August 31, 2011

This is nuts!

“Crazy Taxidermy Museum – Stuffed Animals in Costumes (1965) [HD], Potters Museum in Bramber, Sussex 
British Pathe made this video at Potters Museum in the 1960s. Walter Potter lived in Bramber his whole life and spent his time dressing up stuffed animals elaborately and placing them in human scenarios.

The original narrations states “Potter was a genius who made fur-lined dolls into whimsical but veritable works of poetic art”. Of course some people today would see his life’s work as abhorrent and disgusting. He was undoubtedly a true British eccentric.

Some of the tableaus took years to arrange. The museum still exists today but has moved to Devon, and there is a sign there stating that the animals died of natural causes.”

WHERE WOULD HE GET LIKE, 20 BABY BUNNIES THAT ALL LOOK ABOUT THE SAME, WHICH ALL DIED OF “NATURAL CAUSES”? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I think his work is cool as hell, but you can’t tell me that 15 kittens that look like they were all in the same litter died of natural causes. Or 30 squirrels, etc. And where would he find a baby cow that small which died of natural causes? I’m just not buying it! What do YOU think?

Posted at 2:26 pm in: Art , artists


Death Threats and Hate Crimes, Attacks On Women Bloggers Escalating

Posted at 10:59 am in: blogging , Feminism , Internet , SRS BSNS , Women
August 30, 2011

My new theme song.

Posted at 10:35 pm in: Misc. , videos , youtube


It’s apparently going to retail for $199 and will be available on Amazon mid-September!

Posted at 10:31 pm in: Art , Misc.
August 27, 2011

9pm Pills/70%

Yes, we are using a shot glass to dispense meds.
It was Blake’s idea.

In there is:
– 900mg Gabapentin
– 80mg Ziprasidone
– 100mg Colace
– 12mg Hydromorph Contin
– 600mg Iron
– 150mg Wellbutrin
– 200mg Lipidil
– 40mg Lipitor
– 0.1mg Clonadine
– 0.5mg Clonazepam
– 10mg Loxapine

For breakfast I take:
– 100mg Colace
– 12mg Hydromorph Contin
– 150mg Wellbutrin
– 40mg Pantoprazole (Pantoloc)
– 600mg Iron
– 0.1mg Clonadine
– Women’s One-A-Day Multi-vitamin
– 20mg Ziprasidone

Then at 2pm, I take:
– 12mg Hydromorph Contin
– 100mg Colace


So Blake and I were talking this afternoon about my time in St. Mike’s, the mega-hospital in Toronto, and he corrected me on my 40% chance of dying. It was actually 70%. And I’m having a really hard time dealing with that number. That means 7 out of 10 people die when they’re as sick as I was. In fact, they told Blake and my mom that I was the sickest person there, which was hard to hear too. I’m not sure why I’m having such a hard time with this. I think it’s probably because I’m a control freak and that situation was WAY WAY WAY out of my control

During my lucid moments, they had me sign paperwork for an experimental blood transfusion and an experimental breathing apparatus but when they presented me with the DNR (do not resuscitate) I was apparently vehemently against it and refused to sign, so I signed something that basically said, “I WANT TO LIVE, BITCHES! FIX ME!” (I’m paraphrasing since I have zero recollection of almost everything that happened at St, Mike’s which bugs the shit out if me. .:o/) I don’t remember signing anything or how I really would have when my writing looked like THIS:

When they shipped me up to RVH (that’s Royal Victoria Hospital, for non-natives), I was still writing like that, but not as bad.

Anyway… drugs have kicked in,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,will write more tomorrow. <3

Posted at 11:00 pm in: Blake , Health , Hospital , Misc.
August 25, 2011


So Jack Layton, leader of the NDP which is the official opposition to the Conservative majority, died this week and it was very sad. There was a huge impromptu chalk memorial dedicated to him with people expressing their grief and sadness which was really really impressive. You can see a pic of it here.

In domestic news, we’ve stepped up the colace (sp?) with positive results and I am now crapping regularly despite being on all this iron and other constipating drugs. I’m sure you were all wondering.

