February 27, 2014

I’d like to thank The Academy…

I’m probably the only person who’s going to care about the following. Others may care and will be thinking, “Sunny, you n00b idiot!” Whatever. I’m AMAZED.

Tomorrow is the eve of my birth and in celebration, some friends are coming over to play euchre cuz I’m (almost) old now and this is what old people do on Friday nights. This will be party #1 because I have to work all day Saturday, until my actual birthday is almost over. More on party #2 later.

In preparation for tomorrow night’s festivities, I have rolled birthday cake flavoured joints (that were soooooo fun to roll with my little rolling machine thing, it’s like arts & crafts!) more because I could than anything else. The papers exist. I had ’em. Realistically they’ll probably end up in my purse to be smoked on the go at a later date because joints aren’t really my thing. Truthfully there are only two shitty things I’ve found about weed so far: 1. I can’t drive medicated. (Having said that, I shouldn’t have been driving on some of the stuff I was on prior to weed either.) 2. I have to smoke it or it doesn’t work. Eating it doesn’t work. I’ve had zero success vaporizing. Smoking it is. And a joint is probably the 2nd worst way to smoke it, only second to a blunt (I would assume, I just figure cigar wrapper is more junk in your lungs than a super thin rolling paper). Some people enjoy smoking, I do not. So I want to do it the easiest and least harsh way possible, so that’s why I use a glass bong. It’s still unpleasant but at least you don’t want to expel your lungs (necessarily – everyone/strain’s different) during the process. I still cough even with the bong because I suck at smoking weed, but at least the whole thing’s over in 3 rips and you can get on with your day, meanwhile it takes me a thousand years to smoke a joint and I’m hating every single second of it.

By the way, I’m writing this post mostly for people who don’t regularly smoke weed, which I’m assuming is the majority of the people reading this based on my completely scientific research a while back on whether or not people could name strains.

Anyway, we told our guests to be here “sometime after 6pm” tomorrow and I plan on staying up pretty late, so I’m not sure how long they’ll be staying (overnight is always a possibility, we can sleep 7 extra people in our tiny little house), but what that does mean is that I’m going to be medicating, with my bong, in front of people, in a well-lit kitchen for what’ll be a pretty long time. And this brings us to the bane of my existence: resin. Resin is sticky brown shit that is a byproduct of combusting or heating cannabis and it coats the inside of  your bong, is totally gross (but some people re-smoke it, which I think is also gross) and is a total pain in the ass to remove from basically anything. It’s unavoidable.

It wouldn’t be classy to have a dirty bong sitting on the kitchen table while we play cards and I would be a bad hostess if my guests brought their own legal herb to smoke and all I had to offer them was dirty glass.  But the thing is, cleaning resin off glass is a total bitch project to the point where a shocking amount of the stoners I know will buy NEW glass rather than clean their old glass. I only have a small glass pipe and the bong and the pipe’s used so infrequently it’s still preeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetty much clean so all I had to do was the bong. Like I said though, it sucks to do – at least I *thought* it did – and requires the bong to be out of commission at least a day and overnight, sometimes longer, so it hadn’t been done in a long time. It wasn’t super gross by MY standards? Or if I knew I would be the only one smoking and we were playing cards in my office where it’s darker I probably wouldn’t have bothered cleaning it, but since I didn’t know if I’d be “going alone” (ha!) and we’d be playing in my pristine (thanks to my loving children) kitchen, I figured I’d better clean the bong.

When we went to Liquid Chrome on whatever day it was when I bought all those papers, I also picked up this stuff called Purple Power, which is a cleaner I’ve always used for my glass. That’s specifically what it’s meant for. The problem though, is that to clean a bong with it, it’s usually a 48 hour process involving a lot of really annoying agitation of the cleaner every time you walk into the kitchen, and then some, to re-soak and rinse the parts that can’t be directly covered by the cleaner itself, like the shaft and the perc, because you can’t really get at the inside of a bong any other way.

