My period seems to be making up for the 2 & a half weeks it was late by being extra bloody. I’m soaking through a Lunapad liner about once every 4 hours and this may be a gross TMI thing but the smell of the blood is a lot like the lochia you get after you’ve given birth so now I’m paranoid I’m having a miscarriage. Blake’s had a vasectomy so the chance is pretty low, but still…he theorizes that the new anti-psychotic I’m on wasn’t at peak levels last month so that’s why my period was normal then, but wasn’t this month. I suppose that would make more sense than a miscarriage but I cannot get over how much blood there is. This isn’t normal. But then again it could just be the fact that I’m 2 & a half months late and maybe more blood builds up when that’s the case, I dunno. I’ve been super regular since I had my first period at 9 (well, it started being regular around age 12) so this lateness is just really weird for my brain to absorb.

I’m also having massive hormonal problems right now with little patience for idiots or negative people which is making work especially difficult because we tend to only get e-mails from idiots and complainers. And I don’t think I can blame this all on hormones either, I mean, if you’re just going to come around to be a negative bitch, get the fuck out of my life, y’know? I don’t need you. There seems to be an influx of people like this in my life right now and I’m getting mighty sick of it, especially from people online who only come around to be negative and say negative things. Like, why are you even here? If I’m so flawed and you so disapprove then why are you here? Why are you reading my shit? Does it make you happy to walk around feeling negative all the time, feeling a false sense of superiority? Does being smug keep you warm at night you hypocritical cunts? I suppose if that’s all ya got then I’ll leave you to it, but stay the fuck outta my way or I will mow you down because I’m not taking it anymore.

Yesterday was a really bad, bizarre day. I woke up in an absolute panic due to a nightmare (that I don’t remember now) and the anxiety it caused lasted most of the day. I felt like I had too much electricity in my body and my ears felt like they were pulsing so I took Ativan and Klonopin and gradually as the day wore on my sanity leveled out, but for a while there I was shaking and crying and had to call Blake at work to talk me down. I dunno, it was a really bizarre situation that I’m for sure going to tell my shrink about when I see her next month. It just came out of nowhere. It was also day 1 of my period so it’s possible that it was hormone-related and my shrink told me a long time ago that if a woman is heading toward a psychotic break that it’ll often manifest itself when she’s on her period because the hormones amplify things so maybe it’s the same with anxiety. I’m fine today, despite the fact that I had a nightmare about being carried off to sea in a tsunami this morning, but the memory of that is fading now. I wonder if what I dreamed about yesterday set my anxiety off subconsciously or something? I dunno man, but it was weird and I’m glad it’s over.

I am STILL reading Freedom by Jonathan Franzen and it feels like it’s taking forever to get through this book. It’s amazingly well-written but it’s taken me about 200 pages to care about the characters and actually get into what’s happening. Not that I have though, I think I would consider it a good book, depending on how things end up. It’s definitely the most dense thing I’ve ever tried to read though, like wading through chocolate pudding. Every single sentence is meaty, I’ve never read anything like it. Then again, I’m not the most well-read person on the planet so what do I know? I mean, I read a lot, I always have something on the go, but it’s never like, “fine literature” I don’t think, which is what I guess this book would be. But whatever, now that I’m in the thick of it, I’m liking it very much, I care about the characters, I want to know what’s going to happen next.

Speaking of books…I’ve stopped writing Cammity Jane. I haven’t stopped for good, I just sort of lost momentum with it, but here and there I have snippets of text running through my brain to add to it, which I’ve been writing down in my CJ notebook for when I resume writing it. In the meantime, The Fiction Project is due on May 16th (Madison’s birthday!) and while I have a rough outline of the story I want to tell and the illustrations to go with it, I haven’t written a single word for it yet and I’m having trouble with the middle. I know how it’s going to begin and how it’s going to end and what it’s going to be called, but I don’t know for sure what’s going to take place in the middle yet, so Ronny and Alex are coming over on Saturday to brainstorm with me and then hopefully Saturday night I’ll write the whole story and then (again, hopefully, I haven’t asked them yet) Sunday I want them to come over and help me physically write out the story in the sketchbook the project provided. Then I have 2 weeks to do the illustrations. I paid extra for the project to digitize the book, so when that happens, I’ll of course post about it here.

