September 30, 2013

I saw her today at the reception, a glass of wine in her hand

So they started doing construction on our road again but just West of us this time, so there’s a girl standing in front of my house right now holding a “slow/stop” traffic sign in the pouring rain and I feel so bad for her. She’s probably 19-ish, blonde, and soaked. She can’t even use an umbrella because she needs one hand free to work her walkie talkie. The other day this mean kid from down the street was throwing rocks at Wes on the way home and this girl told Madison, who told me and that’s being kept an eye on. Apparently the kid’s in grade *9*, high school. Wes is in grade *5*, elementary school. I wonder what has happened to this kid in his life to make him so mean to a much younger kid? It has been theorized that he has a crush on Madison and this is his way of getting her attention. ‘Tis possible.

 Fuckin’ kids, man.

Last night’s Breaking Bad finale was pretty predictable, I found. What did you think?

PS. I got new nail polish this week. Pretty cool, huh?

Posted at 11:11 am in: Breaking Bad , Fall , Kids , Life , Madison , Sunnyland , TV , Wes
September 28, 2013

None of you nmph better look at me funny…

In other news, I spoke with Wes yesterday about the possibility of doing boys as well as girls, possibly even together (imagine!) and he eagerly told me to go ahead, said that he didn’t mind at all and that he thought it was a good idea. So my brain’s percolating in that area.

I’m still filtering and processing the studio tour and I remember one lady, possibly even the trollop lady but my memory’s foggy, saying that my girls looked like Bratz dolls. 1) No they fucking don’t. Not any more than Barbie or any other adult female doll because hello, my girls are paper dolls! And 2) Fuck you, go buy a Bratz doll then! That’s been bugging me all week. Now that it’s out of my brain maybe I’ll stop dwelling on it.

So like I said a few days ago, I’m working on the colouring book pretty steadily while watching terrible movies on Netflix and it’s actually kind of freeing because there are things I can do with drawings that I can’t do with cut and paste paper dolls, or that is extremely difficult. If anyone has any suggestions on what they’d like to see in a colouring book by me featuring my girls, then please let me know! I’m trying to stay away from careers because that’s a little too Barbie for me, I’m thinking of make believe.

Anyway, there’s my brain dump for today. Have a good weekend!

PS. Here’s a pic taken by my mom’s friend Dianne from a few weeks ago. The only person missing is Chris!

This is my family!

When the song beats go like this!

So remember when I said that the Mood Disorders Association of Ontario’s art show, Touched By Fire, was charging a $20 submission fee this year because they lost a big ticket sponsor who used to cover that cost? Well I got an e-mail a few days ago from them saying (basically) “nope! forget we said anything! oh and we now have a donor who wishes to remain anonymous who’s going to cover the submission fee, so submit by October 4th! PS. DeSerres is sponsoring an award! Hooray!” (DeSerres is like Curry’s, an art supply store, only their online store is not as good as Curry’s (<— what do I do with the apostrophe there?) and they’re sort of a bridge between Curry’s – which is strictly art supplies – and Michael’s, which is more artsy craftsty.)

I’ve never been to a DeSerres store (we passed one the last time we were in the city and I was like “dammit!” because I wished I could go in – granted, if I passed one of the bigger Curry’s stores in the city I’d have the same reaction, probably moreso*) but I did order stuff from them a few years ago, online. I forget everything I ordered but I do still have the washi tape I got from them from at a reasonable price, but it was before Etsy got flooded with really nice washi tapes so I don’t need that from DeSerres. The ones I got from DeSerres were plain colours. No patterns at all.

Anyway, that’s a pretty big corporate sponsor.

I’m still not submitting this year though. Not even just to see if I could get in because that’s how I get sucked in every year because I DO get accepted and I’m honestly surprised when it happens – although that goes away when I realize how “bipolar” or mentally ill-looking my accepted art is. (I usually submit the maximum amount that I can, which is between 3-5 usually.) Then I decide it’s a good idea to be in the show since they were nice enough to pick me which means going to the city and back twice: once to drop off my art and once to go to the actual event, which, as far as I’m aware, doesn’t even have a venue yet. Then when we’re AT the event, I stay as far away from my piece as possible and attract as little attention as possible, I look at the art, we wait around for 9pm for the event to officially be over, I collect my shit and we go home. I rarely enjoy the event. I loved it the first year I got in but it declined after that and obviously there’s issues this year. They want us to submit to touchedbyfire.CO instead of touchedbyfire.CA where we usually submit and where our digital gallery is. What is that all about?

