March 31, 2012

Trigger warnings like fucking crazy.

This had me SOBBING. But in a good way:

I’m working right now but if anyone can find anything else by this woman, I’d really like to see it.

I searched YT & found lots. She’s amazing.

Her name is Staceyann Chin.

Posted at 7:04 pm in: Art , artists , Feminism , Menstruation , Politics , Sex , Spring , videos , Women , youtube
March 30, 2012

I’m a dumbass.

This is so embarrassing and I cannot even believe I did it.

Y’know how yesterday I wrote a few paragraphs about what “Me, too.” was all about? And y’know how I’ve been writing about “Me, too.” for the last couple of weeks?

Well, my friend Raya commented on that painting in Live Journal, here, and when I saw her write “Me too” (no comma), I thought, “that’s not right, it’s supposed to be me-comma-TWO-period,” and that’s when I realized I’d been writing it as “too” as well when it’s supposed to be “TWO”!

It’s supposed to be conversational, like, “how many miscarriages have you had?” and the answer is, “Me, two.” But it has a double meaning to also mean “me too”.

And I cannot even believe I did that. I just spaced hardcore for like, two damn weeks. On my own damn painting. Even my notes have it the right way:

So there ya go. I’m apparently a bimbo. I’ve corrected the mistake on the page for “Me, two.” on my site but I’m not going to go back and change all the posts where I reference it because I’m not sure I’d be able to find them all. Like I said, I am so embarrassed. That’s so stupid.

THE END.

Posted at 4:59 am in: Art , Creativity , Spring
March 29, 2012

Things Considered.

I’m waiting for paint to dry. Story of my fricken life. Seriously.

My first 30 x 30 inch piece is pretty much finished, it just needs to dry. I also have to paint the sides and then varnish it, but after that, it’s completely finished. This afternoon I left the came running while I painted and uploaded all the pics to Camwhores. Here are a few of them:

(Me mixing glitter.)

You can tell in this pic where my old hair is and where my new hair is growing in.
My new hair is about to the middle of my ears.

So while I was painting this afternoon, I was thinking about what Silver said. I think she’s right that once the image I create leaves my space and goes out into the public, I lose control of it and I need to be okay with that. I’m not talking about copyright or anything like that, I’m talking about the meaning inferred. I can’t control what people read into what I create, which should be a “no duh” thing but it never occurred to me until recently that people may be inferring things into what I create that I never intended. I thought the incident with my friend and the 4 page long, intellectual bullshit e-mail was an isolated incident.

Don’t get me wrong here: I *accept* that this is what happens. That doesn’t mean I like it. I think intellectualizing pretty girls is stupid. Then again, I think intellectualizing most things is stupid and I do think, absolutely, that when you intellectualize a painting, you run the risk of being WRONG.

Example #1: The Scream by Edvard Munch. This whole section exists because there are right and wrong theories. I am not qualified to theorize on what Munch was thinking about or trying to convey in that painting. HOWEVER, as Charlie (woodoo24) said in this post, I *can* infer what it means TO ME. MsAnnaBanana in the same post actually illustrated that point better and made me understand the difference between the two.

Example #2: Dora Maar au Chat by Pablo Picasso. “The most embellished and symbolic element of the sitter’s wardrobe in this picture is her hat, Maar’s most famous accessory and signifier of her involvement in the Surrealist movement. Ceremoniously placed atop her head like a crown, it is festooned with colourful plumes and outlined with a band of vibrant red. Larger than life, an impression enhanced by her vibrant body that cannot be confined by the boundaries of the chair, Maar looms in this picture like a pagan goddess seated on her throne.” If someone said “I think her hat and the black cat represent that Picasso thought she was a witch,” THAT PERSON WOULD BE WRONG!!!! Therefore, it is absolutely possible to infer meaning to a painting that is WRONG and not what the artist intended at all. PEOPLE DO IT ALL THE TIME.  Maybe, like the article said, he had her wearing a hat because she wore hats all the time. Maybe things just are what they are. That’s all I’m saying. We don’t have to intellectualize everything an artist does. As they say, sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