All week I’ve been dreading this project so I put it off until after my first bowl this morning, aka the last possible minute for the Purple Power to work by the time our guests got here tomorrow. As per usual, I put the stem and the bowl in a plastic container, covered them both (mostly) with Purple Power and put the lid on. Then I swirled the cleaner around for about 3 minutes making zero progress and then I remembered something. Blake had found 99% rubbing alcohol to use as an aftershave, which has been long rumoured to be an excellent cleaner of bongs and as I recalled, a few weeks ago he said I could use it as long as I left him some. Honestly the reason I never tried this before was because I truly thought 99% rubbing alcohol was a banned substance in this country since I’d only ever seen 70% before. I assumed there was a reason for that and knew that 70% wouldn’t work because I read my Reddits.

I poured the alcohol into the base and perc of the bong, stuffed this piece of sponge I use into the hole the stem goes into, put my hand over the top and shook with the other for about 30 seconds. Then I set it down and watched as the resin melted and slid down the glass. IT WAS ALMOST INSTANT AND SO SATISFYING. Then I poured coarse salt into both parts and shook it up for about 8-10 minutes (intermittently because my arms kept getting tired) and then it was SPARKLY CLEAN! The salt doesn’t dissolve in the alcohol, which I thought was interesting. I poured the Purple Power that the stem and bowl had been in back into its bottle (the stuff’s reusable) and while I had to soak them for about half an hour, but they came completely clean with alcohol, agitation and salt too! I will never buy Purple Power again! That shit is like, $9-11/bottle. Rubbing alcohol is like, $2. I’d be shocked if I used 5 cents worth of salt total. Sure, the alcohol’s not reusable (or maybe it is, I have no idea) but you can’t get 5 uses out of a bottle of Purple Power anyway and f0r less than an hour’s work, who the fuck cares?

See? I told you no one would care about this. But just keep it tucked in the back of your brain if you ever seriously take up pot smoking.

On Saturday, my actual birthday, like I said I have to work all day until 11pm so we’re not really doing anything. Blake’s making Mississippi Mud Pie though, which we’ll have on Sunday during party #2 with the kids and Ronny and Alex who are coming over for that reason and for possibly watching the Oscars with me, which The Academy is so graciously hosting in honour of my turning 35. I meant to watch Her today but got sidetracked and I still haven’t seen Labor Day, but other than those two I’ve seen all of the Best Picture nominations and I don’t think ANY of them are worth an Oscar. I guess the one I enjoyed the most was Dallas Buyer’s Club but that wasn’t because it was a good movie, it was because it had good actors and hopefully they’ll win their respective categories. So many people I know absolutely went crazy over Her, but I fell asleep about 10 minutes in and Blake said it wasn’t that great. Hence why I meant to watch it today.

As I’ve been typing this, crazy things have been happening. Here’s what it’s looked like here all day:

I messed up the days forgetting that there were only 28 this month. My birthday is in 1.5 days!

This morning I accidentally woke Blake up at 5am, so he went into the office early since he was working in Toronto and because he did this, he missed the *96* car pile-up that occurred directly on his route at about the time he’d normally be going through. So that happened. As I’ve been writing this, he’s been on his way home from Toronto, where he left the office at around 3:30pm. Right now it’s almost 7:30pm and he’s not home yet. Last time I checked in, he said he was 20 minutes away but in this weather that doesn’t necessarily mean anything.

About half an hour ago, Madison’s boyfriend’s mother – whom I’ve never spoke to – called me and asked me if he could spend the night at our house because he lives in the beach and all roads to the beach have been closed since this afternoon so he’s stuck at the school all of his busmates with no way to get home and it’s not safe for anyone to come pick him up. Obviously, without question, I said it was fine that he stay here. I got off the phone with his mom and sent Madison to the school to pick him up not knowing when Blake would be home, called Blake just to double check he was fine with it, which he was and when I got off the phone with Blake, Ronin’s mom’s calling again saying  that apparently they’re not releasing any of the kids without an adult. I asked if it could be any adult and she said it could so I told her I’d call Blake to pick Ronin up at the school on his way home and as I did all this, I told Wes to run after Madison so she didn’t have to walk all the way to the school for no reason. He didn’t catch up with her so I told Ronin’s mom that when she called the school to tell them it’s okay for Blake to pick Ronin up, to tell them to tell Madison to stay there and wait for him too. OH CALAMITY!