At the same time, while I say that, there’s that part of me that thinks BUT MAYYYYBE…what if I did submit my “Golden Girls” painting, which, if you honestly insist on analyzing it, is my brain at peace, aka “happy”, which, like I said before, is also a mood. And isn’t it the goal? What if it somehow miraculously DID get in? Wouldn’t it shine amongst the dreary?

But no, I’m not getting sucked in again this year. Especially not with all the mysterious drama. I’m glad they found new sponsors etc., but no.

And that’s all I have to say about that.

(*spellcheck and are both saying “moreso” isn’t a word, which I’m willing to accept, but I say it is now because I just used it in a sentence. “More so”, which spellcheck suggested, just doesn’t fit. “Moreso” is a measurement. As a word. Also spellcheck says “spellcheck” isn’t a word, it doubts its own existence, what does it know? :oP)

Posted at 9:48 am in: Art , Blake , Fall , Life , Sunnyland
September 26, 2013

Sandpaper tears corrode the film…

I hate fall. omg do I ever hate fall. I’m trying really hard not to dwell on it but with every red leaf I see on the maple tree in our front yard, I get seasonably depressed. Just bit by bit.

But I’m trying not to let that happen so Blake told me I only had to go to the first macro class and if I hated it I didn’t have to go to any more of them and he wouldn’t be mad about the wasted money. So that’s a deal. I’ll go to the first one and if it’s scary I don’t have to go back. Okay. I can do that. That happens next month.

Other than that all I feel like doing, so that’s exactly what I am doing, is drawing pictures for my theoretical colouring book. Suggestions on the kinds of girls you’d like to see are completely welcome.

On the studio tour I was asked 3 times, “do you do boys?” and my answer was that, no, I made one boy for my son and I told him that would be the only boy I’d ever do. This is the one I did for Wes in like, 2009:

I love it.
He loves it and takes very good care of it.
(Both kids do take care of any art I’ve made them/put them in charge of.)

So all week it’s been nagging at me that I *could* do boys. Honestly, because of what I said to Wes, I’ve never even let my mind go there, but I’m going to talk to him about it after school and see what he thinks of me going back on what I said. Honestly, I’ll be surprised if he remembers but if it’s important to him then that’ll be the end of the conversation. I have a lot of ideas though…

Anyway, that’s my brain at the moment. Happy Thursday!

September 23, 2013

I cut my teeth on wedding rings…in the movies…

It is SOOOOOOO cold today!!!! And all weekend!!!! Blake turned on the FURNACE this morning, which I normally refuse to do until November but jesus fucking christ, it was like, 2 degrees this morning. So fuck that, the furnace came on.

This weekend was the studio tour and it was pretty uneventful. I cried like a baby before it started on the first day but got over it.

I had a good time hanging out with Rose and Carol, the artists who shared the space at the library with me, because they’re both very cool people, but we didn’t have that many visitors. Like 32 I think the first day and I’m not sure the second day. More the second day for sure, but not by much. I sold 4 greeting cards. Got lots of compliments on my paintings, lots of questions and people taking business cards but no buyers. One guy took a card and said, “I’ll think about it” so I dunno what that meant other than the apparent.

I had a real live trollop of a woman come up to my part of the room and was like, asking all of these really specific questions about my process and about the paintings and telling me I should do this and I should do that and I should sell my greeting cards at cost “just to get your name out there” and you could tell that she was trying to figure out how to make the paintings herself (good luck) and subtly trying to get me to lower my prices on my cards. And she was around for like, god, a good 45 minutes between all of us but mostly at my tables making me crazy. Finally she left and I was pretty relieved because she was really intense.

But mostly? I sat at our table and drew pictures for my colouring book and smiled at people as they walked by. I’m just not good at selling. I mean I know what I have to do to sell things and it’s just not in me. I’m not an extrovert.

