November 9, 2012

The Longest Road

So the plan is for me to drive all the way to Georgian College on Sunday, just for the sake of driving somewhere and going somewhere useful. If I’m going to do this school thing, I should start practicing how to get there. Right? Right. Plus I didn’t drive at all this week and as Blake often points out, if I don’t continue to do something over and over again, I get freaked out and don’t want to do it anymore.

And I’ve been having second thoughts about this whole school thing. What is it really going to amount to?

I have this ONE really good idea. But only one. And I need to have the skills to pull it off and the only way I’m going to get those skills is by someone teaching them to me. Therefore, I’m going to have to go to school if I want to execute this idea. This idea that I’ve had in my head for like, 12 years. But is this one idea worth all the work I’m going to have to do in order to go to school? The expense? What if I only *have* that one idea?

Blake points out that going to school is more than learning photography skills. It’s re-learning how to drive. It’s gaining social skills I lost in the last decade. Theoretically gaining confidence. Possibly making friends. So he says it’s worth it for all of that. I’m not convinced.

I don’t think anyone realizes just how hard I’m going to have to work to get there. Not only am I going to have to leave the house alone; I’m going to have to drive, in the dark, to class and back, 40 minutes away from my house; sit through class and participate; be social and then get home at like, 10:30pm to get up at 4am for work the next day. Possibly 2 days a week. It’s going to be work to get there and it’s going to be work to continue and then what if I *don’t* finish? What if I don’t complete enough classes to get the certificate? Then it’s just going to be yet another thing I didn’t finish.

Maybe I’m just scared. Probably just scared. I dunno. There’s just a little DREAD IN MY HEART…

I just kinda feel like a hack. I’m supposed to be doing these photography assignments for class but I’m completely uninspired by them. I know I’m going to use my macro lens for the one, but to take pictures of what, I have no idea. It’s supposed to be something from every day life. Nothing in my every day life is all that exciting on a macro level. At least, not that I can see. Hell, nothing in my life is all that exciting, period.  Then for the aperture one, I guess I’m going to take pictures of Madison, but I can’t get to the park across the street because of the construction and our backyard is terrible because our fence is plastic and crappy and the shed is crappy blue plywood…there’s just no good background. (Oh by the way, our neighbour, Jen, was walking her kids to school and the construction workers thought she was a kid and started yelling at them to “get the fuck outta here! you fucking kids shouldn’t be here!” The construction workers have been nothing but nice to my kids on the way to school so I thought that was pretty weird.)

And now that I’ve typed that, I have an idea…hopefully the weather will co-operate with me…

Almost finished Cloud Atlas. Will probably finish today. Loving it. Although it’s pretty different from the movie. Can’t wait until Blake’s done listening to it so we can discuss. I don’t want to write anything here about it because, y’know, spoilers. The book’s not *better* than the movie, they’re two separate animals, both good in my opinion. If I had to pick one though, I think I’d pick the book. It’s a lot less confusing. One thing I will say though is that, in the movie, there’s one part where two characters go into a factory to escape from a hitman and the hitman follows them and calls the Asian manager a “wetback”, then something else happens in reference to that, which I won’t give away, but in the book, she’s Mexican, which makes more sense because doesn’t “wetback” refer to Mexicans? I thought Asians were referred to as “gooks” by racists, especially in the 70s where the scene takes place. Why wouldn’t they change the racial slur in the movie to make more sense? Why wouldn’t they keep that character Mexican and keep the original slur? What was the point in changing that? MYSTERIES!

Annnnd that’s all I can think of posting at the moment. Madison’s going to be up soon and I want to talk to her about my idea.

1 Comment

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  1. scutterman says:

    I can’t even comprehend how hard it will be to do everything you need to do in order to get to college, but I do know what it’s like to have so much work in front of me that I can’t even imagine it’s possible to achieve it all. The best thing to do is to not think about the overall reason (taking classes at the college) because then it just becomes several much smaller tasks, and you don’t have to do them all at once. Focus on one at a time, and then you’ll have a much smaller task at the end that seems much more manageable.