And now you’re up to speed and I’ve gotta go prepare/take my pills, choke down an egg and I guess…wait….maybe I’ll see if I have enough time for Her before bed…

February 25, 2014

What’s my age again?

I totally forgot to post about this yesterday!

Last Monday, Pie was having $4 pizzas to celebrate their 4th anniversary so Wes, Blake and I went there for dinner.

After waiting about 15 minutes for a table, we were finally seated and our waitress, whose name I think was Bianca (who looked and acted like a total Carrie Bradshaw, except more adorable and less annoying), asked us if we would like some drinks to start. Blake and I ordered Diet Cokes and Wes ordered an orange pop.

A few minutes later, Bianca returned with our drinks, setting mine and Wes’ down first (we were in a booth and Wes was on my side) and then Blake’s, we ordered our pizzas and off she went. That’s when Blake and I noticed that Wes and I have the same sized cup while Blake had a bigger one…in other words, she gave me a child’s cup. I was like, whatever, doesn’t matter, just means she’s gonna have to get me refills more often, no big deal, because I assumed she did it by accident but Blake had a different theory.

It was insanely busy at Pie because of the $4 pizza thing and I had finished my drink before our food got there. Just then, Bianca walked past our table to go to the kitchen and on her way, she told us it would be a few more minutes and that she was sorry and that’s when Blake said to her, “Can I ask you a question?” and she stopped and said sure, and Blake said, “Did you give my wife a smaller cup because you thought she was a child?” Bianca looks at him and then at me and she’s kinda horrified and Blake’s killing himself laughing and saying, “it’s okay! It’s okay! It happens all the time!” and finally she’s laughing (she even had the Sarah Jessica Parker laugh) and totally freaking out. I could tell she wanted to ask me how old I was so I told her “I’m going to be 35 on March 1st” and she was all “NO WAY!!!!!!!!!! You must get carded for everything!!!” and freaking more and eventually Blake asked her for another refill for me and when she brought it, it was a grown up GLASS from the bar, not the regular plastic cups they usually use for the pop.

Later on, when the restaurant was less busy and she had to bus the tables next to us, she talked to us as she worked and was STILL spazzing out saying, “does it REALLY happen all the time or are you just saying that?” so we told her about the time at the hospital when they thought Blake was my dad and my mom was my sister to reassure her and then she says, “yeah I’m 22 and people tell me I look young all the time.” I figure if a reasonably intelligent 22 year old thinks I look like, forget a child, I’ll even take YOUNGER THAN SHE IS, I’m doing something right! Thanks, Bianca!

February 24, 2014

Let your backbone slide…

Canada won gold in both men’s and women’s hockey and curling. Our tagline for these Olympics was #WeAreWinter and while all the other events were important, it’s those two that are at the heart of Canadian sport. We finished 3rd in the Olympics overall, which is cool by me!

I wore my Team Canada jersey for every game…

…and yesterday, when we won the men’s gold medal hockey game I did something that I sorta think is pretty brave. It’s one of those things that only I’ll think is brave (and Blake), probably, but I’m going to write about it anyway as insignificant as it may be.

Yesterday after the game, I wanted to go to Liquid Chrome, which is the local head shop, because I needed to get Purple Power (glass cleaner for bongs/pipes etc) and screens (you put in the bottom of the bowl of your bong/pipe so your weed doesn’t get sucked through the hole) and we keep forgetting to do it. Also, since my birthday is on Saturday (send me money for Florida since I took the week off unpaid! :oP), I wanted to see if they had any novelty rolling papers with birthday cakes or candles or cupcakes on them. I also, since we’d just won gold, wanted to see if they had any Canadian flag papers because I’ve seen those on TV before. Then I decided, after going to the website of one of the bigger flavoured paper manufacturers which was a brand I knew Liquid Chrome carried, that I wanted a few other different types of papers, depending on how much they were. I made a list and we decided to go.

Halfway there I started freaking about two things:

1. We would be getting there half an hour after they opened and I didn’t want to be their first customer. Blake assured me we wouldn’t be and that they’ll be happy to see us because they want our money.

