Tomorrow is TUESDAY, which means, no nurses, no kids and no Blake – it’s my DAY OFF! I’m so stoked! Here is what tomorrow will ideally entail because I do better with structured days than unstructured ones:

• Morning pages (I’m doing The Artist’s Way again. Last time I did it for a week and gave up, this time I’m doing it for real because I think the crux of my depression is that I’m creatively blocked. Very little makes me unhappier.)
• Waffles with REAL maple syrup (because my mommy loves me) and butter
• Moulin Rouge and sketching (I got brightly coloured feathers on my last trip to Michael’s and I want to use them in a burlesque painting)
• Burlesque (with Xtina Aguilera) and more sketching
• Figure out what to do with BEADS. If anyone has any idea on what I could do with brightly coloured glass seed beads, I’d love to hear it. I mean like, in my paintings, not in general. They were on clearance in tubes for $1 at Michael’s a while back, good quality ones too, so I got a whole bunch of them  and they’re really really pretty. The only thing I’ve been able to think of for them is to make them gravel in mermaid paintings. There’s gotta be a better use for them.
• Read The Artist’s Way for at least an hour.
• Read Painted Pages, which came today, for at least an hour.
• By that time, the kids should be home, so I’m going to see if Madison wants to watch The Sweetest Thing because that was the movie I won in the grocery store’s colouring contest (actually it’s 3 movies on 1 disc but the other two are stupid; Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle and My Best Friend’s Wedding)
• While we watch the movie, I’ll finish my last Sketchbook Project sketchbook page.
• Salmon steak and salad for dinner

Then the rest of the evening is a mystery! I know I’ll watch something with Blake, maybe The Tempest if there’s nothing else on TV because I know we have that downloaded and maybe we have The Ides of March too (I hope so, Ryan gosling, rawr) but whatever we watch, I’ll be working on Argent’s painting, which is fast becoming the bane of my existence because I keep FUCKING IT UP but hopefully tomorrow I’ll get a handle on it.

Tonight we’re having steak and grilled garlicy buttery potatoes for dinner (with peas!), and the Leafs are playing the godforsaken Islanders and we’re gonna win GODAMMIT and that’s all I have to say about that.

Today was pretty uneventful. I sat in my office all day and watched Oprah-related television while I wrote in my Artist’s Way workbook about my issues right now involving all things creative, then I started reading The Artist’s Way from the beginning because the last time I picked it up, according to my last morning pages, was the winter of 2005 and that was before I went nuts and considering I remember very little in this house before I went nuts, I figured I should just start all over again instead of where my bookmark had left off. Evidently I only read a chapter of the book the first time around too. No wonder it didn’t help me.

Janice was my nurse today. I like Janice, she’s nice and bubbly and funny and probably my favourite out of all of them. She also listens to me, for the most part, whereas the others don’t really. :o/

Anyway, I spent most of my day away from the internet and it was pretty great, so I think I’ll do the same tomorrow. I need to have better days than the ones I’ve been having, that’s for sure.

Have a lovely evening!

~*PLEASE DONATE SO I CAN GO TO ART CAMP!*~

The Crittendens are now on wheels. Let the games begin!
AND ALEX & RONNY SHOULD TOTALLY COME PLAY WITH US.
*HINT HINT*

PS. None of us actually know how to skate.

I had to go to the doctor’s this morning to get repeats on my codeine contin (which he raised by 100mg/day) and Tylenol 3 (30mg codeine/300mg acetaminophen) and Naproxen. He lectured me about taking so much Tylenol because it’ll kill my liver, which I’m oh so aware of but I don’t see any alternatives here, which is why he raised my codeine contin. That’ll keep me from having to take so much Tylenol 1 (8mg codeine/300mg acetaminophen, 15mg caffeine) during the month and then I have the Tylenol 3 for when I’m actually on the rag and wanting to kick puppies. So was that clear? He lectured me about taking so much Tylenol and then rx’d me…more Tylenol. I’m not complaining because he did what I wanted him to do, I just thought it was funny.

I have today off because I had to go to the doctor’s this morning at 10:30am (we just got back now and it’s almost noon) when I start work at 10am usually, and then this afternoon is metabolic clinic. But this actually worked out well because I woke up to an e-mail from Belinda asking our boss for Saturday night off because it’s her boyfriend’s birthday. I have to make up my metabolic clinic hours on Saturday anyway (Belinda works nights) and Blake’s gone to Militiagan for another funeral this weekend anyway too, so I said I’d take today off and work Belinda’s shift Saturday night for her. Then I’ll still have Sunday off, which, if I’m working the night before, I’ll probably use to sleep in and then play Sims Medieval all day. So it all works out! I had intended to work from whenever metabolic clinic was over (we usually get home around 3:30 or 4pm) until 6pm, which is when my shift usually ends, but I decided I’m not going to bother and I’ll just make up the hours on Saturday since I’m needed then anyway. That means that I may actually make it to yoga tonight, which is good considering I haven’t actually been in about 4 or 5 weeks because work + metabolic clinic all in one day is too many things for me, so yoga has had to go by the wayside until metabolic clinic is finished on April 5th.

Speaking of yoga, our teacher is pregnated! She already has a toddler, she goes to school for holistic medicine and she has a full-time job on top of teaching yoga, so she’s going to be one busy lady. We’ve signed up for the next session because I’d like to continue once metabolic clinic is over and done with. As I may have mentioned a time or two, I absolutely love yoga and I’m really looking forward to going tonight since it’s been so long. I bet she’s going to make me sweat…

Today at metabolic clinic we’re discussion our addictions. I am 6 days smoke-free and talking about smoking makes me want to have one so I hope they gloss over that and just talk about the addiction part. This is our last real class I think, as next week is our “graduation” and evaluation session. I’m not really sure what that means but I do know that I’m going to need to fill out my module evaluation sheets which I’ve been neglecting to do unless they’ve specifically asked me to do them at the end of class, as they have in some instances.

I’ve been doing the treadmill daily. The first day I did a total of 55 minutes but then the next day I was sore because my shoes are those Sketcher’s Shape Ups so I only did 20 minutes and I’ve only been doing 20 minutes since. In fact, instead of writing this post, I should probably get on the treadmill, especially since I’m at the very tail end of The Virgin Suicides and I’d really like to finish it so I can star Freedom by Jonathan Franzen since that’s Oprah’s current book club pick and I think she’s going to be doing the show about it sometime soon. I’ve never read one of Oprah’s book club picks while the book club was happening before and I’ve always skipped those episodes as a result, but this being her last season I figured I’d give it a shot, especially since I read in Adbusters that my generation doesn’t read enough Jonathan Franzen, so there’s that too. Have any of you read this book? What did you think of it? I don’t even know what it’s about, I haven’t read the back or anything and I know absolutely nothing about the author or his previous works. But whatever, I’m looking forward to cracking the spine on that thick sucker and I love that I got a treadmill with a book stand. Reading while walking is turning out to be something that I really enjoy. The treadmill even has a place for an MP# player to be plugged in and two cup holders that fot a can of Coke Zero perfectly. I’m totally set up!

