The Saga Continues…
Brooke wanted me to post an extra special update in my Live Journal. So I did. :o)
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November 10, 2009
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- Meta:
sunny, you forgot to add, that you will still gladly take her money
No actually, I won’t, but Blake will. Take it up with him.
She has a point, which you’d know if you read the comments on the post that I made. Sunny always says not to accept it because it will always have strings attached.
I always look at it as what would best benefit my kids and accept it because I assume it’s freely given. That’s how I look at the world. When I give a gift, I give it freely. Stuck in my own ego (as we all are) I expect that everyone functions that way.
Even more relevant, I remember all the talks I had with my mother about how my father was controlling with money and how he would spend $1000 to take me and friends out for a crazy awesome evening, but wouldn’t get me a $500 computer which I needed for school. And how every cent he spent came with a price tag of it’s own that he would hold over me. And now she’s doing the same thing despite the fact that his bullshit resulted in the death of our relationship.
If she’s saying that my dad doing it was manipulative and bad, but her doing it is fine, then there is an issue, obviously.
Unconditional love is how it works in my world. I’m not going to love anyone any more or less based on what they buy me. I’m certainly appreciative for the things that EVERYONE has given me and I’ve never had trouble expressing that. But money and gifts do not = love nor buy love.
Everything she has done has been appreciated for what it was and generally she acknowledges that, but once something negative is said, all of a sudden, we’re unappreciative.
So yeah, do your research before you’re making your ignorant comments. They make you look like a dink.
yes money can equal love, when its given becasue you care and want the person to be happy, or you want them to have a decent future
$10,000 because you love your grandkids and want them to have a good education in the future, so they wont be bogged down with student loans.
No, the sentiment = love. The actually money = a thing. But giving money with the expectation of something in return is not love, it’s a financial transaction. It’s buying a service for money, not a gift.
And if she wanted me to be happy, well, I am, so what’s with all the negativity about my wife and my life?
I’m sure that the kids would benefit extremely from me taking them away from everything they’ve ever known as well as their mother, which is another thing she has suggested. I don’t think our happiness is really a part of the picture as much as her version of how things should be.
But yes, giving of anything can be love, but it needs to be truly given. For instance, for the last year, I’ve been growing out my hair (I’ve been basically bald for 15 years) and I’m going to donate it to Locks of Love or something like that. Some people view this as really generous and giving. I feel really self conscious when people are like that because the truth is that I just felt like growing my hair out, but I didn’t want to do it for good. I figured that I have great hair and tonnes of it, so if it’s there, why not give it away. If something that requires little effort from me (despite over a year of time which included some really bad looking hair lengths) can help some little sick kid, I think that’s cool. But I don’t deserve a parade or anything else. And I sure don’t feel as though I deserve a thank you card from whatever kid benefits from my hair. I’m just happy that someone else’s life was improved.
It’s not about me. It’s about them. In my mother’s response, she’s showing that giving money is about her, not us and comes with expectations and is not a gift at all.
I certainly have appreciated it and Sunny has as well and we have both expressed this gratitude time and time again as well as made doubly sure that my mother is aware that we have no expectation that she gives us anything and we feel in no way entitled to anything of hers. She on the other hand, despite having denied it at the time, certainly has an expectation.
All things considered though, this is all completely irrelevant as giving gifts was never the issue and no one ever said we didn’t appreciate it. In fact it was the opposite. And like I said in the comments, doing some nice things does not cancel out doing douchy things. The nice things are not in question. What I want is some responsibility on the douchy things. I want to address those. And deflecting to issues of giving gifts and an imagined lack of gratitude is just another way to avoid taking responsibility for the real issues at hand.
Well…I give you both (you and Blake) credit for trying to make the relationship with Brooke work. I have cut both my parents out of my life for lesser offenses than Brooke has committed. For me, life is just too damn short to have to suffer people’s bullshit. And I don’t give two shits if the person is family or not.