2. I was still wearing my jersey and that made me stick out like a sore thumb, a target. A target, I figured, for positive stuff since we’d just won gold and everyone would be out celebrating (you’d think), but even that’s embarrassing so I kinda wanted to die at the idea of getting out of the car. Blake again told me it would be okay.

On the way there I took half an olanzapine and when we were almost to Liquid Chrome, I put 3 Ativans under my tongue and then Blake parked like, RIGHT in front of Liquid Chrome. We had to sit there and wait for a little while for my Ativans to dissolve and for Blake to talk me down. See, the thing with Liquid Chrome is that, despite it being one of the coolest places in Barrie and despite the fact that I know I have every right to be there, it’s an intimidating place because it’s a “boy store”. Whenever I go in there I’m always the only girl and it’s sometimes a really uncomfortable experience because it feels like the (all male) staff don’t want to be dealing with me. I just typed “but that could be me COMPLETELY projecting” but then I remembered that yesterday I came home with a complimentary calendar featuring scantily clad women featuring some of Liquid Chrome’s most interesting pieces. It’s a dudebro store. That is a calendar for dudebros.

Anyway…we go in and just as I’m going through the front door I freak and turn around to go back out, running into Blake’s chest because I was still wearing my “safety goggles” (star-shaped, glitter sunglasses) and didn’t have my glasses. I slipped off the safety goggles and went into the store. The guy behind the counter, where all the stuff I needed was, was helping someone else so I just looked around at all the pipes while trying to summon courage to talk to the guy and while Blake ran my safety goggles to the car and bring back my glasses because I wouldn’t be able to read the paper boxes behind the counter without them. Blake came back and I handed him the list and said that he needed to do the talking because I just couldn’t. I explained to him the order of importance of each type of rolling paper and then the Purple Power and screens and we waited in line behind this guy who was big enough that I couldn’t even see who was working behind the counter. A couple of other guys milled about the first floor, not sure about the second and third floors.

Eventually the guy behind the counter says to Blake, “have you been helped?” and Blake said no, so he ended his conversation with the big guy and we were next. I was glad to see it was the guy who owns the place. I don’t know his name but every time I’ve been in there and dealt with him, he’s been great. But then again, he owns the place so it’s different and still, every time, Blake has to get the ball rolling. That’s on me though, not the Liquid Chrome guy. So Blake asks how much all the papers are and the guy tells him, then he says, “the next thing we need are rolling papers with something birthday-related on them…” and the guy finds said item and puts it on the counter. They’re king-sized and the rolling machine I use is regular so I’ll have to cut them but they’re exactly what I wanted and I said exactly that to both of them. Then Blake asks for the ones with the Canadian flag on them and the guy sorta smirks and says, as he’s reaching for the top shelf, “we have these called O Cannabis…” and he shows us and they were awesome so I said, “sold!” and then from that point forward it was pretty much me who did the rest of the talking. We did just ultimately hand him the list to find papers because it’s easier but we talked throughout the experience and it was just chit chat and everything was fine. I walked out of there proud of myself for not only NOT just walking out, but staying there and not just participating in the interaction but basically leading it for the purposes we were there for. So yay me. :o) It’s not a huge thing, like I said, but it sort of is for me.

And that is my story.

PS. I also got maple syrup flavoured papers with maple leaves on them haha

February 17, 2014

January Webcam Roundup

So I know it’s almost the end of the month now but I wanted to get this up.

Here are some of the pics I saved from my webcam last month, all of which and more can be seen at Camwhores.com (NSFW) where I hang out most weekday mornings!

This was from New Year’s Day when the Winter Classic hockey game happened.
Leafs won. :o)

Yup.
That’s me.
Camwhores.com

Don’t you like American music, baby?

Greetings, Earthlings.

Sooooooooooooooooo this Florida thing is 98% happening so I think I can post about it…

Next month, when the kids are on March Break, we’re driving to Florida to stay with Blake’s mom and Charlie at their house there because they’re snowbirds now. We’re going to be going through the following states:

– New York
– Pennsylvania
– West Virginia
– Virginia
– North Carolina
– South Carolina
– Georgia

I love car rides. I hate driving and sometimes people’s driving freaks me out, but I like riding shotgun and watching the world pass by. I have no idea how the kids are going to be in the car because the farthest they’ve ever been away from home is Militiagan. They’re good going that far, which is about 5 hours, but Florida is like, 20.

The plan, as of right now, is that Blake’s going to sleep all day on the Saturday and then drive it straight, with us leaving right after I get off work (at 11pm!). Then the kids can sleep in the car (and me, theoretically) and we’ll miss the stuff that’s boring that I’ve seen before and that looks the same as home because it’ll be dark, but then we’ll all be awake for the bizarro stuff we’ll no doubt start seeing around West Virginia. At least this is what people are telling me. Just like, weird signs and houses and stuff, I guess.  Then if Blake gets tired, we pull off and get a hotel room and he sleeps for a while.

I’m stoked at the idea of getting actual fried chicken from “the South”. Laugh all you want but I live in Canada and with very few exceptions, fried chicken here fucking sucks. My concern though, is that they’ll look at me funny if I ask for white meat specifically, is that a nit picky thing in the US (specifically the South) or a common thing? It’s a common thing here and I’m super picky about which parts of a chicken are edible soooo, lemme know. Oh and do I have to have it on a waffle? What is with that? Why a waffle? And I’m guessing it’s corn syrup you put on it. Ugh. No, I just want a fried piece of chicken breast please, maybe some fries, DEFINITELY pie. That’s another thing I’m looking forward to, all the various types of pie available throughout our trip through the good ol’ US of A. Supernatural and Twin Peaks make the US seem like some kind of pie mecca and I really like pie.  And American junk food! Woo hoo! The last time I was in the US, I got these buttery garlic pretzel twists from some random  gas station, like just on our way back to Canada, and I am determined to find them again! Also! Pineapple Fanta! PINETHEMOTHERFUCKINGAPPLE pop. When I learned of this product, it blew my mind and IMMEDIATELY went on my list of things to try because it sounds awesome. Also apparently they make a strawberry flavour so that’s on the list too. What other things do you think I should definitely try? Oh yeah! I want to go to Sonic and get a…cherry lemonade? Is that what I want?

We’re not going to have time for visiting anyone on our way to and from Florida, with the exception of one of my coworkers who lives in West Virginia, right on our route, but while we’re in Florida we’ll be visiting Blake’s friend Noelle and his Aunt Pat.

The plan for being IN Florida is to show the kids the ocean, which is apparently down the street from Blake’s mom’s house, swim in her pool, hang out in her hot tub, eat stuff…Blake and I plan on doing a lot of writing while we’re there. I know one day we’re going to a wolf sanctuary because Wes is obsessed with wolves and he is absolutely going to lose his shit when he gets there. I know another day we’re going to this cool Dali museum that Skylar told me about AND as it turns out, while we’re there, they’re having a Warhol exhibition. So that’s pretty cool. Also I’ve NEVER been to an art museum so I’m excited about that. I barely know who Salvador Dali is and I’m staying willfully ignorant until we go to the museum and learn about him because I feel like if I go on a Wikipedia rampage, it’ll be like reading spoilers since we’re going to a whole museum about him. But yeah, other than that stuff, the plan is to do a whole lotta much-needed nothing.

So, my American comrades (okay and everyone else too), what things should we see, do, eat and listen to during our trip? All suggestions welcome even if we can’t do it! As far as “listen to”, we’re going to be in the car for over 40 hours by the end of this so suggestions of songs to download would be WONDERFUL and I thank you in advance! To get an idea of what I listen to, here’s the current playlist I’m working on called “Blake is REALLY stupid” but any internet music suggestions will go in their own playlist (if I get enough suggestions):

(more…)

February 13, 2014

Happy 11th Birthday, Wes!

I asked him if he’d received his letter from Hogwart’s yet and he told me he had not, but that he’d keep me posted. For his birthday, he got swimming lessons, Angry Birds dog tags, this awesome platypus necklace (that came with a cool platypus button! Wes collects platypi because I told him when he was 3 that his spirit animal was the platypus [Kara plz forgive me]), a video game (Assassin’s Creed, I think) and we’re having Chinese food for dinner. Then on Saturday he’s having a birthday party at some place where there’s laser tag and pizza and where there will also be cake.

