January 9, 2013

Don’t Call It a Comeback

Yesterday morning I worked until 8am, slept until 9:45am when Blake woke me up…then actually got out of bed 15 minutes later, begrudgingly, because I had to go to the dentist in half an hour for a 2 hour appointment where they’d be putting in the post for a crown.

That’s a weird thing about dentists, or at least for me. They always tell me how long the appointment is going to be and it always seems like it’s a long time – an hour and a half for a root canal, for example – but as it’s happening it’s like, time flies. And it’s not like I’m having fun or anything but for me, going to the dentist is like mental gymnastics. I am constantly trying to figure out just what in the hell they’re doing in there having never seen any of the instruments or tools before (and not wanting to) or even ever seeing a dental procedure on TV. And the weird thing about teeth is that to your tongue and while they’re drilling them, they feel enormous, but in reality they’re super small and while I’m at it, it amazes me that two people can fit their hands in my mouth at the same time and actually be able to see what they’re doing.

I used to be absolutely terrified of the dentist, but I trust the one I have now completely, he’s super nice and super gentle and really go0d at the whole freezing thing. One more reason why I don’t want to move (although sometimes he talks about retiring, which I’ve told him he’s not allowed to just up and do without a few years heads up and a well-trained replacement because girlfriend’s got shitty teeth).

Anyway, after we got home I think I worked on a painting for a while and probably watched TV but I was hungry and we had nooooothing in our house worth taking a second sniff at and I mentioned this to Blake, who was working, and he was like, “you could always go to the grocery store, the car’s in the driveway, the sun’s shining…” and I was like “YOU’RE A FUCKING ASSHOLE”, okay not really, but can you imagine if I just yelled that at him? haha

Well, while I was working yesterday morning and it was kinda slow, I was looking through the grocery store flyer and making a grocery list because in actuality, I make a grocery list every week but our grocery store never has about half the items that are supposed to be on sale because Blake can only go to the grocery store after work and by then, all the housewives have snapped everything up and they don’t restock until like, 2am. Then, for some reason, we always end up needing groceries on Thursdays, which is the day the old sale ends and the new flyer begins so on Thursdays there’s NOTHING because all the old sale items are out of stock and they don’t stock the new items until 2am Friday morning. Plus our grocery store is microscopic and they don’t carry everything in the flyer to begin with.

So I had this list and I was like, “I am going to go get groceries!” This was partially fueled by the fact that I’d ingested 2 clonazepams and 4 Ativans to make it to the dentist and partially because I just felt up to the challenge. Also, it’s the GROCERY STORE. We go there at least every other day, I know almost all of the employees and they know us, I had a list and Blake told me too use the Visa so it’s not like I’d be checking out and the card wouldn’t work, which is one of my massive fears. And if that was the case, I had 2 more Visas in my wallet with $0 balances. Honestly I had no idea how much my list would cost, which is why we didn’t want to use the bank card.

So that’s what I did. I got in the car, backed out of the driveway, drove to the grocery store (sidenote: despite the fact that we go to the grocery store 4 times a week at LEAST and our town is tiny, I went too far down one street and turned down the wrong street and ended up going a totally stupid way BUT when I drove past Bishop Park, there was police tape around the park area and there was a reporter from CTV News on the side of the road taping a segment; the kids told me after school that someone committed suicide there that morning with the exhaust of their car). I followed my list and got every single thing on it, including sale items, plus the stuff for 3 meals and half the ingredients to make chili was on sale so I got that for Blake because he’s been making chili in the crock pot this winter, which the kids have really liked. (I think chili is disgusting, personally, but *may* eat it if it’s made with ground turkey. As a general rule, I don’t eat ground beef because it grosses me out.) The only thing for chili that I didn’t get was tomato sauce because I didn’t know what kind to get and only the kind I would use for spaghetti was on sale (and that stuff, I think, is too pricey for chili, even on sale it’s $2.99/jar). But I got crushed tomatoes, diced tomatoes and red kidney beans (so nasty).

