October 9, 2012

Fall Fair Princess 2012

This weekend we went to Militiagan and saw Blake’s mom and her Charlie and Blake’s old girlfriend Mandy (it was his high school reunion) and Blake’s Aunt Pat and Blake’s friends Dennis and Sarah, who had just gotten her appendix out two days prior…it was busy and stressful and we ended up coming home a day early because we were just drained from all the running around and we both wanted a day off to just do nothing and yesterday was that day.

While we were gone, we left Madison alone to look after the dogs and the house which she did a good job of even though she had friends in the house, which I explicitly told her wasn’t allowed to do and she let one of those friends cook and he burnt the shit out of our brand new frying pan. (Which I think Madison should have to pay for, personally, since she wasn’t supposed to have anyone in the house to begin with.)

The real reason she was left behind was so she could participate in the Elmvale Fall Fair Ambassador contest, which is basically a beauty pageant and she won first runner up with a prize of $200 which she used to buy that ugly sequined vest I posted about a while back and which I will now show you.

Her competition was a grade 12 girl who we pretty much knew would take first prize because she’s in grade 12 and it’s her last chance to win the title and a dude who apparently didn’t put much effort into his float and whose speech was apparently not on topic (the girls wrote speeches about Elmvale, which is exactly what judges want in this kind of thing and the dude wrote about waving your freak flag). Plus, this town freaks out over a boy in a dress so imagine the scandal of a boy in a beauty contest.

They were judged on 3 main things: a dinner that was held last week, their participation in the parade and their speeches. Madison wore my clothes to the dinner (which she is now banned from wearing because she doesn’t take care of them and leaves dry clean only Free People clothes on my bed for the dogs to lay on all weekend even though she’s been told more than once not to do this but she does it anyway because she’s an asshole), then she convinced her friend’s grampa to drive her in his truck in the parade (I’d show you pics but I deleted all the parade pics because Madison’s a selfish brat who doesn’t deserve the time and energy I put into taking and editing them – long story which I’ll get into later, just trust me on this) and then she did her speech Friday night which I haven’t seen because we were on our way to Militiagan by then but apparently there’s video of it somewhere.

So a Fall Fair Ambassador is basically a queen or princess of the fair and I think they go to events and stuff throughout the year. I have no idea and neither does Madison because she had no idea what this even was when she signed up for it. She just knew there was a cash prize.

Anyway, here’s the ugly vest she paid $75 for and is in love with:

Here it is again in case you missed it:

So yeah, that’s the vest.
And the hat lights up.

So that’s Madison’s stupid ambassador thing. Do I sound pissed off? It’s because I am. It’s because Madison is a selfish cow who only thinks of herself and no one else at all times and I’m going to remain pissed off at her until she gains a little perspective.

The short answer? Bare Oaks. Again. I talked to Wes and we made a deal that I would go if he went and after I talked to him about it and promised him that his 3 main fears were okay (1. that people would stare because he was new, 2. that we would laugh or stare if he saw someone with a big penis or a deformity and 3. that Madison might tickle him) and that nothing bad would happen and all the cool stuff they had there, he decided he wanted to go. So that means I’m going too. In the spring or summer. Because we’re all in this together and Blake and Madison really wanted to go again. Wes said his #1 reason for wanting to go was to spend time with his family. Why? Because unlike Madison, he has priorities other than himself.

So I asked him if he’d want to do a “naked night” to get used to the idea of being naked together like we did with Madison and he said yes and that he wanted to do it last night. So I said I’d clear it with everyone and barring any issues, we’d have a family naked night last night.

Now yesterday Madison’s boyfriend came over. Blake picked him up and drove him home at the end of the day. On the way home from driving him home, Blake told Madison about mine and Wes’ talk about Bare Oaks and that he wanted to do a family naked night. She agreed and said it was a good thing and that she was happy she’d be returning to Bare Oaks.

Well, after dinner and dishes were done, we looked for a family friendly movie that Wes could watch on OnDemand and we decided on African Cats. Suddenly Madison didn’t want to do naked night anymore. She just didn’t feel like it (which is valid but that’s not all she said…) She said she wasn’t even sure she wanted to go to Bare Oaks again. She who wrote this post about it just a week ago and teased me and Wes for not wanting to go. So she decided that talking to her friends on Facebook was more important than spending naked time with her family JUST LIKE WE DID FOR HER to get her prepped for Bare Oaks. So she wouldn’t feel embarrassed. But she couldn’t do the same thing for her brother because, I’m going to say it again, she’s a selfish cow. And then she makes up some bullshit excuse about not wanting to go to Bare Oaks at all again after I convince her brother to go. And I think the reason is because if her brother’s going, it’s no longer edgy and cool to be a naturist so why bother going?

Since spending time with her friends on Facebook all night was such a priority for her, we’ve set her internet to shut off at 9pm. Then she can do the dishes in a timely manner, properly, and get a good night’s sleep so she’s not late like she’s been every day since school started. Maybe she’ll actually read the books she’s claiming on Facebook to have read, like Middlesex, just to seem cooler and more worldly than she is. (Remember when I went through the trouble of covering up MY copy of The Virgin Suicides so she could read it at school because she so desperately wanted to? Yeah, she never even got halfway through it. Just another little example of someone going out of their way for her and her not appreciating it.)

And the other thing was this stupid ambassador contest at all. She never even asked if she could do it, she just signed up and told us about it after it was too late to drop out and Blake was supposed to leave for Militiagan alone on Thursday night. But no, we had to be supportive parents and take pictures of her in the parade, which we dutifully did. Blake postponed his plans that he’d made 6 months prior FOR HER and did she appreciate that? Of course not. Did she appreciate the fact that a fucking PARADE is incredibly difficult for me to go to? No. And she expected me to take pictures of her on her “float”/truck.

Here’s Wes and his girlfriend Emily in the parade. How cute are they?

So we all go out of our way for her all weekend and she backs out of naked night for no other reason but she didn’t want to watch African Cats and wanted to talk to her friends on Facebook instead. It’s perfectly valid to say “I don’t feel like it”, we’re not going to force anyone to get naked, but she said she would, she seemed eager about it, all until we chose a movie Wes wanted to see instead of one she wanted to see and then she gave that bullshit excuse about possibly not wanting to go to Bare Oaks at all. I could have killed her.

So fine, she’s made her choice. We’re not going to do a damn thing for her for a very long time. If she wants to see her boyfriend, she’s going  to have to walk or he’s going to have to walk. The next time she wants to “daddy daddy daddy can I please come with you to the grocery store?” the answer will be “no, I’d rather go by myself”. Or maybe Wes wants to go, since he has been wanting to do that lately too. No advances on allowance under any circumstances. No wearing my clothes or using any of my art supplies any more. Just no more. She gets so much extra attention it’s ridiculous and it’s going to end because obviously it’s warped her as a person. This is for everyone’s own good. Especially Wes’.

And that’s all I have to say about Madison and her ambassadorship. I’ll make another post for what I really wanted to talk about instead of this bullshit.

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