Think whatever you want, go to town, but my girls are just pretty girls made to enchant children. *shrug*

With “Me, too.” I think my intent is pretty obvious. The title implies that I, too, like a lot of women, have had miscarriages. And then the picture itself illustrates that. The glowy effect of the uterus is like…well the intent was to kind of give the impression that the twins would be bathed in white light and would go to Heaven. I realize there’s no such thing as Heaven and in case I’ve never made it entirely clear, I’m a pretty determined atheist, but I think most women, deep down, whether they’re an atheist or not, wants to believe that the soul (or souls) inside them either go to a better place or that they “recycle” or reincarnate. I don’t believe in an afterlife per se, but I do believe in human energy and I do believe that the energy that animates us leaves our bodies when we die and goes into the collective unconscious and recycles into new people. I don’t think there’s some great, intelligent creator pulling the strings and orchestrating this whole thing, I just think it’s a natural process. Death is a natural process. I came close to giving the twins angel wings but I didn’t want it to seem too biblical. I made the background a nice aqua blue to say that, even though crappy things happen sometimes and they’re really painful, the sun still shines and there are days where there’s not a cloud in the sky.

Also while I was painting it, I was thinking that in books, bad things usually happen on “dark and stormy nights” when in reality, bad things happen on nice, sunny days too. Probably more often than not.

Anyway, I think all of that is really really obvious. And if it wasn’t then I did a really shitty job. Since we’re all sharing our feelings, I wonder what YOU thought of “Me, too.”? What did YOU get from it? Was I successful? Fucking critique me then, I’d love to hear it.

I know Jeck didn’t like the blue background because he thought there was too much negative space happening. What else ya got?

I’m also curious about this painting. It’s called “Beside Herself” and I painted it in…hmmm, I want to say 2003? What do you see here?

This is the next painting I’m going to put up for sale, I think. Another one I think I’m planning to put up is the one in my Live Journal avatar in this post. It seems pretty basic, a flower right? But it’s in a sunbeam and in person, if you look very carefully, the sunbeam has very fine glitter, like finer than actual glitter because it’s literally like, particles of metallic paint meant to convey that light itself is made up of particles. I suppose that one’s not as obvious as the rest of them because you have to look at it very carefully to see the particles but it’s cool once you see them.

I’m not putting any of my new paintings up on Etsy anymore because I don’t think they really fit in there. I might try putting “Camp Tampon” up on eBay just to see what happens. I have no illusions of actually selling it there but it’ll be interesting to see if anyone follows the listing to my site. Free-ish advertising, right? But the thing is though, that I’ve never really used eBay and I don’t know how to make a listing look nice. I’ve had an account since the dawn of time and I’ve bought and sold like, maybe 15 things there in the last 10 or 11 years but I still don’t really know how to use the site. When I buy things, I use the “Buy It Now” button every single time and I haven’t sold anything in like, a decade, so I’m not even sure how it works anymore. I guess I’ll figure it out.

So I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned her before but I keep getting sucked into the wormhole that is Gwenn Seemel’s blog. She blogs about art and she like, links to herself a lot all the time so you get caught clicking and clicking and clicking and it never seems to end. Right now I have this vlog, about how there are three kinds of artists and this article about how a masters of fine arts doesn’t necessarily make an artist queued up to read once I’m finished this post. You guys should check her out. Sometimes she kinda talks out her ass and is kind of snobby and elitist, but other times I think she’s absolutely brilliant and dead on. She also has endometriosis like I do so she blogs about that from time to time too and despite not seeing eye to eye with her on a lot of things, I really am a big fan of her portraits. I especially like “You Ain’t Nothing But An American Citizen” from her Apple Pie series.

Holy shit! Breaking news! Canada’s not going to be making pennies anymore! That’s just crazy!