I knew I wouldn’t sell any paintings. I figured I’d sell at least a few of my small items (I had greeting cards, buttons and ACEOs) and I did and that was cool & all but I don’t think I’m going to do this again next year. It was a LOT of work and a lot of money (to me) for not much return. So fuck it, I tried and it’s not my thing.

Moving right along…

My brother and I are friends again on Facebook. He encouraged me yesterday when I posted a picture of my setup on Facebook (which was a crappy pic so I’m not bothering to post it here), so that was good. My mom told me he and his dad and his girlfriend didn’t get the apartment they were hoping to move into October 1st. So that sucks for them. :o/

My mom and John and Chris came to the tour yesterday which is how I know about the apartment falling through.

At the end of the tour yesterday, Deanna and her new boyfriend came over. Deanna is awesomesauce, as always, unsure about the boyfriend. Time will tell, I suppose.

I’m really nervous about this macro class and kinda want Blake to get his money back before it’s too late to do so. I don’t know when that date is but it’s probably soon considering the class starts next month. It may even already be too late. It’s just gonna be late and it’s gonna be hard and I think you even get a GRADE for the class, which freaks me right the fuck out and I don’t think I can do it. But maybe I should try? I dunno. A small part of me is this fearless Amazon warrior woman and the rest of me is…soft and squishy and prone to tears.

Soooooo yeah…

Anyway, that’s all I have to report. Have a lovely Monday!

September 16, 2013


Yesterday we went to the Uxbridge Studio Tour, which my mom was in and the reason I went to this one, (because she’s in a billion shows a year and I rarely go) because I had a feeling my brother was going to be there helping set up and tear down once it was all over. I was correct.

When we got there, my mom was surprised to see me because I didn’t tell her we were coming. Actually we didn’t even decide that’s what we were doing for sure until yesterday morning, so there was no way to tell her anyway. (She doesn’t have a cell phone. Well she does but she never has it on her.)

So we get there and my mom tells me my brother’s in the truck playing games on his phone. Well, I haven’t seen the guy in 8 years so I’m not about to go ambush him 1-on-1 so she went and got him and he and I walked around and talked for a bit about nothing important. That’s the thing about my brother, he’s SO quiet. He just doesn’t talk unless spoken to. He’s always been that way but in the 8 years that have passed, I think he got quieter.

I told him I loved him and he told me he loved me back. Everything else is mostly a blur.

Chad had never been to Tinkl’s before and Wes was a baby when we went last and they were on the tour and not too far away so we all decided to go.

The car ride there and back was super uncomfortable. Chad doesn’t talk and was sitting in the front because his legs are so damn long, so it was mostly silent. I was sitting behind him and could see his face in the side mirror; I couldn’t stop looking at him. I dunno why. I think maybe because every time I see him all I feel is love (usually). Like I look at his face and I feel love. This must be left over from when we were kids, I guess, I dunno. It’s not like that with anyone else. Not even Blake.

So back to Tinkl’s. I’ve written about them before but it was a long time ago, like 10 years ago, Wes wasn’t walking yet I don’t think. Judith Tinkl is a quiltmaker  and her husband Viktor works in concrete. He has made all kinds of crazy characters all over their property and it’s almost one of those things you have to see to appreciate, but I tried my best to take pics of juuuuust about everything. Since there are so many, here’s the gallery of them, but I’ll post a few too:

There ya go, now you can say you’ve seen a concrete vulva.

We saw a Walking Stick! I’d never seen one before in my life!
And when we got back to my mom’s tent, there was another one there too!


I thought this was the coolest thing I saw all day.

I think this is the best pic I took all day.

After Tinkl’s we went back to my mom’s tent and shot the shit for a while and that was pretty much the whole day. When we were about to leave, I asked my brother if he would take a picture with me, and he said sure, so here ya go (taken by Blake):

My hair is so light it practically blends into his hoodie haha

And that’s all she wrote because I’m having a mild pancreatic attack and just can’t write anymore. :o/

September 14, 2013

Word to your moms, I came to drop bombs.

Madison said that me being sick and almost dying didn’t affect her. She says she felt shielded from it, which I understand. She was 13 and whisked away to 3 different places (4 if you count summer camp) with 3 different sets of grandparents in 2 countries which is pretty far removed from what was happening in my hospital bed at St. Mike’s in Toronto. But I would think that her having to call 911 and come with me in the ambulance to the hospital (puking all the way there) and all that would be somewhat significant. She had to be the hero. And she did a good job. She should at least be proud of that.

