m kidding about that. As anyone who reads this blog knows, I really like to grow things. When it came to college, it was literally a toss up between going to school for herbalism and working in a local greenhouse that only grew herbs or advertising. There was more money in advertising and a lot less schooling. Anyway, as far as a job, I’m not making any promises, I’m just saying it’s a consideration. We want to be a Sunset Produce family.

So that’s my big news of yesterday that I wasn’t sure I’d write about for fear of jinxing ourselves.

My big news of today is not as life-altering but is still exciting nonetheless. My care package from Sunset Produce came! That Chris Veillon doesn’t fool around!

Last night I woke up at 3am, after going to bed at 11pm and couldn’t get back to sleep, which seems to be my current pattern of (not) sleeping. Not a huge deal, this happens every spring and every fall, but that means I’m assuming I was having a nap when the delivery came because I never heard the door.

When Madison came home from school, she came in carrying this styrofoam cooler about as long as my coffee table and almost as wide. Immediately I knew what it was because what else would need to be kept cool? And oh man, was I excited. I got out my trusty exacto knife and sliced apart the tape holding the lid onto the bottom and then I carefully opened it up to see what was inside.

What was inside was a whole lot of bubble wrap (which I’ll keep and use to wrap paintings with) with Chris’ card on top, which I’ve cropped here so a million people don’t call his office asking for care packages too:

I unwrapped everything inside the cooler and tried to make a nifty display to show you all, but the light in my office sucks and I didn’t really do a good job, so this is going to be a slightly pic-intensive post.

Madison & I each took an armload into the kitchen and I took pictures of one thing, then I’d hand it off to her to put away in the fridge. First up is two more containers of One Sweet Tomatoes, which I cannot stress enough, are absolutely amazing. In fact, that’s what I had for dinner last night while we watched LOST, a caesar salad with a side of One Sweet Tomatoes.

And the timing of these two containers couldn’t be better because the one container I have left in the fridge is getting a little soft and there aren’t any more at the grocery store because we literally bought all they had over the last two weeks.

Next up is MINZANO tomatoes which even have their own website because for whatever reason they are just that special. I’m very curious about these.

Then comes Campari tomatoes, which, from what I understand is what Sunset’s best known for. They aren’t as big as the random Ontario hot house tomatoes I have in my fridge (I unfortunately just bought like, 6 of them – oops) but their colour is a LOT nicer and I’m thinking that I’m going to try them tomorrow night when I plan on having P.L.T.’s for dinner. (“P” is for “peameal bacon”….which I’m really sick of explaining so just Wiki it.)

Then we have a pack of 3 sweet bell peppers, which Blake is turning into fajitas as I type this. He just walked in here a few minutes ago freaking out at how flavourful they are, so already they’re a big hit and I happen to know that our local grocery store has these because that’s what “Compliments” brand is.

Now comes the mini cucumbers, which are like English cucumbers in that the skin is edible. I plan to send these with the kids in their lunch because I think it’d be a waste to cut them up into slices or into a salad. These look like they’re meant to just eat plain.

Now here’s the thing about the next items. I hate peppers. Like a lot. When I was little I would eat them raw with dip and be totally fine, but as an adult they just never worked out for me. I pick them out of stir-fries and am sometimes offended that they’re even IN my stir-fry, I can’t stand spaghetti sauce if there’s even the tracest amount of peppers in it and often other things with peppers in it gives me a headache, so I avoid them like the plague.

That said, after trying the One Sweet Tomatoes and loving them, when I saw that the same company made One Sweet Peppers and they happened to be on sale this week, I’d fully intended to try them. However as I mentioned, our grocery store didn’t have them, so I couldn’t, but I was pleased to find that Chris had included two containers of them in our care package because if I’m ever going to like peppers, these are going to be the ones.

Since I inadvertently had a 1300 calorie breakfast this morning (don’t even ask), my dinner plans are to have a veggie/cheese platter of One Sweet Tomatoes, Minzano tomatoes, some English cucumber I already have cut up in the fridge, some havarti cheese,  Wheat Thins and these One Sweet Peppers.

And finally this brings us to our last item which excites me even though I probably won’t be the one eating them due to my aforementioned dislike of peppers (everyone else in the house likes them though, so they will get eaten, likely with gusto):

They are MYSTERIOUSLY sweet long peppers.
And they look really cool too, that’s what excited me about them – I just think they’re absolutely beautiful.

Obviously they’re long and shiny and very very red. I’m probably going to try these, but I won’t be too surprised at all if I don’t like them because they look very….peppery.

Anyway, this gigantic post was brought to you by Sunset Produce and I will try to keep everyone abreast of the job situation and what everyone thinks of our little bounty here once we’ve tried everything. And if you’ll excuse me, I have a thank you e-mail to write.

Last night Judy watched the kids and we spent 2 grueling hours in a packed Wal*Mart doing the bulk of our Xmas shopping. This year I/we decided fuck it, if you’re a grown up who can buy your own crap, I’m not even gonna bother hazarding a guess as to what you DON’T already have, so (and hopefully none of them are reading this, but I guess it doesn’t matter much if they are) all grown ups in our lives are getting pictures of the kids and gift certificates. Blake got almost all of the gift certificates yesterday on his lunch and only has one more to get today and then we are DONE.

Today Madison and I are going to clean the bathroom, then tomorrow after work Blake is going to vacuum and then my house will be presentable enough for when my mom, her boyfriend John and his son Chris come over to have Xmas with us on Boxing Day. I didn’t get John or Chris anything for Xmas because my mom basically told me not to, which was a great relief because we’re in the poorhouse as it is and my poor Visa is dangerously close to its limit. We decided not to defer our mortgage payment this month, but instead do all of our Xmas shopping on Visa and pay it off when Blake gets his bonus in March. If anything comes up between now & then, like say the car blows up, then we can defer a mortgage payment if need be and have it taken care of.  Now that we’re done our Xmas shopping, the only “big ticket item” we have to worry about is getting all of the animals their shots in January and then getting their township tags.

After we got home from Wal*Mart, Blake made a great steak dinner that I couldn’t eat because right now I’m pretty fucking sick and the only thing keeping me sane is Advil Cold & Sinus. I thought it was just a cold when it hit me on Friday but I’ve had a fever off & on all weekend and yesterday, my whole body aches etc. so I’m putting it more in the flu category. I am SO SCARED to get any of these friggin’ kids sick (ours + Courtney) that I reek of hand sanitizer and there have been no bedtime hugs. I just do not want to deal with 3 sick kids during the 2 & a half week holiday break, especially not if I’m sick myself.  I feel really bad that I felt too bad to eat the dinner Blake made us last night. :o/

We (well he) ate while we watched the Leafs vs Sabres game I started recording while we were at Wal*Mart and when food was done, I got started on wrapping presents. We got Madison this cute makeup bag that’s turquoise patent leather and her first set of makeup. I went way way way overboard in hooking her up with a good variety of stuff (like 6 bottles of nail polish, 3 compacts of eyeshadow…) and I wrapped each thing individually and put it in the bag, with cotton balls on top, zipped it up, then put the bag in a box and then we wrapped the box up. Annoyingly, Blake left a bag on my chair this morning with my hoodie over it which contained makeup removing facewash and mascara that should have gone in the bag with everything else, but I thought all of the cosmetic type stuff was in the bag I was wrapping from…soooooo I wrapped up the mascara & taped it to the box and the facewash I’ll just put in her stocking or something.

And that’s all I got wrapped last night because rapping all of those teeny tiny things took me the entire hockey game and when it was done I was exhausted so I just went to bed. What kills me about wrapping presents is how bad I suck at it. I make all these cute little girls with cute little paper dresses and I’m a whiz with scissors etc. but when I wrap presents, it looks like it was done by Wes. In fact Wes probably does a better job than I do. That’s why every year I usually get Blake to do all the wrapping but this year there won’t be enough time for that so I have to pitch in. While we were at Wal*Mart I bought gift boxes so at least some stuff I won’t have to wrap.

The next thing on my blogging agenda is that my cat is fucking retarded. Every single year for Xmas I buy her a treat or a toy and every single year she wants no part of it. Last year it was a laser pointer, she wanted nothing to do with it. The year before that a mouse or something, I can’t remember but she didn’t want anything to do with it. The year before that I bought her like, 5 different kinds of cat treats but she wouldn’t eat any of them. She just likes her cat food and that’s it. A few weeks ago someone on Facebook linked a YouTube video of all these cats getting stoned on catnip in a garden and I thought HEY WE SHOULD TRY THAT because I’ve never seen a cat actually high on catnip before. So last night, I bought some and it came with a little heart-shaped toy to put the dry catnip in. So I filled it up and got the cat and got her to sniff it and…she wanted no part of it. The toy then split apart and I spilled dry catnip all over my office floor so I picked a bit up and got her to sniff it and no dice. I thought maybe, just maybe, after we went to sleep she’d start getting all stoned on the pile which I left on my office floor for her but when I woke up this morning, it was undisturbed. So I give up. The cat no longer gets anything for Xmas and I guess Alex’s cats have a new toy and a big bag of catnip. Someone remind me next year that my cat sucks and not to get her anything because I know I’ll forget (or maybe it’s denial).

Blake & I weren’t going to get each other anything for Xmas this year due to money, but when we were at Wal*Mart I picked myself up some makeup because I’m running low on the essentials and this was an excuse to replenish my stock. We also happened to be going down the aisle with all the sports stuff and Blake pointed out Leafs jerseys….that were PINK & WHITE. Obviously not regulation, being pink & white, but NHL sanctioned and so Blake got me one for Xmas and I got him a Leafs home jersey (not regulation either). One day I will have a regulation Leafs home jersey to go along with my Leafs 3rd jersey but since they’re over $100, we’ll make due with Wal*Mart jerseys for now.

The rest of the stuff we got was mostly odds & ends, like I was out of incense so I picked up a bunch of that and I wanted to get a plastic “boot mat” for under the dogs’ bowls because they make such a mess and there’s constantly dog food all over my kitchen. (Lucky eats laying down and if Hoover’s eating too, Lucky will pick up his bowl and eat in the living room.) I also wanted to get Madison some yarn because I know she’s getting crochet hooks for Xmas and books about how to crochet, so we picked up a bunch of that too. She also needed pajamas and bras so those went in the cart as well.

We didn’t really get anything for Wes at Wal*Mart because Blake had gotten him stuff at Toys ‘R’ Us yesterday afternoon (Lego, some plastic dragons, I forget what else), but we did pick him up Lego Batman for his DS and Blake had already gotten him a few pairs of pajamas and some clothes so he’s good.

We got my 4 year old sister Raili some Barbies and my 10 month old sister Rachael a set of Little People. We got Courtney next door a DS game of Deal or No Deal. What else? I don’t even remember and you probably don’t care anyway. Long story short, after Blake picks up a couple of things on his lunch today, we are done our Xmas shopping completely. I plan on spending all afternoon today and tomorrow wrapping things and getting the house clean and after that we should be good to go.

Blake called my dad on Sunday and asked him to clean up the garage for the dogs, which he said he’d do and that takes a lot off my mind. What do the dogs get for Xmas? Well my dad hunts and I’m not sure what he hunted for this year, but usually it’s deer and moose and occasionally bear but whatever he hunted for in the fall, he gets the butcher to save him some of the bigger bones for his dogs and mine to have at Xmas.

I also have children’s Gravol to give the dogs before we leave so they don’t puke in the car on the way up. (And yes we called the vet and yes you can give dogs half of a children’s Gravol if they’re the size of mine.)

So I guess that’s it, we’re on track for Xmas. I had more to say but I think I’ll just end things here and start wrapping presents.

We’re supposed to get a crapload of snow in Sunnyland tonight and tomorrow, 10cm each day with whiteout conditions from snowsqualls. To those who don’t live near a giant lake in The Great White North, a snowsquall is kinda like a snowy thunderstorm, minus the thunder & lightning (most of the time…on the odd occasion we get both & it’s pretty cool, lightning in winter is green). Snowsqualls, apparently, are a result of the wind & snow crossing the lake and we’re close enough to Lake Huron (it’s only 10 mins from me) that we get these storms. Often during the winter, our road is closed because of them, although I doubt that’ll be the case tonight (and I also doubt we’re going to get as much snow as they’re saying.)

Anyway, this afternoon the snow looked really cool, it was coming down slowly and softly like a white curtain and I tried to take video of it but I think the framerate on my camera is messed up somehow because when I came back inside and looked the the video, the snow was falling much faster than it had been in person. Regardless, I uploaded it to YouTube anyway and if you care to see it, here it is…it’s only 40 seconds:

This morning I had to get up early to go to the lab and get a blood test done, which had be thrilled beyond belief because needles and veins and blood are just my favouritest things in the whole wide world! Almost as awesome as getting up early in the morning! They chastised me for taking my pills with about 6 mouthfuls of Coke Zero instead of water (some of the pills I take are capsules with powder in them and I find taking them with water really gross because the damn things dissolve REALLY fast and then the capsules feel like they’re stuck in my throat, for some reason this doesn’t happen if I take them with something carbonated) because they claimed it would affect my cholesterol reading. Truthfully, I’m not sure I believe them and they almost wouldn’t do the test but I told them it was my last day to do it, that it was Blake’s last day of vacation and that my doctor’s appointment was on Friday so if I didn’t get it done today I was screwed, so they said they’d do it but to make sure I told my doctor that the cholesterol results might be a little off because I was a VERY BAD GIRL. I’m not really worried about it though.

Remember last year when my GP freaked out about my cholesterol and put me on cholesterol meds? My shrink thought/thinks he was being a bit extreme because apparently my levels weren’t really anything to be worried about, especially since I wasn’t taking the medication that caused the spike anymore and while I’m still taking the cholesterol meds because I figure I might as well, I’m not worried about the 6 mouthfuls of Coke Zero I had this morning skewing my test results one way or the other. I am a little interested to see how my cholesterol looks since I began eating all these eggs though. Oh, did I mention I lost 2 & a half lbs last week? That’s almost 11 lbs total since I started eating eggs for breakfast 10 weeks ago. w00t!

After my blood test, Blake & I went to the post office where there were two packages to pick up. One was an Amazon box for the kids for Xmas from Blake’s mom & Charlie and one was a book called the Artist Trading Card Workshop by Bernie Berlin from Lia! THANK YOU LIA! I flipped through it when I got home, but then I got sidetracked and haven’t had a chance to pick it up again. It looks pretty wicked though, so many different kinds of cards! I plan on spending some time with the book later tonight. Again, thanks Lia, you’re awesome!

And of course, speaking of artist trading cards my first 8 are almost finished. They just need arms and a coat of varnish and then they’ll be done. And I guess when they’re “done” I have to figure out a way to put my name & stuff on the back…honestly, I’ll probably just write it. My printer is slowly but surely dying and there’s no way it would print labels nicely, even if I had any. I could also glue my business card to the backs of them, but I don’t really want 40 “internet people” having my home phone number. I’ll figure it out. Anyway, here’s a group shot I took of the 8 after I took the books off of them that were drying them flat:

Throughout the rest of this post, I’ll show you some of them close up. All images can be clicked to enlarge.

Doing the smaller girls has definitely been a lesson in trial & error. For the 8 that are almost finished, I screwed up just as many because like I said in a previous post, drawing them so small is actually kind of hard. I’m getting the hang of it though, and last night I started a sheet of 15 more, which I’ll work on while these ones’ arms and varnish are drying. Once the 15 I started yesterday are finished, I only have 1 more card with gold sparkles to do and then that stack is finished. The rest either have iridescent or silver sparkles.

While I’ve been doing these, because this is just how my mind works, I’ve been thinking about the ones that I’ll be selling and I’m not sure how I’m going to do that. I know that each card is going to be $30 + $2 shipping, but I don’t know if I’m going to sell them on my site or the site I linked a while back where all they sell is ATCs (or more properly ACEOs) in an Etsy-like setting. That site, from what I’ve been able to tell doesn’t take a cut, so I don’t have the issues with it that I have with Etsy and eBay, but I don’t know how popular it is or if the artists actually sell their cards. Another thing with that site is that you have to scan each individual card and list each one separately, which I guess makes sense, but that’s a lot of extra work and if I can avoid extra work and achieve the same result, I’m more inclined to do that. Selling on my site I have 2 options: scan, post and make a PayPal button for each one or DON’T scan them all, just show examples of each colour and then the card(s) the person gets would be left to my discretion. What do you guys think? I’m thinking that I’ll sell more if I scan each card and post them all with their own PayPal buttons, but I’m torn as to whether I should do that on my own site or on that ACEO site that just sells ACEOs. I suppose I could sell some on my site, like all on one page, and then on that page say that there’s more for sale on the ACEO site and give people the option to buy them there too, if the card they want happens to be there. I really really suck at the business of art, seriously.

Another thing I thought I could do, if I ever sell a freaking painting & actually have some money, is I could matte (mat?) and frame say, 3 cards and sell them as one piece. I have no idea how much framing costs though, so I don’t even know if that would be realistic or if I’d end up ripping myself off in the end because you can only price something like that so high.

Maybe it’s tacky that I think about selling things as I make them, but I’m a really utilitarian person and my grama, aka The Antichrist, is/was an artist’s worst enemy. I’m sure I’ve talked about this before, but when I was Wes’ age, I would make things and sell them in my grama’s furniture store and that taught me early that you only get to create things if you’re going to sell them. Even when I was an adult and we were living above her store and I started painting on canvas, I’d show her what I’d created and her response would always be, “Okay so you made it, now what are you going to do with it?” and when I’d tell her I was going to sell it, on the internet, because I knew that was the “right” answer, she’d say “Well who in the hell is going to buy that?” (This was back when I was going through my “fetal phase” and fuck you, grama, I sold every goddamn piece!)

While my mother definitely raised me (at least until I was 15), I spent just about every weekend of my life with my grama and the attitude that you can only create to sell is very deeply ingrained in me. The only thing I’ve painted for myself, in the 8 years I’ve been painting, is the covers of my sketchbooks and even those are extremely hard for me to do because as I’m doing them, I’m thinking that I could be spending that time and those supplies on something that’s going to potentially make money.

And back to the utilitarian thing for a second, I’m not a keeper on “nicknacks”. You will find very very few of these in my home and the ones I do have were given to me as gifts, I would never in a million years buy anything like that for myself because I think they’re a waste of money. They just sit there. Also the only pictures adorning my walls are my failed attempts that I don’t really know what to do with.

It would be lovely to say that I have this fabulous home and studio full of inspirational things, but I really just don’t. It’s the same thing with the way I dress, I mean people expect artists to be these crazy dressers with crazy hair & all that, but I’m pretty plain & boring. Today when I went to the lab, I wore grey trackpants, a brown t-shirt and a grey hoodie. Other times I just would have worn my pajamas because A) I live in sleepwear and B) I just don’t care. If I’m dressing up to go somewhere, whatever I’m wearing is usually pretty simple and usually pretty black. I suppose sometimes my hair, when I dye it crazy colours, is more conducive to the artist stereotype but it’s never really a conscious “oh I’m creative so I must look the part” thing, it’s just “hey I feel like having pink hair this month.”

I was actually reading about this very thing in the book Living the Creative Life a couple of months ago. Most of the artists who were interviewed for that book were like me when it came to dress and a lot of them said that they’d rather put their creative energy into the things they created than into looking the part of the “creative artist”. I couldn’t agree with that more, obviously, and it made me feel a lot better hearing it from other artists. I mean, why the hell wouldn’t I paint in my pajamas? I have nowhere to be, no one to impress and y’know what? I’m gonna get paint on them! And it won’t matter!

So there ya have it, my take on living the creative life.

Something else I’ve been doing this week is taking pictures and video for the background tutorial I keep being asked for. Today was the last step. I’m still not going to post it until after the new year because with Xmas & Buttercup & everything else I have to do these days, the tutorial is fairly low on my priority list. And actually, in writing this down, I’ve realized that I have one more picture to take for it and then all that’s left to do is edit everything together and make it into a post.

What I will tell you about it though, is that the background I made for the tutorial is the same as the black & gold ATCs on this page and the girl that’s going to be going on the painting is going to be a BEE GIRL wearing a tutu. I haven’t drawn her yet and I’m not sure if the tulle I have is tea-stainable, but she’s in my mind and I’m really excited about her. Again though, I’m not going to start working on her until after Xmas when things have died down a bit.

As per usual, all things Xmas have me stressed out beyond belief. I know I’ve explained this before, but every year for the past few years, we’ve gone up north to my dad & step-mom’s Xmas Eve, stay there Xmas Day, have Xmas dinner across the road at my uncle Paul’s house and then have to drive home Xmas night to do it all over again with my mother on Boxing Day. As I also explained in a previous post, last year my dad really disrespected my dogs by not cleaning out the garage and it upset me quite a bit. I didn’t sleep at ALL on Xmas Eve because I was worried about the dogs and felt sorry for them, only having the space of a blanket to lay down or move around on that wasn’t flooded or full of my dad’s van.

This year, to avoid all that, the original plan was to have my neighbours come and let the dogs in & out while we were away but as we get closer to actually having to do it I’m having a hard time dealing with it. Agoraphobia is the fear of the outside world, yes, but part of it, at least for me, is a fear of letting people into my inside world and the idea of people in my house while I’m gone really bothers me. I mean, I trust Wayne & Judy to look after the dogs, but I don’t know if I trust them not to take a tour of my house and inspect how clean my toilet is.

Last week I was really considering staying home with the dogs and not going to my dad’s at all because honestly, that sounds like the perfect Xmas to me – no Xmas at all – but even that stressed me out because like it or not, there are all of these societal pressures put on people during Xmas that you either have to adhere to or people will think you’re a shitty person. If I don’t go up north for Xmas, I’m a shitty daughter and a shitty mother (even though my kids couldn’t care less if I was there or not) and it’s going to look weird when they go over to Paul’s for Xmas dinner and I’m not there. People are going to expect Blake to explain and there really isn’t an explanation that would make anyone happy or us to seem less weird (when they already think of us as pretty fucking weird).

So after a lot of inner debate, the original plan stands, that the entire Crittenden family, those on 2 legs and 4 (well, minus Pixel who gets a nice vacation from all of us for Xmas), are going up north for Xmas and Blake’s going to call my dad personally and tell him (in nicer terms than I’m gonna put it here) that if that goddamn garage isn’t fit for MY dogs, we’re turning around and coming home. Blake also called the vet today to see if you can give dogs Gravol and yes, yes you can (1/4 of a children’s one, apparently), so this year we won’t be pulling over on some back road to clean up Lucky’s vomit with a box of Kleenex because that’s all that’s in the car.

To make matters worse, ALL of our Xmas shopping is being done on Thursday’s paycheque because we haven’t been able to afford it until now. And even then, and I’m sure Blake will love me for posting this publicly, we’re looking at deferring this month’s mortgage payment to even have Xmas this year because we simply don’t have the money to give the kids the kind of Xmas they’ve enjoyed previous years. Also, everyone who isn’t under the age of 12 this year is getting gift certificates because I just don’t know what the hell to buy anyone. When I’ve asked, I’ve been told gift certificates, so that’s what everyone’s getting. Our kids are getting clothes because they need them and we can’t afford to do “fun stuff” and clothes, so that’s just the way it’s going to have to be. My sister Raili  (aged 4) is getting Barbies and my sister Rachael (aged 10 months) is getting Little People because that’s what was asked for.

Also, I don’t even know for sure what the hell is going on with my mother this year and I’ve been too afraid to ask. The “tradition” has been that she comes here Boxing Day and we do presents and have dinner, but with her moving in with John, first of all, I don’t know if he and his son will be coming (which means extra gifts/extra food) and second of all, now that my mother has an actual HOME, she may want to start doing Boxing Day there like we’ve done for most of my life. The thing is though, with going up north and all the bullshit associated with it, we don’t want to have to do more traveling on Boxing Day and if she comes here, I hope she’s fine with pizza or Chinese food because I’m NOT leaving halfway through Xmas dinner at Paul’s house to make it back home in time for me to get enough sleep to cook Xmas dinner the next day for my mother.

Have I mentioned how much I fucking hate Xmas? Seriously, it kills me. I wish it was never invented. I wish I could sleep through the whole thing. I wish I could stay home, with my dogs, watching bad movies and pretending it wasn’t happening.

On a more positive note, did anyone see the Leafs game last night? Was that fucking beautiful or what? My throat is still sore from cringing/yelling at the TV.

And with that, I’m out and you’re probably thinking “thank god” because this post is 3,100 words long.

PS. My review of the new Sims expansion is up on Buttercup for those who were waiting for it.

PPS. I stand corrected about the snow. I just went outside and we got at least 15cm in the time it took me to write this post.

And I don’t give a damn if you don’t like me
Cause’ I don’t like you cause you’re not like me

- Shut Up by the Bloodhound Gang

Sometimes I don’t blog because I don’t really have anything to say. I figure it’s better to just say nothing than to ramble on about the weather or the local sports team, don’t you agree?

Honestly, not a whole hell of a lot has been happening in Sunnyland. As I mentioned in Live Journal (which I update much more frequently than my site, FYI) I’ve lost almost 9 lbs in 5 weeks and the only thing I’m doing differently is eating eggs for breakfast every day. Apparently protein within 2 hours of waking up kickstarts your metabolism and causes your body to “run” faster, burning more calories and fat. It appears to be working for me and at the rate I’m losing weight, if this keeps up anyway and doesn’t plateau on me, I should be back to my normal weight by my birthday (March 1st). This is happy happy news.

In less happy news, Blake did not get the job he applied for 2 weeks ago, which means that our dream house is probably not going to happen. After Xmas is over with, though, we’re going to be working on getting our house ready to sell because the second Blake gets a position in Scarborough, it’s going up and the search for another house will begin. We’re still going to look for a house in Cookstown because we really like the town, but basically most of Southern Ontario is a possibility so among all the little towns, I’m sure we’ll find something just as perfect as the house we were looking at. And hey, who knows? Maybe the house in Cookstown will still be on the market by the time we get our ducks in a row. It’s been on the market for over a year and keeps dropping in price, so who knows how this will all play out? Anyway, I’m not worried about it or bummed out or anything. Everything works out in the end.

I haven’t been painting. Basically, I have a very small house and until I sell some of the paintings that are already finished, I don’t really have much room to create any more. The one I’ve been working on over the past couple of months (that I’m not happy with) keeps getting moved from the coffee table in my office to the washing machine and back again about 20 times per week because it’s constantly in the way. I think to get that one done, I’m going to have to take a trip to Michael’s and while I do have a little money set aside for that, we just haven’t had the opportunity and I haven’t had the desire to actually go. It’s just discouraging to have 8 finished pieces up for sale and no buyers. Not that I create art just to sell it but I definitely get inspired and I stop feeling like I’m crap from people buying. I know it has more to do with the economy than my worth as an artist, but when people have said negative things about you as far as the latter, it’s easy for those little negative thoughts to take over and the only cure I’ve found for those thoughts is a sale.

Xmas is going to be here soon and I don’t even want to think about it, but the neighbours keep bringing it up because they actually like Xmas (wtf, crazy people) so it’s been on my mind. I’m just not looking forward to driving 2 hours to my dad’s house on Xmas Eve, being bored out of my skull up there for most of Xmas Day and then having to leave before dessert is served after Xmas dinner because we have a 2 hour drive back home and I have to get up early to cook the next day for my mother (and this year, probably my mother’s boyfriend and his son). Also this year we’re not taking the dogs up north with us and while I thought that would cause me less stress (the neighbours are going to feed them and let them out because they’ll be home), I think it might be causing me more stress because I don’t like people in my house. At the same time, last year I was so pissed off at my dad because the dogs have to stay in the garage when they’re up there and he didn’t clean out the garage for them. They only had the space of a large blanket to move or lay down on, the rest of the garage was full of a van or flooded. My dogs are a part of my family and my dad knows this and it really bugged the shit out of me that he couldn’t/wouldn’t/didn’t take the time to accommodate them. I didn’t sleep most of Xmas Eve last year because I was worried that my dogs were unhappy, and rightly so, they practically had to sleep in a puddle.

But I should probably not even worry about it. Wayne & Judy will take care of my dogs as if they were their own. They know how much my dogs mean to me and everything will be fine. I just worry, especially when Lucky’s separation anxiety is so bad that he’s been known to break through windows trying to find us. He seems to be fine as long as Hoover’s here, but I’ve never left them alone in the house as long as we’ll be gone over Xmas so I can’t help but worry that we’ll come home to a broken window and no Lucky. I’m thinking I might keep the dogs in my office over night just so that won’t happen but I can’t figure out if that’s cruel or not. (It *is* a big office…) I dunno.

The good thing about Xmas is that I’ll finally be meeting my youngest sister, Rachael. I think She’s 9 months or so now and I’ve still never met her! I have to start working on a painting for her for Xmas like the ones I did for Raili and Madison last year.

I got an e-mail from the Ontario Arts Council about applying for a $5000 arts grant but I deleted it. I got turned down last year because I could only come up with $1500 worth of things I’d do with the money and I can’t even fathom what I’d do with $5000. They want a detailed, itemized list of your plans and I wouldn’t even know where to begin. I run my art business on a budget of like, $100 every 3 months (if I’m lucky), $5000 would last me YEARS. But they don’t want to hear that, they want to hear that you’re going to do fabulous things and spend that money within a year and I’m just not capable of doing that…yet. I’m doing these girls for right now but really, I haven’t found my niche as an artist yet, I’m still working on that, and until I do, I can’t really plan for that kind of money. I mean, I couldn’t even usethat money to like, outfit my “studio space” because my “studio space” is basically a 2nd living room where my only work space is my desk, which needs clearing off every time I start a project because it gets used for daily stuff, and the coffee table. There’s an elliptical in here and a million laundry baskets because the dryer is in here too and there just isn’t room for something like a canvas rack or anything like that. So whatever, I’m not applying for the grant this year, or any other year, until I have a proper studio space and have justification for $5000.

Wrapping up…a few weeks ago, Blake and Judy taught Wayne and I how to play euchre and now I’ve become a euchre fiend. Tonight we’re going over to Wayne & Judy’s to play and I’m really looking forward to cleaning Blake & Wayne’s clocks.

So that’s life right now. Not good, not bad, just…life.