omg. Blake just showed me this video of Yo Gabba Gabba, which I’d never seen before and I am in sheer awe:
I wish this show was around when my kids were little. We had Dora and Blue’s Clues and speaking of the latter, did you know that Blue fucking TALKS now? I didn’t know this until our friend Charissa, whose kids are still little, told us that. I was floored. First they get rid of Steve for Joe and now Blue talks and I don’t even think Joe is on the show anymore? Like, wtf.
Right now the Happy Meal toys at McDonald’s are Smurfs. I kinda hate McDonald’s and don’t normally eat from there if I can avoid it, but I want the toys so I’ve now purchased 3 Happy Meals so far and so far I got 3 different Smurfs out of 16. That’s a lot of Happy Meals. I hope the promotion runs for a long time because I can’t eat that many Happy Meals in a few weeks while the new Smurfs movie is in theatres and being actively promoted. I want these because my grama collected Smurfs and this is an easy-ish way to get them. The only other place I know of that sells rubber Smurfs is Mastermind Toys but they’re $6.99 there. Each. A Happy Meal is $3.99 and you get something resembling food too. So, value. Especially since that would probably be my only meal for the day.
Anyway, Smurfs. Know what is sorta like Smurfs and equally cool? Snorks. Do you remember the Snorks? Well, I was telling Blake about this bong I saw at a head shop in Kingston that was the head of a Snork and his snorkel thing was where you sucked in the smoke and it was awesome, and then we got on the topic of Snorks and Blake was like, “just search YouTube for Snorks and I’m sure something will come up”. I was doubtful because it’s a pretty old show that wasn’t super popular so it would surprise me if anything on YouTube would be any good. But okay, I’ll search, so I did and I found this playlist of 87 Snorks videos that all look like fairly good quality. Score! That is DEFINITELY what I want to spend an afternoon doing.
The kids right now are obsessed with My Little Pony, which I haven’t watched yet either. Truth be told, I kinda hate kid shows. I also hate young adult fiction. When I was a kid I liked kid shows, when I was a young adult I liked young adult books, now I just have next to zero interest in either one. There are so many books in the world that I want to read (or that I am reading, ha!) that I kinda see kid/YA stuff as a waste of time, especially since I just don’t enjoy it. It’s not challenging. The last YA novel I tried to read, which I bought by accident, was called Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children and I haaaated the beginning so I didn’t bother reading the rest of it. Madison liked it, but then again, she’s the target audience.
I read several books at a time so right now I’m reading, And the Mountains Echoed by Khaled Hosseini, On the Road by Jack Kerouac (challenging because it’s the original scroll version, so basically unedited), Midnight’s Children by Salman Rushdie, which I’m not sure I’m going to finish because I’m just not feeling it, and the collected Wizard of Oz stories. I really want to read World War Z because we have it and I loved the movie but I can’t add it to the pile right now. Besides, Blake’s reading it.
Wow, I’m rambling haha
Last night Blake made his own version of Robin Thicke’s Blurred Lines song. You can listen to it here.
I’m not sure if I’ve ever really written about it but I am a very auditory person. I can’t listen to books on tape because I would literally have to sit there and listen because I would be distracted by the talking that I just wouldn’t be able to function. So no podcasts, no talk radio, nothing like that. Music I have a deep personal relationship with. What I let into my bubble is carefully curated by myself, the criteria by which things are let in is unexplainable. I love covers IF they’re good covers. I love rap, especially when I recognize the sampling where appropriate. I love songs from the 40s to present. I am offended when people think I’ll like something when I didn’t ask them for a suggestion. I dunno why this is. Maybe it’s just too presumptuous? I dunno but it annoys the shit out of me. I almost always have music on if I’m awake. The only time I don’t listen to music during the day is if I’m walking into town. I need to be hyper aware of my surroundings when I’m outside and that means my ears need to be listening for cars, dogs, kids, bikes, rapists, murderers etc. I recognize celebrity voiceovers usually pretty instantly if I know the name of the person, a little longer if I don’t. As long as I’ve heard them speak on a TV show or movie, I can usually figure it out before the end of the commercial. I’d probably be good at listening to birds and picking out the different kinds if I took the time to learn. I’m really affected by noise. Noisy restaurants freak me out so I have to sit with my back to the crowd (so to speak) the best I can wherever we’re seated. Part of me shuts down if we’re stuck in the middle, which is why I hate the Mandarin. Like I don’t function well. I can’t carry on a conversation about anything other than the fact that I’m completely freaking out by being surrounded by people and noise. Bad cover songs offend me. I go into every cover with a very open mind and if I hate it, I just hate it. Oh and the volume has to be on an even number or a multiple of 5.
And I have synesthesia, of some variety, where words and letters have colours and anything in my peripheral vision I “hear” as noise. So a parking lot is a bad place for me, especially somewhere like Wal*Mart. Hell, Wal*Mart is a hard place to be in most of the time because it’s so noisy and there are so many zombified people that the place just freaks me right the fuck out. I go in, I get what we need, give it to Blake, and then go out t o the car to wait for him. Most of the time. I’m getting better.
When I “went crazy”, 95% of it was auditory hallucinations. So until recently, there was a large part of me who didn’t even trust sounds and noises and words and songs that came through my ears because of that one time my brain was an asshole and made me doubt my own reality in a lot of respects. I needed Blake to reassure me that everything I’m seeing, experiencing and reacting to was really there, that it was really happening.
I mean, I know I’m bipolar and I’m medicated so “there’s a floor and ceiling” to my moods but this stuff isn’t mood related. This is “on the spectrum” kinda stuff. I’ve gotten pretty good at hiding it all and being mostly functional (by letting Blake do the talking whenever possible) but I’ve still got all these tics that aren’t explained by anything I’ve read about bipolar disorder. I mean, bipolar disorder I is pretty straight forward:
- unstable moods; depression, suicidal ideation followed by “high” manic period.
- More highs than lows, but the lows are really low for a short period and the highs are really high for a longer period.
- First course of treatment, find the right anti-psychotic to even out moods. Check. Ziprasidone.
- Tweak with antidepressants. Check. Gabapentin and Wellbutrin.
- You have to stabilize the moods before adding the antidepressant(s) because if you don’t, the antidepressant can cause mania.
Once medicated, you’ll still have highs and lows, but they won’t go overboard and flood into psychosis or anything.
Then there’s generalized anxiety disorder, which the clonazepam and Ativan are for (and loxapine to sleep) and now a very small dose of olanzapine, which is an anti-psychotic, and this one is exactly as it sounds. I have generalized anxiety. *shrug* The drugs help, but they can only do so much.
And then agoraphobia, which is getting better.
Listening to this. Blake’s talking to his sister on the phone right now.
omg look at this!
Anyway, I think I’ve babbled enough. I’m going to see if Madison’s up yet and if she wants to watch Six Feet Under. Peace oot.
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