December 15, 2011

Blood.

I feel like absolute garbage, my stomach is just really really upset. I also haven’t washed my hair in a few days and that’s not helping my mood. I fully intend to have a shower after I make this post later though, so that should make things a little better.

This is the crappiest December ever. I was digging through old Live Journal entries this morning (at 4:30am, which is when I tend to get up these days) and 6 years ago, on December 7th, we had a snow day and a good 3-4 feet of snow. I remember this because my brother was here. My brother who resurfaced yesterday in the form of a wall comment on my Facebook fan page.

When I got the e-mail notification, I was like “wtf?” so I went to look and read it like 5 times without understanding what he was saying because he doesn’t believe in punctuation, but I got the gist of it and just started crying.

If you recall, I haven’t spoken to my brother in 6 years, almost to the day of that Facebook comment. Here’s a journal entry to refresh your memory of that little bit of drama. In fact, and I’m only pointing this out because some people may not know, you can use the tags on my Live Journal to read the whole saga as it happened in real time, if you wanted to.

My brother doesn’t know I was/am sick. My mom wanted to tell him face to face, but that never happened. As far as I’ve been told, my mom hasn’t seen my brother in the flesh for over a year, maybe longer, and hasn’t received an e-mail from him in quite some time either.

I e-mailed him and literally just said “Hey what’s up? How are you?” and left it at that. If he replies, which he may not since all he has is his phone, I’m not sure I’m even going to tell him about being sick. I think he won’t understand the gravity of what the situation was, how fucked up I am now physically, and I think that’ll just upset me. Honestly, I kinda feel it’s just none of his business. I realize that’s weird to say when I’ve been chronicling the whole thing on a website read by strangers (so to speak) but the way I see it is that he’s free to read this website too, nothin’ stopping him. I’m not going to type out the whole story again just for him.

But I think mostly I’m just afraid that he won’t care and that he’ll hurt me. :o(

Oh also, I deleted his message from my fan page because I didn’t want trolls and yahoos calling his cell phone or e-mailing him. I wrote down his e-mail address and phone number in case I ever need it, but I don’t think I ever will.

So that’s what’s happening with that. Fun fun drama drama.

Tomorrow night is Blake’s work Xmas party and I really really don’t want to go but Blake really really wants me to. He said that if I don’t go to work functions for like, 5 years and then all of a sudden I go to one, it’ll be weirder and more awkward than if I just go this time and get it over with so I guess that’s what I’m going to do. Blake says if I go this year then I don’t have to go to any other work functions ever again so I guess I’ll just suck it up and go.  He also said that if I want to leave after 5 minutes, that’s okay, so we’ll see how things go. I’ll be bringing the iPad and I fully intend to find myself a corner to hide in so I can screw around on Facebook or something until it’s over. I don’t want Blake to like, drag me around meeting people or anything like that but I’m guessing he will because that’s what you do at parties and Blake’s like, this extroverted social butterfly who really wants me to meet his work people.

So whatever, I guess I have to go.

I guess the good news is that he doesn’t work in Barrie anymore so it won’t be a party full of soccer moms talking about potty training and snack time. Most of Blake’s co-workers don’t even have kids. Why do I care whether or not they have kids? Because nothing is as boring to me as hearing about people’s kids unless they are exceptional in some way and let’s face it, most of them aren’t, yet parents brag like they are. I write about my kids here but you’re welcome to not read it, walk away, you can’t do that so much face to face. Plus I write this for me, not you. The only thing more boring than hearing about people’s kids is their dreams, followed by their jobs unless they do something exceptional, which is hardly ever the case. And all of these people do computer crap for a telecom, I don’t understand, don’t want to understand and couldn’t care less. (Although I get the sense that these guys aren’t the type to bore you with details about their jobs. Plus they have to take a shot if they do.)

Anyway, I’d rather go to the dentist than go to this thing but…such is love.

I’m having a shitty day. I’m in a shitty mood. I think I’m going to step away from the keyboard and go have a nap.

Posted at 2:56 pm in: Blake , Chad , Childhood , Fall , Family , Kids , Life , Mom , Sunnyland , winter , Work
December 12, 2011

Pinterest

FOLLOW ME!

 

What IS Pinterest?

Pinterest is a virtual bulletin board but not like a message board or a forum, it’s for visually “pinning” bookmarks to any URL for use at another time. You create “boards”, for example I made one for “Sunnyland Studio”, and you “pin” things that strike your fancy so you can find them later. I “pinned” all of my paintings on my site and Etsy (well, not ALL of them) on my “Sunnyland Studio” board because people can “repin” things that strike their fancy to show up on their own boards, so it’s kind of like free advertising if your own stuff goes viral, which a couple of my paintings have.

You can also go to Pinterest’s main page to see what other people are pinning, which I find really really addictive, especially in the food category because there are so many recipes that look good. Blake’s on Pinterest too and that’s how we’re sharing recipes since he does 95% of the cooking. My other big board is called “Creative Inspiration” and it’s just stuff I’ve come across on Pinterest and on the internet that helps my brain to tick along. One thing I pinned so far has resulted in artwork for the Build a Rainbow project but I have no idea when it’ll be done so it probably won’t be finished in time. Oh well.

Speaking of Build a Rainbow, Madison did a lot of the colours for the challenge but I’ll make a new post about that.

The reason I decided to take the plunge into Pinterest after rejecting it a few months ago is because my friend Jax tweeted that she was going to a Pinterest party, which sounds very very interesting to me. Apparently you go to someone’s house and you make crafts and food based on the things everyone’s pinned. I don’t have the details of the party yet, I think it was last night, but I’m very interested in it because it seems like something my mom might want to do and if she did, I’d definitely want to come and so would Madison probably.

Anyway, Pinterest is cool and totally addictive. I’m loving it.

IF YOU NEED AN INVITE, SEND ME YOUR E-MAIL ADDRESS!
Sunny@SunnyCrittenden.com

Posted at 12:34 pm in: Art , Beauty , Blake , Books , Childhood , Creativity , Etsy , Fall , Food , Internet , Madison , Mom , pinterest , recipes , Sunnyland
December 9, 2011

Touched…By Fire!

I am soooooo wiped out. Last night after the art show I almost fell asleep while I was eating so Blake put me to bed where I slept ALL NIGHT (a rare occurrence) and then this morning I had a 2 & a half our nap. Granted, it was because of the hydromorph, but I’m still just kinda “blah” from being social and out last night. I just leave the house so rarely that when I do, it really takes a lot out of me, especially if I have to talk to people and like, climb stairs. (Stairs are still really difficult for me.)

I’m an artist.
My name tag says so.

Touched By Fire was a great event, just as it is every year. I didn’t have any of the appetizers because all of them had either ground meat (swedish meatballs, sliders) which I try to stay away from or weird cheeses, which I also stay away from. Oh and one had spinach. Gross. So that part kinda sucked considering that was what I was looking forward to since I knew I wouldn’t win one of the awards or sell my painting so I was really just going to see the art and eat good food.

But the thing is, I DID SELL MY PAINTING! I was in absolute shock when my mom told me. The buyer didn’t come speak to me at all, so I have no idea who bought it, but this is the first time I’ve sold a painting to someone I didn’t already know. So thank you to whoever bought it!

I’d brought business cards with me to put on the tables that are usually strewn about the event, so Blake distributed those and I’m going to assume that some new people are now reading this as a result. Hi new people! :o) And it’s not as tacky as it sounds, my business cards are Moo cards with full bleed photos of one of my girls’ faces on the front with my website url and Etsy url on the back. They’re more like ATCs than business cards, totally collectible. Also, the last time I did this event people did that with their business cards and I felt totally unprofessional for not having any to do the same. This time I was prepared.

When we got there we were given a show catalogue each and they gave me my name tag, which I immediately hid by putting the catalogue over it because that name tag is the worst part of the whole thing. I hate it. But I know that’s just me and I realize that it’s necessary, but I still hate it. I guess there’s no law saying I have to wear it, but you’re supposed to, so I did, but kept it well hidden, especially when we got around to my painting. But let me back up…we got there and went upstairs to the gallery which is above a furniture store and is HUGE and we went around looking at all of the art, a lot of which is really cool.

My favourite piece was called “The Elephant In The Room” by Kimberly Denny. It was actually two pieces in one and it’s kind of hard to explain…she took two pictures of a brain, one on each sheet of paper, and then she hand wrote the story of this lady in the very early 1900s who was the first person to be diagnosed with multiple personality disorder and the reason she was diagnosed was because one of her personalities killed someone and her punishment was to be hanged. She got off though, because she claimed insanity. So Kimberly hand wrote that story on two sheets of paper and then she….I’m not even sure what she did exactly, to be honest, she used some sort of medium that dried clear and looked like glass when it was finished, and poured it onto the sheets of paper and allowed it to dry. Then she drilled two holes in the top of each sheet and they were hung from the ceiling at the show. The piece was meant to “get in your way” and be interactive and it was really really nice, I really enjoyed it.

Another one I REALLY liked was by Richard A. Jacobson called “I Saw My Father’s Eyes” because it was massive and so so detailed and realistic. He’s on the site twice, it seems, once as Richard and once as Rick. The paintings he has on there as Rick are similar to the one I liked (the faces) but the big one he has on there as Richard was there last night and it was really quite impressive. The wrench and the spade were there as well. I just can’t even imagine how you would paint something so big yet so detailed. I don’t have that kind of realism talent AT ALL so when I see it, I’m just kind of awed.

There were a LOT of really interesting pieces, you should check out the website gallery. (Although none of the pieces from last night will be on it.) You can buy pieces through the website but there are no “buy it now” type of buttons so I’m not sure how you actually buy anything. I guess you would have to e-mail them if you saw a piece you liked. Kind of an ass backward way of doing things, if you ask me, but at the same time, if you buy through the site, I would get 100% of the money, as opposed to Etsy where I have to part with 3.5% of the sale price.

The lady who was sort of in charge of putting the show together (there was actually a jury of 3 people, two guys and this lady) is named Colette. She’s the Director of Cooper’s Fine Art Gallery. Blake found her at one point last night, to ask if we could take my painting home after the show since it would be a pain in the ass to have to come back down to Toronto just to get it. (That was before we knew it had sold.) She actually wanted to talk to me, so she came over to where my mom and I were standing and we started talking and she said how much she liked my work. I confessed that I wasn’t sure how I got into the show and before I could explain that my confusion was because my girls are usually pretty happy and this show is usually pretty dour or manic, she cut me off and said, “it’s because you’re really really fucking talented”. So I thanked her and then someone asked her something and she went off to talk to them, but at the end of the night when we were about to go home, I sent Blake with some business cards to find her and she gave him her phone number and told him that she wanted him to bring down some of my pieces so she could show this gallery that would be “perfect” for showing my work. I’m nit sure how all of this works, but I’m pretty excited about it because this is what I’ve been wanting for for a long time and now it’s looking like things are going to start happening! *squee*

The best moment of the show though, which was kind of awkward at the time but in retrospect I think it was my favourite part, was when we were looking at my painting (and reading to see that there were no typos in my blurb haha), Blake suddenly said to someone behind me, “do you like this painting?” and when I turned around there was a little girl who was maybe 6 and she was just kinda looking at my painting, and then back at Blake, with huge eyes and awe. Blake kinda put her on the spot  though (and me! because he followed up with “because she painted it” and pointed right at me) but it was the best moment of the show because she is exactly who I would want to see my work. She is my exact audience. That moment was so precious to me, I’ll never forget it. Aside from my own kids, she’s the first child to ever see one of my paintings. I’ve sold one to a guy (heinousjay) who gave the piece to his 2 year old niece but I didn’t see her reaction and she was probably too young to really have one.

Anyway…so that was cool.

After the show we just went home. Stopped at a gas station to buy a drink and my mom bought me a bag of ketchup chips since I didn’t really have any dinner (the appetizers were supposed to be my dinner) and I almost fell asleep on the way home. When we got to the McDonald’s on the highway we stopped for grungeburgers and as I said at the beginning, I almost fell asleep eating mine.

It was a great evening, I think my mom had a good time, and I hope I get into the show next year. I think I may paint another version of The Two Sunnies for entry, the original of which I gave to my shrink last year for Xmas, because that’s the kind of work I think they want. Also I was never happy with the original, I think I can do better, so I think I’m going to try.

Today has been pretty mellow. It’s snowing at the moment, a sight I’m going to have to get used to. I’ve gotten over my issue with eating salad during cold months, for the most part, and that’s what I had for lunch today. I call it “hospital salad” because this is how they made it when I was in the hospital last month:

Lettuce, spinach, English cucumbers, cherry tomatoes and grated carrots.

I also, for some reason, thought you should all see my desktop. I’m not sure why, it was just something I decided while I was editing pics:

Happy Weekend!!!

Posted at 4:32 pm in: Art , Blake , Canada , Fall , Food , Life , Mom , Money , recipes , Sunnyland , winter , Work
December 8, 2011

So, I got this e-mail from my mom…

—————————- Original Message —————————-

Subject: Hair! NIOXIN

From: “Lori-Anne” <sunnysmom@gmail.com>

Date: Thu, December 8, 2011 9:57 am

To: “Sarah” <Sunny@SunnyCrittenden.com>

————————————————————————–

 

I’m on my way to get this NOW.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nioxin

 

Friend Anne told me about it…got the name this morning, and called

Terri…She knows & recommends it.

3 part system. Shampoo/conditioner AND most important, Folical Booster.

Meeting Dean (her partner) in the parking lot of the salon suppliers….in

20 minutes. Gotta GO!

Love YOU!

 

mom

A Simpler Time ~ Join me on Facebook!

www.facebook.com/pages/A-Simpler-Time/107844892584854

www.Lori-AnneCrittenden.com

—————————————————————————

Terri is my cousin who’s a hairdresser and I’m guessing this means that she’s the one who bought the stuff and that my mom’s going to pick it up right now so she can give it to me when we pick her up for Touched By Fire.

I’m skeptical of course, but willing to try anything. *shrug*

Thanks, Mom (and Terri)!

Posted at 11:28 am in: Beauty , Fall , gallbladder , hair , Health , hernia , Hospital , Menstruation , Mom , pancreatitis , Sunnyland

Salt-N-Pepa

I love Salt-N-Pepa.
So here are some videos.
(In chronological order, according to Wikipedia.)

My Mic Sound/s Nice:

Awww. Embedding disabled for Shake Your Thang. Watch it anyway.

Push It:

Twist and Shout:

Let’s Talk About Sex (omg Vevo blanked out the “wet” in “wet dream”, wtf?):

Shoop (this is probably my favourite S-N-P video):

Whatta Man w/En Vogue:

None Of Your Business (awww they blanked out “assholes”):

So totally a different era, but I found this by accident and it’s great so I thought I’d tack it onto the end of this post. I love the Fat Boys because they rapped about food. Not guns or violence or sexy hoes, they rapped about FOOD (and Freddy Krueger!).

The Fat Boys Are Back:

Also this:

AHHHHHHHHH LOVE LOVE LOVE!

Posted at 11:16 am in: Childhood , Fall , Food , Music , Sunnyland , the 80's , the 90's , USA , videos , youtube
December 7, 2011

Meat & Potatoes

How important to you is (scale of 1-10, 10 being “extremely important”):
1) morality of eating animals
2) morality of contributing to current factory farming system
3) impact of diet choices on environment
4) impact of diet choices on personal health

Me:
1) 5 or 6
2) 8
3) 3
4) 9

My friend Halcyon came up with this list and it’s currently being discussed on Anybeat. What do you think?

I think “morality of eating animals” should have been at the bottom of the list because there are many factors involved in answering that question – if you eat meat, at least – a lot of them having to do with the other three issues, so I’m going to answer issues 1, 2 and 4 first:

I hate factory farming. I don’t think anyone particularly likes it, except maybe those who make their money doing it, so I’m expecting this to be one of the highest on everyone’s list. I would love to not participate in the factory farming cycle and it would be a 10, if it were a matter of choice. I would even love to say that we try not to, but we don’t because we can’t. We live in a town of 2,000 people with one very tiny grocery store that gets almost all of its meat from factory farms. The only thing it doesn’t get from factory farms that I’ve seen are frozen “Cowboy Beef Burgers” and steaks which – I think – are manufactured locally (edit: they are). The next closest grocery stores are all 40 minutes away, but they all get their meat from factory farms as well.

We have two alterntive options, 1) the organic, cruelty free shop in town and 2) Blake has a friend who runs a small farm and we have the option of buying a half of a cow who ate grass its whole life and who was killed as humanely as possible. We can even come visit the cow from calf to butcher and “know our meat”. The organic shop is out of the question because our budget just doesn’t allow for it. His steaks are like, $15 a piece. For fillets we could get at the grocery store for $7 or $8 (which we can’t afford either, but we get sometimes). I don’t know about his chicken, I don’t really eat chicken, and Blake’s never really checked. I don’t believe he sells pork, but I could be wrong. His fruits and vegetables, which I would love to purchase because they’re guaranteed GMO-free, are equally expensive. I would love to support this man’s business because I believe in what he’s doing (and I can’t figure out how he’s still in business in this town) but we simply cannot afford to.

