August 27, 2014

Radical or Pro-Parental

When I was little, I  remember constantly telling my mother in screaming fits that I hated her and she would hold me down and hug me and tell me she loved me anyway. This is what comes to mind when things like #WomenAgainstFeminism or female MRAs permeate my well-maintained bubble of white light, as seems to be the case increasingly these days. This “wave” of anti-feminism is hitting the internet like a tsunami and it’s leaving a lot of feminists on the opposite shore empty and at low tide. Feeling defeated. Feeling like, what’s the fucking point if we, as women in general – feminists and anti’s alike – are just going to fight among ourselves rather than work together for common goals that benefit the whole?  I can’t really speak for anyone but myself and a few friends, but I honest to god had no idea that SO MANY women would be anti-feminist. Because that’s like being anti yourself and that’s just fucking crazy. But no, they’re out there and there’s a whole lotta vum. And rather than react, I’ve been listening – or trying to, as much as I listen to anything – because whether they like it or not, what’s important to them is important to me because as much as they kick and scream and say they hate me, I listen and send them love, as lame as that sounds, because more than anything I want to understand. Anti-feminists and female MRAs are interesting to me in the way a serial killer might be interesting to someone into true crime shit. (Yeah, I did just compared them to serial killers, but I didn’t mean they were actually *like* the serial killers in what they do or anything.) Female anti-feminists are interesting to me because I’m interested in why and how people have come to the conclusions they have or believe the things they do about a topic I’m interested in, when they are (often) the complete opposite of my own beliefs, ESPECIALLY when I feel those beliefs are against the person’s own best interest. It’s like when poor people vote Conservative, I see these political arguments and memes on social media and think, “you realize this guy’s gonna fuck you right?” but they do it anyway because reasons or whatnot. Or worse, when people tell me they actively DON’T vote. Just like, never tell me that. Please. It hurts my heart. Even just tell me you’re too lazy to vote, that’s a completely acceptable answer. Feel free to not vote, do whatever the fuck you want, but my friends know better than to tell me about it because it makes me insane(r).

I actually have a friend who, I’m not sure if she identifies as an actual MRA or if she’s just more on top of men’s issues than anyone else I know, but she’s flat out told me she’s not a feminist. She was the first  woman I’d ever met (or have a relationship with) who didn’t identify as a feminist on some level and when she said it, pretty early on our relationship, it sorta knocked my socks off because she’s, to me, this badass, Amazonian woman with a huge mohawk and piercings, in combat boots; who goes to shows by herself, gives no fucks and listens to Ani DiFranco, whom I recently heard described as being the most misandrous musician ever. (I don’t know any of her music, but Blake likes her so that’s probably accurate.) My friend is also a camgirl and I just kind of assumed all camgirls were feminists by nature of what we do and how we all support one another. This friend especially because I know she’s super pro-sex workers and until that moment, I assumed that was a feminist thing!  But that issue doesn’t “belong” to any one group other than sex workers themselves, so that was pretty dumb of me to think. I also completely understand my friend not wanting a label and that’s why I’m not giving her one now – as being an MRA or being anti-feminist – because she’s never claimed that label and she’s never said she’s actively anti-anything and she has said specifically that she doesn’t want to identify with any groups. That was 3 years ago though, and now there’s been this wave of anti-feminists speaking up, so it’s possible she’s changed and has claimed a label. And that’s okay. Mostly we don’t talk about that stuff, though, because we respect the fact that we each see things differently (although I maintain we have more in common than different). She puts up with my “feminist crap” though (my term, not hers) and that’s all I can ask for in a friend. Tolerance. We come from hugely different places, I think, while still believing a lot of the same things and liking the same things and that’s why we’re friends, but on this one thing, I probably drive her bonkers because I’m cool with the feminist label. I wear it proudly. Blake’s cool with the label. Madison’s cool with the label. Wes wears a pink “feminist” 1″ button on his backpack after we asked him if he thought he and Madison should have the same rights and he said, “duh”. We’re all a pretty feminist family and I post feminist crap all over my social media and while I would not call myself a “hardcore” feminist, it sounds like my friend has met some women who have identified as “hardcore” feminists, who I probably wouldn’t agree with completely either by the way they were described.


It’s awesome having friends with different points of view than you and we should love anti-feminists as hard as we know how, even if they don’t appreciate us, because they are proof of feminism’s success. Feminism has been so successful that a lotta women don’t even feel they need it anymore. Yay us! There’s still so much to be done, but don’t you see that as successful? As progress on some demented level? Because I do. At first it made me sad but after digging around and reading what these women have to say, this is what I think.

I dunno, those thoughts just popped into my head. Work meeting in 40 mins.

June 18, 2014

We’re Okay!!!

Just thought I’d make a quick post to let everyone know we’re okay from yesterday’s storms. A friend had seen on the news last night that a tornado touched down near us yesterday and wanted to know if we were okay and we are, hence this post. The tornado touched down about 20 mins away and there’s some cool home video of it in this article, as well as disaster porn pics.

I had actually taken the dogs with me to the beach to watch the storms come in over the bay becaaaause…it’s cool? I dunno. There was also no hydro at home because of the weather when I left so I packed a lunch, brought a book and watched the show. Then at about 3:30pm, Madison texted me and said that the school was on lockdown because of a tornado watch. They hadn’t even dispatched the buses because things were so hairy at home. Wes’ school, which is right across the road from Madison’s and also on lockdown, was walking some kids over to the high school through a break in the storm because I guess there wasn’t enough room wherever they had them. Madison texted me and said a tornado had touched down in Midland, according to one of the kids who was on lockdown at the school there and that was about 10 mins from where I was so I figured I had two choices: I could wait it out where I was, which was probably relatively safe, tornados don’t tend to happen on beaches; or I could go home and hope for the best, with the idea that I would go to the grocery store and get stuff we could BBQ for dinner in case there still wasn’t any hydro.

