June 22, 2014

#YesAllWomen #NotAllMen

Last night I had to work until 2am and around midnight, I asked Blake if he would go get me a slush at the convenience store up the street. So he goes and about 5 minutes later, the home phone is ringing and it’s Blake. So I pick it up and he’s like, “I found this girl who’s hurt, I gave her my shirt, can you let her know that it’s okay to come to our house?” so I’m like, “uhhhhhh…so like, she knows you’re not a rapist or something?” and he says, “you’re on speaker”. So he says where he is which was just a few minutes from our house, just down the street, and I tell the girl that it’s okay to come to our house and we can help her because I didn’t know what else to say and she gets in the car and Blake hangs up.

A couple of minutes later, in walks this girl who is YOUNG, like I didn’t think she was older than 18. (She had to be older than 18 though, which I’ll explain in a sec.) She’s blonde and cute and not wearing shoes. Blake’s not wearing a shirt because she’s wearing it. Blake steers her toward the couch in my office and he tries to get some information out of her, like what her name is, who can we call etc etc etc. She couldn’t remember where she lived. She told Blake she couldn’t remember what happened but she told me when Blake wasn’t in the room that she was running from boys who wanted more than she was willing to give. She couldn’t remember what her boyfriend’s name was, or his phone number. She finally gave us his name and where he worked, which was the Honda plant in Alliston, so Blake googled that and called them and got a hold of someone eventually and they said he wasn’t scheduled to work at that time and wasn’t there. He tells her this and she eventually gives him enough information that Blake ended up calling who she ¬†told me was her step-brother but ended up being her boyfriend’s brother. When she was on the phone she begged him not to tell her dad. She didn’t know where she was. She thought she was in a town nowhere near the town she thought she was in.

Blake took over the conversation and made plans for him to meet this guy with her. As he was on the phone with the, we’ll call him “friend” since I’m not totally sure of their relationship, I cleaned up her scraped elbow the best I could and she showed me her hip, which was all messed up and she said hurt a lot, and her knees, which were red but not scraped because she’d been wearing pants during whatever happened to her.

The dogs seemed to really comfort her. Throughout most of the time she was here, she was sitting beside me and both dogs, like they somehow knew she needed to be comforted, acted their suckiest and let her cuddle and pet them and she told me they were “wonderful”. This made me glad because I really did have to work and I didn’t know what to say to her. In between silences, she would just bury her face in Hoover and sob. :o(

Finally it was time for Blake to take her to Barrie, so they left and she thanked me and I told her if she needed ANYTHING to call us (Blake had written down our information for her in case she didn’t remember anything in the morning). ¬†Then I continued working.

When Blake got back, he said she hugged him when they got to Barrie, which made him super uncomfortable but he understood.

He wasn’t satisfied with the whole thing though, so he went into town to investigate.

As it turned out, there was a buck and doe at the community centre and they saw her run down the alleyway/parking lot behind the bar. So Blake went to the bar and the ladies there said the girl had been with a group from Angus (where the tornado hit this week) and she’d been drunk, took her top off and went on stage to dance around with the band that was playing and basically, what did she expect? She was looking for that kind of attention. The people at the community centre saw a woman in distress and did nothing.

What I think happened, is that she went behind the bar where people go to smoke and guys got rough with her there. Enough so that she would run away crying. That would explain where she came from according to the people at the community centre. Her injuries may have been because she fell, but they could also have been from men hurting her.

Anyway, we’re just glad she’s home safe.

Here’s Blake’s post about it, he probably did a better job at telling the story than I did.

Posted at 4:25 pm in: Canada , Feminism , Life , Misc. , Spring , Summer , Sunnyland , Women

8 Comments

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  1. Scutterman says:

    I think that “Yes All Women” and “Not All Men” serve a purpose, but in the end it would be better if we could get to a point of “Men and Women against preditors”. Only then do we have a chance of making real change in society and law.

    • Sunny says:

      That can’t happen until men start seeing women – hell, not even as EQUALS – but as PEOPLE. Feminism is the radical notion that women are people too and it is all but clear to me now that feminism is failing in that goal and that bothers me immensely.

      • Scutterman says:

        That’s what the “Not All Men” tag is about, and what my comment is about. A large portion of men do see women as equals, and as people. Everyone, both men and women, need to group together and make a bigger change, because right now a lot of guys have to spend time convincing the world that they’re not like the stereotypical sexist male. I would be willing to say that more than 50% of men are against sexism, if we can change the default perception to see that, then people will be more willing to call bullshit when they see sexist behaviour.