Yesterday Blake brought me home dirt so when I’m NOT wearing my $200 hockey jersey or going to yoga, I have to start my veggies on the window sill. I have Super Sugar Snap peas, Napoli carrots, Thunder cucumbers, Parade green onions, Golden cherry tomatoes, Sugary cherry tomatoes and Big Beefsteak tomatoes. All I’m going to start inside this week is the cucumbers and all the tomatoes. The peas did fine last year with just being stuck in the garden and hopefully the carrots and onions will do the say. Last year the garden got overrun with weeds and I didn’t know what were weeds and what were vegetables so I couldn’t weed and the carrots and onions never grew. Neither did any of the herbs (that I know of, like I said, I couldn’t tell the difference between them and the weeds). This year I’m going to do herbs in pots on the porch, although part of me is thinking “why bother?” because fresh herbs at the grocery store really aren’t that expensive and we use frozen basil chunks for Blake’s awesome cherry tomato pasta anyway and I think they’re only $2.99 for 20 cubes. (I think he uses 4 in the tomato thing, maybe a bit more.) It just seems like, for the pain in the ass of it, it would just be easier to buy fresh herbs at the grocery store than tend my own.

Blah, I’m babbling. I’m gonna go finish The Virgin Suicides and get on the treadmill. I hope everyone has a wonderful day!

PS. Yes I know I need to get my roots done. I was going to go to the new salon here in town to have highlights put in, but I’m broke right now so I bought a box of hair dye today at the pharmacy instead. I’ll go to the salon another time and just get Blake to trim my ends with my awesome art scissors. No big deal.

Okay, to tread I go!

PPS. I can’t go to yoga tonight! We’re playing the Sabres and I have to tweet 100 times about how much I hate Ryan Miller! Curses!

I woke up this morning at around 5:20am having liquishits like you would not even believe. TMI? Too bad. It was horrible. Obviously this stomach flu has not left my body yet. I decided to have Chunky soup for breakfast, which in hindsight, was probably an incredibly stupid idea as I currently feel like barfing my guts up. I took Gravol though, so that shouldn’t happen.

I also woke up with a numb finger. The middle finger of my right hand is completely numb, like pins and needles, which has made typing incredibly difficult this morning. It’s getting better the more I type, but it’s still pretty numb and driving me absolutely insane due to typos. I’ve tried flexing it, shaking it, now I’ve just given up, it can do whatever it wants to do, I’m going to type anyway as that’s my job.

What I’m really making this post for, is 21 Secrets. Have you heard about it yet? It’s another online art course where you’re being taught, via video, by 21 different mixed media artists and it sounds like it’s going to be a good one. If I wasn’t ass-deep in debt right now, I’d probably do it myself.

Willowing is one of the teachers (it’s her affiliate link I’ve linked here), as well as Connie from Dirty Footprints Studio and 19 others who I’ve never actually heard of but the course still sounds neat and there are bios at the link I linked. I think a lot of it is going to be focused around “art healing” and art journaling, so if you’re into that, check it out. At $59 I think it’s a pretty good bargain and a good intro to online art courses if you’ve never done one before.

This morning I got out a 11×14 inch canvas and my plan for it is to have two fairies, one Caucasian done all in black, with black tulle wings (because I got this kickass black tulle ribbon I’ve been dying to use) and an African fairy done all in white (ditto on the kickass tulle ribbon) . I’m really feeling fairies these days. My angel is finished and her final coat of varnish is currently drying on my coffee table (pics later and yes, she’ll be in my Etsy shop) but I think I’m going to do at least 3 fairies in the coming weeks. I got this really neat ribbon, which I think I’ve already mentioned, that is graduated purple, white and blue and iridescent that I want to make fairy wings out of, I just have to figure out what kind of fairy would have wings like that. I also have those gold leaves I posted a while back that I want to use as fairy wings, but I’m sort of “golded out” after doing the angel so I might hold off on that.

Don’t you think those would make badass wings?

I also bought a bunch of pressed flowers on our last trip to Michael’s but I’m not really sure what to do with them yet. Pressed flowers are super fragile and I’m sort of afraid to do anything. My first thought though, is that I haven’t done my version of Frida Kahlo yet, which is something that all of these online mixed media artists seem to do and the pressed flowers would make great accents for Frida hair, I think.

^^These are the ones I thought would be good for Frida hair accents.^^

Neat, huh?
I think they’re pretty cool, personally. And they were on sale so I got them for $2 a pack.

I’m a little apprehensive about using pressed flowers in my work because for one, like I said, they’re pretty fragile and for two, I’m afraid they’ll fade over time if someone were to hang the piece in direct sunlight. BUT if I were to do a Frida, I would probably keep her so it wouldn’t matter anyway. I’d know not to hang her in direct sunlight.

These are the thoughts that rattle around in my head and make me wake up at 5:30 in the morning…

Today it’s supposed to get up to 11 degrees C, which is GREAT. That means the snowdrift in my backyard that makes the dogs able to get over the fence is almost melted and we don’t have to go out there and watch them anymore. HOORAY! But it also makes for really ugly roadsides as the snow melts, which is full of sand from the winter.

On Tuesday, on our way back from metabolic clinic, we saw sap buckets for the first time this year! Obviously maple syrup is a pretty big deal here, but it’s an even bigger deal where I live. Next month we even have a Maple Syrup Festival and everything. I get excited when I see sap buckets because that means the trees are waking up because it’s almost SPRING! Soon the robins will be back (here) and the nights will be full of the choruses of frogs, which is my favourite sound in the world. Living in a marshy area, the ditch outside my house is absolutely chock full of frogs and in the late spring, they’re sometimes so loud it’s hard to sleep. Here’s a video I took so you can hear them, last year on April 6th:

I can’t wait for the frogs to come back. To me, that’s really the first sign of spring because the frogs know when it’s going to be too cold for them and rarely do we get snow after the frogs come out of hiding.