Madison was in constant contact with me via text so I  knew what was going on and I was basically wasting time in the grocery store waiting for her to say that the schools were letting the kids go and I could pick her and Wes up. They ended up keeping the kids on lockdown for about an hour and a half and Madison wanted to stay with her friends until they got on their buses so I came home but looked for Wes on the way and didn’t see him.

I came home and grabbed my purse/camera/lunch bags and let the dogs out of the back seat and we came in the house. Next thing I know, Wes comes screaming out of the living room and into my office (our “front” door is in my office so you have to come through it to get to the rest of the house) and just about knocks me over and makes me puke, he hugged me so hard. He was SOBBING. I was like, “whoa whoa whoa, what’s happening?” thinking a kid kicked his ass or his girlfriend broke up with him or something but he starts telling me about the lockdown at his school and how at one point they were all in the gym and the power went out (there are backup lights, I’m sure, but I can imagine it was scary) and how when they finally let them go home, he ran all the way. He said it wouldn’t have been as scary to come home to an empty house if the dogs had been there but he thought with me AND the dogs gone, that I had to go somewhere safe. (We don’t have a basement.) I asked him if he had my cell phone number and he said he tried calling me but it said I was “unavailable”, which made him freak out more. Truthfully, I *did* get a call when I was at the grocery store but I was so concerned with making the noise of it stop that I didn’t even look at the number to see that it was my own house. I just saw “incoming call”, which ALWAYS means a wrong number because no one who actually knows me would ever use that number to like, verbally speak with me. I don’t answer the phone, especially that phone. That number is text only unless I specifically tell you to call it, which I can’t see myself ever actually doing. This is because I have “issues” with talking on the phone that maybe one day I’ll get int0, but today is not that day. Obviously, being 11, Wes can’t text me, so I now have the home phone in my phone’s contacts with a picture of Wes so I’ll know next time.

Also next time, I will leave a note as to where I am and approximately when I’ll be home. It’s things like this that I just haven’t thought about in 10 years that I need to start thinking about. Another thing, though, is that I’ve been home for Wes after school pretty much every single day of his life and now I’m not, necessarily, so this is change for him too that he’s gonna have to get used to. I think I’m going to have a talk with him about either starting to come with me (and Madison), if I wait until after school, or starting to become more independent like I am. We both need to change. I hope he chooses to start coming with me because I’m really getting annoyed with the fact that he spends every waking moment watching other people play Minecraft on YouTube. But that’s yet another post for another time.

April 6, 2014

Rhymes With Orange

Can you believe that 20 years ago yesterday, Kurt Cobain killed himself? It won’t be until 2 days from now that the police would have found his body. I was 15. I’m listening to Nevermind very loudly this morning, the neighbours be damned, because Blake and the kids are at swimming so there’s nobody in the house to care. In Utero is actually my favourite Nirvana album but I’ve already been listening to the Nirvana tribute Milkin’ It (google! it’s amazing!) in the last little while, which is all of In Utero plus a few other b-sides so I’m a little In Utero‘d out.

So yesterday was potentially lifechanging. My whole life I thought I hated like, 99% of poetry. Basically if it wasn’t a haiku, I wasn’t interested and even those got tiresome eventually because they all blur together after a while. Until yesterday, with the exception of one poem I never even read, I just heard about, every poem I can think of ever hearing would fall under the “foofy” category. Or it was a greeting card. Or it was someone I know’s poetry and I had to be supportive but it was secretly really not any good. Or at least I didn’t think so.

See, something most people don’t seem to understand about me is that I basically have a grade 8 education. My grade 9 year – 20 years ago – was so messed up due to suicide attempts, crazy family drama that is more or less ancient history and 3 different schools, that I only (barely) earned 4 grade 9 credits (science, math, history, english). I got that math credit with a 51%. I think they passed me because they felt sorry for me. Then I got kicked out by November of grade 10 so any classes I had been taking, I never completed. I tried going back in grade 11 but I got kicked out again. In between, I did correspondence education through the government (I wonder if they still do that?) and I remember completing grade 9 art, grade 10 basic math and parenting. Correspondence was the slowest way ever to gain a credit, my god. I went to college as a “mature student”. All I really had to do was write an essay about how awesome at advertising I’d be and send a small portfolio of specs and then *boom* I was in ad school. But ad school’s not like “college” like…by the American definition.  Ad school was not University. Ad school was a 3 year program with only room for 1 or 2 electives per semester and I didn’t finish that either. The only electives I remember taking were a stress management class (holy bird class!) and a class on myths, but I know there had to be 1 or 2 others.

My point, and I have one I swear, is that poetry is not something I’ve ever really been exposed to. I was never taught poetry. To this day I’ve never read a poem by Shakespeare because reading Romeo and Juliet in grade 9 was torture enough. Anything not in plain english, I just get annoyed with. I have no time for foofy and “all poems are foofy”, said I, therefore I have actively avoided poetry like the plague for most of my life.

Until yesterday. Yesterday my brain split wide open and from within the seed of a spectacular flower begins to grow…yesterday I met Allen Ginsberg.

I have been so fucking wrecked since just before Christmas. Everything’s been grey, lumpy mush and I’m honestly a little surprised I made it out of this winter alive. I’m not sure it was totally the winter though, I think that was just the catalyst. Anyway, as I’ve been writing about, nothing had any meaning for me and the things I previously enjoyed doing, I just stopped enjoying and every day was (is?) just a series of wasted hours and minutes, staring at the internet, counting down the time between getting off of work in the morning and going to bed at night.

Blake keeps saying I’ve changed or that I’m changing and he’s suggested that I try changing willingly because it’ll be easier that way, and we’ve both decided that staying open to everything right now is probably the best way to go about things.