Sitting in bed is very very boring. All I do all day is reload Facbook and my LJ friends list a million times a day. Then I go to the Camwhores forum a few times a day and then the Stile Project forum a few times too. Then I just get bored.

I have a million books to read but with the drugs I’m on, as soon as I start reading I get really sleepy and I’ll fall asleep. I don’t feel like drawing or doing anything artistic, which is probably surprising considering all I’ve been through. I think Blake’s made more progress on his sketchbook for the Sketchbook Project than I have. I have done precisely fuckall. In fact I don’t even think I’m going to do it this year, which makes me really sad because the tour is coming to Toronto this year but I don’t think I’ll have enough time to complete the sketchbook and I’d rather not do it than feel rushed to complete it or send in an incomplete book again like I did last year. So I dunno. I don’t know what to do.

The night before last, I had a shower with Blake’s help and I shaved my legs for the first time in 2 months. It took like, 15 minutes to do it there was so much hair! But I got it all off and it felt glorious to slide back into the sheets when I was all clean and hairless. It also felt good to have clean hair and clean everything else! Blake rented a backless shower seat, which is how I had a shower. I needed help getting in and out of the shower but once I was in I think I navigated it fairly smoothly.

The kids are coming home today, which should be interesting. Normally the living room is kind of their domain and I stick to my office but since I can’t get up and down the stairs to my office, I’m in the living room taking up all their space. I told Blake that Wes can sit on the edge of my bed and watch TV or play video games as long as it’s done quietly and I’m awake. There are going to be some challenges I think, with them being home. For example, I’m wearing hospital gowns (we stole them shhhhh) because it’s easier to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night with one of those on and since I’ve been wetting the bed, that’s an important thing. (Haven’t wet the bed in 3 days though!) Since I’m wearing a hospital gown with the back open, they ARE going to see my underwear and they ARE going to see that I’m wearing adult diapers to bed and I’m afraid of Wes making fun of me for it.

Blake’s going to have a chat with them about that stuff when he’s on his way back from picking them up.

Right now I feel really nauseous and I think it’s from drinking iced tea. I don’t know why that would make me feel sick but I haven’t felt nauseous since coming home until I drank the iced tea so that had to be it. I’m drinking water now. I’ve discovered that I can’t drink Coke Zero anymore because it tastes way too chemical-y. Not having real food in your mouth for almost 2 months makes for seriously sensitive tastebuds and the Coke Zero is just gross to me. I don’t know what I’m going to drink instead, probably water, but I don’t think it’ll be Coke Zero.

I broke a tooth the other day, which really sucks. It doesn’t hurt so I’m choosing to ignore it for now, but it still pisses me off. I blame myself for drinking so much ginger ale while I was in the hospital because it has so much sugar in it and my body, especially my teeth, isn’t used to that much sugar considering I cut most sugar out of my diet a few years ago. And once I cut out most of my sugar consumption, I think I’ve only had one cavity and no broken teeth so it stands to reason that ginger ale is the culprit here. (I was drinking up to 12 cans a day. :ox)

Okay I’m falling asleep and just rambling at this point so I’m going to shut up now.  Back to your regularly scheduled Thursday.

Posted at 11:16 am in: Health , Hospital , Misc.
August 23, 2011


I asked Blake just now if I sounded ungrateful for the iPad in my last post and he said “maybe a little bit” (basically), so I wanted to clarify that point: I am VERY grateful for the iPad. Like I said in my last post, it was the only thing that kept me sane in the hospital because I’m a communicator and it was my only way of communicating with, well, you guys. I think it was the perfect solution for a really shitty situation, I just wish I wasn’t drugged so much, so I could have sat down with the manual so I would have known how to post my own cheese pizza wound (Blake posted that for me) or how to open things in new tabs etc.

Again, like I said in my previous post, I don’t think there was any problem with the iPad, I just didn’t know how to use it properly.

And like I’m saying in THIS post, I think it was the perfect thing to get me to where I am now, but just as I moved from the ICU to the fucking GERIATRIC floor and now to home, I’m glad to have “graduated” from the iPad back to my laptop. Typing with one finger with the iPad vs typing with two on my laptop is just a world of difference.’