What is it with shitty new and Wes’ birthday though? This year it’s Marylin and last year it was my grama being diagnosed with cancer.

Oh well. He’ll be home soon. Time to push back the grief and put on a happy face.

Swallowed By The Room

This morning I woke up and worked and then I looked at Twitter and there was a message from my friend Jade asking me if I knew what had happened to our friend Marylin. I wrote back that I didn’t know what she meant so she explained that she kept seeing “rest in peace” comments about her on her timeline on Facebook yesterday. So I went to Marylin’s Facebook page to see if there was any info there and there were lots of people writing tributes to her and yeah, “rest in peace” messages.

By this point I’m already crying because I’m pretty sure my friend is dead and I’m also scared because – and Marylin wouldn’t mind me telling you this – she had mental health issue and I was afraid her death was related to that. The idea of my friend being in that kind of state and dying just killed me and so I was crying, I click on her boyfriend’s profile and his most recent status update is about Marylin and it’s now apparent that she really is dead but the reasons were all very cryptic, probably not on purpose but because he’s in fucking mourning, but it sounded very traumatic to him whatever it was, which only reinforced my awful thought that it was mental health related.

Throughout all of this, I had left a message of love on Marylin’s wall and a condolence message on her boyfriend’s status update (whom I’ve never met but also messaged to introduce myself) and on the one on Marylin’s wall, a few people “liked” it, so I left a comment on my own status so those people would see it and I said, like, I wish I knew how this happened. My imagination is vivid and my emotions are passionate and by this point I had spent the morning crying, sleeping, in hysterics, crying and now writing.

A few minutes later, one of Marylin’s childhood friends messaged me asking me if I had any info. I pasted her the status update of Marylin’s boyfriend in case she couldn’t see it due to friends settings or whatnot and explained how I knew her. Well, as it turned out, her friend was actually looking for funerary information and knew what had happened. Marylin had been in a craft store when she had an allergic reaction to something, which put her into cardiac arrest, which put her into a coma that she would not be coming out of. Maryjlin’s boyfriend had said in his status update that she’d “soon no longer be with us”, which both her childhoold friend and myself take to mean that they were taking her off life support.  Her friend said that Marylin had had a lot of allergies to foods and fabrics and things, which would give her hives all over her body. I remember Marylin telling me about food allergies because she stayed with us over a long weekend a few years ago and we wanted to make sure everything we’d planned on eating was okay with her, but she had never gone into specifics.

I’m not going to write a tribute to Marylin or anything, because I think dead or alive, it’s best said by the woman herself:

My Angel
by Marylin Houle

You were sent to me
By an angel, love
To be my angel
In this life

I drowned you
In my need for you
But I’ve no regrets
In this life

Hold my hands in yours
Look into my eyes
Let me feel you
At my death

Whisper “see you soon”
Keep me in your heart
Kiss me softly
At my death

 

Garden of Eve
by Marylin Houle

Use my hands
To paint a picture of me
In an annual flower
In the garden of Eve

Sign your name with my blood
Then savor the rest
Lie your face on my tombstone
Your hand on my chest

Kiss my eyes shut for good
And look up at the stars
I will visit your dreams
I will never go far

I’ll lie with you at night
My head on your shoulder
ANd wait for the day
When I cross over

I’ll find you again
In the garden of Eve
In the annual flower
With my face on its leaf

 

I’ll See You Soon
by Marylin Houle

It’s not goodbye
I’ll see you soon

It’s just a sigh
It’s not goodbye

It will not die
This endless tune

It’s not goodbye
I’ll see you soon

 

These poems were from the book she self-published in 2004 called “Swallowed By The Room”, in which she autographed mine, “Fuck you! – Marylin Houle <3“, which I think pretty much says it all. I’m sure gonna miss that bitch. :o(

Posted at 4:15 pm in: Art , artists , Death/Deaths , Friends , Marylin , Sunnyland , winter
February 4, 2014

Best Thing Ever #1

So I get a lot of e-mails from people and companies who want me to promote their “thing” on this blog and basically I never bother answering these e-mails unless they’re really rude and then I tell them off. This is because I don’t believe in false endorsement. And I don’t think anyone else should either. I think people should be honest about the shit they like and the shit they don’t like and to be passionate about both the shit you love and the shit you hate.