And with that, I think I’m off to go draw another giant uterus and play with crackle paste. Smile! Tomorrow’s Friday!


~*PLEASE DONATE SO I CAN GO TO ART CAMP!*~
I’m 72% toward my goal and could really use your support! 

PS. This is a great comment by Charlie.

March 28, 2012

Some things & some other things & more things.

Blake is on the phone right now; a meeting for work. I have to be super quiet but all I want to do is blare A Tribe Called Red and glitter my uterus. You heard me. GLITTER MY UTERUS. Then I have to glitter some BLOOD for my EXTRA SPECIAL, ONE-OF-A-KIND PAINTING. WHY AM I TYPING IN CAPS?

But seriously, I really want you guys to listen to Electric Pow Wow by A Tribe Called Red. Here’s the link again. Listen. They combine pow wow music with fucking dubstep or whatever and the result is nothing short of brilliant. Plus they’re Canadian so they’re extra super awesome.

So this painting I’m working on is coming along fucking fabulously. All I have left to do is glitter the blood (I’m using fine glitter for the blood and flaky glitter for the clots haha), sign my name, paint the sides, slap on some varnish and she’s done. BUUUUUUUUUUUT – and this is going to take an awful lot of effort on my part – since it’s part of a pair, I don’t want to show you guys until both of the paintings are finished and all I have done on the other one is a basecoat so far. If I had more room to work, I could do them both at the same time, but I don’t have the space for two 30 x 30 inch wood panels. Right now my work surface is my coffee table and as it is, when I’m done glittering the blood, I’m going to be moving the one painting onto the treadmill (which is messed up, more on that in a bit) and then using the coffee table for the other. ALTHOUGH, now that I think about it, I may be able to use my easel for the one I haven’t started yet. I’m not sure how this crackle paste stuff works, if it’s really good and pasty I could use it with the painting being upright but if it’s liquidy in any way, it’ll run and I can’t have a runny, cracky uterus. Realistically though, I’m not sure I can draw a uterus upright. I work with stuff vertically and I don’t know if I’ll be able to change perspective. I kinda don’t think so. (I have no idea how people paint upright. It feels so unnatural to me.)

I can’t remember if I mentioned this before or not but when I was reading about Jackson Pollock, Wikipedia said that he was unique in that he used his whole body to paint because his canvas was on the floor and he could get at from multiple angles. I do that too. My leg muscles ache when I’m finished painting for the day because I’m squatting and my back hurts because I’m bent over the canvas/panel. I’ve dislocated two toes from squatting to do the tops of these big pieces. It’s hard to explain. Maybe when I start the other painting, I’ll do a process video. I’m not sure how to edit a video, though, which is why I’ve never tried doing a process video before. That’s at least a day away though, the lighting in here sucks during the evening, which is when I would be starting the second one. I’ll at least think about doing it, I guess. Like I said, my main worry is editing. I have no idea how to do it. I would need to add multiple segments together and cut the ends off them, speed the video up, mute it and I guess add music.

Another thing I was thinking of maybe doing was doing streaming video of me painting but I’m nervous about that for a couple of reasons: 1) trolls, 2) I don’t know where to do it. Also I don’t think I’d be a very good hostess. My friend Belinda used to do streaming while she painted and I liked to watch her but she’s a chatty person and would talk to us while she painted. I don’t think I could do that, plus my computer’s on the other side of the room so I wouldn’t be able to see the chat.  SO I’m thinking maybe streaming would be a bad idea. What do you guys think? And if I did it, where should I do it? (Don’t stay Stickam. I hate Stickam. MFC?)

~*GROCERY STORE & DINNER BREAK*~

We just got finished with having dinner. I hate about 1/4 of my steak and about  cups of green beans with butter. Now I’m eating 2o0 calories worth of sour cream & onion Crispers, which are only 10% of your daily intake of sodium. I’m 500mg below what a person’s daily average should be (2500). YAY ME. I’ve noticed that sour cream & onion flavoured things are lower in sodium than other flavours of things. Like mini rice cakes. Cheddar cheese ones are like 8% of your sodium per day and sour cream & onion is only like, 4% or something like that. I wonder why that is? Also, who knew I liked rice cakes?