Enter Kill Your Darlings. We watched this Friday night and it’s the story of Lucien Carr murdering his ex-lover and the time surrounding that, meaning that the movie was basically about Ginsberg with a little William S. Burroughs. Harry Potter plays Ginsberg and I thought he did a really good job. I liked the Ginsberg in On the Road better, but that’s being nit-picky. At the end of the movie there’s an epilogue and it said that Allen Ginsberg published his first book, Howl and Other Poems, with a dedication to Lucien who in turn requested his name be taken out of future editions. I thought that was interesting. I thought the movie was just kinda “meh”, but it did get my brainmeats jiggling and by yesterday morning I was convinced that Allen Ginsberg was my salvation and I think I may be right.

First we went to the library to get a copy of Howl because I am poor as fuck and if I don’t have to buy something I’m not sure I’ll like, I’d prefer not to. The library did not have a copy. THE LIBRARY. DID NOT. HAVE A COPY. This shocked me, but it’s Elmvale so I’m not sure why. Next the plan was hatched to drive to Chapters in Barrie and buy a copy because I checked online and there was a pocket edition that was only $10. So that’s what we did. I also picked up a Charles Bukowski poetry book that I’d tell you the name of if it wasn’t all the way across the room and completely unimportant at this very moment. I didn’t even know he was a poet and I know absolutely nothing about him. I just know that I see a lot of quotes by him, often quoted by famous people I like, and I usually like them so I figured I’d give him a shot too. It took us at least 20 minutes to even find the “arts and letters” section of the store which comprised their entire poetry catalogue and was only one small, waist-high shelf unit. That shocked me too. They had a million copies of Dante’s Inferno and Carroll’s Jabberwocky. I’ve never read either but probably wouldn’t because long boring poems are long.

After Chapters, we went to a breakfast place called Cora’s that was actually pretty awesome and I wish we could go back today but like I said, I’m broke, and during breakfast, Blake told me stuff about poetry. He has an English degree but specialized or whatever in 18th century sumpin sumpin so while he’s read a lot of poetry, he hasn’t read a lot of contemporary poetry which is all I’m interested in because old timey poetry is foofy and boring unless someone proves otherwise with zero cost to myself.

When we got home from breakfast, we talked about poetry some more and I read the title poem in Howl, which was the first one. I cried when I realized that poetry is like art art, that it’s as wide open as that, both because I was inspired and because I was scared by the idea of infinity. The lens by which I view the world cracked and went from slighty fuzzy big picture to macro kaleidoscopic, like a switch had been flipped and the lights came on behind my eyes and it’s GOOD but I am so so scared that it’ll just be a fleeting thing so I’m going to spend my Amazon gift certificate on more Ginsberg and ask you guys, if you know anything about non-foofy contemporary poetry, what else I should add to my wishlist or find at the library. I think my only real criteria is no eroticaZzzzzzzZZZzzzzzZZzzzz. Or just tell me what you know about poetry! Thanks!

Blake is home so I’m going to go participate in the day.

February 27, 2014

I’d like to thank The Academy…

I’m probably the only person who’s going to care about the following. Others may care and will be thinking, “Sunny, you n00b idiot!” Whatever. I’m AMAZED.

Tomorrow is the eve of my birth and in celebration, some friends are coming over to play euchre cuz I’m (almost) old now and this is what old people do on Friday nights. This will be party #1 because I have to work all day Saturday, until my actual birthday is almost over. More on party #2 later.

In preparation for tomorrow night’s festivities, I have rolled birthday cake flavoured joints (that were soooooo fun to roll with my little rolling machine thing, it’s like arts & crafts!) more because I could than anything else. The papers exist. I had ’em. Realistically they’ll probably end up in my purse to be smoked on the go at a later date because joints aren’t really my thing. Truthfully there are only two shitty things I’ve found about weed so far: 1. I can’t drive medicated. (Having said that, I shouldn’t have been driving on some of the stuff I was on prior to weed either.) 2. I have to smoke it or it doesn’t work. Eating it doesn’t work. I’ve had zero success vaporizing. Smoking it is. And a joint is probably the 2nd worst way to smoke it, only second to a blunt (I would assume, I just figure cigar wrapper is more junk in your lungs than a super thin rolling paper). Some people enjoy smoking, I do not. So I want to do it the easiest and least harsh way possible, so that’s why I use a glass bong. It’s still unpleasant but at least you don’t want to expel your lungs (necessarily – everyone/strain’s different) during the process. I still cough even with the bong because I suck at smoking weed, but at least the whole thing’s over in 3 rips and you can get on with your day, meanwhile it takes me a thousand years to smoke a joint and I’m hating every single second of it.

By the way, I’m writing this post mostly for people who don’t regularly smoke weed, which I’m assuming is the majority of the people reading this based on my completely scientific research a while back on whether or not people could name strains.

Anyway, we told our guests to be here “sometime after 6pm” tomorrow and I plan on staying up pretty late, so I’m not sure how long they’ll be staying (overnight is always a possibility, we can sleep 7 extra people in our tiny little house), but what that does mean is that I’m going to be medicating, with my bong, in front of people, in a well-lit kitchen for what’ll be a pretty long time. And this brings us to the bane of my existence: resin. Resin is sticky brown shit that is a byproduct of combusting or heating cannabis and it coats the inside of  your bong, is totally gross (but some people re-smoke it, which I think is also gross) and is a total pain in the ass to remove from basically anything. It’s unavoidable.

It wouldn’t be classy to have a dirty bong sitting on the kitchen table while we play cards and I would be a bad hostess if my guests brought their own legal herb to smoke and all I had to offer them was dirty glass.  But the thing is, cleaning resin off glass is a total bitch project to the point where a shocking amount of the stoners I know will buy NEW glass rather than clean their old glass. I only have a small glass pipe and the bong and the pipe’s used so infrequently it’s still preeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetty much clean so all I had to do was the bong. Like I said though, it sucks to do – at least I *thought* it did – and requires the bong to be out of commission at least a day and overnight, sometimes longer, so it hadn’t been done in a long time. It wasn’t super gross by MY standards? Or if I knew I would be the only one smoking and we were playing cards in my office where it’s darker I probably wouldn’t have bothered cleaning it, but since I didn’t know if I’d be “going alone” (ha!) and we’d be playing in my pristine (thanks to my loving children) kitchen, I figured I’d better clean the bong.