But I’m not her and I can’t tell her how to feel.

The reason this came about is because she had an assignment to write an essay about the 4 most significant events in her life, like things that affected her.

We even brought up our dead cat, Digit and our dead dog, Zulu and she was like, “yeah, nope!”

She has no soul, I swear to god. She didn’t even cry at the end of The Notebook, for fuck’s sake.

I don’t know what she chose for the assignment.

So Touched By Fire’s call for entries is happening right now. The e-mail came in a few days ago. They lost one of their big sponsors and as a result they’re charging a submission fee of $20 to enter, I’m assuming non-refundable if you don’t get in. Since I didn’t paint anything angsty or bipolar-y it’s doubtful that I’d get in so I just filed the e-mail. They don’t even have a venue yet and they’re also not printing a catalogue.

This is the art show for people with mood disorders that I do almost every year (the year I didn’t get in I submitted happy, glittery mermaids and angels), which is held by the Mood Disorders Association of Ontario, which I think is funded by the government.

They made me mad last year by asking us to fundraise for them and in return the person with the highest amount of donations would have their work featured at, and you would get to go to, a black tie gala that the MDAO holds for important people with chequebooks because that’s like buying publicity and I found that sort of insulting. Especially since, aside from this art show, the MDAO hasn’t helped me in any way with my mental health or any of the other things they do in other areas. And we have a high rate of mental health problems in this area. One of the big psychiatric hospitals is only 35 minutes away from me! I’ve seen their logo once, like on a flyer for one activity at the mental health clinic, but that has been it. (And I keep an eye out because it always astounds me how little of a presence they have here.)

Anyway, I don’t see the point in submitting, especially when I have to pay for it. You’re allowed to submit 5 pieces but I only have 1 to show. This one:

And it’s proooobably not moody enough for this stupid show (I don’t think all the artwork should be moody and illustrate mental illness and last I checked, happiness was a mood).

Anyway I have to work in an hour and 15 minutes so I’d better find something to eat.

September 13, 2013

Through the Roof ‘n’ Underground

So I’m going to link to the song in the title because I want you to listen to it. I think the video is a little spoilery of Wristcutters: A Love Story, which is an excellent movie if you haven’t seen it.

I’m also going to link to “Shitty Day” by Soko because it’s…fitting.

And now onto other things…

…earlier I was trying to take a picture of my ass on Camwhores but my cam’s cord would NOT let me get the angle I was looking for so I googled for a solution and found the “Logitech Broadcaster Wi-Fi Webcam for HD Video Streaming, Calling, Recording” which is a wireless HD webcam. BUT, the catch is, it’s Mac only. WTF, LOGITECH? I thought we were cool? What I just linked to was $199 US on amazon.COM whereas on Amazon.CA it’s $246 CDN. I dunno if that’s the same with the exchange rate though. I couldn’t find a wireless and/or HD webcam for a PC in my googlings.

Regardless, what I use is just fine for my purposes most of the time (I don’t take a picture of my ass every day!) but I saw this when I was googling webcams and it’s on amazon.COM which I’m pretty sure doesn’t ship to Canada. The other thing is that I don’t *need* a new webcam and not one that’s going to cost me $40 US + shipping (twice) + customs fees (duty/tax) if I get someone in the US to buy it for me and have them ship it to me. Oh the plight of the camgirl!


Here’s my single solitary video for this post, courtesy of my friend Jax, “Royals” by Lorde:

I start my super early mornings with this song every day. I guess you could even go so far as calling it my current “jam”.

…I just got the strangest question on Facebook. How to harden a tarantula for use in jewelry-making. Would flower fixative work for this? If anyone out there knows, hit me up, my friend Kim would be grateful.

Also just got an e-mail saying that this coming Monday is too much for her – which I understand as the following Monday, which is right after *my* tour, I can’t do it because I’m going to be fried – and that sucks because there is literally no other day that would have worked and I’m not going to be able to see my brother before he moves back to the city.

That’s all I got right now. Peace oot.