This post is a culmination of three things:

– Got an e-mail yesterday from a guy with a cause whose pitch was compelling and something I thought was sort of cool but it was a yearly event that had just passed. Because I thought his cause, his story and his implementation of it was good enough and something I could get behind, I e-mailed him back and told him to remind me next year before the event and I would mention it in a post. This is RARE and something that I’ve often said no to to friends and acquaintances because I just wasn’t connected to the cause in any way and didn’t feel like it would be genuine.

– I just had a conversation with someone about the fact that I have this weird character flaw where if I really really like or believe in something, I’ll do everything I can to be involved and help that thing succeed whether it benefits me in any way or not. I have a history of this.

– I just got an e-mail from the Amazon.com affiliates program saying that since I hadn’t earned any ad dollars from them in 3 years, if I didn’t update my payment and tax information to be paid out, they were going to charge me a $10/year maintenance fee. At first I thought, “go right ahead” because I’ve hardly ever used my affiliate links for anything, mostly because I’m really lazy and don’t want to load up Amazon every time I want to talk about something, and the reason I never signed up to be paid out all these years (since 2006 haha) is because they wanted me to fill out a tax form and for a long time I didn’t have  a working printer and scanner  so I couldn’t or at least not without difficulty. Then I just forgot about it and every time I got an e-mail from them I just deleted it unread because the amounts were always so small they seemed insignificant, especially when their minimum payout is $100 anyway. But when I got that e-mail today I logged into my affiliate account with the intentions of closing it since I knew I was nowhere near the amount to be paid out and to my surprise I was half-way there (big accomplishment in 9 years, shut up). BUT I still wouldn’t make enough to be paid out before they started charging me that $10 fee. Then I saw that you can get paid out in Amazon gift certificates which would be useful to me, so that’s what I did.

These three things, combined with the fact that I’ve generally felt really negative the last little while and am actively trying to bring more positive into my life and therefore yours too since you read this stuff, made me decide to make this post because it’s about something I love, something that was given out of love and it’s something on Amazon. I don’t actually care if you buy it on Amazon if you can find a better deal somewhere else or something similar, but this is mine, my experience and my story and I apologize if the advertising offends you. These posts, if I make any more, won’t always be about things you can get on Amazon but if they are available on Amazon, I’m going to link them with my affiliate link because there’s really no reason not to and actually not doing it is sort of a waste of perfectly good copy.

This is my first Best Thing Ever:

When I first got my job over 3 years ago now (although this month is the 2nd anniversary of getting hired back after being sick), the ability to get up in the morning was a legit concern because for most of my life up until that point, I had been a mostly nocturnal, cave-dwelling troll. My attempts to switch things around when they first hired me were really really difficult and I was seriously scared I’d made a huge mistake, when my friend Kevin linked me to the Philips Wake-Up Light (the one in the picture is actually the Philips Wake-Up Light Plus, which has a dusk setting, and is only available on Amazon used for a mere $499) and asked me if I thought I’d use it. I told him I’d try it so he sent me one and I’m not even kidding, like within a week I was getting up at 8am every morning like a normal person. This is also how I wake up at 4:30am every morning without waking Blake up (usually). It’s one of the best things I’ve ever been given!

Say you *have* to get up at 7am, like that’s the absolute latest you can sleep without being late for work. You set the Philips Wake-Up Light for that time and what happens is at 6:30am, the halogen lamp will come on very dimly, so it’s practically just glowing in the dark. Then over the next half hour, the light gradually increases to simulate a sunrise and as it does this, according to the box, “the light increases the level of energy in your body, preparing your body to wake up” so by 7am, the light is at its brightest and it just wakes you up naturally. An optional feature is that at 7am either the radio or the sound of birdies comes on to make sure your ass is awake, which is a function I have turned on, but I’m so used to the light now that I wake up naturally about 10 minutes after it comes on. That IS if I got enough sleep the night before. If I didn’t, then those fuckass birdies are going to wake Blake up and then he’s going to poke and grunt at me until I get up and since that sucks for both of us, I just go to bed at a decent time every night and getting up at stupid o’clock in the morning and NOT becoming an axe murdering psychopath isn’t as difficult as people assume it is, thanks to the Philips Wake-Up Light.