Last night Blake bought me a new big pot to make my potato soup in and he also found me some leeks, so it’ll be potato and leek soup, which happens to be my favourite. I’m definitely looking forward to dinner tonight, as are the kids. I’m not looking forward to peeling potatoes though, so I’m going to make Madison do that part while I’m still working, which I do until 2pm today since I started so early. This gives me time to make the soup and work on these fairies until I finally pass out before Grey’s Anatomy and Jersey Shore, which is my prediction.

Oh! And the Leafs won last night! So I’m pretty happy about that. I don’t want to jinx anything but if they keep doing what they’re doing, kit’s looking like we might make the playoffs for the first time in a long time and that’s exciting. BUT knowing the Leafs, they’ll blow it, but even if they do, at least they came close! Which is better than most years. I like the team how it is now, they’re more energized right now than I think they’ve ever been since I started really watching hockey.

Anyway, I think I’m gonna go shit my brains out now. Hope you’re having a happy Thursday!

For my birthday, my beloved husband had my beloved Team Canada jersey lettered with Sidney Crosby’s 87 because he scored the MOST AMAZING game winning goal at the Olympics last year. This is literally now my most prized possession. I’m very superstitious about lettering jerseys because as soon as you get one lettered with someone’s name, that someone either gets traded or beats a woman or gets a DUI or something. That’s why my Leafs jersey has never been lettered and will never be lettered. But my Team Canada jersey was okay to be lettered because Sidney Crosby scored the game winning goal at these specific Olympics, on Canadian soil and it was one of the most joyous moments of my life.

The Team Canada jerseys change for each Olympics, which is also why it was imperative for THIS jersey to be lettered with THIS hockey player’s name.

I am OVER THE MOON that I get to wear this jersey today to metabolic clinic because really, it’s not like I go anywhere else.

Anyway, here are some pics, please excuse my bad hair day. (In my defense, it was still damp, but I’m just having a bad hair day.)

If you’ve been reading my blog for any great length of time, you’ll know that I’m not very good with birthdays. My own especially, but also other people’s. This year was no different, despite everyone’s best efforts.

First of all, last night Blake and I were screwing around with this pink aluminum baseball bat that I bought in the states last night and he had one end and I had the other and we were fighting over it in the dark (don’t ask why, it doesn’t matter). Long story short, I ended up getting nailed really hard with it, right above my right temple and today my head is literally mushy. My hair hurts. It hurts when I chew. We’re fairly certain I was/am concussed. I cannot deal with my emotions right now, like I have to control over them whatsoever. I woke up in much more pain today than when it first happened even and I basically spent all day crying.

I’ve been chowing down Tylenol 1 and Naproxen like it’s candy and that’s helped a little but but I think I’d be screaming if I wasn’t drugged up to the tits.

So that set up my birthday and made me a very unhappy person all day.

Then I had to go to metabolic clinic, which I really didn’t want to do because I really didn’t want to get out of my pajamas and make the time up on the weekend when I already have to work an extra 8 hours this weekend because of the time I missed for the funeral. But I went anyway. It was a module on stress and was mostly unhelpful, but at one point we had a 20 minute discussion on smoking and…

…after the class was over, I told Blake to stop at a store because it was my birthday and I’d smoke if I goddamned well pleased and I goddamned well pleased. So we had one in the car and I said I was just going to smoke today but when we got home I felt guilty and flushed the rest of the pack. Smokes are $10.25 a pack now, by the way.

After metabolic clinic I had to work for another 2 hours, so I did that and when I was finished, I told Blake I needed to sleep because all day, and this can apparently be a concussion thing, I was extremely drowsy. Like, I could barely stay awake during the metabolic clinic because the lights were off and they were doing a Powerpoint presentation. I actually closed my eyes during it a few times and kinda jolted awake.

So I slept from 6pm-7pm and then Blake went to get dinner (Chinese food), we ate, I felt sick, I took Gravol and then we did presents with the kids. Wes got me the next 2 Buffy the Vampire Slayer books for “season 8″, Madison got me a laughing Buddha cone incense holder with some incense and my step-mom sent down a small gift with Madison which included a $25 gift certificate for Starbucks, a leather journal, some neat sparkly nail polish and some lip balm. (This may or may not be common knowledge but I’m a lip balm/chapstick hoarder due to chronically chapped lips. It’s been an issue my whole life.)

Oh and before I go any further, I gained 2 lbs this week but lost an inch. This is what happens every week, I either gain or lose 2 lbs and gain or lose 1 or 2 inches on my waist but never at the same time. Also on the way home from metabolic clinic we checked the mail and the CD Blake ordered for me a while back finally came (Bossanova by the Pixies so now I have them all). The birthday card my mom sent me last Wednesday had not arrived yet, but it’ll probably be here Saturday when Blake checks the mail next.

After presents, we finished watching Big Love and then I started to watch last week’s Jersey Shore when suddenly I panicked that I couldn’t smoke again after today for a whole other year because the rule Blake and I made in the car was that I would only smoke on my birthday. So I popped 3 Ativan, grabbed my wallet and keys, put my shoes on with no socks and drove to the store where I paid another $10.25 for a pack of smokes. That’s now $20.50 for smoking today, for those doing the math.

Now Blake’s gone to bed and I’m staying up a little later than usual (I usually go to bed around 10/10:30pm) because I want to make the most of this smoking thing and also because if I’m tired tomorrow I can start work at 11am and finish at 7 because my work is flexible like that. My lungs feel like they’re on fire though and before I go to bed I’ll be flushing the rest of this pack and if I want smokes tomorrow I’m shit outta luck because I have to work and there’s no way I’m walking to the store. Plus, I’m a non-smoker again as of midnight so I’m just not going to go there again until next year.

In other birthday news, my treadmill from Charlie is going to be here this Saturday and my step-mom is taking the elliptical. To go with the treadmill, Blake bought me a new pair of shoes for my birthday, which I’m in love with. These ones:

Yeah I know, Shape Ups are supposed to be bullshit and they don’t do what they claim to do (tone your legs, give you better posture and some other stuff – I haven’t watched the DVD they came with yet) but I don’t care about that, I didn’t want them because they were Shape Ups. I wanted them because I love them and because there are no laces to do up and I don’t have to put on socks to wear them. I can throw them on with bare feet in 30 seconds, go on the treadmill for 10 minutes between answering e-mails, throw them off, continue working and repeat throughout the day. The metabolic clinic people want us walking 3k steps a day but I can only do a little less than half that just walking around the house, so my first goal for the treadmill is going to be that per day in small increments, working my way up to more and more.

Oh and Blake’s also getting my Team Canada jersey lettered with Sidney Crosby. :o) It’s at the pro-shop right now being done. I’m very excited.