While we were putting away the groceries, I took pictures of the dogs who knew there was food around:

Hoover Dog.

Lucky Dog.

Blake also bought me pink daisies, behold!

And now I’ve completely forgotten what else I was going to say in this post…oh yeah, the treadmill. Or as I like to call it, the dreadmill. The track is fucked up, like when Blake uses it, the track goes off to one side like as if one side’s stretched longer than then other or something. We got the extended warranty so they can come and fix it, it’s just a matter of actually getting it done.

Blake and Wes have started geocaching. There are a surprising amount of caches in our town and so far they’ve found two of them. I have no interest in finsing caches, but Blake said I could be involved in the making of them which I’m a little bit excited about.

I think this Sunday, which is one of my two days off, we’re going to go to Stouffville to get some fucking amazing homemade Ukrainian pierogies from the Sales Barns and then possibly Stouffville Pizza too because I just want them dammit and if I’m gonna blow my diet one day, I might as well DO IT. I just wanna go. Get food. Come home. Eat. And eat some more. And then do some more eating. And while I’m at it, I might as well eat.

And then guess what else is on Sunday? GUESS GUESS GUESS!!! I bet you guessed it!!! GAME OF FUCKING THRONES, PEOPLE!!! I’m only like, 1/4 of the way through A Clash of Kings though and there’s not a chance in hell I’ll be done before the season premiere. That said, however, Larissa on Facebook posted this and I thought it was awesome so I’m sharing it with you now.

And I think that’s all I have to say for now. I think I’m going to go read my book for a bit while my glitter dries, eat my Crispers, glitter my blood and go to bed. I wish you a happy tomorrow and sweet dreams whenever you get there. Truly.

PS. I got my US postage stamps from Zazzle for The 4 x 6 Exchange and they look awesome! Unfortunately we need $1.50 US postage for each envelope and I only got 45 cent stamps (and not enough for all of us + my mom’s 2 entries) so we’re going to have to get an International Reply Coupon for each one anyway meaning that there was really no point in me wasting my money to get the cool stamps of my work from Zazzle. The good news about that though is that I got to see Zazzle’s quality and I can say without a moment’s hesitation that I’m pretty sure everything I made in my Zazzle shop will print beautifully so GO TO TOWN.

PPS. Silver over at Camwhores who is an artist and gallery owner had some interesting things to say about my art crisis post from the yesterday. You should check it out. Basically she thinks I should stop giving a shit what other people think of my art.

March 27, 2012

The Tale of the Moldy Tampon

If you said “eww” when you first heard about reusable menstrual products, we bring you this: eww by Kotex.

Posted at 4:58 pm in: Endometriosis , Health , Spring , Women

Been listening to this all day….

Their album dropped today and you can download it for FREE here!

Posted at 2:03 pm in: Music , Spring , videos , youtube

Something to remember…

The art gallery destroys any sense of artistic freedom, replacing it with a deep desire to turn art into a profitable commodity.

– Pablo Picasso

Blake gets so offended that I get really concerned that what I’m painting won’t be profitable. What I mean by that is, I get concerned when I’m painting these giant uteruses that they’re going to sit in my house and rot there forever because what else am I going to do with them since I know no one will ever buy them? And that stuffs up my whole process and makes me think I should be painting pretty girls instead because they have a better chance of selling.

But then Blake says that if I did that then I’d be a decorator and not an artist. Which I think is true. He says to just paint whatever’s in my head and deal with the rest later but I have a REALLY hard time doing that. I get caught up in the “after”. What am I going to do with it after it’s finished? How am I ever going to find a gallery that would like my ugly crap enough to want to show it? How do I do that anyway? How do I do this art thing as a serious profession? How do I get some press? How do I become successful? How how how? This is what I think about while I paint.

