Have I explained my vac dressing to you guys yet? I don’t think I have.

Over my cheese pizza wound I have what is called a vac dressing which is a sponge over top, held down by basically mack tack/sticky Saran wrap and then they cut a little hole in the sponge once it’s taped down, right in the middle, and they then attach a sticky drain over the hole, with a clear tube attached. That tube plugs into a longer tube, which then plugs into a little machine that has a reservoir to collect the fluid that builds up in the wound, using a vacuum. Was that clear enough? I’d totally show you pics but I don’t have any and I don’t know how to post them with the iPad anyway.

So that’s the vac dressing.

Today a plastic surgeon came to see me and to look at my wound. A vac dressing is really meant for smaller, more superficial wounds so the original hope of it sucking my wound closed is totally out the window and they’re going the have to close it surgically. The plastic surgeon told me that since they cut through my stomach muscles, it’s caused a hernia, so when I bend forward, my guts fall out of the hernia hole and push against the wound. She’s going to go in a fix the hernia, take out my gall bladder, sew my wound closed and fix my bellybutton by either shifting mine back the 5 or so inches it slid to my left, or make me a new one. The surgery will be 3 hours and I’ll have to stay in the hospital for a few days after. It’s kind of major surgery. It’s not going to happen for a couple of months and in the meantime, my job is to keep eating and getting healthy, which I’m obviously working on.

So that’s the plan.

I really like the surgeon who’s doing this. She seems really smart and she’s nice and I just have a good feeling about her.

In other news…

I loathe this one nurse, Carole, and unfortunately I had her two days in a row a few days back. She’s just absolutely scatterbrained and forgetful and annoying as hell.

First of all, she locked me in the bathroom. There are two doors in my room and when I was in the bathroom a few days ago, she left the room to leave for the day and partially closed the inner door on her way out, so when I went to open the bathroom door, it got instructed by my room door and I couldn’t get the walker through. I pulled the cord in the bathroom to get someone to let me out – it’s a call button thing for the nurses – but as per usual, no one came and I was stuck in there, claustrophobic and crying for about 10-15 mins until my physio therapist happened to be coming to my room and she rescued me.

Even after she rescued me and the call button was still alarming, no one came.

Then the next day I had a CT scan in the morning and when I came back, Carole wanted to strip my bed and give me new sheets, so she put me in the chair in my room, stripped my bed, and then left me there with a bare bed for over 2 hours. By the time she remembered to come back, my feet, due to excess fluid which has been an issue all along, were the size of footballs and I could barely walk. She made my bed so I returned to it and put my feet up on pillows.

Later that day, I can’t remember if they replaced my vac dressing or just the drain, but Carole had to make the vac machine run. She pressed a few buttons and said it was on, but I knew it wasn’t because I didn’t feel the suction, so I told her that, Blake even told her that but she assured us it was on and quickly left the room. Once she left, Blake looked at the machine, which said “continuous therapy OFF” right on the fucking front, and so Blake played with it for a few mins and he turned it on.

Then earlier in the day (sorry for backtracking) she ordered me a fucking PSYCH consult because she said I seemed depressed because by the time she got my bed made and me out of that goddamned chair, I was in tears. I literally yelled at her for that because that’s one more thing that’s going to extend my hospital stay and it pissed me off because I KNOW depression intimately and I’m not fucking depressed!

So long story short, I hate Carole. That night after shift change, I got my next nurse to change the schedule so I wouldn’t have her again the next day, which WAS scheduled. Then yesterday I told my nurse the whole story and she talked to the head nurse about it and Carole won’t be my nurse again. THANK GOD.

So that’s the story of Carole.

Yesterday when I was in the bathroom, I had to give a urine sample and since I have ESBL, which is an antibiotic-resistant superbug, and I’m isolated as a result, I had to put the jar in a plastic biohazard bag as well. WELL…I dropped the bag, and when I bent my knees to try and pick it up, my legs simply weren’t strong enough to hold me so I fell on my ass and couldn’t get back up, because again, my legs aren’t strong enough to hold my body weight. I pulled the call button cord, changed my underwear since I could, and bagged my pee. Eventually my nurse came, saw I was on the ground, called for help, and she and another nurse helped me get up. It was infuriating and humiliating at the same time and I cried because of both.

Today the rehab assistant started working with me on exercises to strengthen the muscles I would use if I fell, so we’re going to basically work on that until I’m discharged.

