March 22, 2013

I Like My Beats Fast & My Bass Down Low

I just finished reading The Walking Dead volume 17: Something To Fear (the first trade past the 2nd compendium) and I have no trouble admitting that it made me cry like a fucking baby. :o( It’s kinda killing me that I have to wait to find out what happens next. That’s my beef with comics, I just want to read a story from beginning to end. But with comics you only get bits and pieces and it drives me crazy. ¬†Also just the format of comics is too slow for me, I don’t like pictures in my books. Having said that, I’ve really enjoyed The Walking Dead, but I think that’s mostly because the compendiums felt more like real books than comics.

Yesterday’s CBT was pretty useless. It was the chapter on “anger, guilt and shame” and completing “responsibility pies”. Seriously. Well, I don’t often get angry and when I do it’s completely justified. Like they said “write down the last time you were angry and rate your anger with a percent”. So I did.

Justified.
No “responsibility pie” necessary, I’m well aware of who’s responsible for this and it’s not me.

I just don’t really get angry. I have guilt about not doing productive things but that doesn’t really jive with a “responsibility pie” because the examples they used were like…well lemme explain what a responsibility pie is. So you have a situation. The examples they used were Marissa was sexually molested by her father when she was a kid (shame), Vic was pissed at his wife for bringing up credit card debt and yelled at her (anger) and someone got a DUI (guilt, I think). So then for each thing, you assign a bit of responsibility to each person or thing that surrounded those events and you do yourself last so you don’t automatically assign yourself too much of the responsibility out of guilt, anger or shame. So like for Marissa, they assigned 70% of the pie to her father. Then they assigned 10% to her mother for not protecting her. then they assigned 10% to the alcohol her father consumed before molesting her and then maybe 5% because I suck at math, to her grandfather for molesting HER father and the 5% that’s left was Marissa’s share for not doing more to stop the molestation. So that’s a responsibility pie. Now you can see how it doesn’t exactly apply to the last thing that made me angry.

On the way home Blake and I were trying to think of the last time I was angry and like, we had a minor fight last Friday and I was pissed at him but neither of us remembered what it was about. Like I said, my guilt doesn’t really apply to this at all and I think it’s pretty obvious I have no shame.

So CBT this week was a bust. Next week they moved the class to Wednesday but because Blake and I already arranged it with our bosses for Thursdays, I’m coming in next Thursday as scheduled and we’re just going to have a mini class with me and one other lady.

Next week is “Assumptions and Action Plans”. Oh joy of joys.

We got a call yesterday that Rick (my caseworker) wouldn’t be able to see me but this Susan woman could. Blake called back to see what that was all about and they didn’t elaborate much but said Rick was going to be gone for 4-6 weeks. I hope he’s okay. :o/ You usually only take a sudden 6 week vacation if something’s wrong in my experience. Anyway, I can start seeing this Susan woman instead if I want but I don’t think I want to. I just don’t see the point. Blake may disagree, I dunno, we haven’t really talked about it in great detail. I don’t want to deal with a new person and I’m not sure I need a caseworker anyway. Rick hasn’t exactly helped, I don’t think, and it’s just one more hoop I have to jump through and I’m sick of all this bullshit. I just want to crawl under a rock and be left alone.

I haven’t heard anything new about my grama. I’m not really being kept in the loop. My mom e-mailed Blake asking what time we have off for Easter and she said she may have something up her sleeve which is a terrifying prospect. I only have the Sunday off (well and the Monday but Blake doesn’t) and as long as we’re home by 9pm, I don’t care what we do. That’s the Game of Thrones premiere and the Walking Dead finale, so yeah…

I sent my Aunt Betty a framed print of this picture on Monday:

For those not in the know, that’s sap dripping out of a spigot into a metal sap bucket and I sent it to my Aunt Betty because my whole ;life, up until a few years ago, my Aunt Betty & Uncle Bill made maple syrup by tapping the trees on their property. It was sort of a big deal. My Aunt Betty is older now though and my Uncle Bill fell and hit his head so he’s apparently not so much “all there” anymore so they don’t make maple syrup anymore but it’s still a lot of good memories for all of us so I thought she’d appreciate that picture. She’s going through a lot right now with my grama dying & all so I thought I’d send her something to make her smile.

Anyway, I have to go work on something before I worry myself into anemia (you win 10 internets if you get that reference!) so I’ll leave you with this pretty genius commercial from Friskies that I have no ties to whatsoever, other than a love for creative advertising:

Peace oot.

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