Chali also got me a gift certificate for Lush, so any day now another Lush box is going to be at my front door waiting for me and I started planning both front and back yard gardens with Ruggedo yesterday.

So “stuff”wise, I made out like a bandit for my birthday and I’m very grateful for everything I got, it was just a bummer of a day and I’m glad it’s almost over.

The next thing I wanted to write about is sleep. My shrink gave up on giving me benzodiazapines for sleeping (although I’m still taking clonazepam) and she gave me an anti-psychotic instead, called loxapine, which seems to be working. She said there was a small chance that it would increase my appetite and if that happened to stop taking it but it seems to be having the opposite effect and I’m just not hungry these days.

Also helpful is this thing Kevin got me, it’s called a Wake Up Light (watch the video in that link, it’s sorta cool). I was really really skeptical when he suggested this thing but I’ve gotta admit that after a week or so of using it, it really is working. How it works is that you set it for when you want to wake up, in my case that’s 9am. So at 8:30am, the light comes on dimly and starts getting brighter and brighter until 9am when these little birdies (or radio) start chirping. I have my phone set for 9:15am and 9:30am as a back up but this week I’ve been getting up about 10 minutes before the birdies come on and it’s a totally different morning because the way you wake up feels like you naturally woke up (which I suppose in a way, you did) and you don’t hate the world because of your fucking alarm. At first I resented the birdies as much as the roosters (my phone’s alarm, which is the most obnoxious thing in the world) but now I don’t even hear them. This morning I woke up 3 minutes before the birdies because I think a part of me fears the birdies. But still, it felt like I woke up naturally so I didn’t wake up hating the world (well I did, but it had nothing to do with the birdies). I definitely recommend this Wake Up Light to anyone who has sleep issues or a hard time getting up in the morning, especially if you sleep in a pitch black room which I mostly do.

Anyway, I love the thing. It makes me a much nicer person and I cannot thank Kevin enough for being such a huge nerd for even knowing about stuff like this. And for getting it for me because he knew I’d never buy this for myself in a hundred million years.

I’m still struggling to get back into the swing of things after being in the US last week. My routine has been disturbed and when that happens, it takes me a long time to get re-acclimated. Before we got word that Blake’s grandma was going to go any second, I was actively working on Cammity Jane, which some of you know about and some of you don’t and I’m not going to re-explain it because you’ll just have to read it when it’s finished. I was going pretty full tilt on it though and I was actually really impressed with my own dedication to it because I never really finish anything when it comes to writing, especially anything good and in my opinion, this is good – or at least it’s going to be. Charlie’s helping me with continuity while I just get the story down and HOPEFULLY my friend Robert will edit my punctuation when I get it finish. (Robert, will you? I’ll even pay you to do so.) He’s an English teacher and knows more about grammar and punctuation than anyone I’ve ever met. I haven’t worked on it since we got back but I haven’t really had the time. I’m hoping to work on it from Charlie’s notes on what I have so far starting tomorrow though.

I’m also about halfway finished my Valentine girl who I really do believe is my best work to date. I’m really impressed with her and plan on not putting her up for sale. Right now she needs arms, her Valentine placards, varnish and corset stitching, then she’ll be finished. I meant to work on the placards tonight but got distracted by everything else.

So, I’m being productive, or at least I will be once I get back into the swing of things in Sunnyland and as soon as my head stops hurting, which will hopefully be soon.

One more thing before I finish this post: Charlie Sheen. Holy shit right? Check out this site, it’s hysterical. And that’s all I have to say about that.

Goodnight internets, and thanks everyone for everything. <3

Oh man.

So we’re back from Militiagan, we got back last night. When we got home, Alex & Ronny were here so we watched The Leafs lose pitifully to the Penguins while eating steak & potatoes for dinner and reminiscing about the lovely ol’ US of A, where Ronny also happens to be from.

Oh yeah, since I missed several days of work, this post is going to probably be all over the place because I’m working all day today.

Anyway, blah blah Ronny & Alex, dogs were happy to see us, so was cat. Kids are still up North (Blake’s picking them up right now but I bet they’ll be back by the time I finish this post).

So obviously, if you’ve been following along, Blake’s grandma, who was 98 or 99, finally died. She’d been dying for a really long time, as long as I’ve known Blake, and this was like…”finally”. People were sad of course, but like I said in a previous post, I think there was also a lot of relief.

We left for MI Wednesday night after I was done work and the drive was pretty uneventful, no issues at the border which we were worried about because Blake’s US passport is long expired, I don’t even have one, and Blake’s permanent residence card for Canada is expired as well. But no issues so whatever. We stop at a gas station just outside the border in MI and there I found a TREASURE TROVE of goodness, behold my bounty (oh PS, this post will have a lot of pictures):

You cannot get these everywhere in Canada. I’m told other provinces MAY have them from time to time but you cannot get these in Ontario. I was very excited.

But nowhere near as excited as I was to see THESE:

I loved these. We used to have these. They stopped making them or distributing them in Canada in 2002 and when I learned of this, I went out and spent around $100 buying up every box I could find, hoarding them for like, 2 years. I was SHOCKED when I saw them at this MI gas station. So I bought 9 of them. Not 10 because that would have been the whole box and what if someone else wanted one? So I just got 9.

Did I mention that I love these? Remember that. We’ll come back to it later.

We got to our hotel at around, god I don’t even know, I want to say it was near midnight. Our hotel room was pretty cool, it had a fridge, dishwasher, 2 element stove and a microwave but we got the handicap suite so it didn’t have a bath tub and therefore all the Lush stuff I’d brought with me never got used. Didn’t matter, there was no time on this trip for Lush baths anyway.

As it turned out, Thursday was to be the wake/viewing (they called it a viewing, my family would call it a wake, I dunno if they’re the same thing, they sure seemed the same) and Friday was going to be the funeral, so we planned on staying until Sunday but I had a minor freak out Friday night after way too much stimulation so we decided to leave Saturday instead. But I’m getting way way way ahead of myself.