Know what else I think about while I paint? I fantasize about what I would do with the money if I sold the damn thing.

When I paint though, it’s actually NOT about the money. I don’t go into it thinking “if I paint this, I can sell it for a lot of money” because I know that’s not reality. I know the odds of me actually selling any of these paintings for what I want them for are slim to none. But I think about success a lot and what success is. Blake got so mad at me last night because I told him that I would consider getting my own show successful. I don’t think that’ll actually happen any time soon but if it did, I would consider myself a success even if I didn’t sell anything because it would mean that someone or even many someones appreciated my work. Because that’s the thing, I don’t feel like very many people appreciate it. Mostly I think they don’t appreciate it because they don’t “get” it, which I don’t understand because I don’t think there’s all that much to “get”, but there it is all the same.

Then Blake said that art’s a hard thing to talk about and maybe that’s why I don’t get very many comments (compared to the amount of readers I have) on my work whether it’s girls or bloody miscarriages. And I think that’s a valid point. It’s really easy to sound “stupid” when trying to talk about art. There was this one time where a friend of mine e-mailed me this REALLY long e-mail, analyzing my girls from every possible angle and I was just like…”not even close, they just look cool” because unless it’s completely subliminal to me, there is absolutely no depth to my girls whatsoever. But in that instant, I probably made my friend feel really stupid because he was so far off base but had obviously given my girls a lot of thought. It’s no wonder that he’s never tried sticking his neck out like that again and I think what happened there is a really easy thing to fall into. In critiquing an artist’s work, you run the risk of being wrong and no one wants to be wrong, no one wants to look stupid.

Another thing that Blake pointed out to me is that people are often afraid to disagree with me or say anything negative because they think I’m going to get mad. I’m honestly not sure if I would get “mad” exactly, but I do know that I don’t want a million people saying something’s great when they really don’t think so, just to avoid confrontation. Like, when I posted “Me, too.“, my friend Jeck said he didn’t like all of the negative space. That’s his opinion and he’s obviously entitled to it. I didn’t comment on his comment because there’s nothing to really say but his comment was welcome and it will be something I might keep in mind when making future works. But I didn’t get “mad” or anything like that just because he didn’t like it. I don’t expect everyone to like everything I do. Honest!

At the same time, when I post things, I’m not necessarily looking for a critique either. The painting’s already finished and varnished and DONE. I can’t go back and change it and I wouldn’t change it based on something someone said. There’s not a chance in hell.

So why do I post my paintings at all? I have no idea. That’s a very good question that I don’t have an answer to. Originally it was just to show them off. Then it became to sell them because they were piling up in my house. Then it became TO sell them, like I’d paint things TO sell them because that was my only source of income. Now…I dunno….probably just to show them off again. Thinking maybe, hopefully, the “right” person will come along and see them and think I’m genius and want me to show in their gallery. Because that would be awesome. Highly unlikely but still awesome.

I dunno, I just get excited when I finish a painting and I can’t wait to show it off.

Anyway, I think I’ve talked enough about painting and now it’s time to actually do some.

Posted at 8:09 am in: Art , Quotes , Spring
March 26, 2012

Draw Something

Who plays Draw Something on the iPad? I’ve had my iPad for a while, I had it when I was in the hospital, but Charlie just got me a stylus for it and I’ve been playing Draw Something today with my friends Mark and Serendipity. I don’t know what my username is because I signed up through Facebook but I think if you add me by e-mail address (Sunny@SunnyCrittenden.com) it should work. I’ll play with pretty much anyone so hit me up!

Charlie also sent me the COOLEST DAMN THING EVER! Check THIS out!

It’s a Flip HD camcorder with my character Octavia from The Fiction Project on it! How cool is that? He got it printed at CafePress apparently and he also sent the tripod with it which I didn’t even know existed before and now I can make drawing and painting process videos! I’m so excited!

