Ableism
Since joining a certain Live Journal community that I’m a little iffy about and slightly afraid of posting in, I’ve learned the word “ableism”. This is what “ableism” is:
“a·ble·ism
–noun
discrimination against disabled people.”
Here’s Wikipedia’s entry on ableism, which I’m not going to put in quotes anymore because now you know that the word exists too and you know it’s a real thing.
As I’m learning about ableism by reading the posts in this Live Journal community, I’m learning that ableism applies to mental health because mental illness is a disability and the thing with mental health ableism is that most of it is inadvertent. Because people can’t see your disability they assume you don’t have one, but a lot of the crap I’ve experienced over the years by people who full out know I have a mental illness is also ableism, but a more insidious kind because it’s meant to degrade, hurt or devalue a person’s very real problem.
Want some examples?
My mother while I was in the hospital due to psychosis lamenting on the fact that she didn’t have the “luxury” of losing her mind.
People telling me to “just get better”. The whole “pull yourself up by the bootstraps” argument that no one would ever give, say, a diabetic, but for the mentally ill, it’s okay because it’s all in their head anyway, right?
People saying I’m lying about my mental health issues so I don’t have to work/don’t have to drive/don’t have to do groceries etc. Because psychosis and a 14 day stay in a psych ward is such an easy, fun thing to fake. And psychiatrists are so stupid, they all fell for it. Damn I must be a GREAT actress!
People saying I’m lying about my mental health issues AND taking all the pills I take for attention. Yes I’m taking approximately $1000/month worth of powerful psychiatric medication for attention. Ya got me.
These are ableist statements and most of them have come from people who are supposed to love me and support me. But now that I know that these statements have a name? Have like, a category? I can compartmentalize them in my brain as such and have them not affect me anymore.
So that’s all I really had to say. I just happened to see another post on this Live Journal community about ableism and then this Post Secret showed up today so I thought I’d make a short post about it.
4 Comments
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I have read your website and I have to admit at the beginning my mind was screaming ” get a freakin’ job. I am embarrassed now at at that. I also have wicked endmotrioses and at the worst of the worst it was coupled with a crippling depression that no one seemed to get. There were times that I wish that I had has cancer so i could at least explain my suffering to someone. There were days when I would have to wake up three hours earlier than normal because my insides were so stuck together and it would take me that long to massages thing back into place so I could function.(leaking cysts, lomg wait for surgery) I lived alone so I had to work , I had to function….. in my family you don’t back down, you work. BUT I did not have a mental illness…..to go along with it. ** All this to say I don’t what you’re going through, the same way no one knew what I was going through. Thanks for opening my eyes. I know see people and myself through a more sympathetyic lens.
Hi Kris,
Hey, y’know what? It’s cool. I don’t really expect people to just come here and immediately understand me or my life and I know there’s a LOT of content to go through to really get it (or you have to read for a while before you really get me). Don’t feel embarrassed about that. You’re not the first and you won’t be the last. :o)
How is your endometriosis now? Did you finally have the surgery? I’m seeing a guy in Toronto now (he did my last surgery a year ago, my 5th) who’s apparently the best of the best as far as the disease goes. He’s really busy and you’ll need a referral from the doctor who did your surgery (I’m assuming you had it) but he’s really nice and really good and could help you out if you’re still having problems. His name is Dr. Leyland and I believe his office is on Ronscelles (?) Ave? I don’t know Toronto very well, but I see you’re from there so maybe you know where I’m talking about. Anyway, he was great and he seems to know his shit, so if you’re still having trouble with your endo, try to get in to see him.
I toooootally understand the getting up 3 hours early thing to massage your insides. It’s actually really interesting that you mentioned that specifically because I talk about endo a lot to women and you’re the first who’s mentioned that. My pain is definitely worse when I wake up because of that but also because the drugs in my system have worn off in the night so I have to wait until like, 6-8 hours later to reach “drug saturation levels” that actually help in order to function. Dr. Leyland has me taking birth control pills nonstop for 3 months at a time, then having a period (which unfortunately lasts a month…), then doing the pills again, to hopefully curb the growth of the disease or at least slow it down. While the month I bleed REALLY REALLY sucks, at least I have 2 months where I’m mostly okay, as long as I stay medicated (200mg codeine contin (time released) per day).
I’m sorry you had depression along with it and I hope that’s no longer a problem for you. I COMPLETELY understand wishing it was cancer so people could actually relate. No one really understands endo unless they have it themselves, they just think “oh she’s bitching about her cramps again” (which is ableism, btw), but everyone understands cancer. Also, you’d think that something that hurt so fucking bad WOULD kill you and I know that at times when the pain’s really bad, dark thoughts cross your mind. I know that all too well.
Anyway, I hope you’re better now and if you’re not, you’re always free to e-mail me and I’ll help out the best I can. Good luck. :o)
“People telling me to “just get better”. The whole “pull yourself up by the bootstraps” argument that no one would ever give, say, a diabetic, but for the mentally ill, it’s okay because it’s all in their head anyway, right?”
This is what I’ve been dealing with at work the past few weeks at work. They don’t understand at all the stress I’ve been under and how I’m cracking all around the seams, but people are being harder on me instead of being more understanding.
Yesterday, my boss asked me if I ‘wanted’ my job, because I wasn’t acting like I was (had to miss some time for various reasons)
I was totally blown away, and tried to explain it to them, but they just don’t fucking get it.
I’m so sorry Bel. <3 *hugs* I hope all the extra stress passes quickly for you.