        • Sunny says:

          A lot of men like to think they see women as equals but they don’t realize how unequal things really are or they don’t do anything to help the cause – especially keeping in mind that feminism also encapsulates LGBTQ and racial issues, which most men don’t even fucking know. And most men would NOT call themselves feminists and we really need them to. If they want to see women as equal, then admit you’re a feminist and realize that we need to be lifted up and concentrated on for a while until shit really IS equal. Because we’re not even remotely close to there right now and I can guarantee that while YOU wouldn’t take advantage of a drunk girl you know some men who probably would. If you want to convince a girl you’re not a stereotypical sexist male, then tell them you’re a feminist and mean it. Don’t defend yourself with the “Not all men”/”nice guy” shit because #YESALLNMEN say that, but #NotAllMen are man enough to admit to being a feminist because unless you mean it, it’s a hard act to pull off for the types of men who would use the term to fake it.

          • Scutterman says:

            Okay, sure. I’m a feminist. I know a lot of people, men and women, who don’t use that term because it has no real definition. There are so many people who use it to mean different things. I treat women as equals and if I see anyone, no matter how important they think they are, doing anything other than that then I’ll call them out on it. Publically if I have to, but it’s usually more useful to have a quiet word. I also do it for discrimination of race, gender, sexuality, or any other time I see one person treating another as anything other than an equal human being.

            I don’t know any men who would take advantage of a drunk or intoxicated woman, and I mean that with 100% honesty. If I did, I would put a stop to it in any way I could.

            When I first started using the internet as a teenager, that was the first time I felt like I was being treated as a true equal rather than just a kid, because no-one knew I was a kid. Ever since then, I’ve felt very strongly about total equality for every single man, women, and child on the face of this planet. I have very little power outside my small social circle, but I use that small amount of power to spread this equality as far as I can.

          • Sunny says:

            Good! I’m glad you’re a feminist! I wish all men would say THAT instead of getting defensive and wordy about how they’re not sexist and they’re a nice guy etc etc etc because when they do the latter, it sounds completely insincere because we’ve heard that before from almost literally every male peer we’ve ever known and it sucks but truthfully most of the time it’s bullshit. Most of the time the guy actually IS sexist and either doesn’t even know it or does know it and hides it (until he can’t, and it always comes to the surface). A man unafraid of the “F”-word is a man who truly means it and I think the more MEN who embrace the word, the more women who will as well. I know so many women who are openly hostile to the word “feminist”, sometimes rightly so for reasons you’ve pointed out, but a lot of it honestly seems like these women are afraid of seeming disloyal to men, so if men are okay with it, then we can get those women on board too and we need those women in the mix desperately to balance things out, so feminism DOESN’T go all feminazi/Andrea Dworkin-esque.

            And I’m sorry but you do know men who would take advantage of a drunk or intoxicated woman. You may not be friends with them, in fact you probably go out of your way not to be friends with them, but I have a hard time believing you don’t know a single man who fits this description. And if you truly believe that, then I hope you’re right about all the men you know because I think that would be a statistical anomaly just as it would be a statistical anomaly not to know any women who have been sexually assaulted.

            I find it interesting that you say in the same paragraph that you found the internet to be a good place because you weren’t judged based on your age and that you have very little power outside of your small social circle. Dude, you are ON THE INTERNET. You are on the internet. You are incredibly influential and your social circle is probably a lot wider than you even realize. Take that attitude of spreading equality to every place you go to on the internet. If there’s a poll, vote on it. If there’s an article or blog post, comment on it. (And I don’t mean here because I’m convinced you’re the only person who even reads here. :oP)

            Most importantly though, don’t be afraid to call yourself a feminist. It’s the sexiest thing a man can be.

          • Scutterman says:

            The reason that I’m so sure that I don’t know anyone who would take advantage of a woman is because my social circle is so small. I only ever interact with friends and family, and that is, quite literally, it.

            Online, my influence is slightly bigger than offline, but not by much. I don’t actively take part in any community besides a couple of Twitch channels. I share things on Facebook when I think they’re important, but my internet social circle pretty much has the same people in it as my IRL social circle. I do what I can, when I can, and if I ever see a chance to do more then I do. Hopefully as I get older I’ll improve my social skills / confidence, which are a lot more lacking face to face than they are online, and I’ll get a wider social circle and be able to influence more people.

          • Sunny says:

            Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. I keep forgetting that you’re not, like, over 40 haha You’re on the right track young grasshoppah. Try not to pick up any creepers along the way.