When we went to Liquid Chrome on whatever day it was when I bought all those papers, I also picked up this stuff called Purple Power, which is a cleaner I’ve always used for my glass. That’s specifically what it’s meant for. The problem though, is that to clean a bong with it, it’s usually a 48 hour process involving a lot of really annoying agitation of the cleaner every time you walk into the kitchen, and then some, to re-soak and rinse the parts that can’t be directly covered by the cleaner itself, like the shaft and the perc, because you can’t really get at the inside of a bong any other way.

All week I’ve been dreading this project so I put it off until after my first bowl this morning, aka the last possible minute for the Purple Power to work by the time our guests got here tomorrow. As per usual, I put the stem and the bowl in a plastic container, covered them both (mostly) with Purple Power and put the lid on. Then I swirled the cleaner around for about 3 minutes making zero progress and then I remembered something. Blake had found 99% rubbing alcohol to use as an aftershave, which has been long rumoured to be an excellent cleaner of bongs and as I recalled, a few weeks ago he said I could use it as long as I left him some. Honestly the reason I never tried this before was because I truly thought 99% rubbing alcohol was a banned substance in this country since I’d only ever seen 70% before. I assumed there was a reason for that and knew that 70% wouldn’t work because I read my Reddits.

I poured the alcohol into the base and perc of the bong, stuffed this piece of sponge I use into the hole the stem goes into, put my hand over the top and shook with the other for about 30 seconds. Then I set it down and watched as the resin melted and slid down the glass. IT WAS ALMOST INSTANT AND SO SATISFYING. Then I poured coarse salt into both parts and shook it up for about 8-10 minutes (intermittently because my arms kept getting tired) and then it was SPARKLY CLEAN! The salt doesn’t dissolve in the alcohol, which I thought was interesting. I poured the Purple Power that the stem and bowl had been in back into its bottle (the stuff’s reusable) and while I had to soak them for about half an hour, but they came completely clean with alcohol, agitation and salt too! I will never buy Purple Power again! That shit is like, $9-11/bottle. Rubbing alcohol is like, $2. I’d be shocked if I used 5 cents worth of salt total. Sure, the alcohol’s not reusable (or maybe it is, I have no idea) but you can’t get 5 uses out of a bottle of Purple Power anyway and f0r less than an hour’s work, who the fuck cares?

See? I told you no one would care about this. But just keep it tucked in the back of your brain if you ever seriously take up pot smoking.

On Saturday, my actual birthday, like I said I have to work all day until 11pm so we’re not really doing anything. Blake’s making Mississippi Mud Pie though, which we’ll have on Sunday during party #2 with the kids and Ronny and Alex who are coming over for that reason and for possibly watching the Oscars with me, which The Academy is so graciously hosting in honour of my turning 35. I meant to watch Her today but got sidetracked and I still haven’t seen Labor Day, but other than those two I’ve seen all of the Best Picture nominations and I don’t think ANY of them are worth an Oscar. I guess the one I enjoyed the most was Dallas Buyer’s Club but that wasn’t because it was a good movie, it was because it had good actors and hopefully they’ll win their respective categories. So many people I know absolutely went crazy over Her, but I fell asleep about 10 minutes in and Blake said it wasn’t that great. Hence why I meant to watch it today.

As I’ve been typing this, crazy things have been happening. Here’s what it’s looked like here all day:

I messed up the days forgetting that there were only 28 this month. My birthday is in 1.5 days!

This morning I accidentally woke Blake up at 5am, so he went into the office early since he was working in Toronto and because he did this, he missed the *96* car pile-up that occurred directly on his route at about the time he’d normally be going through. So that happened. As I’ve been writing this, he’s been on his way home from Toronto, where he left the office at around 3:30pm. Right now it’s almost 7:30pm and he’s not home yet. Last time I checked in, he said he was 20 minutes away but in this weather that doesn’t necessarily mean anything.

About half an hour ago, Madison’s boyfriend’s mother – whom I’ve never spoke to – called me and asked me if he could spend the night at our house because he lives in the beach and all roads to the beach have been closed since this afternoon so he’s stuck at the school all of his busmates with no way to get home and it’s not safe for anyone to come pick him up. Obviously, without question, I said it was fine that he stay here. I got off the phone with his mom and sent Madison to the school to pick him up not knowing when Blake would be home, called Blake just to double check he was fine with it, which he was and when I got off the phone with Blake, Ronin’s mom’s calling again saying  that apparently they’re not releasing any of the kids without an adult. I asked if it could be any adult and she said it could so I told her I’d call Blake to pick Ronin up at the school on his way home and as I did all this, I told Wes to run after Madison so she didn’t have to walk all the way to the school for no reason. He didn’t catch up with her so I told Ronin’s mom that when she called the school to tell them it’s okay for Blake to pick Ronin up, to tell them to tell Madison to stay there and wait for him too. OH CALAMITY!

And now you’re up to speed and I’ve gotta go prepare/take my pills, choke down an egg and I guess…wait….maybe I’ll see if I have enough time for Her before bed…

February 24, 2014

Let your backbone slide…

Canada won gold in both men’s and women’s hockey and curling. Our tagline for these Olympics was #WeAreWinter and while all the other events were important, it’s those two that are at the heart of Canadian sport. We finished 3rd in the Olympics overall, which is cool by me!

I wore my Team Canada jersey for every game…

…and yesterday, when we won the men’s gold medal hockey game I did something that I sorta think is pretty brave. It’s one of those things that only I’ll think is brave (and Blake), probably, but I’m going to write about it anyway as insignificant as it may be.