Along with the Flip, the tripod and some Tara McPherson prints for Madison, he also sent me my Brown Bee Girl stamps from Zazzle for The 4 x 6 Exchange! The 4 of us are using the stamps, as well as my mom and some of her friends. Lots of exposure there! Too bad I’m not doing girls anymore…

Speaking of not doing girls anymore, I spent yesterday working on my first of two 30 x 30 inch wood panels and I had Blake take some pics while I worked just for posterity’s sake. Here they are:

My poor herniated tummy. :o(

As you can tell by the pictures, I’m painting another uterus, my hair is growing back in and my body is very lumpy. My hair kept getting in my paint so I threw on that hairband as a temporary solution. I don’t normally wear hairbands. (Although maybe I should! I just have the one though.) My hair is still really thin but it’s growing back nicely. I really really want to bleach it out and dye it pink but the new hair is so fine that I’m afraid to damage it. Plus, it’s been interesting to see what my natural hair colour is. (The pics make it looks darker than it really is. It’s an ash blonde.) The new hair is about 5 or 6 inches long.

Well, I didn’t really have a whole lot to say today so I’ll wrap this up…I hope you’re enjoying your Monday afternoon! I think I’m off to scarf down a bagel and then get back to painting this beast. I’ll probably write more tomorrow. <3

Thanks, Jackie.

Posted at 12:07 pm in: Misc. , Quotes , Spring
March 24, 2012

End of An Era

Last night we went to Staples to buy Madison a 3-fold science project folder thing and Blake thought it would be a good idea to buy me a new chair because I’ve needed one for quite a while. Years.

My old chair, pictured above, was found in the garbage in 1997 and my ex welded the broken parts back together at work. I remember it was 1997 because that’s when I got my first computer and thus, needed a computer chair.

It was worn out when I got it of course, but I loved it and over the course of a decade and a half it got pretty…gross. Stains everywhere – to match the ones it came with – a hole in the seat, the arms covered in so much paint that they became hard and cracked. Obviously it was time to retire the old thing.

I like my new chair, though. It allows me to sit cross-legged, which I couldn’t do in my old chair, but I feel like I have to be careful with this one. Not get paint on it. I’m not sure that’s even possible, to be perfectly honest, but I guess I’ll try.

Right now Blake and Wes are out at Curry’s spending the rest of my paycheque. Nice, hardcover sketchbooks are on sale, 2/$10 so Blake’s getting a pair for me and Madison’s getting a pair too, for Easter. Then I’m getting another 30 x 30 inch wood panel for another uterus and then some paint for it from Michael’s and then my paycheque is GONE. I can maybe afford a pack of Fizzy Skittles and that’s like, IT. :o(

I was about to write “sucks to be me” at the end of that paragraph, but it doesn’t suck to be me. more than 3/4 of the world would be over the moon to be me. I have shelter, food, a bathroom, clean water etc. I’m extremely fortunate to live where and how I do and I need to remember that more often.  We all probably do.

Last night I was blog-hopping and I started at the Squam blog and kinda went from there and I thought it was kind of funny how most of the blogs I visited were all trying to figure themselves out. I can’t even think of an example off the top of my head and I can’t go back to their blogs because I didn’t bookmark any of them, plus I don’t want to call anyone out specifically, but they were all trying to be deep and like, I dunno, just deep I guess. And here I am, blogging about paint. Or a chair. Or glitter paper. Or any number of absolutely trivial things.

But the thing is, I think I’ve got myself pretty figured out for the most part. I did all that soul searching and trying to figure out why I do the things I do and all that crap YEARS ago and I heard someone once one call that “mental masturbation” which I kind of agree with, but reading these blogs made me wonder if that’s what people want to read in blogs these days. I know they did back when I was doing it a long frickin’ time ago and maybe that’s why so few people read this anymore, because I don’t spill my guts out the way I used to. Honestly though? I just got bored of that. I mean, I still do it to some degree but nowhere near the way I used to.