So Thursday morning, we got up early and Blake went to visit his friend Mandy and her baby while I got an hour of work in and then we had to get ready vite vite vite because the wake was at 2pm. This is what I wore:

Another Free People outfit (with my Docs) because when I leave the house, that’s basically all I wear.
The skirt is sort of a peachy sheer thing and the sweater is a charcoal grey that flows out over your bum.
I was paranoid the whole time that I was showing everyone my ass but Blake assured me I was not.
I wore beige underwear just in case. ;o)

The wake was…overwhelming. Blake’s family is Albanian (this was his dad’s side) and a lot of them are newer immigrants from the last 20 years or so. And there are a lot of them. I can remember who everyone was and more or less how they were related to Blake but it was a lot to take in all at once. It was nice though, that they included our family in the big boards Blake’s Aunt Pat had made with pictures of the whole family and all the grandkids and stuff and Blake’s grandma looked pretty good, probably the best open casket job I’ve seen to date (I hate open casket though, I think it’s gross). “The family” got there at 2 which meant Blake’s Aunt Pat, his dad (who’s a fuckbag) and his dad’s wife Kim (who’s a mega-cunt), his Uncle John and these cousins from New Hampshire that I’d never met before, Marc (nice, old guy), his son Boyce and Marc’s sister (I think?) Diana who is 72 and a total riot. I loved the crap out of her and honestly, without our kindred spirits connecting I’m not sure I would have made it through the whole thing intact.

There were deciding the order of the procession to the cemetery the next day and it was funny because Blake is the last Vulpe male and he took MY last name when we got married, therefore Wes the other “last Vulpe male” has MY last name as well, so we Blake told them what kind of car we drove and his name, Blake Crittenden, his dad like, paused and gave him a look because I think this was news to him and it was SO FUNNY. Anyway, we were 2nd in line for the procession with Blake’s dad, Kim, Uncle John and Aunt Pat in Blake’s dad’s car being first. Then Marc, Boyce and Diana behind us and other people all behind us.

At the wake I met about a hundred and fifty million people, namely the aforementioned Albanians, Blake’s Uncle or cousin (???) Nico and his daughters Tina and Helena who I HAD actually met before but that was 8 years ago now and honestly, they were teenagers them so I barely paid any attention to them. Now they’re all grown up. I’m not sure was Tina’s in college for but Helena is just starting her residency to be a neurosurgeon. SUPER nice girls. I added them on Facebook the night after the funeral and from what I can tell, the whole innocent thing isn’t an act. These girls, well, women I guess, don’t really swear or drink or show their boobs on the internet or anything even remotely controversial from what I can tell. So strange. But nice girls nonetheless, I really enjoyed their company.

Something I noticed almost right away is how close the Albanians are with each other, like, they’re a REAL FAMILY, like the Greeks I knew growing up, who were also mostly recent immigrants. And it makes sense that they’re so close, because all they’ve really had is each other and the church which is just so interesting to me because my family sucks, on both sides. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m GLAD AS HELL that I wasn’t raised in a religious environment, but our family plays so many psychological games and there’s so much bullshit it’s unbelievable and with the Albanians, there’s none of that. They just love each other BECAUSE they’re family and that’s just what you fucking do. Like I remember when Wes was born, Nico and his family sent us baby clothes for him and this was BEFORE I’d even MET THESE PEOPLE. But Blake was their family and that’s just what you do BECAUSE they’re your family.

And that whole vibe or attitude or whatever was SO strong and so prevalent at the wake and the funeral and the “thing after the funeral with food” (reception?) that I was actually feeling really weird about it. Like on one hand I was totally jealous over it because I’ve never had that and I didn’t even really know I wanted that until that moment but also I got kissed and hugged by so many Albanians who I didn’t know and they just automatically embraced me wholeheartedly. I married Blake and I am their family, no matter what. I’m probably not even doing the experience justice but it was POWERFUL and I find myself like, craving these people. It really makes me sad that Pat deleted her Facebook but I promised to keep in touch via e-mail, which I will do. I added Tina and Helena, like I said, and I’m looking forward to dancing at their weddings one day. As much as I hate going places and as much as I hate the border and as much as I hate blah blah blah come hell or high water I will stay in contact with these people, to the best of my ability, with the…well I won’t promise, but with the possibility of visiting as often as we can. As I can, I guess. They are my family, no matter what.

More about them later though, the funeral was Thursday and we had to get up at ass o’clock because Blake was a pallbearer, they decided, which meant we had to be at the church super early. I think like, 8:45am.

The night before we tried to watch The Kids Are Alright but were too tired to finish it so we watch the other half Friday night. It was alright, I hope it doesn’t win any Oscars tonight. I love Annette Benning and thought she was genius as always, but there are so many other deserving films…anyway….

So we were at the church right on time. Here’s what I wore, which you’ve already seen me wear with jeans but this time I wore it with a black tulle skirt that matched the tulle of the slip so I was super gauzy and I loved it:

The church thing was weird. This was only the 3rd or 4th time I’d ever really been in a church and I’d never ever been in a church like that with all these icons and the stained glass windows and a chanting/singing priest and bible stuff in Albanian and incense and doing the sign of the cross (which I don’t even KNOW) and kissing icons and crosses and shit. It was crazy! And I was SO tired and the incense was making me SO sleepy that here I was, sitting in the front row with the family (more on that in a sec) half falling asleep. Pretending I had my eyes closed to listen, so I’d nod and look contemplative from time to time but really I was just about falling asleep. lulz. Blake and I both felt really awkward sitting in the front pew with the family and being 2nd in line in the procession. See, at first, at the wake, Nico was kind of a little bit short with us and Blake thinks it was because Blake sort of moved to Canada and never visited and the family felt abandoned and rightly so. All was forgiven by half an hour later, if in fact that’s what that was about, but still, Nico and his family stayed by Blake’s grandma’s side until the very end and we felt that they should have been sitting where we were because who the hell are we? I mean, to hell with what’s proper and let’s go with what’s right! But Pat & John wanted us so we just did as we were told. I felt horrible though, I mean, I’m not even family.

And then there’s the fact that I barely even KNEW Blake’s grandma, she was pretty well far gone by the time I met her  but I found myself getting a little “misty”, we’ll say, at the funeral just because, I think, of all the love and warmth that was just pouring out of all these people. It was incredible, I’ve literally never experienced anything like it.

Blake’s Uncle John was sitting beside me and he was pretty upset so I just hugged him and wiped his tears and told him I loved him. He’s suffering (pretty severely, I’d say) from early onset dementia and it is SO sad. He’s probably the person on Blake’s dad’s side I know the best and he is (was?) such a great person and to see him so unlike himself and out of it broke my tiny, black little heart. More about that later.

I gotta hand it to myself though, for being smart. Before we got to the church, I made Blake stop at a CVS and pick up a bunch of those mini travel Kleenexes for people, which I think was appreciated. Blake’s dad asked me for Chapstick too, which I gave him because I always have at least 3 in my bag, but Blake’s dad has herpes so we threw it in the garbage when we got back to the hotel so I wouldn’t use it by accident. *shudder* Herpes aside, I was glad to provide, even if he is a shitbag.