The Fiction Project is run by the same art gallery that did The Sketchbook Project and A Million Little Pictures and I’ve signed up for The Sketchbook Project 2012. In fact I’ve signed both Blake and I up for it. My theme is simply “Untitled” and Blake’s is “Ask me how I can help” (I think). My artist page can be found here. I finished my camera for A Million Little Pictures (I can’t link to that because they’re building a new site for it but it’s the same idea as The Sketchbook Project; they sent me a disposable camera and I send them back the pictures) on Wild Rumpus Day so that’s done, but Blake still has to finish his before we can get the pics developed. My theme for that was “The Great Adventures of ?” and his was something like “The End of the World”.  I know he’s taken some pics, but I don’t know how many or what they were of. The deadline for that is June 15th, so he still has some time.

I was on the DeSerres website a couple of weeks ago (that’s a CDN art supply company) and found a new scrapbook paper company called Basic Grey that had these fabulous small-print papers that would be perfect for my paintings and I ordered 3 packs, all different, with the hopes of the pink ones not turning orange when I varnished them. Well this morning I finally got around to doing a patch test with them and while they don’t turn AS orange as most of the other papers I’ve tried, they’re still definitely turning orange and that fucking sucks. Hand-dyed papers from Curry’s don’t turn orange but every single scrapbook paper company I’ve tried has turned orange. And I can’t change the kind of varnish I use because I need the triple thick gloss coat to get the maximum glitter effect I get from what I use now. Plus, I’ve tried another brand of varnish and it does the same thing. The only varnish that doesn’t turn them orange is Krylon, which is not paper-friendly (it turns the papers greasy) and Liquitex, which is way too thin and won’t allow me to achieve the effect I get with the glitter. SO, in case anyone ever wondered, that’s why I have very few girls with pink dresses!

While also on the DeSerres website, I decided to buy some Delta CeramCoat paints and I feel like I total traitor because normally I use DecoArt’s Americana line, but Delta had so many more skintones than Americana and, as it turns out, their paint appears to be more highly pigmented than Americana. I’d always avoided CeramCoat because by mom’s always used Americana, she even sold it in her store, and while they definitely have better packaging and more colours, I think I’m a convert as far as skintones go. I haven’t tested every shade I got yet, but so far the results have been really good and I’m glad I made that purchase.

What else?

I’m still kickin’ ass & takin’ names at my job. Not much new to report there other than the fact that I’m getting really good at catching fraud and the bosses are obviously very happy about that. I’m not sure if I mentioned it or not but they hired a new girl who works from like, 5am-1pm which overlaps my shift and she seems okay. Slow to catch on to things at first but she’s getting better now.

We’re under a severe thunderstorm watch right now and I’m really hoping the hydro doesn’t go out because not only would I lose this post, but if it went out I wouldn’t be able to do my job and I would HATE to have to make up the hours on the weekend. I’m already leaving 2 hours early on Friday so we can get to Toronto as early as possible for the Battles show. The club they’re playing at (in?) has seats all along the right-hand side apparently and since this band attracts a lot of geeky guys, I’m afraid I won’t be able to see anything because I’m only 5 feet tall. If I can get one of those seats, I’ll be able to see everything I would think. Doors open at 7pm, but I’m hoping to be there at least half an hour early to get in the line so I can get one of those seats. I have just enough money left over from my paycheque to buy a t-shirt and I’m making Blake buy me a drink or two.

I got a Canada Post notification in my e-mail today that there’s something waiting for me at the post office and I think it’s my new bag so I’m going to send Madison down to get it when she gets home from school. I’m going to have to call Blake  to find out which PO box is actually ours because I honestly have no idea. I thought I had it written down but apparently not. If it’s not my new bag then it’s mulberry paper, but since I got shipping notification on the bag on like, Thursday maybe, I think it’s safe to assume that’s what it is. Before I move all my junk from my old bag to my new bag, I’m going to do a “what’s in your purse?” picture post because I carrying around a really stupid amount of crap around with me because I get paranoid about needing things when I’m out. Like wetnaps. Hand sanitizer. Two cameras. Etc.

Since I’m leaving 2 hours early on Friday, I’m going to have to make that time up for work on the weekend, which sucks, but it’s only an hour a day so it’s not that big of a deal. I’m so lucky to have a job with such flexible hours and understanding bosses. I’m also fortunate in that the girls I work with are also flexible and we all cover each other’s asses.