Yesterday after the game, I wanted to go to Liquid Chrome, which is the local head shop, because I needed to get Purple Power (glass cleaner for bongs/pipes etc) and screens (you put in the bottom of the bowl of your bong/pipe so your weed doesn’t get sucked through the hole) and we keep forgetting to do it. Also, since my birthday is on Saturday (send me money for Florida since I took the week off unpaid! :oP), I wanted to see if they had any novelty rolling papers with birthday cakes or candles or cupcakes on them. I also, since we’d just won gold, wanted to see if they had any Canadian flag papers because I’ve seen those on TV before. Then I decided, after going to the website of one of the bigger flavoured paper manufacturers which was a brand I knew Liquid Chrome carried, that I wanted a few other different types of papers, depending on how much they were. I made a list and we decided to go.

Halfway there I started freaking about two things:

1. We would be getting there half an hour after they opened and I didn’t want to be their first customer. Blake assured me we wouldn’t be and that they’ll be happy to see us because they want our money.

2. I was still wearing my jersey and that made me stick out like a sore thumb, a target. A target, I figured, for positive stuff since we’d just won gold and everyone would be out celebrating (you’d think), but even that’s embarrassing so I kinda wanted to die at the idea of getting out of the car. Blake again told me it would be okay.

On the way there I took half an olanzapine and when we were almost to Liquid Chrome, I put 3 Ativans under my tongue and then Blake parked like, RIGHT in front of Liquid Chrome. We had to sit there and wait for a little while for my Ativans to dissolve and for Blake to talk me down. See, the thing with Liquid Chrome is that, despite it being one of the coolest places in Barrie and despite the fact that I know I have every right to be there, it’s an intimidating place because it’s a “boy store”. Whenever I go in there I’m always the only girl and it’s sometimes a really uncomfortable experience because it feels like the (all male) staff don’t want to be dealing with me. I just typed “but that could be me COMPLETELY projecting” but then I remembered that yesterday I came home with a complimentary calendar featuring scantily clad women featuring some of Liquid Chrome’s most interesting pieces. It’s a dudebro store. That is a calendar for dudebros.

Anyway…we go in and just as I’m going through the front door I freak and turn around to go back out, running into Blake’s chest because I was still wearing my “safety goggles” (star-shaped, glitter sunglasses) and didn’t have my glasses. I slipped off the safety goggles and went into the store. The guy behind the counter, where all the stuff I needed was, was helping someone else so I just looked around at all the pipes while trying to summon courage to talk to the guy and while Blake ran my safety goggles to the car and bring back my glasses because I wouldn’t be able to read the paper boxes behind the counter without them. Blake came back and I handed him the list and said that he needed to do the talking because I just couldn’t. I explained to him the order of importance of each type of rolling paper and then the Purple Power and screens and we waited in line behind this guy who was big enough that I couldn’t even see who was working behind the counter. A couple of other guys milled about the first floor, not sure about the second and third floors.

Eventually the guy behind the counter says to Blake, “have you been helped?” and Blake said no, so he ended his conversation with the big guy and we were next. I was glad to see it was the guy who owns the place. I don’t know his name but every time I’ve been in there and dealt with him, he’s been great. But then again, he owns the place so it’s different and still, every time, Blake has to get the ball rolling. That’s on me though, not the Liquid Chrome guy. So Blake asks how much all the papers are and the guy tells him, then he says, “the next thing we need are rolling papers with something birthday-related on them…” and the guy finds said item and puts it on the counter. They’re king-sized and the rolling machine I use is regular so I’ll have to cut them but they’re exactly what I wanted and I said exactly that to both of them. Then Blake asks for the ones with the Canadian flag on them and the guy sorta smirks and says, as he’s reaching for the top shelf, “we have these called O Cannabis…” and he shows us and they were awesome so I said, “sold!” and then from that point forward it was pretty much me who did the rest of the talking. We did just ultimately hand him the list to find papers because it’s easier but we talked throughout the experience and it was just chit chat and everything was fine. I walked out of there proud of myself for not only NOT just walking out, but staying there and not just participating in the interaction but basically leading it for the purposes we were there for. So yay me. :o) It’s not a huge thing, like I said, but it sort of is for me.

And that is my story.

PS. I also got maple syrup flavoured papers with maple leaves on them haha

February 3, 2014

Stoner Bowl XLVIII

Soooooo I watched the Super Bowl yesterday because nothing else was on and I didn’t really have anything better to do. This was my first real Super Bowl and I gotta say, it was pretty freaking boring except for the one part where the one guy like, had a breakaway and ran a long way and no one caught him and he scored a touchdown (?). That was exciting. That was like “run Forreeeeeeeeeeeest!” But that only happened once. And because I’m Canadian, I was watching Canadian ads, most of which I’d seen before and weren’t special to the Super Bowl.

I did get caught up on the American ads this morning though (or most of them; if it looked like it would be a crappy ad because it’s a crappy brand, I skipped it), thanks to the Huffington Post, and I think Axe, as much as I’m loathe to say it because I hate Axe and traditionally also their advertising, is the winner as far as I’m concerned. And what is with Dylan totally selling out for Chrysler? Wut? That was a TWO MINUTE ad. They paid a lotta scratch for that and I think it might piss more people off than endear them to the company. The Butterfinger peanut butter cups commercial was just creepy and come to think of it, so was the M&M’s one. I loved Coke’s “America the Beautiful” and think it’s hilarious that stupid fuckers on Twitter were calling for a boycott of Coke because of it. So stupid. I think the SodaStream commercial with Scarlett Johansson was kind of interesting in that she was all about “helping people” but she  dropped her ambassadorship for Oxfam because it conflicted with that endorsement. (I’m not saying she was wrong, she has her opinion and that’s fine, I just think they should have gone with a different approach in the commercial. Especially because that commercial sucked balls.)  And that’s really all I have to say about the ads this year, they were just completely underwhelming, nothing really “wowed” me. Then again, I’m kinda hard to please…y’know, that’s not even true, that is not even true. It’s just that making good ads is not that difficult. Sometimes the simplest ideas can “wow” a person and that’s especially true with ads.

