March 1, 2013


This is the best birthday I think I’ve ever had! Normally I hate my birthday and resent it even happening, but this year my family and friends have made it worth celebrating so as of noon, that’s what I’ve started doing!

These are Long Island iced tea fixin’s.
Did you know there’s no actual tea in a Long Island iced tea?

I’m about half way through my first drink and I’ve gotta say, I’m in a pretty goddamn good mood.

Here’s what’s in a Long Island iced tea:

1 oz of gin
1 oz of vodka
1 oz of tequila
1 oz of triple sec
1 oz of white rum
1.5 oz of sour mix, which we couldn’t find so I’m using lime cordial
“splash” of cola

Serve over ice.

It tastes pretty fucking good, if I do say so myself, but I decided that for that glass, full oz shots are too much and half oz shots with a full can of Diet Coke is perfect.

I dunno how so many writers can be alcoholics. I’m only 2/3 through my first drink and I’m making typos like fucking crazy.

Here are pictures of my cake. I didn’t actually eat any of it yet, I just took pictures:

It is obviously red velvet, which is really just chocolate with lots of food colouring, but it’s oh so pretty.
I should have busted out the macro lens but I’m lazy and it’s my birthday and I don’t fucking have to.

Having said that, I would love to take a class in food photography.

Anyway, I had to stat drinking early (I started at noon) because there’d be no way I’d be able to stay up late tonight drinking with Blake when I have to work tomorrow and my meds make me fall asleep at 9pm.
So I’m a loser drinking in the afternoon by myself.

But it’s my birthday so this is exactly the number of fucks I give: 0

So yesterday was a meeting with Rick and CBT. Both went okay. With Rick we mostly talked about my grama and how to navigate that whole situation. He just said to take it as it comes and to start the conversation with her with “how are you feeling?” and go from there. I thought that was good advice. He told me not to take any abuse from her, in case that happens. I’m starting to like Rick more and more, he thinks I’m funny and I’m okay with that. Because I am funny, motherfucker!

We told him that the cab thing just isn’t working so we’ve stopped that. It just added a layer of stress onto an already stressful day so we ditched it. Blake figures I’m more likely to drive by myself to an appointment in Midland than to take a cab. Plus the cab was $35 each way and while we didn’t have to pay that, I kinda felt like a douche for charging that to the province. This is why we can’t have nice things.

I told him that I hate CBT because it’s so damn slow but that was before yesterday’s class, which was actually useful and productive.

We learned about the “hot thoughts” portion of the thought record, which I actually found sort of challenging because there was math involved and that just fries my brain. Here’s my worksheet and yes, this was a real scenario, this actually happened on Tuesday.

(Click here for a bigger version.)

Yes, Lena Dunham makes me feel like shit. She’s also one of my personal heroes. As you can see by the percents, the three thoughts highlighted are the “hot thoughts”. I haven’t read past this in the book so I’m not entirely sure what comes next but that’s the example I used and since it was a real, unresolved issue, I plan on using it as I go along.

At CBT the example they used was “driving to work at 7:40am” and this one woman in the group was like, “if that was all I had to worry about, I wouldn’t be depressed” and went on about how insignificant that problem was for like, 5 minutes throughout the example and it made me feel like pure and utter shit and honestly, I wanted to strangle that judgmental bitch. I mean, you don’t know what problems people have, why would you say something like that? I wanted to speak up and inform the room that I’m relearning how to drive a car so that example was relevant to me so she’d feel like shit maybe, but I didn’t speak up. I dunno if that was a good or bad thing. After Blake picked me up I lost my shit in the car and pretty much cried all the way home because that lady made me feel completely irrelevant. Like my problems don’t matter, which is one of my “issues” to begin with. Everyone should be able to drive, why is it so difficult for me? Why should it be a big deal when I do drive? Why do I deserve a ticker tape parade?

After CBT (jesus christ it’s getting hard to type!) we went to the liquor store and the lady helped us find all the ingredients for Long Island iced teas but she told us (which I didn’t know) that we couldn’t get “sour mix” at the LCBO (liquor control board of Ontario – the only place you can buy liquor in this province) because they’re legally not allowed to sell anything that doesn’t contain alcohol. I didn’t even know “sour mix” existed prior to googling the recipe for Long Island iced teas so I didn’t know it wasn’t an alc0holic beverage but she said we should be able to find it at the grocery store. Well, no such luck chickie poo, but that’s no surprise because our grocery store is about 3 square feet and doesn’t have “everything” so we went to Wasaga Beach to Wal*Mart to find it and no such luck there either. The lady there said it was a “seasonal item” and it’s fucking March (well February at the time) so that was a bust. Then we went to t he Foodland at the beach and we found “lime cordial” and we figured that was good enough because it was the same company who makes grenadines (which are awesome for making cherry Coke) so that’s what we went with.

IT IS GETTING REALLY HARD TO TYPE. GOOD LAWD. I started drinking at noon and it’s currently 3pm and I’m pretty much wasted. Spellcheck FTW! Anyway, that’s why we went with “lime cordial” instead of “sour mix” because I’m pretty sure that isn’t even a thing in this neck of the woods.  Anyway I’m drunk so wtf. I’m ending this post and enjoying myself. Fuck all, y’all.

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