So for some ungodly reason I’m up at the crack of dawn and really wishing I could get back to sleep. It all started with having to pee, then Lucky whining to go out, then Lucky whining some more after he came in, then the children being awake…so I guess now I’m just UP.

According to The Weather Network, we’re supposed to get our first taste of snow on Thursday and I cannot even begin to express how thrilled I am about this. [/sarcasm] All week, with the exception of Thursday, it’s been nothing but cold drizzle and grey skies and while I’m doing light therapy with my super fancy light box, it’s hard for this weather not to affect your mood. (Although I’ve been oddly upbeat in general, which is strange for me for this time of year.) Anyway, last year we didn’t get our first snow until mid-to-late November and I know this because it was Steph the Geek’s wedding and we had a hell of a time driving back home.

On Thursday, in a fluke of nature, the sun actually shone and it went up to a whopping 17 degrees C and I decided that it might be one of the last nice days of the year so Wayne & I should get out and do something. What I really wanted to do was going on the trails by my house and take pictures of the leaves and stuff, but Wayne’s not much of a nature guy so I opted for going to the pharmacy to refill my prescriptions instead, which is something I’ve only done once since living here and I thought it would be something good because that would mean Blake wouldn’t have to do it on the weekend.

So that’s what we did. Really, the trip was uneventful. I got my prescriptions, my Tylenol 1, my mega-ibuprofen, lotion, eyeliner and some Chapstick. Exciting, I know, but the point is, I did it all pretty much by myself. Wayne stood in front of the magazine rack reading a National Enquirer about Patrick Swayze’s last days the whole time.

Anyway, minor milestone for me, I suppose. I wish the pharmacy here was bigger. I actually really like pharmacies, always have. I like looking at the makeup and the hair products and the greeting cards, but our pharmacy is microscopic so while they have all of the above, it’s only in very tiny sections with very little selection and it never changes. The only greeting cards they have are birthdays, anniversaries, get well soon and sympathies, along with a small section of Marjolein Bastin cards, which happen to be mine and my mother’s favourites, but even there the selection is fairly thin. (I did get one for my mom though, which I will mail by myself…eventually.)

Other than that, my weeks have been consumed by Buttercup, my return to Camwhores and this wretched painting that refuses to complete itself.

So first, at Buttercup the conversations are happening so fast and we have so many people posting now that even I’m having a hard time following sometimes! This thing is really starting to take off, which is something we didn’t really anticipate happening until the new year. Perhaps this month’s cover has something to do with it:

Recognize those boobs? Well you might! They belong to the one and only Sybil Hawthorne, who was gracious enough to take a crapload of pictures for us to choose from for issue #2. We thought this one embodied what we think Buttercup stands for and also gives a nod to breast cancer awareness month and thus, that’s why we chose it. I was a bit iffy about sticking boobs on our cover because we have such a wide variety of women reading the zine, but so far the response has been overwhelmingly positive.

Speaking of boobs, here are mine:

Same old bra (I’ve had that thing for 7 years! it’s the miraculous “click bra” that Victoria’s Secret no longer makes!), much bigger boobs.

As I was explaining to some folks on Camwhores‘ tagboard this week, my return to the site, while nostalgic, isn’t going to be the same as when I was on the site before, getting naked all the time and being free with my body. The reason for that is simply because A) I’m kinda fat these days and B) I’m 30 years old now. My boobs aren’t going to get any nicer. I mean let’s face facts here, it really is only downhill from here in the boob department and I don’t especially want an archive of my girls’ decline. I reserve the right to absolutely change my mind, but that’s my thoughts on it as of now. For now, these guns are gonna remain holstered. Now, hopefully I make a few tips or something from the site so I can afford some new holsters (bras) because it occurred to me the other night that in the two years I’ve been gone from Camwhores, I’ve only acquired two new bras, one of which is actually a pretty hideous shade of army green and if I’m going to be showing off my boobs in a bra, it might be a good excuse to invest in some more. For example, I don’t even own a white bra, meaning I can’t wear anything white, which is especially unfortunate since I bought some white shirts this summer without remembering that little fact. Oops. :o/

Also with my return to Camwhores, I guess it’s now time to update the Webcam page on this site.

Someone asked me recently if my return to camming meant that I’d be adding a cam feed to my site and the answer is no. For one, I use WordPress and I wouldn’t even begin to know how to make a WordPress page refresh every 30 seconds, two, I always hated updating two feeds – one for Camwhores and one for my site – and three, only like, 10 people even looked at the cam feed on my site over the years because most of my audience were Camwhores members so it just doesn’t make any sense to add a cam feed to my site. Not to mention the fact that I’m not a members-only cam on Camwhores, so when I’m updating there, the whole world can see me whether they’re a paying customer or not, so there would be no point in having a separate feed for my site.

Over the last little while a lot of former Camwhores members have asked me what it’s like over there now and all I really have to say about that is to watch the tagboard for a few minutes during peak times (9pm is a good time, so are the afternoons) and see for yourself. People are chatting up a storm, the community vibe IS back, the forum has been improved (it now has an arcade!) and people are coming out of the woodwork left, right and center! Last night I actually talked to SINISTER HER on tag for crying out loud! Yeah, that bitch is still around! :oD

While it’s true that the scenery has changed quite a bit in the last few years and there are a LOT of girls I don’t know as well as the old school ones I do, we’re all pretty much the same animal and as per usual on the site, everyone’s really nice and out to have a good time. When I first started camming, part of the drive for me was the party atmosphere of it, putting on some good, loud music and hanging out with 50 of my closest friends and I’m finding that that vibe is absolutely, 100% still there and I’ve been having a lot of fun.

Is it worth the $30/month subscription fee? Hey, I dunno, I’m not your accountant and I’ve never had to pay for it myself, I’m just telling you what it’s like in the deep end and I guess all I really have left to say on the matter is, the water’s fine.

Now…this damn painting. It has been sitting on my coffee table for about 2 weeks now about half finished:

It is (thus far) called “The Two Sunnies” and yes, they are currently armless (doing arms is the absolute worst part of any of these paintings) and all I know is that on the left it’ll say “Je suis heureuse” and on the right it’ll say “Je suis triste”, but other than that, I simply don’t know what the hell to do with it. The girls are going to be holding hands, that’s another element, but in person the painting seems so “blah” to me, even when I envision the words on it and I’m not sure how to take it further. I hate having unfinished pieces sitting around for so long because the longer they sit around, the more likely they are to get spilled on, or have the cat sit on them or the dogs knock them over, so I really want to get this one done, but I lack the vision and the motivation to do so. Everything in my life right now (besides not having any money, which is almost always the case) is going pretty good except this one little thing… Plus! I’ve got nothing else coming down the pipe, my mind is completely blank when it comes to creative endeavors. Because of Touched By Fire, I actually have this backlog of paintings that I’d like to get sold, but I can’t put them up until I know what, if anything, has been accepted for the show. I should find out soon, though.

This weekend is Canadian Thanksgiving and I’m going to be cooking a turkey on Monday. I forget how to cook a turkey though, so I’ll have to Google that, but it’s in my fridge right now thawing and I’m sure it’ll turn out fine. With it we’ll probably have mashed potatoes and a vegetable of some sort, corn probably, and I’m going to attempt to make gravy from scratch, which I’ve never done before and have no idea how to do. (So if anyone would like to tell me, that’d be good. I know I need cornstarch, which I have, I’m just not really sure what I’m supposed to do with it.)

Also this weekend, hopefully today, will be the yearly destruction of my garden. All of the flowers are officially dead and that means it’s time for Blake to get out the weed whacker and cut them all down to help spread their seeds for next year. I hope it’s not too wet though.

Anyway, now I’m pretty much just rambling so I think I’m going to go make some eggs and actually start my day. Before I go though, because eggs reminded me, Blake and my shrink both swear to me that if I start eating protein for breakfast, that I’ll start to lose weight because that’ll kickstart my metabolism. I’m not totally convinced that eating MORE is going to make me lose weight and if I gain so much as a lb I’m kicking some asses, but I figure there’s no harm in trying it, I’m already fat, so every day this week I’ve been having eggs about 2 hours after I wake up, then dinner and t hen usually a snack after dinner while we’re watching TV. I haven’t weighed myself or anything but I feel better, so I must be doing something right. Or at least I guess it isn’t bad for me, exactly.

Okay, now I’m gone. *poof*