Yesterday we went to Penetang with the idea being Flynn’s, but we parked out front, got to the front doors and other people walked in, opening the doors which flooded the street with music. Live music. Also, it was Super Bowl Sunday and Flynn’s IS a bar, so we decided to go to this cafe down the street called Froth that Blake’s been wanting to try for a while. Their chalk sign out front says, “Froth and was chosen as one of the best restaurants in the country by the national restaurant guide “Where to Eat in Canada”, now 43 years old.” and every day, they e-mail the specials to their mailing list. Here’s an example from Friday:

Soup is Coconut Curry Sweet Potato or Cream of Parsnip –

Sandwich is BBQ Steak Bacon Cheddar –

Wrap is Mexican Chicken –

Vegetarian is Grilled Veggie & Goat Cheese Panini –

Quiche are Chicken Bacon Blue and Cheddar Cheese or 3 Cheese & Spinach or Ham Broccoli Cheddar

Bowl of the day is Sweet potato Avocado Rice Bowl

Salad is Mango Spinach Walnut

I would eat absolutely none of that but they have two paninis and and a bagel sandwich that I would eat, which is why we decided to go. Blake got some kind of black bean quesadilla that he really enjoyed and I got a BLT on a bagel, which was good because their bacon is excellent quality, not super fatty but it was bad because the bagel was hard as a rock.  Blake got a cappuccino and I got a pomegranate iced tea, both of which we really liked. I dunno, it was okay. I don’t think I’d ever be like, “YAY LET’S GO TO FROTH!!!!” like I have been with Blue Sky and Flynn’s, but if Blake wanted to go and he was paying, I wouldn’t not go.

I don’t know what the deal is with Penetanguishene that makes it this crazy food mecca, but we’re pretty convinced it’s magical.

Anyway, I think I’m going back to bed. Peace oot.

January 15, 2014

Membership Has Its Privileges


I got my first order from Peace Naturals!

I was so bummed out this morning when I woke up that I actually asked my coworker if she felt up for working my shift, which we do sometimes when I’m feeling sick or having problems with my medications, but she was having trouble with her internet and I know if I’d have asked her, she would have done it because she’s also one of my best friends on planet Earth but I just couldn’t ask and thus, I basically cried all the way through my shift. Luckily the day before I’d actually woken up early so I started early, which meant I had half an hour “banked” and I that meant I could end my shift half an hour early today. So I did. Then I went back to sleep.

The kids have dentist appointments today so Blake’s working from home, which I love, especially on days our sleep schedules overlap a little bit like they did this morning. I dunno, the bed just seems cuddlier and nicer to crawl back into when there’s someone else in it.

Anyway, I woke up, stumbled out of the bedroom down the hall to the bathroom without saying anything to Blake, who was in the living room working at his desk. I come out of the bathroom and Blake gets up from his desk to say hi and he tells me that my package had arrived.


So with a *little* bit of restraint, I got a drink and my camera and went to open the package that was on my desk in my office.

It was a plastic envelope, really, not a box like I expected. It came by courier and I assume Blake had to sign for it and since I was sleeping, it was a good thing Blake was home to receive it because I don’t know what happens if no one answers the door. They can’t really leave it on the chair next to my door like the other delivery guys do when no one answers.

Here’s what was inside:

I blurred out my unique ID number that we’re now supposed to use for ordering so they know it’s really us.

I also blurred out their emergency hotline number because they didn’t give me that right away so I don’t think it’s supposed to be public.

The strain is called “Happy Face” and it has 16.61% THC.

THC, tetrahydrocannabinol , is the psychoactive ingredient in cannabis. It’s a little more complicated than “the more the better” but…the more the better! haha Since I had no clue as to the THC levels in what I’ve been smoking since August (it would have varied and I was having tolerance issues the last little while), I figured I should start in the middle of the spectrum.

That’s what I got for my first week’s worth.

For my second week (because like I said, tolerance can be an issue for me), I got “Tuck” which is 18.03% THC because that was the next step up.

I didn’t take pics of any of the “Tuck” because the bottles are the same, I didn’t want to open the vacuum-sealed packages and once it’s dried and vacuum-sealed, it all pretty much looks the same.

I was too lazy/excited to not feel like shit to bust out the macro lens so this is the best I can do.

Like I said, it doesn’t look like much, it just looks like vacuum-packed weed. No pretty flowers, but know what else?

No stems.

No leaf.

No seeds.

No bullshit.

And 2 day delivery to my door.

Also, it smells incredible.

Plus, they are literally half the price I was paying at the dispensary for what I think is better product. For their most potent strains, they charged $15/gram and their weakest, $10. Peace Naturals is $6/gram across the board and again, this shit is lab tested for consistent potency so you know what you’re getting. I think that’s pretty cool. That’s a nice feature that’ll unfortunately go away once weed is finally legalized for recreational use and everyone’s growing it in their basements and backyards.

Back to Peace Naturals…they gave me this cool membership card that reminds me when my prescription needs to be renewed!

MMPR stands for “Marihuana*for Medical Purposes Regulations”. Not sure why there’s a “the” in front of it and not a “program” after it or something. Whatever, this card, along with my prescription bottles, are cop kryptonite. I can now smoke a joint legally anywhere smoking is permitted and an officer of the law can’t do anything other than ask to see my prescription. Not that I can actually roll a joint…this is my weapon of choice:

Her name is “The Sugar Plum Fairy”.

And before anyone says it…

Blake got me a personal vaporizer for Xmas (Magic Flight Launch Box) and it just never did anything for me. I googled, I asked other people questions, I was getting vapor and definitely using it correctly, but it wasn’t getting me medicated. I gave it 4 days of trying and then just gave up on it and now I’ve given it away to someone who could actually use it. Some people say personal ones are no good for some people, so I’d like to try a Volcano (a tabletop vaporizer where the vapor fills a plastic bag and you inhale out of the bag – they’re $700) but the opportunity has never presented itself. It is entirely possible that vaporizing just doesn’t work for me because eating medicated edibles (medibles) doesn’t work for me either and the weed is heated the exact same way in both scenarios, just absorbed differently. It’s also possible that it’s not necessarily the THC that helps me at all, it could be any of the other cannabinoids found in marijuana that aren’t affected without combustion. Who knows? So for now, I’m stuck smoking it, but as far as that goes, I think a bong is the healthiest option because the water removes a lot of the bad shit you get from burning flowers.