So that leaves option 2, the friendly farmer who has cows for sale; who raises his animals ethically and with love and who probably whispers a prayer with each one he kills, the way I understand it. Blake believes the last time he inquired about buying half a cow, which comes butchered in pieces (like steaks and roasts and ribs etc), individually wrapped and frozen, it was around $350 which is a REALLY good deal, but we don’t have $350 to just lay out all at once. We could save that money, yes, and we would if…we had a chest freezer. As it stands, we have just the fridge freezer and that’s certainly not going to fit half a cow. Chest freezers are expensive both to buy and both to run. If we could afford to buy one, we would, and we’d save the money for half a cow, but we can’t so we don’t have one. We would put it under the carport where there’s an outdoor hydro outlet and it would be protected from the rain and snow. One day we will do this, we really really want to, but today or next week or next month, is not the time.

Related, I would like to raise my own chickens not for meat, but for eggs. I think it would be fun, I like animals and it’s one less time we’d be supporting factory farming. I watched a video last week about where chicken nuggets came from and they touched on factory farmed eggs too and it was pretty revolting. I mean I knew the gist of how the eggs got to my plate, I’d read about it, but seeing bloody eggs in the egg tray of a factory farm is something I won’t soon forget. Seeing chicks having their beaks cauterized without anesthesia is something I won’t soon forget either. I’d like to say that since we live in farm country, we buy locally raised eggs, but we don’t. For $3/dozen it wouldn’t be worth our time and gas, which isn’t the nicest thing to admit to, but also farms don’t sell eggs by the dozen anymore. At least, I haven’t seen any signs on the side of the road saying so and we drive by a dozen farms on the way to the beach all summer.

As a further aside, it makes me absolutely crazy that the rest of my family eats chicken wings. I’ve asked Madison – because they’re her favourite food – if she knew that they came from baby chickens and she said yes, but she really didn’t care because they taste good. The exasperation I felt after having this short discussion with her is probably how vegans or vegetarians feel after most conversations about meat and animal products with omnivores times a thousand. (And I’m sure this post would drive most of them nuts too, my apologies.)

I don’t eat chicken wings (also because they’re gross). I don’t eat veal (also because it’s gross). I don’t eat foie gras (also because it’s gross). These are lines that I just wouldn’t cross, as hypocritical as they may be.

So that brings me to the “impact of diet choices on personal health”. I have always been (well, not as a kid) very concerned about my meals being as nutritious as possible but I’d be lying if I said it was as “extreme” as it is since I got sick this spring/summer. Traditionally I’ve been a junk food junkie, not caring what kind of ingredients were in my ketchup chips or what kind of oil my McDonald’s french fries were cooked in. The truth is, I still don’t care, I just eat a LOT less of that stuff. (Although I’ve been eating ketchup chips almost daily for the past two weeks because life sucks and that’s the only joy I have these days. I just don’t replace meals with junk food anymore.)

I’m paying more attention to things like portions; instead of having a steak half the size of my dinner plate and the other half buttery potatoes, I try and make sure that our dinners are more like meat being 1/4 of the size of the plate, same with potatoes and then the other 1/2 being a vegetable of some sort or a salad. Because of my extreme anemia, I’ve also been trying to make sure that my vegetable choices are things that “count” and that I’m eating a full serving with 2 out of 3 meals, at least, along with snacks which are often salad, apples or oranges or clementines. Also related, I have this handy dandy guide from Foodland Ontario that tells me what’s in season, and when, and I try to make sure we choose in season fruits and vegetables as much as we can. Certain things, like oranges, are never in season here, but they’re good for us and they prevent scurvy (okay that was a joke – sort of) so we get them anyway, but the rest we stick to as closely as we can. This means that our produce is (probably) GMO-free and that it leaves less of an environmental impact while also supporting local industry.

Because of my anemia and because it’s so bad now that I’ve required a blood transfusion within the last 6 weeks with talk of weekly infusions (which I’ve declined), the fact of the matter is that I need…blood. I need meat. It would be impossible for me to get my protein needs met with vegetables alone because I simply could not eat that much and there’s also the issue of haem/heme vs. non-haeme/heme iron. There are a lot of arguments either way (and please don’t link me to said arguments, I’ve read enough thank you), but it is said that veggie sources of iron are not as easily absorbed as read blood sources of iron and the fact of the matter is, my damn hair is falling out, so I’m not going to take my chances betting on veggies for my primary source of protein and iron. I get extremely sick of meat and would only like to eat it maybe twice a week but I have to eat it for 2 out of 3 meals a day, plus eggs for breakfast, plus a protein drink DAILY to meet my protein needs because I’m really really sick. Granted, I don’t manage to eat that well on a daily basis for a bunch of different reasons, but that’s even MORE reason for making the meals I do eat count! I don’t feel guilty about this because when it comes down to me or the cow, I’ll choose me every single time.