Next was the procession to the cemetery.
Meet Blake’s dad:

Yes, that is his real license plate. It’s on his fucking Escalade.
I hear his penis is minuscule.

You would think a funeral procession would be uneventful, and it was, except that I think we drove halfway across the state to get to the cemetery and then GUESS WHAT? I WAS IN ROSA FUCKING PARKS’ MAUSOLEUM! (Which is also a memorial.) That’s where the cemetery part of the funeral was! Inside it! I asked Blake if his grandmother was being uh, I don’t know the word for it, like put in a drawer there or however they do it, and he said he didn’t think so but his dad’s like, a bajillionaire so it’s totally possible. I was in absolute shock, I didn’t even know the whole Rosa Parks thing happened in Michigan or that she was from there. You’re goddamned right I Foursquared that! lulz again.

Speaking of Foursquare, I am totally bummed out that I didn’t get a badge for being in another country. I feel cheated. Especially considering the fact that I spent over $50 on data usage while we were there because I don’t have a roaming plan. Oops. And Charlie even warned me about that too, but it snuck up in me. :o/

After the funeral was FINALLY finished all of its components, Blake and I went back to the hotel because I’d forgotten my phone and was hating the crap out of his Blackberry, then we went to this fancy restaurant with valet parking for the reception. We were basically the last people to get there, which was fine, and we sat with who I’d call the “core” Albanians and they all spoke Albanian with each other and pretty much ignored Blake and I for the most part, which was fine. Normally I’d be paranoid in a situation like that that they were talking about me, but I didn’t feel like they were and truthfully, I don’t really feel like they are that kind of people. The mom, Tonzi, married to Nico, was really nice to me and asked about the kids and stuff so I showed everyone last year’s school pictures, which I had in my wallet. Then they went back to speaking Albanian and ignoring me, which again, was fine. I didn’t mind, especially because George (pronounced gee-u-rgie in Albanian) doesn’t speak English.  The food was excellent and I because I’m a big fat sucker, I asked Blake to please give his dad, who he hadn’t spoken to in 7 years, the pictures of the kids I had in my wallet.  So now I don’t have pictures of my own kids in my wallet anymore but I think I made an old man happy so that’s okay. I have the genuine articles. Maybe he wouldn’t be such a shitbag knowing what he’s been missing out on these past 7 years, right?

Nope.

Well, let’s give credit where credit is due: Rudy has never been anything but nice to me to my face and the same with Kim but neither one of them is warm toward me in any way and they’ve both been awful to Blake for most of his life and that’s why I hate them.

On Saturday we went to Pat’s to have breakfast and Blake’s dad (Rudy if that wasn’t obvs) was there, much to Blake’s dismay, as was John, Diana and Pat’s friend whose name is completely escaping my brain at this present moment but it’ll come to me. She was very nice and it bothers me that I can’t recall her name right now. :o/

Anyway, Blake’s dad was basically bragging about Blake’s niece being invited to the Junior Olympics for skiing and how she goes to a “magnet school”, which I think is a private school, which no doubt he pays for, and that Blake’s other 2 nieces, who are babies right now, will go to the same school because the public schools aren’t good enough. I have issues with this line of thinking, but whatever. Then he got on Blake about being healthier and stuff and telling both of us to get into winter sports and basically lecturing Blake to be more active, which he;s been lecturing Blake about since Blake was a toddler. Just falling back into fuckbag territory after Blake hasn’t spoken to him in 7 years, like nothing ever happened.

Luckily he left before we had breakfast so after that, we just had a good time with everyone else. Diana, as I mentioned, is GREAT and both her and Pat cleaned me out of business cards (lulz once more! They’re probably reading this right now, aloha, ladies!) which I thought was cute and supportive. I haven’t decided which one yet, but I think I’m going to send Pat one of my paintings. I’;m thinking “Shimmer II” off the top of my head, but we’ll see. Anyway, a great time was had by all, I think, we just sat around and shot the shit and it felt so relaxed and NORMAL and I loved it. John made me sad because he’s just not John anymore, he literally acts like a clown, like if you dressed him up and painted his face and taught him how to make balloon animals, there ya go. Like he’d tweak your nose and make faces at you and strange sounds and stuff, never making a lick of sense. So sad. And scary because with Blake and I, that could literally be either or both of our futures. I’m wondering now if there’s a genetic test you can get done to see if that would happen to you and if you test positive, if there’s anything you can do to prevent it. I know I’m susceptible being bipolar but I also know that being medicated early in life (relatively speaking) protects me somewhat, or that’s what I understand from talking to our family doctor about this whole thing.

So that was pretty much the whole funeral/trip EXCEPT, Blake took me to a Meijer for the first time and this is everything we hauled home because we just don’t have this shit in Canada!

Generic brand American mixed nuts are a must because Americans are less healthy than Canadians, or at least they have less food guidelines, and therefore they have a LOT more salt on their nuts than we do. These were actually kind of a let down in this regard, CVS actually has the best ones, but they were still pretty great.

There are no Keebler elves in Canada, just Santa’s elves.
I’ve never had these before but they looked pretty good.

“Better Made” is a Michigan brand and Ronny wanted us to bring him home some “hot” Better Made chips, which we did, but these looked good too so I grabbed a bag. After trying them last night, I wished I’d brought home a zillion more bags because they’re delicious.

In case it’s not obvious, I like pretzels and these looked pretty rad. Rold Gold is my favoured pretzel brand, but we don’t have the variety the US has.

I actually got this at a gas station.
It was pretty weird and despite the fact that I generally like all things cinnamon, especially Hot Tamales, I didn’t care for this very much so I gave the rest to Alex.

Canada doesn’t have Pepperidge Farm.
When I was living in New York, my boyfriend’s work, which was a sound studio, bought P. Farm stuff in bulk for clients and we used to steal it constantly. I was bummed I couldn’t find the soft Sausalitos but ya take what ya can get.

We have Goldfish crackers in Canada, so it’s weird we don’t have everything else P. Farm, but again, we don;t have the variety of Goldfish the US has. There must have been 10 different types at Meijer. I got the neon ones for my little sisters, I hope Blake remembers to give them to them.

OF COURSE we have Jones Soda here, Jones Soda was invented in BC!
I’ve just never seen it in 1L bottles. Especially with “litre” spelled wrong.

Tra la la la la!

More Better Made chips and my sexy-assed husband:

This was a total let down. Not like theatre popcorn on all.

Then we went down the cereal aisle…

(I always get Cookie Crisp but this is a NEW ONE!)

I’m kinda surprised we don’t have this here.