Not that I care if people read this, not like I ever did, I just find it curious how my readership has changed over the years and how it continues to change. And how it’s changing again, right now. For a while there, I had the Suzi Blu/art journalers reading along but I think I scared them away when I got sick and now I know they’re not coming back when I’m painting miscarriages on canvas. I don’t see myself being in the pages of Somerset Studio any time soon, thank GOD. Not that I expect to be on the cover of Juxtapoz any time soon either…

I’m babbling. That’s okay.

As I said, right now Blake’s out getting me art supplies and I’m a little worried that I keep spending ALL my money on art supplies for art that I know will never end up anywhere but on my own living room walls. The utilitarian side of me is really concerned about this. I’m also worried that the art I’m doing now, not being as safe and as buyer friendly as my girls, is….I’m afraid that my mom won’t approve. I normally don’t give a flying fuck what people think of me, for the most part, but it felt good when I was doing my girls, doing art that my mom approved of and that her friends could appreciate. I think that’s a large part of why I did them for so long, that and mental safety.

I cannot tell you how fulfilling it feels to have gotten “Me, too.” out of my head and into reality. Finally! And to have it look almost exactly as I saw it in my head. It’s like having a toothache and the relief of finally having it pulled. Now, I can’t say I’m completely happy with Me, too.” and I can’t exactly call it my greatest masterpiece, but I do feel a great deal of relief that I don’t have this pressure anymore, pressure that I put on myself, to get it done and out of my brain. Ideas plague me. They keep me awake at night, laying in bed working out the technical logistics of how to make an image work. Like how to use crackle paste to convey the idea of barrenness, which I’m doing in the painting I’m working on now. I don’t want to tell you the ideas for the two wood panels (not that any of you care anyway)  but I think that they are going to be amazing.

My big worry with them though is that they’re both pretty big, 30 x 30 inches and they’re meant to be a set. Not a diptych but definitely a pair, but the amount I want for each of them, when put as a set, make them pretty goddamn expensive. A little unobtainable. But I think they’re worth that and I wouldn’t sell them for anything less (as long as they come out as well as they look in my head).

Blake says I shouldn’t worry about stuff like that and I should just paint, but I’m spending my entire paycheque on this stuff, I have zero money left over after supplies, I have to worry about this stuff. But then Blake says, “so say you’re not going to sell any of these, don’t you have to get it out anyway?” and I guess the answer to that is a definite “yes”. I hate sounding cliche or like an “artiste” but I really don;t have much of a choice in the matter with these. With my girls, I would sit down and think “what can I create today?” and start pulling out materials and then I’d get inspired by the materials and that’s how I’d create them. With this series of paintings, which really needs a name now that I think about it, I wake up with the ideas or they just pop into my head when I’m trying to fall asleep. Then as I think about them some more and work them out in my head, they grow larger and clearer and then suddenly, like today, they’re totally in focus and it’s like I have to look around them to see anything else.

I would kill to not have to be working right now and painting instead. There is so much work to do on these wood panels and I feel a little overwhelmed. I know I haven’t bitten off more than I can chew, I know I’m capable of doing this, it’s just daunting. I wish I had a bigger studio space (although I’m grateful for the space I have now) and I wish I had assistants like Damien Hirst, who could do my basecoating for me while I work. Maybe I can convince Blake to help me with that when he gets back. Wes could help too and they could bond or something (which is what they’re doing now).

I’ve gotta say, now that I’ve worked out the details of these next two paintings, I’m more excited about them than I was for “Me, too.“. I think these ones are going to be better realized, a more concrete idea and even though I have no idea what to do with them once I’m finished, at least they’re on wood panels so there’s not a lot of damage that can be done to them in this house. The worst thing that could happen to them is they get covered in dog hair.

Anyway, I think I’m going to go sketch for a while in between e-mails. Sorry for babbling your ear off. Have a great weekend. :o)

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