Do I feel guilty that I support factory farming for our family’s source of meat? Absolutely. Do I feel guilty about the morality of eating animals? I wouldn’t if it could be done humanely or if I could afford to buy cruelty-free meat. (I don’t consider killing a cow, in a humane way, cruel, although I admit that I’m not sure what a humane way of killing a cow would be.) Do I care about the environmental impact of my food choices? Not especially, which brings me to the last issue on the list.

Blake, who was a vegetarian for 9 years, says that if everyone in the world was a vegetarian, there wouldn’t be enough land for everyone to eat. I don’t know if that’s true or not (or if that’s even exactly what he said), but it’s always made me wonder about how much it really matters as far as what we eat and its effect on the environment. PETA would have me believe that raising meat is destroying the environment, but I’ve always thought we had bigger fish to fry in regards to our impact. Surely car factories and plastic factories and oil spills and fracking all have a bigger part to play in global warming and pollution. That’s not to say that we shouldn’t take everything into consideration and do what we can to not contribute to environmental issues, I just think it’s a lot easier to convince people that say, our dependence on oil is bad and we shouldn’t use it, than to change the entire planet’s dinner menus. And I’m pretty convinced that it would take a large majority of many countries to make a significant environmental impact. Of course I’m no scientist and the propaganda is just that, so it’s just a gut feeling that could be entirely wrong.

Again, this is not a debate, I’m just thinking out loud and sorting my own beliefs and opinions and wondering how they fit with yours. I respect everyone’s choices and I ask that you do the same if you’re going to comment. Try not to be insulting to your fellow man/woman, okay? I just think food is just a hugely personal thing and I don’t want anyone’s choices to feel attacked.

Anyway, that’s where I stand on Halcyon’s list. Feel free to comment or don’t, I’m cool either way.

Posted at 5:30 pm in: Animals , Diet , Environment , Fall , Food , gallbladder , Health , hernia , Life , pancreatitis , Politics , Sunnyland

My childhood.

Who remembers this show?

Posted at 6:23 am in: Childhood , Fall , the 80's , the 90's , TV , videos , youtube
December 5, 2011

Build a Rainbow

This is so cool! My friend Jazmin (sirensidyll) and friends are doing like, this art journaling challenge where they’re building a rainbow using colour-themed prompts and the results are actually really cool.

The project started on December 1st, with everyone doing either red or pink, followed by orange or yellow the next day, green or aqua the day after that, blue or purple following and then black or white (which so far has been my favourite). Each day a new person “hosts” the colour by posting on their blog about it with their own interpretation of the theme.

If you go to Daisy Yellow’s blog, who (I think?) conceived of this project, you can see the results of everyone’s labours by looking at the links at the end of each post.

I didn’t realize what they were doing until this afternoon so I didn’t have a chance to participate and I suck so hard at art journaling it’s probably for the best – but OH HO HO! They’re doing it AGAIN! So if YOU wanted to participate, you totally can! I was REALLY tempted to sign up as a hostess but I’ll get to why I can’t when I’m done talking about this. ;o)

The next (and final?) grouping of colours for the project are as follows and I would LOVE to see what you guys come up with if you do this, please let me know if you do (I’ll be following Daisy Yellow’s posts, but I don’t know who all of you are!):

December 8th: Pale pink/Salmon/Coral
December 9th: Lemon Yellow/Chartreuse
December 10th: Periwinkle/Lavender
December 11th: Brown/Grey
December 12th: RAINBOW!!!

Anyway, I’m going to participate if I can, I just printed out a picture for pale pink, but like I said, I suck at art journaling so if the results are crap, I’m not showing you. :oP If the results are GOOD, I may just do the project retroactively and post the results. We’ll see.