February 3, 2014

Stoner Bowl XLVIII

Soooooo I watched the Super Bowl yesterday because nothing else was on and I didn’t really have anything better to do. This was my first real Super Bowl and I gotta say, it was pretty freaking boring except for the one part where the one guy like, had a breakaway and ran a long way and no one caught him and he scored a touchdown (?). That was exciting. That was like “run Forreeeeeeeeeeeest!” But that only happened once. And because I’m Canadian, I was watching Canadian ads, most of which I’d seen before and weren’t special to the Super Bowl.

I did get caught up on the American ads this morning though (or most of them; if it looked like it would be a crappy ad because it’s a crappy brand, I skipped it), thanks to the Huffington Post, and I think Axe, as much as I’m loathe to say it because I hate Axe and traditionally also their advertising, is the winner as far as I’m concerned. And what is with Dylan totally selling out for Chrysler? Wut? That was a TWO MINUTE ad. They paid a lotta scratch for that and I think it might piss more people off than endear them to the company. The Butterfinger peanut butter cups commercial was just creepy and come to think of it, so was the M&M’s one. I loved Coke’s “America the Beautiful” and think it’s hilarious that stupid fuckers on Twitter were calling for a boycott of Coke because of it. So stupid. I think the SodaStream commercial with Scarlett Johansson was kind of interesting in that she was all about “helping people” but she  dropped her ambassadorship for Oxfam because it conflicted with that endorsement. (I’m not saying she was wrong, she has her opinion and that’s fine, I just think they should have gone with a different approach in the commercial. Especially because that commercial sucked balls.)  And that’s really all I have to say about the ads this year, they were just completely underwhelming, nothing really “wowed” me. Then again, I’m kinda hard to please…y’know, that’s not even true, that is not even true. It’s just that making good ads is not that difficult. Sometimes the simplest ideas can “wow” a person and that’s especially true with ads.

Yesterday we went to Penetang with the idea being Flynn’s, but we parked out front, got to the front doors and other people walked in, opening the doors which flooded the street with music. Live music. Also, it was Super Bowl Sunday and Flynn’s IS a bar, so we decided to go to this cafe down the street called Froth that Blake’s been wanting to try for a while. Their chalk sign out front says, “Froth and was chosen as one of the best restaurants in the country by the national restaurant guide “Where to Eat in Canada”, now 43 years old.” and every day, they e-mail the specials to their mailing list. Here’s an example from Friday:

Soup is Coconut Curry Sweet Potato or Cream of Parsnip –

Sandwich is BBQ Steak Bacon Cheddar –

Wrap is Mexican Chicken –

Vegetarian is Grilled Veggie & Goat Cheese Panini –

Quiche are Chicken Bacon Blue and Cheddar Cheese or 3 Cheese & Spinach or Ham Broccoli Cheddar

Bowl of the day is Sweet potato Avocado Rice Bowl

Salad is Mango Spinach Walnut

I would eat absolutely none of that but they have two paninis and and a bagel sandwich that I would eat, which is why we decided to go. Blake got some kind of black bean quesadilla that he really enjoyed and I got a BLT on a bagel, which was good because their bacon is excellent quality, not super fatty but it was bad because the bagel was hard as a rock.  Blake got a cappuccino and I got a pomegranate iced tea, both of which we really liked. I dunno, it was okay. I don’t think I’d ever be like, “YAY LET’S GO TO FROTH!!!!” like I have been with Blue Sky and Flynn’s, but if Blake wanted to go and he was paying, I wouldn’t not go.

I don’t know what the deal is with Penetanguishene that makes it this crazy food mecca, but we’re pretty convinced it’s magical.

Anyway, I think I’m going back to bed. Peace oot.