And for the record, I can’t even use a CELL PHONE without it having a full, qwerty keyboard.

So to recap: I am ENTIRELY thankful for the iPad, it served its purpose beautifully (some nurses were actually very impressed by it) and now Blake has it to do nerd stuff with. I’m not sure what he did but he somehow has it so it’s running windows and his desktop is on it and he can somehow remote into his computer with it.

When I have the surgery to close me up, I’ll have to spend a few days in the hospital again and the iPad will be good for then too.

So, it definitely has its purposes, I just don’t need it right now.

Annnnd it’s taken me forever to type this post because I just had my bedtime pill and they make me very very VERY sleepy.

Goodnight all, I’ll write more tomorrow!

Posted at 10:18 pm in: Blake , Hospital , Misc.

So….I’m home….

It feels so good to have my laptop back and not have to deal with that crappy iPad. Don’t get me wrong, I was entirely grateful for the iPad in the hospital, it was the only thing that kept me sane, it was my only link to the outside world, however, I don’t think I ever learned to use it properly and therefore I found it very very limited. For example, when I went to write a blog post like I’m doing now, I couldn’t scroll down if I wrote enough to necessitate scrolling down so if I fucked up or wanted to add something to the beginning I couldn’t and that was true for e-mail as well, I couldn’t scroll down when replying to e-mails to my mother, to see if I answered all of her questions or whatnot.

Also I was constantly highlighting things all over the place and I couldn’t really use WordPress’ “kitchen sink” with the iPad or scroll down my list of categories so I could keep posts organized. I also couldn’t watch a lot of videos I wanted to watch because the iPad doesn’t support Flash, which really bugged me.

I don’t mean to be so down on it and like I said in the beginning, it literally saved my sanity in there, but typing blog posts with one finger sucks and that’s why there were so few of them and they were so brief. All I could really do with the iPad was use Facebook and update there, which was what I did. I couldn’t update my webcam with it (with random pictures, I didn’t/don’t want to take pictures of myself right now), I couldn’t save pictures because I could never figure out how to right click with it and I couldn’t upload pictures to my gallery because I kept forgetting to ask Blake to send me the link to my gallery (so that one’s not the iPad’s fault, but since I couldn’t save the random pics I find around the internet, I didn’t have anything to upload to my gallery anyway).

Long story short: god bless the laptop.

And AGAIN, do NOT get me wrong, I totally think it’s because I didn’t know how to use the thing that made it so limiting. I totally think it was user failure for the most part with the troubles I was having.

Anyway, I’m home.

And so is Blake! He’s working from home this week and next week he’s taking a vacation week! Just to look after me! I love him so fucking much, he really is the love of my life. I truly don’t know what I’d do without him. He just always gets the job done.

Our setup has me on the pull-out couch in the living room so I’m closer to the bathroom and the bed is lower so it’s easier than our bed to get in and out of. I’m about 10 feet from the bathroom and about 20 feet from the kitchen. I don’t go in the kitchen often because my legs start to hurt if I’m doing a lot of bathroom things or standing a lot (like when brushing teeth/washing face), but I can and sometimes do to get my own drinks if Blake’s still sleeping.

I have to use a walker, the kind on wheels with the little seat, and I have to take my vac machine with me and hold up my tubing so I don’t trip on it. The walker doesn’t fit in the bathroom so I have to free style it by holding onto the counter but I’m getting much better at walking without the walker that I don’t even really need the counter when I’m in the bathroom anymore. I wouldn’t trust myself to walk without the walker TO the bathroom or TO the kitchen, but I am getting better.

OH AND GUESS WHAT! The other day? I picked something up off the ground. This is a milestone because when I was in the hospital, I actually fell in the bathroom trying to pick up a plastic bag from the floor and my leg muscles weren’t strong enough to get me back up. I had to pull the red emergency string by the toilet, which thankfully I could reach, another foot and I couldn’t have, and I waited about 10-15 minutes until my nurse came and she summoned another nurse and the 3 of us got me up. I still don’t think I could get up if I fell, but at least I know I can bend my knees enough now to pick things off the floor, like my tubing so I don’t trip over it. I was/am very proud of this accomplishment.

I have 2 other accomplishments to report, which I’m sure you’ll all be thrilled to know.

Last night, after not crapping for something like 5 days, I finally had a bowel movement. See, they have me on 1200mg of iron a day, which is actually LESS than they were giving me at the hospital, and as we all know, iron massively constipates you. To combat the constipation, I’m taking colace (sp) twice a day, and praying it doesn’t give me diarrhea like it’s prone to do. (I sometimes take it when I’m on Tylenol 3.)

So that’s gross accomplishment #1. YAY FOR CRAPPING!

Accomplishment #2 is that for 2 nights/days in a row: I haven’t wet the bed. See, when you have a catheter in you for like, 8 weeks almost, your urethra gets lazy and out of shape (it also doesn’t help that while I was in the hospital they had me on muscle relaxers for some reason) and that means you’re gonna leak pee. Well, I would pee the bed in the middle of the night while I was sleeping. I just wouldn’t wake up when I had the sensation that, hey, I have to pee! And it would get to the point where it just couldn’t wait and out it would come. Don’t laugh, but I’ve been wearing Depends up until today. Today, since I haven’t wet the bed in 2 days, I’m wearing regular underwear and it feels So. Damn. Good. The difference is that I’m limiting drinks after 9pm at Blake’s suggestion and I’m just waking up when I feel the sensation that I have to pee. Not halfway through the peeing process.

So that’s gross accomplishment #2 that I just felt I had to share with the world.

I’m eating a LOT better at home than I was at the hospital. I’m still not eating a ton because when you’ve had a feeding tube down your throat for almost 7 weeks, your stomach shrinks and you get full, fast. I know for lunch I’m having a grilled ham and cheese sandwich, which I’m really excited about. And it’s weird, my tastebuds like, don’t work properly anymore. Skittles are cloyingly sweet and I can’t eat more than 2 at a time – and I need a drink to wash them down with. But strawberry Fruit at the Bottom yogurt has NO flavour in it whatsoever!

Oh yeah, and I’m lactose intolerant now. Apparently with pancreatitis that can just happen. I was drinking milk like crazy, like with every meal at the hospital, because I hated the food and I knew the milk was good for me, but after I ate, I would be violently ill and I’d require IV anti-nauseants. That’s when I put 2 + 2 together and asked the dietitian if I might be lactose intolerant and she said, yeah, that’s probably the case. After that they sent me lactose free “milk” but it didn’t look right so I never drank it.

Another thing that made me violently ill was Ensure (milk product) and Boost Juice. Boost Juice is this orange flavoured liquid that reminds me a little bit of McDonald’s orange drink that they had a million years ago or even Tang, but it has a ton of calories and protein and vitamins etc in it. It tastes pretty gross so I cut it with ginger ale at the dietitian’s advice and even that didn’t fix the flavour. After I’d drink it, I’d be sooooo sick. I’d be sweating buckets and wanting to throw up and the whole 9 yards. Nasty nasty stuff.

But anyway, I’m home and that’s the important thing. I’m all caught up on Jersey Shore, which was very important and I’m slowly but surely watching True Blood but A) I can’t really get into this season and B) I’m on hydromorph contin (aka morphine), which makes me very sleepy, and mostly I nod off while we watch True Blood so I’m missing stuff and I have no idea what’s going on.

Speaking of hydromorph contin, I just had my morning dose and I’m dozing off, so I think it’s time for a nap in my OWN house, with my OWN sheets, washed in our OWN detergent, with my OWN pillow.

Maybe I’ll write more later…

Posted at 10:29 am in: Blake , Diet , Health , Hospital , Misc. , Summer , Sunnyland
August 20, 2011


I’m fucking HOME!!!!!!!

Posted at 7:41 pm in: Hospital , Misc.

Guess what?????????

I’m going home today!!!!!!

Posted at 7:59 am in: Misc.

« Previous entries Next Page » Next Page »