Ideally you’ve just read the story about how I almost died. That whole mess lead to chronic pancreatitis, which is where I experience a “pancreatic attack”, for lack of anything better to call it, where I have extreme heartburn and nausea, followed by vomiting up everything from an M&M to water and even stuff I didn’t but in my body like green bile. Fun times! But it gets better! If I can’t get that under control, then my pancreas just like, freaks out and starts pumping out too many digestive enzymes and essentially it starts attacking itself. These “attacks” hurt like a motherfucker, just constant blinding pain right where your solar plexus is, as if someone put a sword through you and they keep pulling it in and out but never completely out. It radiates into your back and you want to fucking die. No position is comfortable. Laying down causes bile to back up into your throat so you get vomiting that burns on top of the pain. Every time one of these attacks occurs, my pancreas is being permanently damaged a little bit more which will lead to MORE attacks, the complete inability to absorb nutrients from food and finally my pancreas can just shut down altogether and then you’re on a transplant list. I’ve kinda “LA LA LA LA LA”‘d in my head while doctors were talking but a couple have mentioned that I’m now at a higher risk for pancreatic cancer. I don’t know how that works and it doesn’t make any logical sense to me from what I know of cancer, but it’s been said. So there’s that. The #1 rule in surgery, according to my surgeon, is “don’t fuck with the pancreas” because the goddamn thing is super sensitive and unpredictable and totally life threatening.
So for a long time, even after my surgery to fix my stomach muscles and things were getting back to “normal”, I was pretty sick with everything I just described above. In the hospital many times, having many CT scans (which is so super not good for you!), having many drugs thrown at me and pumped in me and nothing was helping, largely probably, because I couldn’t keep anything down long enough to take effect (which is dangerous business when you rely on psychiatric medication to function) but also in some cases because of tolerance. Like one of the drugs I was on was called Zofran and it’s prescribed to cancer patients for nausea and vomiting from chemo. It sometimes worked a little bit but the problem with it is that after using it 3 days in a row, you build up a tolerance to it and it stops working at all. Then you have to stop taking it for about a week/week & a half before your tolerance to it goes down enough again for it to be effective. This is problematic when you need something you can take every single day.
I wasn’t a stranger to weed when I started experimenting with it as a medication but it wasn’t really my thing either. I mean, I liked it, but it tended to make me paranoid and I knew people with mood disorders needed to be really careful with it (from experience).
I had a friend who had their medical marijuana card, a difficult item to come by at the time because most doctors wouldn’t sign the papers and Health Canada didn’t like approving them, who would go the the dispensary for me every 2 weeks and gram by gram, I would try various strains and rate them in a journal. From that, I learned that certain strains (sativa/sativa dominant hybrids) could like, calm down my pancreas, alleviating almost all symptoms and I couldn’t throw it up. During my testing period of about 4 months, I only had two very minor pancreatic attacks which didn’t require hospitalization, I only needed 8 hydromorph contins (12mg) for the pain and the “cure”, believe it or not, was to just smoke more weed.
I told my doctor all of this and pointed out to him that I had been on Tecta for heartburn (effective, but pricey), Gravol, Zofran, Domperidone and another anti-emetic that was actually an anti-psychotic and I was already on 3 of those so I never took it, plus I was taking a lot of painkillers, namely hydromorph contin. Then I told him that since I started medicating with weed, I didn’t need to take ANY of those medications and I felt 1000% better and could live like a regular human being. I didn’t need to like, “convince” him of anything. He’d seen me 4 months prior looking like I’d been dragged through a cat’s asshole backward and he’d seen the reports from the hospital all year. I had all the paperwork filled out so he just wrote in 3g/day, which is what I asked for (even though I only smoke about 2.5g/day), signed on the dotted line and wished me good luck.
How medical marijuana in Canada works now is that you get a prescription from your doctor and then you send that in to a legal licenced cannabis producer (which are big companies) and register with them and that’s where you get your weed from. I registered with The Peace Naturals Project, partly because their vibe fits my vibe, partly because they were affordable but mostly because they are a local business to me and I will always support local business for everything cuz that’s just how I am.
So now what happens is that I e-mail my client care representative from Peace Naturals when I need medication and she e-mails me back when they have product available, telling me what time the release will be. Then at that time, if everything goes smoothly, I just log into their website, put the strains and amounts I need in my shopping cart, my Visa’s on file, checkout and in 2 days my weed shows up at my door via Canada Post. I’ve gotta admit it’s pretty awesome.
I tried vaporizing but believe it or not, vaporizing bud does not work for everyone and concentrates aren’t legal here (yet!) so that’s not an option for me. The pic above is me at Vapor Central in Toronto – a vapor lounge – using a Volcano, the Cadillac of vaporizers, and I hit that bag 8 goddamn times and I only got as medicated as one bowl of my bong. There are witnesses, it just does not work for me or if I wanted to use that method to medicate, it would be a full-time job. Similarly, eating it has never worked on me either, I think because it’s a similar chemical process to vaporizing.
These are my bongs, which are never clean because they are medical devices used many times daily, and cleaning them is a giant pain in the ass so I always wait until I absolutely have to…
This one I keep in my car.
Her name is Jeanie.
(I do not drive if I’ve smoked.)
This one is 8 inches tall and I got it in Florida.
His name is Baby Blue.
This is the first one I ever purchased.
Her name is the Sugar Plum Fairy.
I’m not one of these people who call weed a “miracle drug”. I don’t think it can cure cancer (at least, not until there’s more science saying so). But it pretty much was for me. It allowed me to not only keep my job but thrive at my job because instead of feeling like shit all the time, I felt good and when I feel good, I do good. I don’t really get “stoned” anymore, my tolerance is way too high. For me to get stoned, it has to be extremely strong weed or I have to smoke a ridiculous amount of it and smoking that much hurts my throat and sometimes causes a headache and the novelty wore off long ago, so I just don’t even bother trying if it’s my day off or whatever. On 4/20 I try and make the effort, but that’s about it. Other than that, I medicate about once every 2-4 hours and one “dose” for me is one bowl of Baby Blue or Sugar Plum Fairy. This amounts to 2.5g/day, but sometimes it’s more like 3g because some strains are not as good as others and at the moment, Peace Naturals just kinda releases what they have and that’s what there is. You don’t get a ton of choice.
Peace Naturals’ strains are proprietary so when people ask me what I smoke, I have to explain that first and then tell them that Peace Naturals’ #1 strain for me is Chrome, followed by Sunshine and then Marcela.
Anyway, I could probably write a novel about how weed has been life-changing, but I’ll spare you. I made a small gallery of Weedstagrams if anyone cares. Comments are ON on this page for questions, be nice.