Blake’s favourite.

GOOD SOURCE OF VITAMIN D!

And last but not least, the only thing I really cared about because we don’t have it here and I don’t understand why: Cherry and Vanilla Coke Zero

We’ve never really had Cherry Coke here so it’s not surprising that we don’t have Cherry Coke Zero here but we used to have Vanilla Coke, which you can still sometimes get, yet we have no Vanilla Coke Zero? I think it’s a travesty that we don’t have either of these in our fair country and that it costs a million dollars to ship because it’s so heavy and that you can’t ship it in the winter or they’ll explode.

And that concludes my post on the US of A.
Glad to be home.

Edit: Blake tells me Rosa Parks did the bus thing in Alabama but moved to MI later in life.

I’ve been listening to a lot of Pixies these days because we’re going to see them in April. None of us (me, Blake, Alex, Ronny) have seen them before, so it should be a good time. Blake was supposed to see them a long time ago when they opened for U2 (how insulting!) but he decided to go see Mr. Bungle instead because he didn’t want to see the Pixies in a giant auditorium. That week? They broke up. So this is kind of a big deal for Blake. It’s their Doolittle tour so I’ve been mostly listening to songs from that.

I also got Blake the new Trail of Dead CD yesterday, which should be here by the weekend. Back to the Pixies for a sec though, we realized yesterday that the only Pixies CD we don’t have is Bossanova, and that sucks because that means I’ve never heard it. (Although I’m sure I’ve heard most of the songs from it anyway, with all the b-sides, live, compilation stuff we have, but that’s not the point.) So once I have money again, I’m going to do what I can to obtain that so our collection is complete.

Yesterday was metabolic clinic. According to their scale, I lost 2 lbs but according to their measurements, I gained back 2 of the 3 inches I’d lost last week on my waist. So be it. I weighed myself on the Wii Fit this morning and it also said I’d lost 2.2 lbs, so yay!

For some idiotic reason, I decided to break in the boots Charlie got me for Xmas, which are a lot like these, except yellowy brown and with a heel. I wore them with my brown Free People dress that I bought to wear for The Square Foot Show and Blake said I was bonerific. I don’t really go anywhere, normally, because of the whole “leaving the house” thing, so I’ve been kinda dressing up for metabolic clinic because Charlie’s bought me all of these beautiful clothes for Xmas that I’ve never worn because I have no occasion to. So now I am. It sucks that I still only have one pair of jeans though, but that’s okay, I have a million other things to wear that I haven’t yet.

Creepy nurse boy was there this week, but OF COURSE he was because today was our second module with Stephanie, the dietitian who he’s so obviously crushing on it’s ridiculous. I welcome this though, because that means he’s not staring at me and that’s a very good thing.

Yesterday’s class was about reading food labels and it was all extremely basic stuff. One thing I did learn though, is the rule that “5% is a little, 15% is a lot”. So if you’re looking at a food item that has 20% of your daily intake of salt, you want to avoid it because that’s a lot, but if it only had 4% of your daily intake of salt, then you’re good to go. And the opposite is true too, if something only has 4% of your daily intake of fibre, you probably want to skip it, but if it has over 15%, you’re good. Pretty much everything else in the class I knew already, but I found that “rule” helpful.

After the clinic, I had a meeting with the pharmacist, whose name is Afra and she’s really super nice and not a moron. We came to an understanding right away that I’d Wikipedia’d every drug I’m on before I take it and that I know about them all for the most part (I knew one of them was messing up my period, but I didn’t know which one) so we kinda skipped that part of the talk and her only real recommendation was she wants me taking 500 units of calcium every day along with 400-800 units of vitamin D because I guess you need the latter to make the former work. She never said for sure, but I’m assuming this is due to bone density loss which starts in your 30′s. She did say it was because of my age, which made me feel elderly. :o/ So on the weekend, we’ll be getting more pills for me to take. Yay.

After the clinic, we had half an hour to do some groceries at the “good” grocery store in the town where the clinic is. I love this grocery store, it’s big, beautiful and it has so much variety, especially compared to the grocery store in our town (THE grocery store – there’s only one) that’s only about 4 times the size of my house. The grocery store we went to yesterday actually has a BUTCHER on the premises and their meat department is just beautiful. They also have salmon steaks, whereas our grocery store only has fillets SOMETIMES and I think those are gross (it’s a texture thing).

So for dinner, I made myself a salmon steak, fried in olive oil, salt and pepper, sauteed mini portabellas and a small Caesar salad. For lunch, right when we got home from the grocery store, I had sweet potato fries because they are low on the Glycemic Index and that’s apparently a good thing, although I’m not sure I remember why. For breakfast I only had 1 kwish, instead of 2, because I felt a little bit sick and was not at all in the mood for broccoli that early in the morning.

This is all riveting, I know. You’re all on the edge of your seats. I’m just trying to demonstrate some of the stuff I’ve been learning at the metabolic clinic.

OH! One thing we got at the good grocery store is a half a turkey breast and the thing is HUGE! My plan was to put olive oil at the bottom of a roasting pan, throw the turkey breast in the middle and cut up potatoes and carrots to go around it and roast the whole thing at 350 F until it looks done. Does that sound like a good plan? I don’t really cook, and I’ve never cooked that, so I’m not totally sure what I’m doing.

Last night the Leafs beat the Islanders 5-3 which made me very happy because I hate the Islanders and they were 5 goalies deep so if we didn’t beat them I would have been completely and utterly ashamed of my Leafs. BUT they won so yay! This is the first game I’ve been able to watch since “the incident”, which I’m still not over, but I will be eventually. At least I’m at the point now where I can watch a game without feeling like a complete failure as a human being so that’s a start. Maybe next year I’ll be able to actually go to a game. (Although to be perfectly honest, I think I prefer to watch games on TV because then I have an announcer telling me what’s going on which is good because I paint when I watch TV.)

Speaking of which, I got my Valentine girl’s skin shaded last night and this afternoon when work slows down a bit, I’ll go in and do her eyes and then her black outlining. There’s no way she’s going to be done for Valentine’s Day so I don’t think I’m going to put her on Etsy until next year…or maybe I’ll keep her…I don’t know yet, we’ll see how she turns out. I am getting better at shading black skin, though, so that’s a plus. It’s trickier than white skin because with white skin you can paint and paint and paint and it’s never really going to change colour but with black skin, if you do too many layers, your girl will end up super black and then you won’t be able to see her nose and painting her lips is going to be difficult. And it’s really easy to mess it up by doing too many layers in an effort to get her skintone even. That’s what I’m learning to perfect right now and while I don’t have my technique down pat yet, I’m definitely better than I was a few months ago.