September 11, 2013

Aaaaall Riiiiiight Now, Baby It’s All Right Now

So my mom’s got her studio tour in Uxbridge next weekend which means we can’t really come and hang out with them and my brother but possibly the following Monday is okay because the weekend after that is my studio tour (from hell) and I’m going to need the Monday following it to decompress. I’m also going to suggest Wednesdays if she thinks that Monday is no good.

I haven’t seen my brother in 8 years. He wasn’t very nice to me during our last interaction which was only a few months ago so I don’t know what to expect.

I’m mesmerized by this thorough list of songs that use cowbell.

Blake’s got me hooked on this show called Supernatural which is actually very Buffy-esque but nowhere near as cool.  We’re in the middle of season 2 so we have a long way to go to catch up with current TV. I think Blake said there’s been 6 or 7 seasons so far? So yeah, we have a long way to go.

I’m pretty stressed out about the studio tour. One of the ladies who’s sharing the space with me (also a painter) suggested that we do something artistic, like part of our process, while people are walking around. I dunno how I feel about that but at the same time, what am I going to do, just sit there and nervously tweet? So I’ve decided I’m going to work on my colouring book while I’m there because those girls don’t require shading. My shading process uses Krylon’s Workable Fixative and it’s probably not a good idea to use it in an enclosed space with no windows. (I do at home because it’s just a tiny spritz every now and then, but I can see why it might be a concern.)

This might sound like the biggest first world problem ever but I dunno what to wear. Blake said “something Free People-y” which to me means “dress up”. Well we have to be there at 9am – likely before that. You want me up, my hair done, my makeup done AND dressed up and out the door by like, 8:45am? Lawd help me please. I think, especially since I’m going to be sitting most of the time, that my overalls with a tank top is just fine for both days. Tell me if you disagree. It’s comfortable, and get THIS, apparently “on trend“.  So people will think I’m cool, right? And if I get cold, I’ll just put on a hoodie. Good?

And finally, I sent Blake a picture of my boob…

Which is MONUMENTAL because he put a “u” in “favourite” like a proper citizen of the commonwealth!

Anyway, that’s all I got. Peace oot, homies.

September 9, 2013

Tin Roof, Rusted

As my single, solitary video in this post, I give you Let’s Fall in Love by Mother Mother because I legitimately like the video/song, not just because I really like the band (which I do).

So that thing I’ve been writing? For like, a really long time? Fine tuning and tightening up and almost grooming it every time I go adding something? MY CREATIVE BABY? Well I’m stuck with it. Hardcore. And I don’t know what to do and I’m scared it’s just going to be yet another thing that I never finish. Which would suck because I more or less know what’s going to happen from beginning to end and it’s already almost 12,000 words/7 chapters. But like I said, I’m STUCK because now my original idea is a mere kernel in a twisted and convoluted story and it’s really really really bothering me.

It is the sand in my vagina.

I just wish there was someone out there in the world who could help me but I don’t have confidence that such a person is possible. I’ve tried other people on for size with the only real feedback – with the exception of one person -just being “I want more”. That’s encouraging, and that’s great, but it isn’t really helpful.

I tried keeping it secretive, thinking that what usually sabotages me is that I blab about what it is or instead of a book I make it into a serial on Live Journal and try to write it “live”, which is friggin hard, and then I lose interest in the project because I get lots of praise. I want to write the story. I want the praise to come after I write the story.

See what happened was that, like most of my writing ideas, I woke up from a dream that happened from beginning to end that would make a good short story. So that’s what I set out to write. Then I decided to add a subplot or two and on TOP of that, I decided it should be a musical. But that would be impossible because I’d never get the permission to publish the lyrics from all off the various bands and artists. My simple ending is still pretty simple…and the sky just opened up. I just had the sickest idea to throw in that kinda blew my mind in that I can’t believe I didn’t see it before, but it’s for the ending, not for the part I’m on now.

The part I’m on now is transitional no matter how I look at it and that’s not really my strong suit.

Maybe I should just sit down and write the damn thing, eh? Stop my whining.


Well, back to the drawing board.

Posted at 12:20 pm in: Fall , Internet , Life , Live Journal , Writing

« Previous entries Next Page » Next Page »