I’m not having a very good day so far.
I can NEVER AGAIN cover for someone at work the way I have been. I’m basically off my meds right now as a result and I’m kinda losing my shit. I took my PM meds last yesterday at like 6pm, slept until 12:30am, took my “morning” meds and then when I was done work at 5am, I took 2 extra loxapines so I’d be able to fall asleep and I slept until about 9am and when I woke up, I wasn’t sure what I should do because I shouldn’t take morning meds *again* right? But now I think it’s probably a good idea…I’m gonna call Blake and see what he says…
Blake’s coming home and we’re going to call my shrink because I AM LOSING MY SHIT.
I’ll finish this later.
I can’t even articulate what’s wrong, just SOMETHING is wrong. I can’t stop crying and I just feel WRONG. I don’t feel healthy, I’m fidgety, I’m uncomfortable. I thought a shower would help with the latter but it didn’t. I just can’t cope with the tiniest things. I watched last night’s True Blood and cried all the way through it. I don’t know if it was me? Or was last night’s True Blood extremely emotional? LIke am I seriously losing my fucking mind? I’m afraid to watch The Newsroom.
I don’t know what to do with myself. I can’t play Sims. I can’t watch TV. I can’t paint. I can’t read. I just can’t concentrate. And I don’t really do anything else so I can’t even think of anything else I would do.
Last night was my last night working crazy hours so I should be relieved right? YAY I made it through! Except I didn’t. Obviously. I’m FUCKED UP.
I’m also on day 1 of my period so I’m sure that’s helping.
I e-mailed my mom at 3am and told her that I didn’t think I could come see my grama on Wednesday because between working all these crazy hours (which would be normal hours for a normal person, probably, but I’m not a neurotypical person) and my brother AND my grama, I didn’t think I’d be able to deal. But then when I woke up, I felt more or less okay so I e-mailed her back and said that I’d changed my mind. But she hasn;t written me back and may not because I don’t know where she is or if she has internet.
Anyway, yesterday we were at this mega-toystore called Mastermind Toys buying a gift for one of Wes’ friends, which is one of my favourite places on Earth. And I got these:
I also got this little guy whose name is “Wishful”, for my bag:
It’s hard to tell in the pic but she’s a unicorn.
And yesterday I also drove and that made me extremely emotional too, which I think was a warning sign for today. Like I should have seen this coming.
Oh, I’ve been driving Blake crazy with Snoop “Lion”‘s new reggae album, which, to be honest, I only really like 4 songs on. “Here Comes the King”, “Lighters Up”, “No Guns Allowed” and I think “La La La” is the best song on the album, which is pretty crazy considering it’s a b-side that was never meant for the album and you can only get it in the deluxe version of the album from iTunes. (Which no, I did not pay for. Please.) I also downloaded Miley Cyrus’ “We Can’t Stop” which is stupidly catchy and Avril Lavigne’s “Here’s To Never Growing Up” which I *did* pay for because no one on SoulSeek had the explicit version.
So Blake came home and talked me down from the proverbial ledge and I took 2.5mg of Olanzapine (Zyprexa) to calm the fuck down and he said that at 3 or 4pm I should take my psych meds but not my sleeping ones and take my sleeping ones at 7pm like I normally do. He thinks the issue is that I took my meds too close together, not too far apart but that if I wait until normal med time to take everything I’ll be pinging because it *will* be too far apart.
I have a work meeting in an hour so I have to get my shit together. Blake has his immigration test tomorrow. Wish us both luck.
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