It feels so good to have my laptop back and not have to deal with that crappy iPad. Don’t get me wrong, I was entirely grateful for the iPad in the hospital, it was the only thing that kept me sane, it was my only link to the outside world, however, I don’t think I ever learned to use it properly and therefore I found it very very limited. For example, when I went to write a blog post like I’m doing now, I couldn’t scroll down if I wrote enough to necessitate scrolling down so if I fucked up or wanted to add something to the beginning I couldn’t and that was true for e-mail as well, I couldn’t scroll down when replying to e-mails to my mother, to see if I answered all of her questions or whatnot.
Also I was constantly highlighting things all over the place and I couldn’t really use WordPress’ “kitchen sink” with the iPad or scroll down my list of categories so I could keep posts organized. I also couldn’t watch a lot of videos I wanted to watch because the iPad doesn’t support Flash, which really bugged me.
I don’t mean to be so down on it and like I said in the beginning, it literally saved my sanity in there, but typing blog posts with one finger sucks and that’s why there were so few of them and they were so brief. All I could really do with the iPad was use Facebook and update there, which was what I did. I couldn’t update my webcam with it (with random pictures, I didn’t/don’t want to take pictures of myself right now), I couldn’t save pictures because I could never figure out how to right click with it and I couldn’t upload pictures to my gallery because I kept forgetting to ask Blake to send me the link to my gallery (so that one’s not the iPad’s fault, but since I couldn’t save the random pics I find around the internet, I didn’t have anything to upload to my gallery anyway).
Long story short: god bless the laptop.
And AGAIN, do NOT get me wrong, I totally think it’s because I didn’t know how to use the thing that made it so limiting. I totally think it was user failure for the most part with the troubles I was having.
Anyway, I’m home.
And so is Blake! He’s working from home this week and next week he’s taking a vacation week! Just to look after me! I love him so fucking much, he really is the love of my life. I truly don’t know what I’d do without him. He just always gets the job done.
Our setup has me on the pull-out couch in the living room so I’m closer to the bathroom and the bed is lower so it’s easier than our bed to get in and out of. I’m about 10 feet from the bathroom and about 20 feet from the kitchen. I don’t go in the kitchen often because my legs start to hurt if I’m doing a lot of bathroom things or standing a lot (like when brushing teeth/washing face), but I can and sometimes do to get my own drinks if Blake’s still sleeping.
I have to use a walker, the kind on wheels with the little seat, and I have to take my vac machine with me and hold up my tubing so I don’t trip on it. The walker doesn’t fit in the bathroom so I have to free style it by holding onto the counter but I’m getting much better at walking without the walker that I don’t even really need the counter when I’m in the bathroom anymore. I wouldn’t trust myself to walk without the walker TO the bathroom or TO the kitchen, but I am getting better.
OH AND GUESS WHAT! The other day? I picked something up off the ground. This is a milestone because when I was in the hospital, I actually fell in the bathroom trying to pick up a plastic bag from the floor and my leg muscles weren’t strong enough to get me back up. I had to pull the red emergency string by the toilet, which thankfully I could reach, another foot and I couldn’t have, and I waited about 10-15 minutes until my nurse came and she summoned another nurse and the 3 of us got me up. I still don’t think I could get up if I fell, but at least I know I can bend my knees enough now to pick things off the floor, like my tubing so I don’t trip over it. I was/am very proud of this accomplishment.
I have 2 other accomplishments to report, which I’m sure you’ll all be thrilled to know.
Last night, after not crapping for something like 5 days, I finally had a bowel movement. See, they have me on 1200mg of iron a day, which is actually LESS than they were giving me at the hospital, and as we all know, iron massively constipates you. To combat the constipation, I’m taking colace (sp) twice a day, and praying it doesn’t give me diarrhea like it’s prone to do. (I sometimes take it when I’m on Tylenol 3.)
So that’s gross accomplishment #1. YAY FOR CRAPPING!
Accomplishment #2 is that for 2 nights/days in a row: I haven’t wet the bed. See, when you have a catheter in you for like, 8 weeks almost, your urethra gets lazy and out of shape (it also doesn’t help that while I was in the hospital they had me on muscle relaxers for some reason) and that means you’re gonna leak pee. Well, I would pee the bed in the middle of the night while I was sleeping. I just wouldn’t wake up when I had the sensation that, hey, I have to pee! And it would get to the point where it just couldn’t wait and out it would come. Don’t laugh, but I’ve been wearing Depends up until today. Today, since I haven’t wet the bed in 2 days, I’m wearing regular underwear and it feels So. Damn. Good. The difference is that I’m limiting drinks after 9pm at Blake’s suggestion and I’m just waking up when I feel the sensation that I have to pee. Not halfway through the peeing process.
So that’s gross accomplishment #2 that I just felt I had to share with the world.
I’m eating a LOT better at home than I was at the hospital. I’m still not eating a ton because when you’ve had a feeding tube down your throat for almost 7 weeks, your stomach shrinks and you get full, fast. I know for lunch I’m having a grilled ham and cheese sandwich, which I’m really excited about. And it’s weird, my tastebuds like, don’t work properly anymore. Skittles are cloyingly sweet and I can’t eat more than 2 at a time – and I need a drink to wash them down with. But strawberry Fruit at the Bottom yogurt has NO flavour in it whatsoever!
Oh yeah, and I’m lactose intolerant now. Apparently with pancreatitis that can just happen. I was drinking milk like crazy, like with every meal at the hospital, because I hated the food and I knew the milk was good for me, but after I ate, I would be violently ill and I’d require IV anti-nauseants. That’s when I put 2 + 2 together and asked the dietitian if I might be lactose intolerant and she said, yeah, that’s probably the case. After that they sent me lactose free “milk” but it didn’t look right so I never drank it.
Another thing that made me violently ill was Ensure (milk product) and Boost Juice. Boost Juice is this orange flavoured liquid that reminds me a little bit of McDonald’s orange drink that they had a million years ago or even Tang, but it has a ton of calories and protein and vitamins etc in it. It tastes pretty gross so I cut it with ginger ale at the dietitian’s advice and even that didn’t fix the flavour. After I’d drink it, I’d be sooooo sick. I’d be sweating buckets and wanting to throw up and the whole 9 yards. Nasty nasty stuff.
But anyway, I’m home and that’s the important thing. I’m all caught up on Jersey Shore, which was very important and I’m slowly but surely watching True Blood but A) I can’t really get into this season and B) I’m on hydromorph contin (aka morphine), which makes me very sleepy, and mostly I nod off while we watch True Blood so I’m missing stuff and I have no idea what’s going on.
Speaking of hydromorph contin, I just had my morning dose and I’m dozing off, so I think it’s time for a nap in my OWN house, with my OWN sheets, washed in our OWN detergent, with my OWN pillow.
Maybe I’ll write more later…