July 25, 2012

I’m home.

Which was probably a mistake. They wouldn’t send me home with ALL the painkillers I was on in the hospital so I’ve stepped down from a lot and man, can I ever really feel it.

When I was in the hospital, what finally got the pain under control after the epidural was turned off was (oh and PS. I have no idea what I’ve written or even done in the last however many days because I am on heavy heavy drugs and I’m really only lucid sometimes):

– IV morphine as needed
– 4mg morphine every 4 hours
– 2 Percocets every 4 hours
– 18mg hydromorph contin every 8 hours

The nurses timed it so I was getting some type of pain medication every 2 hours.

Well. At home there’s no IV morphine and I didn’t think the little drug nazi pain management team was going to let me out of there with a prescription for run of the mill morphine, so I bargained to come home on the Percocets and the hydromorph and basically right now I can’t move because I am in so much more pain now than I was in the hospital yesterday.

When I came home yesterday afternoon, I pretty much had to immediately come home, change my clothes because it was so damn hot at home compared to the freezing hospital, and lay down.

I am crazy swollen. Most of my clothes don’t even fit. Definitely what I wore to the hospital wouldn’t have, not with these drains in place. Behold:


Yep. Two drains in my abdomen draining bloody fluid and tissue. Held in by stitches. Putting out about 100 ml of fluid per side each day.  They’re clipped to the front of my pants currently and they hang down like a giant pair of testicles when I walk. When I was in the hospital I wasn’t being careful enough and tugged on one pretty hard accidentally, it made an awful sound and it was an awful feeling. I figure if they’re right in front, I’m less likely to hurt myself with them.

I don’t know when we do dressing change. At the hospital they were doing it every other day, with the pad over one of my drains being changed daily. Cheryl was here this morning at 8:30am, but she just showed us how to empty the drains, told us to do it before bedtime and write down the amount that came out and then said she’d be back with further instructions tomorrow. If she’s going to do any kind of wound care in that bedroom, we’re going to have to get another lamp in there of some sort because she said it was too dark.

All I really did today was sleep and look at this Courtney Love Tumblr I found called FuckYeahCourtneyLove.com. That’s about the extent of my mental capacity on all these drugs. I can’t move a single milimeter so anything physical is out of the question, Blake is sleeping in the pull out couch in the living room even, if only to prevent himself from becoming tangled up by my giant testicles. We’ve finished watching Doctor Who and Community, and I truly can’t think of any other TV I want to see that’s not going to make me laugh (because laughing is unbelievably painful, blinding) so that’s out. So all I do is while Blake works (or is reminding me one of 9 times per 24 hours that it’s time to take drugs) I sleep or I do mindless crap on the internet and that’s all I did today. That’s all I’ll probably do tomorrow. Maybe if I feel like it I’ll share the results.

I’m in baaaaad shape. Blake says this is the most whole I’ve been in in a year and let me tell you that whole? Feels fucking baaaaaad. Now we have to go drain my drains. Yay.

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