November 5, 2013

Whoredom Relieves Boredom

As I mentioned last month, I’ve been spending a lot of time over at (NSFW) chatting on the tagboard, posting on the forums and reading the other camgirls’ blogs. Oh, and updating my webcam of course. I’ve been trying, and mostly succeeding, to take at least one pic a day, whether it be a webcam pic, a pic with my iPod or cell phone or my big camera. All of the above counts. I share these pics on Camwhores, Twitter and sometimes Facebook. (Facebook is almost 100% art-related, though.)

Anyway, I use a program to upload webcam pictures and as I do so, I archive SFW ones that I think are okay for this small gallery (compared to my whole archive at Camwhores) I use to show people what I do, for the most part. Here are some from October:

I mean, before Facebook, before Instagram, before “selfies”, there were camgirls uploading pics at 320×240 pixels every 30 seconds, live, and most of them were on Camwhores. Some of them still are. Only now they’re uploading high-res images and doing live streaming shows that are archived for viewing later, if you couldn’t catch it live.

Anyway, what else can I say? I’m just a camwhore at heart.

October 31, 2013

Your result: Ta da! You are THE TARDIS

You are a creative soul and more than a little eccentric. You might say your relentless zest for life makes you BIGGER on the INSIDE! Impulsive and curious, you lead the Doctor where he needs to go and not necessarily where he wants to go. You’re full of wanderlust, a romantic at heart and irresistibly sexy!

 Beware – your passion for raw adventure can make you forgetful. Please call home from time to time!

I surrrrrre am.

See who you be, yonder.

Posted at 4:42 pm in: Doctor Who , Fall , Misc. , TV

Born Slippy

I dunno why this just came to me but it did so I thought I’d post it because at least Madison will find it interesting.

When I was pregnant with Madison, I lived in an apartment in my grampa’s building, above my mom’s wallpaper/paint/decor store in Uxbridge. The apartment was at the very back of the building, near the fire escape and the layout that’s important to the rest of the story is as follows: two bedrooms facing North, one right beside the other and the kitchen was a strip of space between those two bedrooms and the living room/rest of the apartment. The kitchen had a window that faced East and that’s where my kitchen table was. I never used it for eating on though, it was basically just the computer desk. so that was the Eastern side of the room. On the Western side of the room, you had fridge, sink, cupboards, microwave and then this goddamn ancient stove.

And that is where this story begins. With that goddamn ancient stove.

See, I’ve never been a very good cook, it’s just never been my thing, so most of the time when I was pregnant with Madison, I ate raw healthy foods like cheese and fruit and veggies and milk and nuts but I also ate a lot of take-out. Big surprise. I know.

But there’s some things you *have* to cook on the stove. Like Kraft Dinner. Which is what I was craving one day when I was like, just pregnant enough with Madison to be able to feel butterfly-like movements and I had just started putting an elastic through the button-hole of my pants and hooking it over the button to give me a couple of extra inches.

Well this stove we had was from the ’50s, maybe earlier. It was very round and had like, REAL knobs, the likes of which I don’t think they make anymore.

And only the oven and 1 out of 4 elements worked and to make matters worse, the 1 that worked really ONLY boiled water (so within the 8/10+ range on the dial) and would stay ON even after you turned the knob to “off”. You could turn the knob to anything and the result would pretty much be the same. To get the element to turn OFF, as that’s obviously a safety hazard right? You had to tilt the top part (where the knobs were) forward a bit because it was on hinges for this purpose and BLINDLY reach back there and unscrew, then pull out the right fuse. When I was done cooking, I would put the top part back into its normal position and set the fuse on top.

One day I go to make Kraft Dinner so the first thing I did was pick up the fuse, tilt the top part forward and reached back to put the fuse into the, uh, fuse-hole. In one full movement I both DROPPED the fuse AND stuck my finger in the fuse hole.