Anyway, I think that’s all I have to say and I have 10 minutes before work starts to eat this morning’s kwish. OH! Speaking of kwish! Y’know how I told you guys that last week I gave everyone at the metabolic clinic a copy of my modified lower fat kwish recipe? Well the one lady there, Sherry, (who is also super nice and not a moron) told me that her and her family made kwish on the weekend and they all loved it! My little kwishes are moving up in the world! Something I found out  the hard way though, is that if you use too much broccoli in them, you have to cook them longer and even then your kwish is going to end up soggy at the bottom. Also, when you’re using low fat cheese, you have to put ham on top of it or the cheese like, crisps but not in a good way. In a plasticy way.

Anyway, I thought it was awesome that someone else actually tried them and loved them.

Okay, time to work.

PS. I had a drink last night and was asleep by 10:45pm. Woke up this morning before all 3 of my alarms, at 7am, because Lucky was barking to be let out and as per usual, the children were ignoring him. But whatever, I was up and couldn’t sleep anymore, so hopefully tonight I’ll be tired enough that I won’t need a drink to fall asleep.

Hi Everyone. This is Blake. Sunny asked me to make a post about last night for her because she’s having a really hard time with it.

As I’m sure just about everyone already knows, we had tickets to go see the Leafs play the Washington Capitals last night and as I’d assume you also know, Sunny has a difficult time going to places with a lot of people. Most times we have plans to go to an event of some sort, for however much time that leads up to it, she will often burst out with statements like, “I don’t want to go” or something similar. Then we talk about it for a while and in the end, after much calming conversation, we end up at the event. To be honest, with the initial reaction that Sunny had when we got these tickets, I thought we might not even have that, but it started to creep in a couple weeks ago.

Yesterday started pretty smoothly though.  Sunny had to work until 4:00 and we were planning on leaving at 5:00. She finished work and got ready and we headed out.  She was very quiet in the car, but she was keeping it all together. It took around 2 hours to get there and find parking, but we made it. We walked into the ACC and were directed to our section.  While we were navigating the crowd, I could tell that Sunny was really uncomfortable and she said as much.  I thought that once we got to our seats and sat down, she would get into the game and would start enjoying herself.

When we got to our seats, there was about 5 minutes or so left of the first period. We checked in on foursquare (obviously) and watched a little hockey.  The intermission started and we watched some little kids play a bit of hockey and then Sunny turned to me and said that she needed to go.  I looked in her eyes and I could tell she was starting to lose her grip.

We headed for the doors and back to the car as fast as we could and then she broke down. On one hand, the crowd was too much for her, but on the other hand, she felt absolutely horrible that she couldn’t make it through the game. She wanted to. She knew that other people wanted her to. She knew that I wanted her to. Despite all that, she couldn’t do it and she felt like a failure.

We headed home and have talked a lot. She felt like I would be mad at her because I didn’t get to see my first Leafs game. She feels like her mom and John will be mad at her for not staying for the whole game when they got her such an awesome present. She feels like the whole internet will think she’s weak and a failure for not being able to do something as simple as going to an event that she wanted to go to in the first place. She feels like she wasted the tickets by not giving them to someone else who would have gone to the game and enjoyed it. She said she’d never actually realized how bad her agoraphobia was until last night.

I can’t really speak for everyone else, but I have a different perspective on all this. First and foremost, I think that an event that is important carries more stress than something that is not. This game was a HUGE thing for Sunny and because of that, going to it carried a lot more anxiety than something like going to the post office. On top of that, there was a lot more crowd to wade through than any other event we’ve been to in years. There was also no back corner to hide in away from the crowd, which is usually what we do at events. And lastly, the lights were all on.  I think all these factors made this a much more stressful situation than others things that we’ve been to in recent years.

I give Sunny a lot of credit for getting her shit together, getting in the car and eventually getting all the way to her seat. I’d call it giving up if she said, “This is too hard, so I’m not going to even try.”  I have a lot of respect for her that. Despite having so much anxiety about it, she actually got there and gave it a shot and I think the internet will feel the same way. I mean, it’s easy to look perfect if you only do easy things. Taking risks means that everything won’t always go as planned and you need to take risks to grow.

I hate seeing Sunny so down on herself for something that she can’t help. I saw her completely fall apart when she had her psychotic break. I saw her so apart that I was worried she’d never put herself back together. I’ve never been so scared in my life. Since that time, I’ve seen her struggle through a metric shit tonne of adversity and take huge steps to get her life back together. She’s quit smoking, she quit drinking regular Coke and adjusted her diet to much more healthy eating habits. She’s started making art more consistently. She’s been writing more consistently. She’s doing all that with a full time job that contributes so much to the wellbeing of our household. I could go on and on about successes in her life and I have to give her full credit for all of them. She decides on something, focuses herself and takes action to achieve whatever her goal is. Not least in her list are the steps she’s taken to get out of the house.

Every year she’s doing more and more things to get herself out in public and some of those times are without me. The Leafs game was the step that was a little too big, but at least she gave it a shot. I told her that I have no problem waiting until she’s ready and then we can try it again. It’s not something that we’ll accomplish this week, but we’ll get there eventually. Yesterday wasn’t a failure to do something she wanted to do. it was a success for making the effort rather than just wimping out and not even trying. She got to her seat, she watched some hockey and that’s certainly an accomplishment.

I am awake.

Guess what I got in the mail?

This:

Let us pretend I don’t have a giant zit on my nose or dead, not awake yet eyes.

And I could not be any more Canadian today if I tried.
Have you ever noticed that the ONLY decoration in my office is a giant Canada flag?
I see it every morning when I wake up and every night before I go to bed.

First thing I listened to this morning?
This, which is like THE Canadian drinking song (well, they all sort of are haha):

Then iTunes played THIS:

Which is like, THE Canadian band. SO Canadian and overplayed due to Canadian Content Laws, most Canadians confess to disliking them. I happen to love them, so fuck those people, but that’s not their best song, THIS is (in my opinion), so listen to this one too:

Or this one, which is about Dieppe and even though that happened during WWII I’ve always gotten really emotional about it since learning about it in school. There’s this Bell Canada commercial about it that just GUTS ME:

This is the commercial, I can’t watch it without bawling:

And since I’m feeling very Canadian this morning, I’ll leave you with this, as it is Hockey Night in Canada this evening:

Stompin’ Tom is a national treasure (no, spellcheck, it’s “Stompin’”, I got this one).

Edited to add pics of me where I don’t look like half-eaten dog shit: