September 30, 2010

Links & Other Things.

Blackface is Fashionable Again – I don’t understand this AT ALL.

On the ubiquitous use of “crazy” – Absolutely guilty of this (I also use the word “retard” quite liberally, which is an ableism 101 no no, so I’m trying to use it less, but I have a short story that pertains to this. I was psychotic in March 2006 and in Dec. 2006, for Xmas, my mom got me a t-shirt of that pink bunny I forget the name of (which I hate, for the record), that said “cute but psycho”. And that was the most hurtful gift I have ever received. I probably wouldn’t be as upset about it if it were to happen now and NOW I’d understand the intent a little better, but this was on the heels of her writing about what a “luxury” it was for me to go crazy and it was just too soon. So I freaked. Anyway, I have often thought my own use of “crazy” and “insane” to describe things was pretty hypocritical of me and lazy, so I shall now rethink their use.

Last night I had a 2 hour phone conversation with someone in the middle of the night, which was the first time I’ve spoken to anyone who wasn’t Blake (and maybe one phonecall to Alex) in about 13 months. My options were to either use the phone or do video chat and since I hadn’t washed my hair and since I’d just woken up randomly in the middle of the night and happened to catch this really busy guy online, I went with the phone option. Anyway, it was weird, a little bit awkward and my ear really hurt afterward. Using the phone is just one of those things I’m going to have to relearn how to do I think because of….stuff…..

…okay this is the first and only time I’m going to say this publicly but I have a job now. One with a boss. And it was my boss with whom I was speaking to last night on the phone. And because he’s my boss, I’m probably going to have to do it again. In fact, I think he said, because he was training me, that we were definitely going to do it again. So I have to get used to using the phone – at least for him.

The job…I’m really not allowed to talk about it. Soon I’m going to have to sign a non-disclosure agreement and everything, but I can say that I’m doing customer e-mail support for a large website. I get to set my own hours, which is good because I can sleep when I need to sleep, I can make art when I need to make art and as long as I keep the inbox relatively empty, everyone’s happy. I think I’m going to be extremely good at this job once I learn the ropes and I think the past 9 years of my life makes me uniquely qualified for it. Never having had a paying job before, especially one where my hours are fluid, there have been a lot of adjustments (for example, I’ve done NOTHING but job-related things for the past 2 weeks, with one day for art) but I think I’m getting the hang of things. I like my boss, he’s a straight, to-the-point, no fucking around kinda guy, which is good for keeping me on task, particularly because I’m a textibitionist and can chat a person’s ear off quite easily. Two of my co-worknerds I’ve known for almost a decade and are very good friends and the other three I have yet to meet or talk to, but should soon.

Anyway, the job just sorta fell in my lap and since it’s something I’d probably do for free because I’m a nice person who likes to help out, I jumped at the chance and now here we are: a dual income household.

Next week Blake’s having surgery. Because of his sleep apnea he uses a CPAP machine but it doesn’t work so well because the mask goes over his nose and his nose is really messed up, to the point where he can’t really breathe through his nose or smell things. Sooooo a surgeon is going to basically make his nose canals (totally a term I just made up) bigger by carving them out. Recovery is about 10 days apparently, so he’s taken the week off and I’ve been kind of getting myself prepared for that. Like, he’s going to be on heavy drugs and in pain so I can’t just send him to the store to get milk because we’re out and since he’s not at work, he can’t get it AFTER work, so this week I went to the store by myself in the car and picked up a small lists of things just to make sure that I could do it and that I could stick to the list. The only deviation from the list is that I got Blake peanut butter cookies. The point though, is that even though we’re going to stock up on groceries before the surgery, I’m prepared to go to the store if necessary. (When I went it was about 8pm, so moderate traffic AND it was raining, so if I can do that, I can go pretty much any time if it’s absolutely necessary. At least to the grocery store, I’m not sure about the pharmacy since that would require parallel parking. :o/)

I’m also probably going to have to do most of the cooking while he’s recovering, which sucks because I hate cooking, but I’ll do what I gotta do. Madison can do a lot of the cooking too and she actually likes doing it, so there’s that as well.

Speaking of cooking, yes we make spaghetti sauce out of our tomatoes a few weeks ago. We ended up making enough for one large spaghetti dinner for 4 people with enough sauce left over for another 2 or 3 person meal. I hated the sauce though. Blake liked it, Wes liked it, Madison hates tomatoes so naturally she wasn’t a fan. I think it would be really good in like, lasagna maybe, but for straight up spaghetti it was too….vegetable-y.