I wake up on the other side of the room on the floor by the kitchen table. My heart is racing like crazy and I’m just like hoooooly shit. I check myself out and I’m not hurt anywhere and I can see okay and the only thing that really seemed “wrong” was the fact that, obviously I had blacked out and fell/threw myself and had a fuck tonne of electricity go through my body but I felt like a hummingbird, like my heart was just going so fast but there was so much adrenalin (I’m guessing) going through me at that point that I felt light.

I truly don’t remember what happened after that but in the end I called a friend who took me to the hospital where I felt Madison move and they listened to her heartbeat, which was normal and by that time so was mine, so they sent me home. We joked that I would give birth to Powder.

I still used the stove after that, I had to it was the only one I had, I was just very very careful putting the fuse in.

And that’s my story.

Posted at 3:16 pm in: Fall , Family , Food , Gratitude , Hospital , Kids , Life , Madison , Misc. , Movies , Technology , the 90's
October 30, 2013

Les choses que nous apprenons…

yo yo, quoi de neuf?

Blake, as a new Canadian (did I mention he took his citizenship test and he passed and he was sworn in and can vote and everything now? well, that happened), has decided to take a French class. It started in September and goes until December so it seems like they’re going to cover a lot. He has flash cards and has to do tests and shit. Honestly he’s doing really well. I haven’t heard him speak much of it, I think he’s still unsure of his accent, but he’s showed me his tests and how they do it – I think – is that the teacher gives them a piece of paper with maybe 12 English phrases on it and they’re all numbered. Then the teacher says the first phrase en francais and the students are supposed to write down what they hear. I have no idea how they’re learning things like “est-ce que” (“is that”), which sounds like “eska” (more or less). I would never hear those two syllables and think “oh, that must be three words”. It was on Blake’s test a few times so they must be learning spelling and grammar as well, I just thought Blake told me the whole class is oral/aural. Maybe there’s more to it than that. I know there’s homework involved.

As a Canadian native, I started taking French in school in kindergarten and took it up until grade 9. French is written on everything here, so I know the words for a lot of things but it’s been so long since I used or heard it that I would probably be useless in Quebec and I know I can’t watch TV in French…I’m pretty sure by December, after one class, Blake will be more fluent than I am. C’est la vie!

So this means that on Wednesdays, the kids and I are on our own for dinner and I only see Blake in the morning while I’m working because he doesn’t get home until after I go to bed.

Oh look. Here comes Madison, bugging me for Halloween costume ideas at the last minute…as long as she doesn’t go as a scumbag teenager in normal clothes begging for candy, I *don’t care what she goes as. Also she’s had months to figure this out and it’s the night before, I’m scanning my brain for fucks to give…scanning….scanning…none found!

Awww she suckered me into helping her be Pinkie Pie from My Little Pony. Damn me for having a ridiculous amount of pink clothing and a hoodie with ears that also happens to be pink! Wes, in case you were wondering, is being a werewolf. We went straight off the rack for his costume and he’s wearing a mask so unless he really wants me to I’m not going to take pics. I may have better luck with Madison.

This last week has been the pits, as far as first world problems, because we’re using shoddy wireless internet using the router built into the modem, so that’s issue #1. Issue #2 is that our ISP something something is having problems something something resolving DNS something something, which in layman’s terms means it takes me approximately 20 tries to load a webpage or upload anything because the internet won’t connect to the host. It’s like, “Connecting….” and then it says, “resolving host…” and then Chrome or whatever browser takes a shit and asks if I want to reload. Repeat literally 20 times or until you give up and try looking at it on your phone.

This DNS issue or whatever it is (Blake’s been on the phone with tech support a million times and they told us a couple of days ago to wait 72 hours to see if it got any better) really fucking sucks because I effectively can’t do part of my job because it involves a form to send e-mails to people and there’s an iFrame or something that tells me when the e-mail’s gone through. With this issue, that iFrame won’t load and tell me either way if the e-mail went through so if I click to send the e-mail again, did I really just send it again or did I now just send two? Oh. iFrame didn’t load again. What now? Possibly send three? There is a work-around I’ve found, but it takes something that already took a long time take ten times longer. What also sucks is that the site I do support for is super bandwidth intensive and I have to run it while I’m working. That’s my job. I can run it mostly okay during my early mornings when no one else is online but when we tried using the internet normally during my shift on Saturday, doing my job was just impossible so everyone was pretty much device-bound while I was the only one using the internet at all. And I was *still* having trouble. It sucked. It does suck.