So I’m not sure if anyone caught it the other day, but it was Blake’s MOM who e-mailed me about the purple mystery flowers in my garden. Someone asked me recently how things were going with her so I thought I’d give a brief update about that: we’re working on things. Blake had a positive experience with her at the funeral for his Aunt this month and so did Madison and I know she’s making efforts with me that are greatly appreciated. We’re not best friends yet, hell, we’re not even Facebook friends, but efforts are being made and bridges are being built and I think that’s something. So to answer my friend’s question: things are going fine. Slowly but surely.

And this post is just a little over 2k words so I suppose I should wrap things up. Long story short, despite having the most wretched period I’ve had in a long time, things are going pretty great. I have a good family, nice friends and I’m not worried about money so I guess I can’t complain.

Happy Wednesday!

This is a queen bee being artificially INSEMINATED!
(Click to enlarge)

Read all about it in Emo_Snal’s post!
Totally interesting!

So as I’ve mentioned, my friend Amy works for a non-profit teen drop-in centre called The Neutral Zone, which is a safe haven for kids who need one and they’re in a contest with the Bank of Ann Arbor to win some much needed funding. That’s where you come in.

On Facebook, go to the Bank of Ann Arbor’s fan page and vote for Teen Centre Inc. (The Neutral Zone) by selecting them and answering the question, which this week is “The best local meal for under $15″. Vote every day for them by adding the app until May 12th so they can get a higher ranking and therefore get more money. If you do this, you would be doing a HUGE favour to me and my friend Amy and the kids that are helped by having this safe haven to go to.

It only takes a few clicks every day and it’s 100% for charity. Please help us! Thanks in advance. GO TEAM GO!

Amy adds:

“Hooray! Please vote for us. We have so much amazing stuff that goes on

here — kids designing and sewing their own clothes, launching their own

businesses, running the world’s first youth-owned record label, launching

a “gay-rilla” theater project to combat discrimination in schools against

LGBTQ kids, and more and more and more.

The other non-profits at the top of the list? Either don’t need the money

(our local humane society is fucking huge, I know I used to do their

fundraising and the $10,000 won’t make much difference) — or are just

fucking lame. Forensics? Really? What the hell do they need it for? They

are fully funded by their schools, in wealthy neighborhoods I might add.

So please, if we can get a few hundred people to vote for us it will

throw us into the top 10. Thanks so much!!!”

“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.” – Albert Einstein

Wes and I just finished planting our veggie seeds! We planted cucumbers, “big beef” tomatoes, sugary cherry tomatoes and golden cherry tomatoes. The cucumbers and golden cherry tomatoes are going to be grown upside down, which has Wes baffled, heh. We didn’t do beans this year because Blake didn’t think it was worth it and I agreed and we didn’t do peppers this year because in the summer peppers are pretty inexpensive and they take up a lot of room in the garden for only 3 peppers per plant. Plus the kids didn’t like the purple ones I grew last year EVEN THOUGH THEY TASTED EXACTLY THE SAME AS THE GREEN ONES so they didn’t get eaten.

So here is our grow op for this year:

Thanks to Ruggedo for the seeds! <3

My mother-in-law, Brooke, e-mailed me on the weekend because she identified the little purpley-blue flowers that are growing all over my front lawn. They are called SCILLA! Here’s a pic she took to show me how they’re growing all over a walking path in Michigan:

It’s CARPETED with them! I love it!
It reminds me of all the trilliums we have around here.

This is a pic she found on Google of scilla close up:

I think my pic’s better though. :o)

Anyway, mystery solved! Thanks Brooke! <3

I’m going to show you something that pisses me off. We were unable to attend Madison’s talent show because we were at the Pixies and even if we weren’t, it was in the middle of the day when we would be at work anyway, SO, I sent Madison to school with my Flip and asked her to get someone to film their performance for me. And this is what I got:

That was shot by a 20-something year old WOMAN who thought she was being “arty” by turning the camera on its side and upside down, completely ruining the video because you can barely see their performance due to the shitty camera work. I was so pissed off about this and still am but there’s nothing I can do about it because what’s done is done, but NEXT TIME, I’m going to ask Madison to get a KID to shoot because a KID would have enough brains not to do SHIT LIKE THIS. UGH!!!!!!!!!!!

It’s just infuriating to me that there’s an adult out there, in charge of children, who is that stupid! (She’s like, a special ed teacher or something.) The stupidity just ASTOUNDS!

Anyway, blah, enough of that negativity. I just wanted to share with you the idiocy that is Elmvale.