Having said that, the vegetable garden is officially over. This weekend Blake’s job is to pull up all the tomato cages and put them away in the shed. Now the questions I have is: should we leave the bean, tomato and pepper remnants and let them compost a bit to be removed in the spring or pull them up now?

Los Campesinos are coming to Toronto on October 8th, to a very small bar (I think?) and I really want to go, especially since I have a job now and can actually afford to, but that’s 4 days after Blake’s surgery so he won’t be able to take me. Ronny & Alex don’t like them (well, they don’t dislike them I don’t think, I just think they just don’t like them). I thought about bribing them to take me by paying for both of their admissions and parking and drinks and all expenses incurred but after buying a major purchase with my first paycheque, which should arrive by then (although being a large sum of money “from the internet”, there’s a good chance the bank will put a hold on it), I’m not totally sure I can afford it. If I can though, I’d really like to figure out a way to go. There’s not a chance in hell I could ever drive myself and like, be THAT independent or even take the bus and stay over at someone’s house (I know many someones in Toronto) so I don’t know how I could get there, but again, I really want to because this is one of those situations where I may not get another chance to see this band because they’re from Wales and while they’ve put out 3 albums I get the sense that their remaining a band is sort of shaky. Anyway, I’m trying to work things out so I can go.

Art. I submitted a whole bunch of stuff to Touched By Fire but it’s doubtful that any of it will be accepted for two reasons:

  1. None of my stuff is moody enough for that show. My shrink offered to lend me back “The Two Sunnies”, which is about bipolar disorder and that I gave her as a gift, but that show doesn’t really like to take works that aren’t for sale so I declined and just submitted what I had on hand.
  2. I submitted probably 8 pieces total, all in the same category, when apparently there was a submission limit of 3 that was on another page and I didn’t see until I’d already finished submitting.

Therefore I doubt I’ll get in and I don’t really care because it’s not exactly on the top of my priority list these days. Going would be fun, since as I’ve mentioned before it’s at the ROM and being able to say that you’ve exhibited at the ROM is kinda cool, but it won’t be the end of the world if they don’t accept me. The Square Foot Show and everything it entailed has kind of soured me on the all bullshit required to do these Toronto shows that I just…meh.

I DO have to set aside some time to get my OAC grant proposal package finished and sent out. I have a printer now, so I can do that and since I don’t really expect to have much in the way of new work that I’d like to submit between now and the deadline (Dec. 1st), I might as well just get it done.

Suddenly with this whole job thing, getting my shop stocked for the Xmas season is less of a priority as well since art is no longer my main form of income. Now I can just create what I want to create when I want to create it, which I think is better for me creatively anyway. The next 2 pieces I’m doing are more to fill up my shop than because I want to do them admittedly (another bee girl, who was supposed to be black but I was tired after not sleeping for 2 days and I accidentally shaded her white, oops and a fairy who’s supposed to be black & sorta goth but I haven’t figured out how I’m going to pull that off yet). The 3rd girl I’m working on right now is a mini girl with a pink dress that’ll be the cover for my The Sketchbook Project Sketchbook, which I’ve decided I’m going to use as an actual sketchbook rather than making it like, an art journal. The cover will be pretty because all of my sketchbook covers are pretty, but the guts are probably just going to be crude sketches and notes because that’s how I use sketchbooks. Why make it more than it is? Or at least this is my plan so I don’t make myself nuts trying to make something fancy before the deadline, which is only 3 & a half months away. I know that seems like a lot of time, but to me it’s not and I traditionally don’t do well with deadlines to begin with sooooo…

We have (or are about to have) two sets of new neighbours, one on either side of us. The people in Wayne & Judy’s house I think I’ve already made a small post about but here’s the gist anyway: dad seems cool, about Blake’s age I think, named Brad, works for Bell Canada, haven’t met the mom yet, this is not their first marriages as there are I *think* kids between them, 2 or 3 from previous marriages/relationships and only one of their kids, the one from THIS marriage, lives with them full-time and that’s 7 yr old Jacob who is Wes’ new best friend. They’ve only been living here a week and already Madison’s walking Jacob to school most days because the parents go to work too early to drive him and our kids are walking anyway. The mom says that in the winter she may be able to drive them to school in the mornings, but this was all arranged between her and Madison so accuracy of statements is in question. Since we don’t know them very well and really just met them a week ago, we’ve told our kids to decline any offers of rides to school. I think they’re fine because I think most people are fine, but we just don’t feel comfortable taking advantage of that when we don’t really know them. Back to the kids, besides Jacob, I know they have another 10-ish yr old boy, possibly a 12 yr old boy and a rumoured teenage daughter. I’ve seen the 10 yr old boy (last weekend) at the park with Jacob and Wes but I haven’t met the other 2 yet and I don’t know whose kids are whose. They have a long-haired wiener dog that Lucky will NOT stop barking at, which got hit by a car in front of their house this weekend because it was following the kids when they went to the park. It’s okay, but it did skid across the pavement so they put up the part of the fence that the owner of the house had taken down so the tractor to cut the lawn could get through while it was for sale. Hmmm, what else? Jacob is not in Wes’ class, which sucks since they became such good buddies 2 seconds upon meeting each other. Jacob’s kind of a shit who swears a lot (ha, look who’s talking) and seems a lot more grown up than Wes is. I guess that’s the difference between growing up in a city and a village.

At some point soon, supposedly, my mom’s giving Wes a set of bunk beds from the cottage where the bottom bunk is a futon/double bed so I foresee many sleep overs with Jacob to come.

On Sunday when Blake & I were pulling out of the driveway to go to Starbuck’s, our other neighbour Francis, who owns the town’s only bar flagged us down and told us that not only did he get married the weekend prior, but she has a house in Barrie and he’s moving there because she has 5 kids and his house isn’t big enough to accommodate them. His house has been for sale all summer and I guess is going to remain for sale, but in the meantime he’s going to be renting it “to a buddy” so I dunno if that means a single guy, a single guy and a wife/girlfriend, a couple with kids or what, and knowing who Francis knows, the age of this person or persons is completely variable so I’m interested to see the outcome of that.

Either way, I have no intentions of being friends with any of these people, on the right or on the left. Especially on the right because I will bet you any money that whoever moves into Francis’ house is going to be a smoker. I don’t think the people in Wayne & Judy’s house smoke, but I’m not sure. And even as I say that, I doubt myself because even though I have extremely antisocial tendencies, I’m kind of a social person. I know that makes no sense whatsoever, but like, Wayne & Judy lived in their house for a year & a half before I said more than “hi isn’t the weather lovely today” to them but then we became really good friends for a while until…well, you know the story. Leeches.

Anyway, I’m good with being antisocial for the time being and so far the W&J neighbours seem good with that too, so bonus. (Although I kiiiiinda get the vibe that Brad & Blake are gonna become friends because I kiiiiinda get the vibe that Brad’s as big a fan of the internet as Blake is, unlike with W&J where we literally had nothing in common with them except smoking occasionally.)

Speaking of smoking, I am 5 months smoke-free.

Yoga. Yoga is yoga. Nothing to really report there except that I really fucking hate plank still and I’m stressed over the fact that she said we’re going to be doing bridge again at some point and I just cannot do that pose if my life depended on it because I’m not strong enough. I can finally do a mean tree pose though. I could always do it at home, I’ve been doing it for years (more or less) without even knowing it was a yoga thing, but I’m too distracted in class to do it normally, but I found that as long as I “set my hips” (which is hard to explain) first and turn to face the wall and away from everyone else, I have do it for the full set of breaths as the teacher can (but I’m relieved when it’s over). There’s another balance pose she makes us do sometimes that uses a block and you stand on one foot, leg bent, and put your other leg straight up in the air and…I forget what you’re even supposed to do with your hands but it sucks and I hate it and I can’t do it both because my balance is shit but also because my legs just aren’t strong enough. I have the muscle-density of a milk-fed pig, I swear to god.

Annnnd that’s all I can think of to write about really. New computer’s awesome (although it has some keys I’m not used to that I just want to rip off because they make me angry), depression has seemed to have lifted, new job is good, money is good, hockey season officially starts next week, everything is just good.

September 28, 2010

Free Art Course from Tamara Laporte!

Posted at 2:11 am in: Art , artists , Tutorials
September 25, 2010


Posted at 1:38 pm in: blogging , Fall , Internet , Women , Writing
September 24, 2010

Genetically Modified Soy Diets Lead to Ovary and Uterus Changes in Rats

Another reason to eat as organic as possible. Don’t think it affects you because you don’t eat soy? WRONG. Genetically modified soy is in all kinds of things, read the labels and vote with your dollar so this shit isn’t basically forced upon us by the market!

Story on the study here.