So how’s the product? I can safely say that this “Happy Face” is good shit, at least compared to some of the stuff I’d been smoking before. I’ve only had a very little bit to start because I wasn’t sure how my body would react to it since I had no idea of the THC levels in what I was smoking before and it’s just nice; my thoughts are clear and I’m definitely more focused than I normally am, music is definitely more enjoyable (or at least less boring/annoying/repetitive), I don’t feel sick (I did earlier) and I actually had an appetite for the first time in a while so I stopped writing this post halfway through and made myself some scrambled eggs.

Oh, and I’m pretty fucking happy, which is a far cry from how things were even yesterday. I think it’s mostly that the pot came and my dealings with Peace Naturals has been awesome from beginning to end and now I kinda feel more free than I did before because I’m not going to go to jail for being sick (which was a legit worry despite the fact that I come from a country that’s pretty permissive of even recreational use), than the cannabis itself though. I’m sure I’ll be miserable again tomorrow, but at least I won’t be throwing up and miserable!

Now I think I’m gonna play Sims because I did my work today and Blake says that’s enough to justify it. (Not that he’s the boss of me, it’s that *I* have to justify it and that’s what he said.)

PS. Blake got me an appointment with my shrink at the end of this month, as opposed to March when I was supposed to see her next.

* Health Canada’s spelling, not mine.

January 9, 2014

Just like the white winged dove…

One of the most terrible things about throwing up for days on end is the severe chapped lips you get from the acid in the green bile that is the result of pancreatitis. It hurts, man, and until today it looked awful. Blistex Lip Medex in the little blue pot has been my best friend. I really wish we could figure out what caused this attack but there just wasn’t anything. I think one day I might have accidentally taken 2 extra Wellbutrin (because I thought they fell out of my medicine container, so I went and got 2 more and took them and then wondered if I was wrong in the first place and had really taken them and just forgot because that is totally something I would do) but I really can’t see that causing an attack, I’ve been taking low doses of it for years and if my shrink told me to up my dosage in the mornings by 2 I wouldn’t question it and would just do it. At the same time, I went for a kidney test the one time where I had to drink radioactive dye and they injected radioactive stuff into me and that caused a full blown hospitalized kinda pancreatic attack, so who fucking knows?

And I know what you may be thinking, what about pot? Ah yes, what about pot…I was too sick to smoke pot. The act of being vertical, conscious and breathing air induced vomiting, there was no way I could smoke pot…not until I could. Like I had to let the whole thing pass enough until I could be vertical, conscious and breathing air all at the same time for a little while without throwing up before I could fire up the bong and feel better, which is exactly what happened. I had crackers and cheese for dinner and have been having crackers and cheese for snacks every day since, but adding something new to the plate every time. Right now I’m up to 2 kinds of cheese, 3 kinds of crackers (one is multigrain), strawberries and gherkins (which don’t count as a vegetable, I KNOW MOM) and chocolate milk, although I’m kinda getting sick of that and I’m thinking I might be ready for an actual meal today but hell if I know what. As per usual. (Although typing that gave me a twinge of the ickies so maybe I’ll stick with crackers and cheese one more day.)

Monday was supposed to be my first day without kids or Blake in the house since December 20th, but the kids had a snow day and Blake stayed home in case I had to go to the hospital. Then on Tuesday he had to stay home too because our whole area was under a million tonnes of snow. (And the kids had a snow day. Madison had a snow day yesterday but Wes didn’t.) Sometime within that period, between being barfy and comatose and today, I worked on my Zazzle shop. Specifically my “Mary Jane” line of products which are prints of this painting, which I did for my Secret Satan this year:

There are all kinds of things in that section of the shop with that painting on them from greeting cards to post prints to keychains to buttons and stickers. For some reason Zazzle’s been acting up and the “Mary Jane” section will only show up for me if I’m logged in, yet the products show up under other categories so if you’re reading this and clicking links and they’re not working, that would be why. Just go to my Zazzle shop and click on the categories to the left to see what I’ve made. I think this candy tin is cool, personally. I’m also in the process of making notebooks out of all of my paintings.

And since I apparently can’t stop talking about weed enough today, I just got the call from Peace Naturals to tell me that my paperwork has all been verified and I can can a purchase pharmaceutical grade cannabis from them whenever I’m ready. So I asked the lady on the phone a couple of things. The first thing was if I could order online and she said that part of their site wasn’t functional yet so I could only order by phone. The second thing was therefore, could Blake order for me? She asked me if I’d put him down on my paperwork so I said, if that were an option I’m betting I totally did! So she looked and I did and now Blake can place an order on the phone with them. And the third thing I asked was how would I know what to order? Like where is their menu or catalogue? And she was like, make an account on our site and you can see so after I got off the phone with her I did and could, which they must have done something on their end, like manually entered my name into a database or something, because when I tried that before, they said an agent would be contacting me within 24 hours which is why I didn’t do it before (I contacted them a different way and was already in touch with an agent when I saw that so I canceled the request) but whatever it worked and I could see what they had to offer and honestly I’m pretty impressed. All strains are $6/gram, not sure if shipping is included (it is for one of their competitors), and they have a couple of low THC/high CBD strains for those whose conditions and circumstances require that and then the THC goes up from there to 19.4%. I didn’t count the total strains but from 15.27%-19.4% there were 7 or 8, so I’d guess they have at least twice that. I have to do more research to know what to buy (like, actually read the descriptions for starters) and how much I can buy at one time.