I’m also dealing with other idiocy right now but it’s work-related so I can’t talk about it, which is very very frustrating for me. I share 99% of my life with the world via this blog and having a huge part of my life that I’m unable to talk about really annoys the shit out of me. I mean, I work for a PORN SITE, the stories I could tell…! But I can’t. :ox

I do have to work full, 8 hour days, 7 days in a row though and that is probably going to damn near kill me. It’s Sunday and I’m already looking forward to next weekend. We’re not doing anything special (aside from seeing Battles on Friday night) but it’s just the lack of work that has me excited. That’s what’s going to get me through the next 6 days. That’s all I’ve got! I don’t particularly want to go to Battles but I have the tickets and I know I’m going to regret it if I *don’t* go, so we might as well. I also want to get a t-shirt and hearing their new stuff live might get me jazzed for the new album that comes out in June (I think). All I know it that it’s called “Gloss Drop” and the stuff I’ve heard so far I’ve liked. My friend Mike assures me it’ll be a good show, so I guess I should start looking forward to that. I just get nervous going to the city and like to avoid it as much as possible and with the Pixies show…I’m still sort of recovering from that. That was a pretty big hairy deal and it messed with me. Nothing bad happened but it was just being in another city and being away from home and all my things and my dogs and my kids and blah blah blah…I should be recovered by Friday. We’ll see.

I’ll probably write more later, but right now Blake is making me eggs and I am so frustrated with work things that I’m practically in tears so…I’ll write more later.

Working a full, 8-hour day on a beautiful spring Saturday fucking sucks. >:o( I mean yeah, it was worth it to see the Pixies, but this is practically tooooooorture! I am bored beyond words (although I plan on writing many of them).

I have Sherry’s Dessert thawing on my counter right now so there’s that to look forward to and after work we’re going to go to the school to go rollerskating, but in the meantime I am positively bored to tears!

Last night after work I went and voted (Liberal — because for once I think they actually have a chance in my riding!) and then we went to the school to rollerskate. I’m not sure if I mentioned it but Blake and the kids got rollerblades a few weeks ago so now we’re all outfitted with wheels and plan on going skating every day of the long weekend or maybe even more if the weather’s nice enough and Blake gets home early enough. Blake and Madison skated fine but Wes & I were pretty shaky. I did okay considering I hadn’t been on skates of ANY kind since I was about 12, but I fell on my ass when I was trying to sit back down in the car sideways because normally when you do that, you use your heel to push yourself but obviously on wheels you can do that so I slid all the way down to the pavement. Madison made fun of me because she’s a bitch. Can’t wait to make fun of her for something. Shouldn’t be too hard. But all in all, a good time was had by all, even though we only stayed out about 45 minutes because my calves were killing me since I was using leg muscles I normally don’t use and I’m very very out of shape.

This afternoon I gel mediumed my leaves for fairy wings on the big canvas but with this canvas I didn’t want to put glitter down first (which I would normally do) because the leaves are so fragile, I was afraid they wouldn’t lay flat or they would break if I put the glitter down first, which would make the surface slightly uneven. Now that the leaves are down, I’ll go back and add the glitter around them, then after that dries, I’ll paste down the girls, would should be interesting. I’ll probably have to do them all separately since I have to put books on top of them while they’re face down to get them to dry flat and doing all 3 at the same time might be a little tricky. When doing such a big canvas with a lot of margin for error, I think it’s best to proceed with caution so you don’t spend a million hours on it, only to royally fuck it up in the last stages.

After rollerskating and dinner, I’m going to finally get my seeds planted because I’ve been neglecting to do that for weeks on end. Normally I start them in March! Things have just been busy. My “lawn” is covered in crocuses and these little purple flowers I don’t know the name of.  These:

And then I have baby daffodils growing, big daffodils and these white things that I forget the name of every year. Hyacinths maybe?

In another month I’ll be out there planting my cosmos and Bachelor’s Buttons seeds! It’s almost time! (Which is another reason I need to get my seeds started as soon as possible, time’s running out!)

Anyway, work’s getting busier so I should probably wrap this up, especially because I can’t think of anything else to write about. Not much is happening in Sunnyland these days, than god! In case you missed it, I posted about the Pixies show here and if you care, you can find the setlist here. I think the highlight of the show was “Into the White” with a strobe light behind Kim Deal and a smoke machine spewing out fog everywhere. Cool. As. Hell.

Madison & Eryn do the Time Warp for the school talent show.