Posted at 12:21 pm in: Food , Politics
September 21, 2010

The Brunchening

I only have a minute to make this post…lots of things have happened that I can’t even get into right now, but I did want to say that my meet up with the Scratching Post kids went swimmingly and I love each and every one of them. It wasn’t until The Brunchening that it really sunk in that we all shared this amazing experience that no one else in the world had and how lucky that made us. Forever, we have each other.

(Click to enlarge)
From Left to Right: Amy, Blake, Me, Matt Fabb in the front, Jett in the back, Colleen, Mira, Mike, Lou and Jason

From Left to Right: Jason, Me, Mira, Mike in the back, Blake

I cannot even put into words how much love I have for these people, my friends.

September 16, 2010

It’s 3am.

I just woke up from a dream where I beat a man in the face with a pink, plastic baseball bat for punching his wife. The rest of the dream is a long story that’s relatively unimportant, but it was about dogs being allowed to come to college with their owners, myself being a student there, and being in charge of the program.

This weekend we are going to an event called “The Brunchening” which is where all, or most, of the Scratching Post kids get together once a year and eat food. I’ve never gone, although I’ve been invited every year, because y’know, I have issues, but this year we’re going.

I’m nervous about going, to be honest. Not only is it Toronto, which makes me nervous to begin with, but the place where we’re getting together is the scene of an event that is largely responsible for my issues with leaving the house and my paranoia that people are watching me who know me from the internet. About 8 years ago, before a Scratching Post show which was AT the place we’ll be going to this weekend, because it’s both a venue AND a restaurant, all of us were eating downstairs and I had ordered steak & eggs. (And yes, I’ve told this story many times before.) I asked for eggs over-easy but they gave me sunny side up eggs, so I didn’t eat them and just ate the steak instead (I’m not really much of a complainer, it would take a lot for me to send back food). So no big deal, we all ate and talked and then we went upstairs to the venue and we all rocked out.

When I got home that night, there was a creepy e-mail waiting for me from some guy and the e-mail said something like, “Hey Sunny, saw you at [venue] last night. How did you like your eggs?” and the tone of it was sort of menacing and strange and my imagination went crazy thinking that this guy had to have been staff to know what I’d eaten because where we were in the restaurant, there’s no way a random person would have been able to see what I was eating, and the way the e-mail was written was kind of ominous and I convinced myself that this guy hated me and did something to my eggs and that’s why he was asking how I liked them.

When I replied, I played it cool (I forget what I said), but he never replied back, which made the whole situation all the more creepier aaaaaand I haven’t eaten in Toronto since.

I mean, I’m not gonna brag &^ say I’m some cool-assed “internet celebrity” because I really really hate that term, but the fact of the matter is, through my site, camming and doing panties for Scratching Post, there was a while there for a few years where I would get recognized quite a bit and I found the whole thing completely unnerving. And in Toronto, there’s a higher percentage of being recognized by people because more people are internet savvy and there’s just a bigger population to begin with.

I’m not saying that I’m afraid of being recognized when we go to this place on the weekend, I’m sure the person who e-mailed me doesn’t work there anymore, if they ever did. What I’m explaining is the reason why I don’t like going down to Toronto to eat. There’s too big a risk, for me, that some hater is going to recognize me and spit in my food. Or, not even to that extent, I’m going to feel like I’m being watched, even when I’m not, which is a large part of my agoraphobia.

Sooooo, this weekend is like, bigtime immersion therapy on a lot of different levels, particularly because a lot of the Scratching Post kids coming to this thing, I don’t even know and have never met before. Most of the ones I *do* know, can’t make it for various reasons, but mostly we’re going to meet Mira because we’ve been online friends with her forever but have never met in person and she’s flying in from Nova Scotia to be there.

And now I’ve just read that people are still suggestion venues (c’mon, dammit, it’s Thursday already!) so it may not be at the aforementioned scary place after all.

Either way, it’s got the potential to be totally awesome or totally traumatizing. :o/ And we all know what an optimist I am…

So that’s what’s on my mind right now since Blake and I decided that we could afford to go (because I sold another ACEO & had some residual PayPal money saved for a rainy day) and that we should go, so now we’re going and I”m completely stressed out about it and having dreams about beating people in the face with baseball bats.

Just another day in the life…

I’m going back to bed.

September 13, 2010

Better pic.