This is probably more exciting for me than for anyone else and I don’t think I want to become one of those people who does nothing but talk about weed all the time (unless I get paid to), but it is definitely in my top 5 favourite interests at the moment, especially with what’s happening in the US and Uruguay and even this new medical system that we have in Canada. I read a lot about Peace Naturals before choosing them over my other 2 options and they’re local. The farm is 16 minutes from my house. Know how I know this? Because when we were on our way home back from Barrie Saturday morning, I looked up their address on my phone and we decided to take a detour just to see the farm. It doesn’t look like anything but a farm. The only thing about it is that, as Blake pointed out, it was the only one that didn’t have snow on the roofs of their barns. So we gawked and set the GPS for home. Which took us 16 minutes. Anyway, my point is that I picked the home team. It’s a company I believe in. So far, anyway. So let’s hope they’re not dickweeds since I plan to document at least my first dealings with them, if not more. We’ll see how it goes and I’ll try to not be annoying about it.

On Sunday night through Tuesday we had a big storm and super cold temperatures and all I have to say is, thank god for neighbours with snowblowers because we got like, 2 & a half feet of snow in some places! Our area got killed by this storm, to the point where some areas are still digging out today. I was reading a news item last night before bed about how on one of the county roads near us, dozens of people got stranded in whiteout conditions and people on snowmobiles and OPP snowmobiles saved some of them, while others found help and shelter in neighbouring houses. They took them all to the firehall for the night  and the next day, the OPP and people with snowblowers and tow trucks dug out everyone’s cars that were literally over the top with snow and towed them to the firehall. What a mess! I’m glad everyone’s back at home/school now.

I was just gonna start posting about the fact that the winter blues have a hold of me pretty terribly but this is a positive post so I think I’m gonna leave it that way. Plus, as I typed “I’m glad everyone’s back at home/school now”, Wes walked in so…so much for today. Ah well. There’s always tomorrow.

September 5, 2013

How Not To Be Terrible When Talking About Rape


Posted at 1:40 pm in: Current Events , Fall , Feminism , Internet , Sex , Summer , Women
August 12, 2013

It’s a Hard Knock Life

Yesterday was…interesting.

It was this super famous street festival in Toronto called Taste of the Danforth this weekend AND Blake’s friends Suha and George, who also live on the Danforth, were throwing a party. So we did that. I had to take a lot of anxiety meds to do so, but I did it, and it turned out okay. Finding parking was a nightmare, we got lucky and as we were rounding a corner, these two ladies were getting  into their car and said we could have the spot. This was like, I dunno, 4 side streets down from the Danforth and with me with my sprained foot (which I can walk on now, short distances), this was just, pure joy. But we got down to the Danforth and saw the crowds and the lineups and I was like, “nope!” so we just went to George and Suha’s and had a good time catching up with them and re-meeting some of Blake’s coworkers and not eating any seafood, which was the theme of their party haha Wes had some BBQ’d shrimp and some rice and both kids had some corn (Madison’s a vegetarian now) and we got to meet their baby, Apollo, or Captain Adama as we like to call him.

Anyway, that was just the BEGINNING of Sunday’s awesomeness. After George and Suha’s, we drove like, 2 hours home (which I’m fine with because we blast music and sing like idiots – or at least I do – speaking of which, this is what I’m listening to) and had dinner in Barrie where I had apple pie for dessert, which was good and then we came home, watched Breaking Bad (awesome!), True Blood (pretty epic!) and Newsroom (meh) and THEN all 4 of us went and watched the Perseid meteor shower on the beach. We only saw maybe 20 meteors the 40 minutes we were out there (it was pretty cold) but it was still one of the coolest things we’ve ever done. I think anyway. The only thing that would have made it perfect would have been hot chocolate but the thought never even occurred to me, being August and pretty hot all day. But whatever, we did it, it was pretty cool, then we came home and went to bed.

Poor Blake had to get up at 5:45am this morning though, so he’s warned us in advance that he may be cranky tonight. Oh and he’s on call, which is always awesome.

So that sucks, but what’re ya gonna do? *shrugs*

 Then today I’m just here at home with the kids and it’s my day off so aside from a work meeting this afternoon I have nothing planned. I know I’m going to watch CNN’s special on weed with Dr. Sanjay Gupta that aired last night because I still haven’t seen it (we were up kinda late) . Reddit tells me it was pretty good but I’m not about to take their word for it, so…

BRRR! It’s cold in here! There must be some Blizzards in the atmosphere!

Wow. School goes back in like two weeks.

Speaking of 2 weeks, my mother in law is coming up in 2 weeks to go ziplining with my mom for my mom’s 50th birthday and my mother in law’s I-have-no-idea-what-age-birthday but I know it’s of the age when it’s rude to ask haha It’s also old enough to know I think she looks really good for her age though too!

I’ve said I would go ziplining and I know Blake and the kids said they’d go but I don’t know if it’s happening or what is happening. I know I have a dentist appointment on the 19th and I’m covering for someone at work the 20th so pretty much as long as they’re not those days, we’re probably good, but someone better tell me soon or I won’t be able to do it.

Listening to this.

Recently I said that I have forgiven my cousin Scott, to which my friend Katie said “I remember Scott, you are far more zen than I” or something to that effect, which took me aback. Her reaction I mean. Also my admission, out loud, that I had forgiven him surprised even me. I mean, I was just writing and it came out and I re-read it at that moment and thought, yeah, that’s the right thing to write, because it was true.

And I’ll show you why:

I haven’t googled the quote or anything, for all I know Adolph Hitler said it, but it sums up why I have to forgive Scott in order to move on. I think I have enough information on who he is right now to not be worried about him reoffending and it’s just time to let go of it whether it ever goes acknowledged or not. I can’t say what piece of information made me realize this is *for sure* the way this needs to play out but something was the tipping point and it’s like that and that’s the way it is. Life’s too short to hold grudges, even if those grudges are often completely justified. You can only hold things from your childhood accountable for part of who you are but eventually, after a while,  you realize it’s not really part of who you’ve become. I dunno if that makes sense or if it’s just gibberish but that’s how I feel about it at this very moment.

This doesn’t apply to all people and situations. Just this one.  Right now.

Anyway, I’m going to go watch that CNN thing. Peace oot.

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