Speaking of discharge, it’s supposedly going to happen soon but I developed pain on my left-hand side when I fell, which they want to keep an eye on. The radiologist who read my ultrasound report this morning said it’s just more fluid causing the pain, which he said is par for the course with pancreatitis. He said my body will re-absorb it and I’ll be fine, but my doctor still wants to keep an eye on it for a while. It already hurts less than it did this morning, but it still hurts.

Anyway, I’m falling asleep and my meds should be delivered any minute so I’m going to wrap this up. Hospital life sure is interesting, I’ll give it that.

pS. They tried to feed me a minced ham sandwich for lunch today. It looked like fucking wet cat food. *gag*

So the catheter was removed yesterday and it didn’t even hurt. What does hurt is when my bladder is at capacity and I have to go RIGHT NOW, which seems to be the case most of the time since it was removed.

I have an awful rash on my butt from being in bed so much with the harshness of what they use to launder their linen. I’ve got zinc cream I’m using on it and that’s helping but I don’t think it’ll heal until I’m at home in my own bed.

Speaking of home…a Dr. Kumar stopped by yesterday to inform me that they would have a discharge plan for me by Monday so that means I’m going home soon!

We have it all planned out: Blake’s going to work from home the first week I’m home and he’s going to set me up on the pull out couch in the living room so I have tv and I’m closer to the bathroom. We’re going to rent a walker so I can get around the house but I won’t be able to hang out in my office because it’s sunken in and there are stairs, which sucks.

Today I’m having a CT scan so I have to drink a whole bunch of dye later on, which tastes totally gross, even when it’s cut with 4glasses of ginger ale. Plus it makes me nauseous.

Ideally Blake is bringing me spaghetti today. Yesterday he brought me a pork chop and mashed potatoes because he’s awesome. I only ate half of the pork chop and about 5 mouthfuls of mashed potatoes because my stomach’s so shrunken, but it was absolutely delicious.

I wish I knew when my scan was so I could better tell Blake when to come but it’s just whenever they call you down.

Anyway, that’s all I really have to report. Happy Saturday!

They haven’t cleared my breakfast yet and the sight of it is making me nauseous. :o(

I have good news though! This morning I went down for a chest x-ray and when I got back, I swung my legs into bed all by myself! I couldn’t do that yesterday! That means I’m that much closer to getting this goddamn catheter out of me, so yay! Mobility is key and I’m certainly getting there. I still need a walker to walk but that’s better than a poke in the eye!

Another milestone is that I don’t need an IV anymore! I’m no longer receiving antibiotics or anti-nausea medication via IV so there’s really no need for one. Double yay because my veins are crap and they have a very hard time getting Ivs in me. The last round was ultra heinous with them digging around in my hands for veins. I cried like a fucking baby.

Anyway I’m definitely on the road to recovery!

I got out of bed just now to brush my teeth and wash my face and it’s good to feel human again!

I’m walking okay with a walker but I’m still a ways off from being able to walk on my own. Physiotherapy is definitely kicking my ass.

I can feel the fluid in my lung and it’s making it hard to breathe so I have a feeling that they’re going to have to drain it again, which involves a 9″ needle that goes directly into my lung and it’s very very painful.

Tomorrow I’m having a chest x-ray, a cat scan and an ultrasound on my legs to make sure I don’t have any clots. It’s going to be a busy day! I’m not sure what time the first procedure is or what order it’s all in, I just know that’s what’s in store for tomorrow.

The nurses here have been really nice to me, I have no complaints about them. My only complaint these days is regarding nausea. I have been so fucking sick from all the drugs I’m taking that I’m having a hard time keeping food down. And it’s not even like I’ve been eating solid food, I live on Ensure, milk and juice for every meal because the food here is way too nasty to eat.

I’m on several anti-nauseants but they don’t seem to help all that much and the main one, Gravol, makes me sleepy/stoned so I don’t like it but it’s the one that works the best so I put up with it.

Anyway, I know I shouldn’t be complaining about anything considering I’m lucky to even be alive right now but it’s so hard not to.

Oh yeah…I had an IV nightmare this morning. They dug around my veins with 4 different needles before the one nurse finally got it right. It hurt like he’ll though and I cried like a baby. :o(

Then not even half an hour later, one of the lab technicians came to take my blood and right now my veins are such crap it took her a few tries to find one. And that sucked too and I cried some more.

So that’s been my last 24 hours. Needle hell.