This time with dry hair, a bit of makeup and the pink hoodie Raya got me a few years ago. :o)

Blake has free movie passes that include popcorn so we’re going to go see Eat, Pray, Love tonight to see how bad it is. Mostly I’m just going for the popcorn though, because I’m swearing off all junkfood except chocolate covered almonds and pretzels until the new year, starting whenever I finish the ice cream that’s in the freezer that I got last night. No real reason for the junkfood ban, it’s just that I’ve been eating a lot of it lately whereas prior to this summer, I really didn’t eat any at all for a long time and I’d like to go back to that.

Anyway, we gotta go soon. If you have voted for my friend Kennedy to win $500 yet, could you please do so? You can only vote once, period, and she could use all the help she can get. Thank you! (Link is NSFW.)

Posted at 6:38 pm in: Beauty , cam culture , camgirls , camwhores , hair , Movies
September 12, 2010

Think Pink.

Oh yeah, this is one of the two pairs of new glasses I got in the last little while.

Posted at 5:32 pm in: Beauty , hair
September 11, 2010

Quote of the Day

“being a parent is kind of like being the “designated driver” over a bunch of gnomes who have dropped acid for the 1st time.”

Ana Voog

September 9, 2010


It’s been…a week.

Yesterday, all I did was read A Thousand Splendid Suns (which is very good so far) at my desk and…that’s really pretty much it. I don’t expect today will be any different, aside from making this post.

Whoever recommended I download Mother Mother a LONG time ago, thank you. They’ve been keeping me sane-ish this week. Blake didn’t want to install iTunes on his computer, which I’m using until mine gets here, so I’ve been using Media Player and it didn’t import my playlists so I’ve been listening to albums instead and saw O My Heart by Mother Mother in my list and decided to listen to it, with their first album Touch Up directly after and I fell in love. This is the video for O My Heart, which isn’t my favourite song (I like Dirty Town, Polynesia and Oh Ana from their first album the best) but that’s the only video I could find.

They’re Canadian, you should all check them out.

Today the rain and wind let up long enough for me to go out and survey the damage to my garden. The vegetable garden (or should I say tomato garden) is okay but most of my sunflowers got knocked down even though I tied them up weeks ago. The wind was strong enough that it broke the string that I’d used. :o/

All the ones that were on the ground, I cut and brought inside to put in a vase and they’re not sitting on my kitchen table, along with the craptonne of tomatoes I picked while I was out there. There are still a lot of green ones out there that I don’t think will turn orange before the frost comes so I picked the ones that were more or less ripe or that would ripen inside in a few days and brought them in.

I also have about 6 more in my fridge…Katie, how the hell do I make sauce since I don’t know what else to do with all these tomatoes?

While I was out there, I also picked what I think will be close to the last of the cherry tomatoes. There are a lot of almost ripe or green tomatoes on the plants but there appears to be an abundance of slugs right now with all the rain and they’ve gotten a lot of them. Plus, with the way the weather’s been, I think frost is going to happen soon and then that’ll be the end of them. If things stay the way they are right now, then I should be able to get another 2 containers full of them but I think that’s it.

This morning Madison gave me the finger as she was leaving for school because I was making fun of her for looking like Justin Beiber (it’s her bangs haha). So she gave me the finger right as she was going out the door and then she came back in 2 seconds later to say “I was only joking plz don’t ground me!” haha Anyway, it was a proud moment. Her biological father used to tell me, when he was a teenager, that he’d read somewhere that if a child swears at their parents, it means they’re comfortable with them and feel secure enough in their relationship with them to know that things will be okay in the end. Does that make sense? I always thought there might be some truth to that, although I think there are exceptions to the rule, like when I swore at my mother, there was no security there. I didn’t think my mother even loved me until I was in my 20’s. Our kids KNOW we do and while Wes doesn’t swear, Madison feels comfortable with us to swear occasionally just in conversation.

Anyway, yeah. She gave me the finger. I was in tears I was laughing so hard. (Maybe you had to be there…)

Speaking of laughing…last night I was eating dinner and Blake & I were talking, as we usually do while we eat and as I was taking a drink, he said something really funny – we have no idea what – and I BLEW SNOT all into my drink, like it was floating on the surface. It was so gross but so fucking funny, I was just about on the floor peeing my pants as he went to get me a new drink in a new glass. Again, maybe you had to be there…

Okay, that’s the only excitement there’s been this week, aside from the whole wanting to kill myself thing. I’m gonna go make breakfast now and continue reading my book.

Oh, btw, I did submit to Touched By Fire. I’ll be very surprised if I get in, but I figured I had nothing to lose by submitting.

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