I only really ran into trouble at the end because grocery stores here – and I’m not sure if this is Canada-wide or if they do this in the US too – you buy these sewn reusable bags made out of recycled materials to bag your groceries (or you can pay $0.05 per normal plastic bag) and you bring them with you every time you do groceries, which I did, but while the cashier is scanning your items, you go to the front of the cash and start bagging. Well, I have no concept of LOGIC so this is a special challenge for me that I never even though of before. The lady took pity on me though and was like, “okay put this in first, put this in THIS bag” etc and then while I paid with my card she bagged the rest of them. Then I put all the bags in my cart, went to the car, put everything in the back, took the cart back and came back to a locked car. I’m not sure how I did that though, but whatever, I unlocked the door, got in and drove home. Then I got out of the car in the driveway and went to open the back door to get the groceries out and I’d locked all the stupid doors again! How the hell I did that TWICE in a row, I have no idea, but luckily I hadn’t locked myself out so I brought in the groceries and Blake was on a conference call so I put them all away by myself too.

And that’s pretty much where the story ends. I feel a little weird writing about these “accomplishments” because I don’t exactly want praise for doing things any normal person would have no trouble doing but they are milestones for me so I feel like I should be writing about them. I mean, it’s what I did yesterday and I pretty much write about what I do every day, so there it is. Maybe it was because of the drugs in my system or maybe it was because immersion therapy is finally working, but the only time I really felt nervous was when the checkout lady was talking ┬áto me. I am no good at small talk with strangers so I mostly smiled and nodded like a fucking moron who doesn’t know how to bag groceries. And then I felt dumb later on because everyone wanted chicken kiev for dinner (which I found by fluke in the frozen section; normally our store doesn’t carry it) and we didn’t have any potatoes so I had to send Blake back to the grocery store to get some. And it was dumb because when I was at the grocery store, I thought about buying potatoes but was afraid we already had some and if we had too many, they’d go bad before we ate them all so obviously I didn’t get any. Oh well.

So that was my big breakthrough of the week. Many brave things in one.

Monday night’s yoga went pretty well, Kelly went easy on us. I don’t remember or even know all of the poses we did but most of them were standing poses, which I’m traditionally okay at, even if I was a little wobbly from not doing yoga for 2 years. Honestly, the thing I had the most trouble with was downward dog because I have next to no arm strength whatsoever apparently. Gotta work on that. And I could do tree pose when standing on my left foot and hold the pose the whole time (as long as my hands were at my heart centre, once you tell me to spread my branches and look skyward, it’s all over) but couldn’t do it for more than a few seconds on the other side.

Today’s been pretty mellow. I watched documentaries and painted. My snow fairy is almost finished, she’s at the varnishing stage, and I’m also working on a sketchbook cover which I haven’t decided what to do with yet. I don’t have a current sketchbook so I’m tempted to just keep it but Rob at The Conservatory seemed interested when I suggested that I could make blank books with my girls on them for $25. This one was sort of a test to see how fast I could turn them around, although this one’s an 8.5 x 11″ book and I think selling it for $25 (which he would sell for more) is selling myself short because of the amount of work that went into it. If I made smaller books for the same price I think it might actually be worth it.

And now Madison’s home so I’m going to go talk to her and continue painting. Blake should be home soon, hopefully with my Zazzle stuff.

OH! Yesterday I got the call that I’ll be starting cognitive behavioural therapy starting in February. The logistics of how to get there are kinda up in the air though…


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  1. scutterman says:

    Everything in life is relative. I can buy groceries, but if I try drawing something and it comes out even slightly like what I pictured, that’s an achievement for me. I don’t think an achievement means any less just because other people can do it without thinking

    • Sunny says:

      Good point. I still feel like an asshole who only has first world problems though.

      • scutterman says:

        Saying “People in the first world have first world problems” is like saying “my child is being childish”. It’s a tautological label that some people use to diminish the fact that they’re still problems.

  2. Tracy says:

    Yayyy!!!! For going to the store alone!! I know it seems silly posting about mundane things other people do with ease, but it wasn’t so long ago you could not even walk to the end of your driveway and now you’re shopping alone! That is HUGE!!! You should be super proud of yourself!

    • Sunny says:

      Also a good point, I forgot about the driveway. For the record, I can not only go to the end of the driveway but I can take pictures at the end of my driveway!

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