Dear Trolls

Allow me to save you some effort: You’re not going to get the response you hoped for.

If you’re just here to be a dickhead, I’m going to delete your comments because it’s not part of my job description to give you a forum to be a dickhead. (Hey look! There’s a whole website devoted to doing that now! I believe I even have a thread on there, go to town! Edit: Whoa! TWO threads now! Better join the party!) I’m not here to put up with your shit, you’re here to put up with mine. :o)

Much Love,

Ms. Sunny Bananas


(Edit 06/03/09)

Recently a troll who had supposedly been visiting my site and Live Journal “since the days of”, which would mean anywhere from 6 to 9 years, tried to call me out by saying that I called anyone who criticizes me a “troll” and that’s simply not true.

Over the years many people have criticized me and I either regard or disregard their criticisms based on who they are. Anonymous fuckheads on the internet don’t get to criticize me and expect me to heed said criticism. Unless you are accountable for your words in some way, via a Live Journal account, an e-mail address and a website, you have no voice in my world. I only converse and take criticisms from people with identities, it’s that simple and that’s why my site and Live Journal have the settings they do for commenting.

Obviously people I know well and whose opinions I respect are going to be listened to as far as criticisms. It’s that way with all people. Some asshole I’ve never even heard of until the day s/he posts that I’m a bitch or a cunt for this or that reason? No, sorry, you’re a troll.

And if you’ve been coming to my site and reading my blogs for over 6 years or any other great length of time just to feel hatred or disgust or to feel self-righteous or whatever negative thing you purposely want to make yourself feel, then check your ears and toes, I bet there’s hair all over them because guess what? You’re a troll. You’re an even bigger troll if you’ve been watching and waiting and exposing yourself to something that makes you feel negatively for the perfect opportunity to say something mean or shitty or hateful.

I learned a long time ago how to deal with trolls. My old tactic used to be to persuade them that I’m actually awesome and in fact, a few of the people who I’ve considered “friends” online for several years are former trolls, but see, that takes work and I’m no longer in the business of making friends like these online, especially with those who throw darts at easy targets and think themselves witty.

If these trolls hate me so much and think my life is so…I don’t even know…then why the hell do they come here all the time, year after year? My only guess is that they get off on the negative feelings I stir up in them, I don’t see any other reason. “It’s like watching a train wreck” may  have its application as well, but my life has never really been that “train wreckish”. It’s definitely a life though, with its ups and downs, but I’m not sitting here making stupid mistakes or ruining my life or anything like that. I’m happily married, I’m a good mom, I love my pets. I don’t see the negative value here.

There is a person on the internet who I don’t like. We’ll call her Lucy Shmoo. The day I realized that I didn’t like Lucy Shmoo I stopped going to her website and stopped watching her videos on YouTube because I didn’t want to re-experience the negative feelings that ended our friendship in the first place. I took her websites off of my bookmarks so I wouldn’t even be tempted to go see what she was up to because I knew that if I went to her website, I would just be going there to “watch a trainwreck” and basically be a lurking troll and I’m better than that. There’s no value in purposely making myself have negative feelings, that’s like drinking poison and hoping it’ll kill your enemy. (Or however that expression goes.)

So I just don’t go to her website. It’s not a hard thing to do, she just doesn’t exist in my world, she’s pixels on a screen, that’s an easy thing to do, so why is it so hard for others to do? Why would anyone want, for YEARS, to come to someone’s website whom they hate, just to feel negative feelings about that person? Why would anyone want to intentionally feel mean spirited? Why are these people so full of hate?

I don’t have the answer to any of those questions, except to say that some people out there in the world are bitter, misogynistic assholes with too much time on their hands and they need to take it out on someone and I’m an easy target. I learned a long time ago that the worst thing you can do with trolls is to feed them, which is why I just delete the few trolling comments I get per year. These people aren’t worth arguing with (and they want you to argue with them, it’s a common practice called “baiting”) and they’re satisfied with arguing with the other people who come to my site or Live Journal, even though their target is me, so I simply don’t give them the audience. I sprinkle my magic fairy troll glitter on them and ideally, they’re never heard from again.

So that’s my policy on trolls explained a little bit. Constructive criticism from someone who either matters or has a valid point? No problem (unless it’s criticism I’ve answered a million times before). But trolls who are just trying to get me to argue with them, who want to feel powerful and witty? Fuck ’em. I have no time for that bullshit and neither do the people who come to this site to read what I have to say.

And that’s that.

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