 There’s also an itty bitty conspiracy theorist in me that thinks our cable company is messing with us because we have unlimited bandwidth now, just this month, and have been pretty liberal with it. But that’s probably crazy…right?

Blake and my brother just taught me how to use the bit torrents to download media and I barely even had a chance to try it out before the internet went down and then we were rendered mostly impotent. I was cut down in my youth. What kind of animals would do this to me?

Anyway, since Blake had French class today after work and didn’t come home in between and he works in the city tomorrow, the earliest he can try the troubleshooting process with tech support again is tomorrow night after taking Wes out to get candy. Like I said, my mornings are okay except for that one thing I can’t/is difficult to do, but on my Saturdays, that part of the job is pretty unavoidable so hopefully they fix our internet before then. I also have my work meeting on Friday which is through Skype so hopefully that’s not a nightmare.

So yeah, tonight we’re on our own. Madison and I each have a frozen pizza that we could eat, but Wes ate his last week so his options are grilled cheese with either Kraft Dinner or soup or neither or any one of those things alone or in conjunction with each other. Honestly, I’ve felt so barftastic today that I’m not sure I’ll eat at all, especially pizza. So we’ll see. I do have like, $50 worth of pharmaceuticals to take right now though and they should be taken with food so…yeah. We’ll see.

And with that, I think I’m off to take my pills, watch Weeds and go to bed.

PS. I mostly liked the new Carrie movie. Finally, some justice for Tommy Ross! Madison HATED the movie and says the original is her favourite movie right now. I expected to have the same reaction because Carrie (1976) is in my top 5 favourite movies and I hate two things: remakes and sequels. But nope, I thought it was actually pretty good. Nothing could ever live up to the piece of art that is the Brian De Palma film, but this new one is way better than any of the other Carrie-related efforts I’ve seen over the years. By miles.

And NOW I’m off to do that shit I said I was going to do 10 minutes ago…


October 29, 2013


I really don’t have a whole lot to say these days. Or at least not HERE anyway. Not publicly. Not now.

I mean, my grama’s dying so unless she does something super heinous, I’m not going to blog about it. Not in detail. Would I LOOOOOOVE to be blogging the family gossip? OH HELL YES. Can I? Well, no.  I probably shouldn’t and if I did, no one would tell me anything. What I can say is that I asked my mom if my grama had been seen by a doctor again and my mom told me she has a palliative care doctor. So I asked if there had been any more scans or anything or if the doctor who had said, “she has summer and spring” (not a direct quote) had adjusted his prognosis and my mom said no. My grama’s got a really sore throat and she’s raspy when she speaks and, in my mom’s words, “her nurse finally agrees that it’s because of the cancer and not from radiation”. My grama’s been complaining of a sore throat since the end of last winter I think. She had and stopped radiation in the spring. I think. My memory for stuff like this really sucks, which is why blogging is productive for me. It helps me remember. Or it’s proof for when I don’t.

So that’s my grama.

Then there’s my brother. I don’t think he understands the blog thing. I should talk to him about that today, actually. We’ll see how things go. Anyway, he’s finally letting me in and that’s a super fragile thing so I don’t want him to be spooked by well…you guys. If he was physically in my house, I could show him the Google Analytics that show that a hell of a lot of people are reading, you’re all just very very quiet, but he’s not here and explaining the whole thing to him over text is sort of difficult. But yeah, straying from the point, things are going pretty good with him. He moves into his new apartment with his dad and his girlfriend on Nov. 1st but he went back to the city to stay with either one of them, I’m not sure which, on Sunday to prepare for the move. Once he has a permanent address, he can get on the list to be called for forklift operator jobs and the kid can finally get his shit together. Or at least that’s the theory.

OH! Something sort of weird is that I got contacted by my cousin Cory on Facebook, who I don’t even know but who is a year younger than me. I remember the actual Crittendens (besides my great grama Crittenden) very vaguely. All I know is that there are a lot of them and that half of them are mentally ill and/or alcoholics. I have my personal Facebook set so people can’t just send me friend requests but people can message me and if they’re actual friends or family or people I consider my homies, I’ll send *them* a friend request, so I sent him a friend request after he told me who he was but he hasn’t really interacted with me at all. Then again, I haven’t had time to interact with him either. Anyway it was weird and random so I thought I’d note it.

Aaaaaand that’s truly all I have to say.

Posted at 12:48 pm in: Chad , Childhood , Cory C. , Fall , Family , Life , Sunnyland , the antichrist
October 21, 2013

All in a day, all for me…

On Friday all of us went to my grama’s to see my brother, my mom and John and to eat pizza.

My grama was her usual self, honestly, the only thing I noticed was that she called my brother by her other grandson’s name, but that’s not an abnormal thing though I don’t think. She’s been getting names mixed up for years, it’s almost a family trait once you reach a certain age. Physically she does look older and thinner and generally smaller but her hair’s growing back. When I hugged her (both times) I was scared I’d hurt her or break her or I’d knock her down. But she was in a good mood and I think she really enjoys seeing my kids, even if they don’t say very much.

Seeing my brother was awesome, I wish we could spend more time together. We decided to keep in touch via text message since his only internet is his phone and he got an apartment. He moves in Nov. 1st but is leaving my mom’s on Sunday to gather his shit from wherever and get ready to move. He suggested we get together at my mom’s on Friday but A) I don’t know how my mom feels about that and B) I don’t know how Blake feels about that so I dunno how feasible that is. We’ll see, but I kinda don’t think so, which I told him.

He totally remembers me scaring the shit out of him the first time he watched Carrie and we decided he was 9 when that happened and I would have been 15. There are many joyous moments in my life and that is definitely one of them. I drink the dewy tears of children for breakfast. Mmmmmm delicious.

So that was Friday.

Then Saturday morning Blake took the dogs to the SPCA to get microchipped because they were doing a clinic (that our friend Mark told us about because of this post; total fluke thing that it was happening now) so that’s one less thing to worry about, especially if we move and they ever got loose in a new place. Saturday night Madison, Blake and I tried to watch Much Ado About Nothing, the Joss Whedon version, but I could not follow it AT ALL and have no idea what it was about or how it ended. I’m sure it was genius…

Sunday all we did was watch Sam and Dean because Madison had a friend over and today I have a work meeting, which sucks. And now you’re up to speed!

October 18, 2013

I’ve got my spine, I’ve got my Orange Crush.

In 3 hours I’ll be in a car on my way to my grama’s apartment to see her, my mom and my brother. I haven’t seen my grama since the spring for a bunch of reasons, but mostly because I was sick and Blake and I work too much, so I’m not really sure what to expect; if she’ll be smaller than last time or if she’ll look sicker. Or maybe she’ll look exactly the same.

Seeing my brother is stressful because it just is. I’m always afraid he’s going to blow up and tell us all to fuck ourselves at any moment, which is not an unrealistic fear I don’t think.

But this is what I asked for, so my mom arranged it, and we’re going to go and have Stouffville Pizza with everyone at grama’s apartment. This is just how I roll on a Friday night. Yup yup.

Posted at 12:51 pm in: Anxiety , Blake , Chad , Fall , Family , Kids , Life , Madison , Mom , Sunnyland , the antichrist , Wes
October 15, 2013

Scar tissue, blood blister…

This morning as I was shaving my pits, as some girls are wont to do, because of the razor I use (Venus something er other that has its own shaving cream built in), I was reminded of something that happened when I was 12…

…when I was 12, we lived in a REALLY small town, called Greenbank, that I think was literally something like 400-500 people. There are only 5 features to Greenbank, that I can think of: a school that goes to grade 6, a pretty nice park, a church, a general store that also acts as the post office and a bakery/chicken coop (that makes amazing garlic cheese bread) that actually sells their own product, not like, an industrial type of thing.  This is all to say that if you lived in Greenbank when you were 12, there was nothing to really do but watch TV, but even that sucked because we were far enough into the boonies that we couldn’t get cable.

So, when I was 12, like the rest of the girls in town, I joined the church choir.

Yes. Me.

But lemme also say that when I say I “joined”, that meant I performed with the choir at our school, but I never sang at church by my own choice.

Anyway, one day I was in the upstairs bathroom brushing my teeth and I spied my dad’s razor sitting on the edge of the sink. Curious, I tried shaving a little bit of my arm hair. Then I felt the newly hairless skin and it was really smooth and suddenly I understood why some women shave their legs; I decided I wanted to shave my legs too.

So, on the floor of our bathroom, I proceeded to do so. DRY. It hurt a little. I bled just a little. But overall I thought it went okay.

I put my dad’s razor back (I highly doubt I rinsed it off) and went to bed. And I experienced freshly shaven legs and nice sheets for the first time in my life and I thought man, shaving your legs is AWESOME, then I went to bed.

The next morning I woke up, got out of bed, threw on t-shirt and a pair of shorts (I highly doubt I ate breakfast) and walked to school.  In June. Where every morning I would come to school a sweaty mess because it was the end of the school year and it was already getting really hot.

The day was totally normal, like any other. We played baseball in gym but because I had asthma I didn’t have to participate so I sat in the grass behind the fencing (cage?) and kept count with J. Fletcher who was in trouble so he wasn’t allowed to play but really wanted to.

And that’s when the itching started. Absent-mindedly,  I began to scratch my legs a little bit, just every now and then. But that only made it itchier and now red bumps were appearing but it was soooooo itchy so I scratched. And kept on scratching until gym class was over.

On the way home from school, the sweat running down my legs because it was 3:30pm and it was hotter than it was in the morning, began to sting the little red bumps. It suuuuuuuuucked.

But I had to go to choir after school, so I did, begrudgingly.

Choir practice was some girls standing and some girls sitting on the step below them with their legs together, bent and to the same side as everyone else. I was a sitter.

I was in agony and during one slow part of choir when the adults were trying to work something out amongst themselves, I had to scratch so I looked around to see if anyone was looking and someone was. This girl whose name I can’t even remember was staring at me which freaked me right out so I looked away and that’s when she whispered to me, “hey! do you shave your legs?” completely bewildered and sort of in awe because none of the other girls had shaven legs.

NO.” I half sneered, half hissed because by now it was clear that I had somehow done it wrong. I stuck my nose up in the air and turned away from her.

It’s funny the little things you remember throughout your day like that. I wish the Venus whatever it’s called with the built in shaving gunk that I use was there for my 12 year old self.

Anyway, I thought it was cute/funny so I thought I’d share.

Posted at 12:09 pm in: Beauty , Childhood , Fall , Feminism , Life , Misc. , the 90's , Women
October 10, 2013

What else should I be?

See this is what goes through my head:

What if the last kid to leave in the morning doesn’t shut the front door properly and it blows open and I’m sleeping and the dogs run out…and then Lucky gets captured by a nice person somewhere but Hoover doesn’t because he’s old and can get aggressive if he’s scared and in my F.E.A.R.* scenario the person who tries to capture him grabs him by the collar and Hoover slips out of it and runs away. Then he’s out there in the world, scared and lost with no identification and then he gets hit by a car…


– Madison is the last kid to leave the house and she’s as paranoid as I am so I highly doubt this scenario would happen to begin with.
– Hoover and Lucky have gotten out many times before and they A) stick together and B) usually just go around the block or down the trail sniffing trees etc. and then they come back. Hoover will actually paw at the front door to be let back in.
– They’re wearing 2 ID tags each and neither of them have slipped their collars ever. Harnesses yes, but not collars.
– No one would want either one of them so if they were at someone’s house, we’d either be notified pretty quickly (which has happened in the past) or if they ended up in the pound or if posters went up, we’d know pretty quickly that way too.


This whole train of thought was brought on by a gust of wind blowing toward my house and the front door, which is right beside me, creaked.

But at least now I know shit like that is stupid whereas a year ago, three years ago, I would have called Blake at work crying about it.  That’s the Cognitive Behavioural Therapy starting to work, I think.

Also? I’m not giving much of a fuck lately about “wasting” days like I used to be obsessed with. The only pressure I had on me to be productive to a problematic degree was the pressure I put on myself. And that’s dumb. I mean, I’m still productive, but it’s not a bad day just because I didn’t create something. There’s no crying over spilled milk. Blake and my shrink have been trying to get me to realize this for literally years but it didn’t sink in until now.

Yesterday Blake was working from home and then he had to be in Barrie, which is 1/2 an hour away (but 40 minutes if you’re not sure where you’re going) in the afternoon and we had like, NO food in the house. Not a huge deal normally but after his appointment in Barrie, he was just going to stay there for his French class and Madison would be with him, which meant Wes and I were on our own for food and our options were like, eggs and grilled cheese, which I knew neither of us wanted. Also, Blake picked me up homemade mushroom soup from Fresh-A-Fare but we didn’t have any crackers sooooooooooooo I was like, “fuck this, I’m going to the store, do you need anything?”  Blake said “nope, have fun! you have 35 minutes!”. I popped 2 clonazepam and put 2 Ativan under my tongue and not ONLY did I drive to the grocery store all by myself, but I warded off a panhandling teenager who looked like he was sick or something, he was like a zombie; talked to the ladies at the deli and ordered deli meat and I did the checkout and THEN drove home, brought everything in and put everything away, all by myself, – well before the 35 minutes was up. ~*curtsey*~


I still obviously have massive issues, but in my own way, I’m still making strides, even if they aren’t all outwardly visible.

(* False Evidence Appearing Real)

October 9, 2013

Slip & Score

Right now my face is frozen because I just came back from the dentist and I’m listening to this awesome In Utero tribute album that was done by a bunch of Toronto bands

…I know, when I first heard that, I was like, “ugh, no” but because of who recommended it and the fact that it’s completely free I downloaded it aaaaaand like I said, it’s pretty awesome. There are some not so good songs but mostly I think it’s a solid effort and worth the hassle of downloading (oh, 1st world problem me to death why don’t ya?). I don’t know a single band on the album or anything about them though. All I know is this compilation of covers is good. “Frances Farmer Will Have Her Revenge on Seattle” done by Fresh Snow & Julie Fader (whoever they are) is so so good.

On Sunday afternoon we watched the original, 1976, Sissy Spacek, Brian De Palma motherfuckers, Carrie movie with Madison which Blake and I had discussed the night previous so when the hand comes up at the end, Blake grabbed Madison who screamed and jumped 30 feet haha It was awesome. Almost as awesome as when I did it to my brother when he was maybe 12 and he cried and threw shit at me hahahaha oh god, it was so funny, I wonder if he remembers that? I probably scarred him for life. Anyway, Madison really liked the movie and we are now prepped to see the remake, which will surely be a disappointment but I’m probably going to try and see it in the theatre, ideally with Madison, regardless because sometimes I’m a little masochistic.

We’re on the last episode of season 4 of the Sam and Dean show (Supernatural) and it’s brother against brother, whatever will they do? However will they kill Lilith if not together? OH FUCKING NOES! This show is so stupid but so good at the same time haha I’m completely addicted to it. I think season 9 premiered on TV last night so we’re halfway done.

Anyway, I’m babbling. I really don’t have a ton to talk about and I’m starving but half my face is still frozen. Blah. Have a lovely Wednesday!

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