The reason I didn’t sign up to be a hostess is because my doctor heard from the surgeon in Toronto who’s going to drain the pseudocysts on my pancreas. He said it was a much more complicated surgery than he anticipated but yes, he’ll do it, they’re just waiting for a daybed for me. The healthcare system in Ontario is good, but this is a big hospital in Toronto and bed space is limited for non-emergency/non-urgent procedures, which mine is. We could literally get a call tomorrow with the hospital saying to come and then I could have the surgery the day after that. When it happens, we’re not going to have a lot of notice and it’s going to happen fast (they don’t like beds to be empty for too long), so if no one hears from me for a few days, that’s probably why, although I’m bringing the iPad with me so I’m sure I’ll be nervously posting like a crazy person. They’re going to be booking me in, just in case there are complications and they have to keep me and with my luck in regards to my pancreas…just keep your fingers crossed for me that this goes well. I’m sure it’ll be fine, but I haven’t had the easiest time with that organ so I’m a little bit nervous.

So that’s what’s happening and since we won’t have much notice, I can’t really commit to an art project that’s as time sensitive as this one and I’m not sure if I’ll actually be participating but I’ll definitely be following it and staring in awe at everyone’s talent.

Posted at 9:33 pm in: Art , Creativity , Fall , Health , Hospital , pancreatitis
December 2, 2011

Macaroni Salad

I made macaroni salad for lunch. There are a million different ways to make macaroni salad of course, but the way I make mine is pretty simple and you have to love Miracle Whip or you just won’t like it because all it is is Miracle Whip, lots of it, tuna and whatever vegetables, frozen or fresh, that you can find in the fridge. In my case, all we had was onions, celery and french cut green beans (which is kinda like shredded, I hate them and they wouldn’t work for this anyway) so I used onions and celery, which, as it turns out, have next to no nutritional content. :o/ I also used penne noodles instead of macaroni because I like them better. They’re easier to skewer with a fork when you’re busy writing a blog post.

I can’t shave my head. It’s not that I’m chickening out or anything like that because it’s not like I haven’t shaved my head before, it’s because when I was in the ICU, I developed a bedsore on the back of my head because of where it rubbed on the pillow. I mean, I was laying on my back for 2 months more or less and I scar really easily so when the wound healed, I was left with two scars and hair doesn’t grow on scar tissue, at least, not fresh scar tissue. Behold:

If I shaved my head, with that bald spot, I’ll look like I was a victim of a lice infestation or something and people will want to stay away from me. As you can see, there’s the two little scars, but all around them hair isn’t really growing for some reason. I don’t know why, maybe it’s for the same reason that my hair is falling out.

Blake also said something like, would I rather be frustrated with regrowth with hair or without it? And he also said, would I just be moping around the house wearing hats with a shaved head? And if so, what’s the difference between wearing a hat all the time with hair and without it? That’s a very valid point, so I’ve decided not to shave my head and to just wear hats instead. So I bought this one and this one and this one, courtesy of my very special friend Charlie who is amazeballs. I also bought Madison this one and Wes this one (he’s obsessed with wolves at the moment) for Xmas.

I’ve been really depressed lately, moreso than I was before, because we’ve had a pretty big setback as far as my wound is concerned. The nurses wanted to switch my dressing changes to every other day, which proved to be a bad idea because the wound had too much discharge and because it was moist all the time, some of the new tissue around the edges began to break down.

In the pic you can see where it’s broken down around the edges, the parts that look like zombie flesh are the parts that broke down. On the right (well, my left) you can see my poor bellybutton.

I’m just disappointed because Dr. Hanrahan said maybe she’d be closing me up by Xmas but I don’t think she will be with the wound looking like this and we still haven’t heard from the stupid surgeon in Toronto about draining my pseudocysts. I am just so sick of being sick. :o( At least I’ve stopped throwing up though. I just decided that I wasn’t going to throw up anymore and I’m really very stubborn so thus far it’s been working. That’s not to say that I haven’t been feeling extremely nauseous and I always have my puke bowl within arm’s reach because I’ve had some pretty close calls, but I haven’t thrown up in about a week and a half. Maybe even longer.

Oh but back to my wound: we’re back to doing daily dressing changes, with Blake doing them on every other day and weekends and Siske doing them M/W/F. I guess the big deal is that they’re supposed to teach the families how to do them but in my case, I was having a nurse come every single day, which costs the company and the province money and I guess at the last meeting, the nurses kinda got bitched out about that.