So as it turns out I’m actually in the geriatric ward where the median age is 82 and I’m obviously the youngest one here.

All day though, confused old people have been wandering into my room which is getting old fast. And they sit outside the nurse’s station, which is right out side my room, complaining about imaginary things, which was amusing at first but is now just annoying.

I hope I never get that old and lose my mind.:o/

I just had my first shower in about 7 weeks courtesy of Blake and my nurse Alex. It was glorious and Blake brought all my Lush products so I could really enjoy the experience!

I also brushed my teeth for the first time in weeks and they feel spectacular!

Right now I feel so fresh and clean there’s no way I can have the nap my nurse wants me to have. I just want to lay here and enjoy being CLEAN! Which is exactly what I intend to do.

I’m all moved in to my new room which is old and has seen better days, but at least it has a shower!

They’re kicking me out of the ICU later tonight because I’m just not sick enough to be here anymore so they’re moving me up to a surgical floor 2 floors up.

I’ll still be in isolation though because when I was at the mega-hospital in Toronto, I caught a “superbug” that’s resistant to antibiotics and they’re afraid I’ll spread it to other patients.

That just means I get a private room. ;o) yay superbugs!

Right now I can’t walk because I haven’t used these muscles for the 6 weeks I was unconcious so I have a lot of physiotherapy left to do which is hard and kicking my ass.

Speaking of ass, yesterday they pulled the tube out of my ass so now I can shit by myself (in a bedpan bc I can’t walk). I stil haveca catheter though and a tube that sucks all the bad fluid from my abdomen. I have a 12″ wound on my stomach that was doctor for this purpose that looks like cheese pizza. It’s pretty fucking gross.

So that’s where things stand. I know it all seems weird that this even happened because I was posting on twitter and live journal up until I had a 3 system organ failure and literally almost died. At one point they told my mom and Blake I only had a 40% chance of living when I was on life support. Scary shit.

Thanks so much for all the positive vibes and please keep them coming. I have a long road ahead of me still (I’m still in the ICU) and could use all the help I can get. Thanks in advance. <3

I just wrote a giant post for the Facebook page but then Facebook was like “under 1000 characters please” and since I don’t know how to cut and paste with the iPad, the entry was lost to the ether. >:o(

Sooooo I figured I’d start from scratch here.

Today was a busy day and I really should be sleeping.

At 9:30am they stuck a giant needle in the back of my lung to drain off fluid that builds up due to all the saline they’re pumping into me. I won’t lie, it hurt like crazy and I cried like a baby, even though they pumped me full of Ativan first.

After that I had a visit with Phil & Lisa for a few hours while Blake graciously watched their kids. Then because the Ativan was making me drowsy I had a short nap while Blake, Phil & Lisa chatted in the waiting room.

After my short nap, the physiotherapist helped me into a chair where I sat and continued my visit with Phil & Lisa. Then visiting hours were over so they went home, so did Blake, and I went back to bed. It’s amazing to me just how gelatinous your basic muscles get when you don’t use them for 2 months. Standing up is a feat in and of itself!

After I was in bed I had the most aggressive ultrasound of my life on my heart, which apparently looks good.

Oh I also had my dressing changed and I wanted to take a picture of my 12″ open wound to show you but the nurse wouldn’t let me because she didn’t feel it was “appropriate”. She said she’d have to ask the doctor. Hello? My body my choice right? Whatever. It looks like I have a medium cheese pizza across my belly/abdomen. It’s pretty sick.

Anyway, after the ultrasound it was dinner time so I had some Ensure, some milk and some apple juice. Then Blake got here with the kids and Brooke and Charlie. I hadn’t seen my kids for over 2 months so it was a little emotional. I asked them all about their time in MI but then I started feeling sick and hot so I asked for Gravol in my IV, which didn’t help and I ended up puking all over myself repeatedly. Blake and the kids were whisked away while I continued vomiting and my nurse cleaned me and the bed up. Then Blake and the kids came back and we talked a bit more about their time with Brooke and Charlie, camp, learning to swim and all kinds of things. Then visiting hour was over and everyone went home. I slept a bit but now I’m wide awake, even though I should technically be sleeping now.

The night nurse just told me that my fart tube will probably be coming out tomorrow which is interesting news. I can’t walk so I don’t know how they’re going to expect me to go to the bathroom by myself. I guess I’ll find out!

Well, it’s 6:30am and I should probably at least *try* to sleep. I’ll write more tomorrow.