Speaking of nurses, I’m fairly confident that I’ve scared Ben off completely. I know he’s gotten my Facebook message because he changed his profile pic recently so he would have gotten it when he logged in, but he hasn’t replied. He’s been doing orientation at the mental health hospital in Penetanguishene this week, according to Janice, so the rumour is that he’s going to leave Bayshore (the company that overseas the nurses) completely. He says he’s still going to work for them though, and I think the rumour is just a rumour. He mostly works weekends and since Blake is doing my dressings on weekends now, we probably won’t see him very often, if at all, so at least things won’t be awkward as a result of my Facebook message. I hope, anyway. I did send him a short message after the initial one saying that if he had like, a policy against fraternizing with patients on Facebook that was totally cool and understandable so again, I don’t think things will be awkward if he replies. If he doesn’t reply, then things will probably be awkward if he comes here because I’ll know he’s read it and like…do I say “hey did you get my FB message?” or just pretend I never sent it? I dunno! The protocol for this kind of thing doesn’t exactly exist or anything.

Whatever, I’ll cross that bridge when I need to.

A while back, you may recall that Madison’s teacher made Madison bring home the book White Oleander by Janet Fitch because Madison was reading it in class and the teacher deemed it “inappropriate” because she’s a fucking moron who has no idea what she’s talking about.

We’ve been recommending books for Madison to read over the past little while and she’s been enjoying (for the most part) the things we’ve been telling her to read. The only book that really gave her trouble was The Life of Pi, which was just over her head and probably a bad choice on Blake’s part. I recommended she read The Virgin Suicides by Jeffrey Eugenides because he’s my favourite author, that book is fucking phenomenal and I think, being a teenage girl herself, Madison will be able to relate to it.

Since her teacher is a bloody idiot who will, no doubt, object to the book based on the title alone and Madison does a lot of her reading at school, she asked me to make a book jacket for it so her teacher won’t realize what she’s reading. So that’s what I did this morning. I told my friend Ashley that I’d take pics of the process but I forgot. I did take pics after the fact though and the process was pretty simple because all I did was glue the paper to the book using gel medium. I meant to leave the back part of the book cover loose so the synopsis was accessible should Madison’s teacher *gasp* wanted to educate herself on the book before deeming it inappropriate, but I fucked up and the first thing I did was smear gel medium all over the back cover and since I couldn’t exactly wash it off of a paperback, I just went with it and glued the paper to the whole thing. The back cover only had like, a 3 sentence synopsis anyway and the rest was praise so I don’t think it would make a difference anyway.

Here it is:

Front cover.

Inside front cover.
I folded the paper over a bit so it would adhere better.

Back cover.

Gel medium, so you know what to get if you wanted to do this for some reason as well.

And now I’m going to play Warcraft for a little while and eat ketchup chips.
Then I have to go work on my sketchbook because time’s a tickin’!

December 1, 2011

I have to shave my head again. :o/

When Madison gets home from school, I’m going to be shaving my head again. I don’t want to but I don’t really feel that I have a choice. My hair has been steadily falling out since August and it’s gotten to the point where it is so sparse, it just looks terrible and I don’t want to look terrible at Touched By Fire next Thursday.

Last night after my shower, Blake was brushing my hair because I have a hard time getting all the knots out so he does it for me most of the time, and when he was finished, there was so much hair all over me that I had to change my shirt. That ball of hair above the clippers is what came out of my brush last night and that’s how much comes out every time I wash my hair. Blake tries to hide it from me, which I appreciate, but there’s no hiding from what I’ve got going on on top of my head these days, it just looks awful.

The hair that I have left looks scraggly and this week I was going to have my friend Jen come cut it (she’s in hair school) but there really isn’t enough to cut and I don’t think there would be any way to make what I have left look good. What I have left looks really dry and frizzy, even though it isn’t. It just looks that way because of how little there is and how fine my hair is to begin with. My roots are about 4 inches long but I’ve been afraid to dye my hair in case more of it fell out (I’m naturally blonde, just not THIS blonde…).

Since so much has fallen out, I’m just giving up and shaving it off. There’s no saving what I have left. I’ve been thinking about it for a while now, but today’s the day because I’m feeling brave. I’m going to videotape the process but I’m not sure if I’ll put it online or not. It depends on how much I cry. (I’m an ugly cryer.)

So that’s what’s happening today.

Posted at 3:37 pm in: Beauty , Diet , Fall , gallbladder , hair , Health , hernia , Hospital , Jen , Life , Madison , pancreatitis , SRS BSNS , Sunnyland

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